Alija twisted her hands in each other, rubbing her forehead occasionally between twisted skin. She couldn't sleep - she tossed and tumbled, pulling her covers over herself before kicking them off, unable to be comfortable in the her position. She wouldn't ever be, she knew that. Elias' face kept appearing in the shadows of her room, in the shape of her clothes, in the doorknob and through the glass looking over Nyka. His words echoed through her mind. Curses. Rotten blood. Fortifications, bait, her mother. Things they were trying to forget, because they seemed to dangerous to think about. Things he had kicked the dust up off, and they now stared her straight in her face.
Almost like looking into a mirror, but a mirror that stared into her soul and reflected the things she didn't want to think about. She couldn't cope, she told herself. Elias had launched too much on her, too late, too quickly. No one would be able to cope. No one. She wasn't the only one.
Telling herself this, she rose, deciding sleep was pointless, especially this lost in her thoughts. She changed back into comfortable clothes - work clothes, still covered in soot from the day before, and headed downstairs, careful on the stairs. They creaked, if you stepped on the wrong one, but she knew the right ones. She lingered by the closed door to the living room, where she could sense Elias' sleeping figure. No, she could see it. Her breathing had stabilised without any effort, her heartbeat slowing as magic flowed to her sight, letting his body take form through the door as a cloud, strangely not visible, but still noticeable. It was magic; it wasn't meant to make sense. What didn't make sense, but should have, was why she could sense his aura. She hadn't tried, she hadn't even thought to do it. It had happened naturally and it scared her. The smith knew control over magic was one of the most important things to have, and this was clear proof she didn't. It scared her.
Only an effect of an unsteady mind, she told herself. She would calm herself down, and it wouldn't happen again. There was only one way to do that, and Alija hurried down away from everyone, taking no notice of the shelves of items and halting beside the fire. It didn't take long to get it burning hard, with a hammer in hand and piece of metal on the anvil. She clunked at it, watching it twist and shift beneath her strength. There was no goal, no nothing. Just herself, with the heat of the fire and the smoke in the air and the noise of the hammer. It let her think, but more importantly, it let her relax.
Her mind went loose, and everything seemed to fade away. In the morning, she could talk to Elias again about it all. He would sort things out, and help, of course. Maybe she'd find her mother again, which would be great. Maybe something would happen. Or not. At the moment, she didn't seem to care. She placed the metal hanging off the anvil, and let it bend round, distorting it even more. She could see a face in it. Elias' face, which changed to her mother's. Overcome by sudden rage at something, she smashed against it, pressing the metal flat against itself, before letting it slide across the forge.
She sunk to the floor beside the anvil, resting her back against the slightly warm metal. The hammer remained in her hand, pulsing with her breathing. She couldn't do this. It was just too much. She pressed her hands on the hammer, letting it bob on her trembling leg. Breath. Breath. She returned to her meditation, that she used to have to do to see things properly. Picturing a flame in her mind, she let it flicker and burn, burning away everything she couldn't stand. Then Alija stood, taking the metal again. She hammed slower this time, forming simple shapes: cubes, pyramids, spheres. Things to anchor her, not to twist her mind further. She could do this.
Almost like looking into a mirror, but a mirror that stared into her soul and reflected the things she didn't want to think about. She couldn't cope, she told herself. Elias had launched too much on her, too late, too quickly. No one would be able to cope. No one. She wasn't the only one.
Telling herself this, she rose, deciding sleep was pointless, especially this lost in her thoughts. She changed back into comfortable clothes - work clothes, still covered in soot from the day before, and headed downstairs, careful on the stairs. They creaked, if you stepped on the wrong one, but she knew the right ones. She lingered by the closed door to the living room, where she could sense Elias' sleeping figure. No, she could see it. Her breathing had stabilised without any effort, her heartbeat slowing as magic flowed to her sight, letting his body take form through the door as a cloud, strangely not visible, but still noticeable. It was magic; it wasn't meant to make sense. What didn't make sense, but should have, was why she could sense his aura. She hadn't tried, she hadn't even thought to do it. It had happened naturally and it scared her. The smith knew control over magic was one of the most important things to have, and this was clear proof she didn't. It scared her.
Only an effect of an unsteady mind, she told herself. She would calm herself down, and it wouldn't happen again. There was only one way to do that, and Alija hurried down away from everyone, taking no notice of the shelves of items and halting beside the fire. It didn't take long to get it burning hard, with a hammer in hand and piece of metal on the anvil. She clunked at it, watching it twist and shift beneath her strength. There was no goal, no nothing. Just herself, with the heat of the fire and the smoke in the air and the noise of the hammer. It let her think, but more importantly, it let her relax.
Her mind went loose, and everything seemed to fade away. In the morning, she could talk to Elias again about it all. He would sort things out, and help, of course. Maybe she'd find her mother again, which would be great. Maybe something would happen. Or not. At the moment, she didn't seem to care. She placed the metal hanging off the anvil, and let it bend round, distorting it even more. She could see a face in it. Elias' face, which changed to her mother's. Overcome by sudden rage at something, she smashed against it, pressing the metal flat against itself, before letting it slide across the forge.
She sunk to the floor beside the anvil, resting her back against the slightly warm metal. The hammer remained in her hand, pulsing with her breathing. She couldn't do this. It was just too much. She pressed her hands on the hammer, letting it bob on her trembling leg. Breath. Breath. She returned to her meditation, that she used to have to do to see things properly. Picturing a flame in her mind, she let it flicker and burn, burning away everything she couldn't stand. Then Alija stood, taking the metal again. She hammed slower this time, forming simple shapes: cubes, pyramids, spheres. Things to anchor her, not to twist her mind further. She could do this.