8th of Winter, 515AV Long Don Johnson was not a happy man. When he stabbed his way to the top of the family business- undertaking, as it happened- he was not particularly happy about it. After all, his poor Da only made the mistake of taking too long to die for his liking. When he burned down the competition's premises (and the owner's grandmother with it) he was rather upset, as it meant he had to offer his condolences instead of mooning the bastard. When his wife left him because he was an asshole he was downright livid, as he was a man of large appetites but little patience, and this left his home in a state of minor privation, and when his dear friend Jacko Quombi was found dead with a dozen witnesses saying it was two bumbling darkie bozos who did it, he was furious. Now here he was, aging, bald, with a physique that somewhat resembled a beanbag chair, smoothing out the wrinkles on an old man's corpse so he wouldn't look quite so much as a prune during the funeral, when he head a knock on the door. Turning around, he saw his nephew, a mousy little lad with sandy brown hair and big staring eyes. He looked more nervous than usual today, so he set down his tools and turned to face the boy in the doorway. "Yes?" "So Uncle, y'know how you asked to be told if any of us saw a dark fellow poking around?" "Yes?.." Johnson said slowly, his eyes narrowing. "W-well... There was a musty-looking black guy with dreadlocks in yesterday asking about lye soap." "And what did you say?" Johnson growled, striding towards the quaking kid. "I-I didn't say nothin'! I told him I didn't know anything about how much lye you bought!" "How much I bought?" "Yeah! He asked about that, when you normally did, about how often you were out in your yard, after he heard you were out all the time he looked around an-" "And you let him?!" Long Don barked, grabbing the boy's collar. "I-I didn't want to! He just sorta pushed past me muttering something about Quombi!" "Quombi?" Johnson paused for a moment, then his grip tightened around the lad as realization bloomed on his face. "What did he say his name was?!" "Blow! Richard Blow!" The undertaker froze, gaze drifting past the boy in a thousand yard stare. "It's him..." he said absently. His grip loosened something, and the lad gingerly tried to back away, but before he could Don returned to reality with fresh fury. "You! Why didn't you do anything?! He and that amazon bitch of his killed Jacko, and we're next!" "I didn't know!" Johnson's nephew pleaded. "I'm sorry! Please-" his begging was cut short as Johnson threw him out the door, the boy landing on his bottom. "Find them!" he roared. "That whore ripped Quombi's head clean off. I'm not waiting for the same to happen to me. No... You and the boys find them, you kill Blow, and you bring the girl to me." "Erm... Uncle..." the boy said hesitantly as he got onto his feet. "Why not kill them both?" "She could have... Uses." Johnson said with a slow nod and a grim smile that slowly stretched across his flabby face. "And I want to have the pleasure of seeing Quombi's killer beg." Meanwhile, in a merry little pub called the Pig's Foot, unbeknownst a minor gaggle was out looking for him, a moderately inebriated Spiritist was debating whether or not a widow could cheat on her deceased husband's ghost. "So he should be gone n' off to... Wherever souls go, yeah? So really, he's the one cheating. Cheatin' the Givetaker, I mean..." Richard asserted to a spectral prostitute with bobbed hair and a sharp black dress hovering on the other side of his table, leaning forward and jabbing his finger on table for emphasis. "Yes, but he still has a heart, you know!" the ghost pouted, folding her arms. "I'd be devastated to see my husband between some slut's legs when I'm right here!" "Aren't you a slut though?" "I didn't have a say in the matter!" she said lividly. "Besides, that shouldn't matter! I'm talking about my hypothetical husband here!" "N' I say you shoul' get over it n' maybe find y'r own slut." "You just don't understand because you've never been in love!" Richard shook his head in disbelief, nearly falling out of his chair from the motion as he threw his mug back... Only to find that it was empty. The Spiritist frowned and searched with unevenly blinking eyes for one of those fine purveyors of booze known as waitresses. After three ticks of hunting, he spotted a fine young lady in black passing his table and grabbed clumsily at the back of her dress. "Oi!" he said a touch louder than he meant to. "Me n' my friend here need you t'help settle an argument, n' also more booze. If someone's widow goes n' petches someone else in front of their old husband's ghost, is that cheating? Also, can we get more booze?" |