Clopping Hooves

[Irathia]

89th of winter, AV Irathia and Ophelia walked towards the Windmount track and stables, Irathia was wearing her armor she worn when she... Killed the Yukmen... Irathia sighed and continued forward, thank god the snow stopped falling though, she was sick and tired of the snow... Irathia and Ophelia have been training, but it appears that Ravonai was attempting to go easy on Irathia, due to her out burst. "Irathia, we are going to train on horses today, okay?" Ravonai said, Irathia nodded, Ravonai already said that they were doing that, but Irathia chose not to comment. They walked in silence until they got to the stables, where Irathia mounted a training, placing her cloak to the side of the horse, making sure that it won't be caught or tangled into the saddle. Ophelia mounted a different horse and Irathia made sure to keep calm and control of the horse as they rode into the tracks... Irathia wasn't really good at riding yet, she pretty much was only comfortable with a really slow walk. Anything faster and she paniced. They went to the track and began to go, Ravonai and Irathia going at the same pace, riding next to each other... They were silent... They weren't talking as much sense Irathia told her about her raging issue. How she blacks out, and when she comes to she harmed some one, this has only happened a couple of times, and thank the gods she has only killed Yukmen... Or at least that is what Irathia told Ophelia. "Sera Ravonai... Is something wrong with me?" Irathia said, trying not to beat around the bush... "I mean... Do you think..." Irathia wasn't sure how to put it into words, she was trying find the words. She was trying to say "Do you think I am evil." But it wasn't coming out. It was scrambled, her mouth not forming words, like some one just stitched her lips shut.

[Irathia]

"Excuse me?" Ophelia asked, looking at Irathia, clearly confused... "Do you think something is wrong with me." Irathia put a certain tone to it that made Ophelia's face change as she realized what Irathia was asking... "I... I am not sure, Irathia. You clearly don't mean to do what you do when you are... Doing it" Ophelia said, Irathia scratched her head. Not sure what to do and what to say. "You said it your self, you don't remember doing those things to the Yukmen, you don't remember lunging at me, you judgement was clouded when you threw your hammer at Arch." Ophelia said. "I mean you are defiantly not the most violent, you want to be good, that is clear. If you want to have a contest on who is most violent, you would loose to a Pycon named Ball." Ophelia said, trying to lighten the tone with a slight joke. Irathia stared forward as a heavy silence fell between them, Irathia listening to the sound of hooves hitting the ground. The slight sound of metal bouncing and the breathing of the horses, the slight flicking of the tails. Irathia hands gripped the reins, her hands trembling slightly. Irathia's finger nails dug into her flesh, burning her skin as she did so. "Sera Ravonai..." Irathia said, she was looking down at this point staring at her hands. "I am scared... I don't want to hurt you." Irathia said, she was trembling slightly. "I don't want to hurt anyone." She said. "I am scared of loosing control again, I already killed!" Irathia shouted. "Killed Yukmen! They don't have souls Irathia, they are just monsters!" Ophelia said firmly, she was clearly trying to implant the idea that Irathia hasn't killed innocents... "I haven't told you everything, Sera Ravonai." Irathia said. Am I really going to tell her this? Irathia killed the slaves that she escaped with when leaving Xy, she blacked out and killed all of them, biting and eating some of them. "I have killed... People, I blacked out and I killed my best friend!" Irathia said, she felt tears well up in her eyes as she remembered waking up, a chunk of meat in her mouth, the throat of her best friend that escaped Xy with her. Irathia still remembered the flavor of Iron in her mouth, the blood in her cheeks and running slightly down her chin. The sight of her best friend's throat ripped out and the look of horror on his face as he laid in her lap. The thick chunks of meat and blood dripping off of her hammer... Irathia visibly shook in her armor as the memories resurfaced.

[Irathia]

Irathia hand's shook as she brought them to wipe the tears from her eyes. "I don't want to black out one day and never come to, a constant killing machine covered from head to toe in blood. Ophelia I am scared!" Irathia shouted, not bothering to called her Patron by her proper title. "I don't want to disappear, only be known for some... Monster that goes around and kills people!" Irathia shouted, she continued to just stare at her horse. "Irathia, you are not a monster!" Ophelia shouted, her voice firm and commanding. "You are a knight in training, and we will get through this situation together! This... Berserker thing will not control you! You were a slave for most of your life, whipped and beaten senseless, weaker people would have died! You still stand tall and proud, all though quiet, today where if some one did what you did would go off and throw themselves to the wolves... You, Irathia, will get through this! I will make you!" Ophelia shouted, at Irathia. Ophelia sighed and her voice got softer. "Irathia, we will get through this, together. You are not controlled by the thing. You are so much more." Ophelia said, she brought her horse close and placed her hand on Irathia's shoulder. "We can do this." Irathia laughed slightly, clearly confusing Ophelia... "Thank you, Sera Ravonai..." Irathia said, she looked at Ophelia, Irathia had some tears going down her face as the terrible memories of her pass went back to the deepest vaults of Irathia's mind. "But... I don't want to hurt people... I am scared to even make friends... Maybe I should go down Alexander's route and pray to... Ten gods? Is there even that many?" Irathia asked. "Do you even know the gods? I heard something before that you only know two, Priskil and Sylir?" Ophelia asked. "Yeah... Priskil is because of alex, and Sylir because of you and the general presence of the knights." Irathia said, shrugging as they turned their hourse along with the curve. "Maybe I should start praying to calm me, find some ways to calm down." Irathia said, trying to come up different ways to lessen her anger issues.

[Irathia]

Irathia gave a heavy sigh. "I need all the gods of light." Irathia joked, she was wiping long dried tear streams from her cheeks. She made a small grin formed across her face as she was finally done with the draining of her emotions that has built up over the long years. She felt like a terrible weight, as heavy as stones, were lifted off her shoulders. "Yeah." Sera Ravonai said, she was clearly distressed. Her squire thought that she was a monster, some thing that will only be known for black out and being a killing machine. Sera Ravonai just realized the actual weight and psychological distress this berserker problem is actually putting on the young woman. "Maybe I can do some sort of meditation, just let my self calm down. Maybe some flower planting. Flowers are beautiful, and the smell is amazing... I found when I was in Xy they were helpful for me if I ever saw them." Irathia said, smiling at this point. She recalled the great pleasure flowers had on her when she saw them, the fragrance was almost intoxicating and the colors, like a morning sun in a night sky. After a heavy silence, Irathia and Ophelia decided that they had enough horse riding, even though they barely had any training. They pretty much only rid around in circles on there horses as they talked about the current issues. They placed the horses back into the stables and they walked back to the slowly walked back to the squire dormitories.

[Devi]

Your Grades have arrived! Irathia Skills: Riding: 1 Observation: 1 Socialisation: 3 Planning: 1 Lores: Sera Ravonai: Does not believe I am a monster Socialisation: Trusting enough to share painful memories Shield Points: +1 for thread with patron. Comments: What gruesome memories! It would be great to read more about the details of these and what impact they've had on Irathia. A quick pointer about your Character Sheet - I think you've missed a '[' on your ledger (at the end of the table where it says '/table2]'). It would be worth adding a note of the season to any expenses you mention in your ledger so we can tell it's all up to date. It may also be worth adding a small section about Irathia's patron, for clarity. Let me know if you have any questions or feedback. Don't forget to edit your post in the Grade Request Thread to say it's graded and leave a link in there for the Storytellers. Happy Writing!