[Skerry's Scrapbook] Musings of an English Student

[Azira]

One Year on Mizahar

I'm so good at this scrapbook thing... Anyway despite my intentions of other posts in here going down the pan, I am here now which is what matters.

So much to my astonishment, I realised today that I joined Mizahar a year ago. Where that year went I have no idea although fast might be a good description of it. It's amazing how much of a difference one year makes to your writing though I'll tell you that. I did join Miz because I wanted to improve my writing and here seemed a good place to do it. Looking back at the way I used to write even last September/October makes me cringe at times but there you have it. I've gone from writing 100-300 words on average to between 500 and 900. Quantity is not quality, I know but if you're able to bring your writing standard up at the same time as your word count then I suppose that you can say that the two Qs are kind of equal. I have to say that Mizahar is a brilliant place to write and I've fallen in love with so many different characters and their writers, whether through threading with people or grading their stuff. It's definitely been an experience and one that I hope to continue with for quite some time.

So here's to a year and the hope that I won't ever leave.

[Azira]

Explanations and Future Plans

Greetings! I know it's been an age since I've posted here and I doubt many people will even read this. Still, I'll stick this down here, even if it's for my own benefit right now.

I have been massively absent in the last number of months. Replies were left piling up because I didn't have the will to write. When I did write, replies came at a snail's pace. Caela ended up shelved for a season because I couldn't maintain her for a time because I would need to do job threads for her and I didn't think I was capable of managing that much.

It's been a very stressful year so far but things are stabilising enough for me to come back in a somewhat active capacity. My doctor has finally found an antidepressant that seems to work for me although if I abruptly fall off the radar again then it's entirely possible that it has stopped having the desired effect so don't be alarmed. My overall mood has improved greatly since I've been able to come out as transgender and my family have finally come around to the idea. If it interests anyone, I go by Max now. I'm not going to take it personally if you happen to talk to me and don't know/remember that fact (who do I even expect to read this?) but yeah it's out there anyway. Maybe it's a stupid thing to go revealing on the internet but to be honest, I'm not going to hide behind some sort of facade, I've done it for long enough.

So yes anyway, depression and trans things have interfered, there were also some exams in there and now I'm doing writing work online so if it happens that I can't muster the will to tap at my keyboard anymore then it's only to be expected although I'm sorry about it.

Good news is that Caela will come back. However, when she does my reply rate will be slow because I'm going to have to make up for a lot of lost grading. I'll probably tackle Riverfall first as it is usually busy. I'll either move on to Syliras or Sunberth after that. It'll depend on how things go but that's the plan and I can look at it so I know what I'm doing. I will catch up on replies for her.

Waisana is gradually been worked through although the rate I post with her is ridiculously slow. The backlog will be caught up on, swear to the gods it will.

Azira is the most active right now because she's the easiest for me to write with right now because of whatever head space I'm in but I'm still on the slow side with her. I'm slowly kicking into gear so I will get to everything before the summer season is over. Think I'm going to end up starting Caela grading in the first day or so in July unless work interferes again.

So that's the story for anyone who's interested and because it's written here, there's no way in hell I can avoid it so that's that.

I'll keep y'all updated,

Max

[Shane Wallsly]

Hiya Max,

I, for one, was interested to see this. Even though I'm not really around as much I have always counted you as a friend here. I'm glad to hear that you've found an anti-depressant that works for you and that you've been able to come out to your family. I hope your physical and mental wellbeing continue to climb and that you find happiness.

About the posting and lack of I can only speak for myself and owe you an opology for the lack of a Thannis post your way. Caela is the only character Thannis knows that's still around and probably the only person in the entire world he has a bond with right now. It's an odd friendship but I've enjoyed the threads we've had together.

PS Congrats on the writing work. As a recently employed person myself it's pretty hard to get any kind of job out there so pat yourself on the back.

[Azira]

Thanks, Shane. It's good to know that someone pays attention to my ramblings. As important as they are for me, I don't think that most people are all that bothered about them.

I can understand that things can crop up in people's lives that they don't have control over. Sometimes people don't write for a character because they just don't have the motivation or the inspiration for it then.

Thannis and Caela certainly have an interesting relationship. We'll have to add some more to it at some stage.

Thanks. Congratulations to you as well.

[Azira]

I Ain't Dead As Granny Weatherwax would say

I am in fact alive although I find myself far from well. I had plans to grade and start up Caela again a week or so ago but alas, my body had very different ideas. I got an infection, which has decided to drag on and get progressively worse. I also had work in the middle of that and I don't think that did me any favours. I haven't had a bit of spare time where I wasn't falling asleep at my laptop or occupied elsewhere.

Basically I'm working on it but I'm just giving y'all an update.

[Azira]

So I've done an absolutely fabulous job of keeping up with my scrap...

I should most definitely keep up with this thing more but surelook, I can only try, right? So I'll attempt to start fresh seeing as I haven't posted in awhile AND quite a number of things have changed since I started this scrap way back when I was an ST, which to be honest was forever ago and feels like a dream that I don't really remember the details of.

So, I have now reached the age of 20 and am at the end of my third year in college (where did the time go?!) but most importantly, I'm no longer the person I was a few years ago. I know, you grow and change over time but I kind of did a number of things. I've been out as transgender for over a year now, hence why I now go by Max and it has been my legal name since I changed it by deed poll in September so obviously that has had quite an impact on me IRL and has affected my writing a bit.

Anyone who happens to pay attention to what I do knows that I pretty much vanished off the grid for months last year and that I've only properly come back this Spring season because I decided that enough was enough and that I was going to go back to doing the writing thing again. That's not to say that I don't still have days where I'd rather hide under my duvet but I'm getting better at balancing everything. Being something of a lunatic, I restarted all 3 of my PCs this season because I have no sense but surelook. I'm having great fun with Azira, I'm giving Waisana the attention that she has sorely needed since her creation and writing some wonderful stuff for the quest that Prophet is running and having a great time doing it. So Caela is the one who's fallen by the wayside a bit. She just doesn't have the same interest for me right now. There was a time when her character was something that I really needed but at the moment, she's not as exciting as she once was. Now, that's not to say that I don't like writing her anymore, I very much do, but she's being somewhat more neglected. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that Sunberth isn't that active anymore as well, but hey, if it closes at the end of the season then I'll move her to new surroundings and see how she gets on.

So that's just a little rambling update about me that I decided to write because I'm already bored studying and it's not even 11.30 in the am yet. Procrastination, woot!

Anywho, ciao for now

Max