Clay and Words

[Languish]

Very cute, Jake! The little "ta da" hand gesture when you were twirling for us made me laugh, too.

But I can't unsee gnome Link now. Thanks a lot.

[Ball]

Welcome and thanks! heh.

[Ball]

Stress, Anger, Motivation, Health... And whatever else if on my mind...

Normally I am not one to go on and on about this kind of stuff, as it isn't important to the lot of people here and it doesn't truly impact how I thread or anything... But it does impact how I treat people in chat, as a CSL, and as a ST, as a player... Etc. And for that I need to let this stuff out.

I am going to start with one thing at a time and go on about for a bit, sorry ahead of time if I ramble too much and you guys get hit by a wall of stuff.

Stress :

As everyone knows, Stress is a part of life. It comes in a variety of forms-- good and bad -- and people react to it differently. I am not like most people I know that get crabby and annoyed when they get stressed. Or bottled up... No I get frustrated, annoyed, angry... Angry to the point that I am yelling and nearing violence when I shouldn't. I have never been good at dealing with stressors as a whole. Might be because I do not fully recognize the stressors and I need to improve that.

As a results I have been snarky at new players, chatters, my family, I think even at my work. If I am not snarky I am overly emotional and just want to cry and mope all the time. It isn't fun at all.

Anger :

I am prone to anger fairly easy. I am not sure if it is related entirely to my stress levels or if I am just always angry... But it gets elevated. No idea. But I have issues releasing it in healthy ways. I am not abusing my family or anything, but there are times where it feels like I might, I know I have an issue here and it isn't fair to anyone to deal with that from me. I know I have gotten angry with stupid things well in chat and things that have happened around Mizahar over the past year or so... And I shouldn't have.

Motivation :

This is one of those things that people think of when it comes to wanting to do something, anything. This is a big one for me. There have been a period of at least once a year for the past four years that I have played Ball where my muse/motivation has just... Died. Took a vacation. Pulled stakes... Etc. And it hasn't been easy to get it back. But it isn't just on Mizahar that this is occurring. I lack the /want/ to do what I use to do -- or dream to do -- lately. My life has been amazing lately. I am nearly thirty years old,I have a wonderful daughter and wife... Yet I can't keep motivation levels high to want to complete things I know I need to/want to complete.

Health :

I have a number of health issues. Not to bore everyone with the details but there is one major issue that I want to bring to light and I do this because it is a major organ and could be life threatening. My aorta is pretty craptastical. I was born three months early, at three weeks old I had a PDA (open heart surgery to fix something) and during the process they have hit my aorta and left me with a lovely bit of scar tissue and over the years my left subclavian has expanded and causing some issues. This expansion is called an anerysum. Luckily for me it is not a major concern yet it seems, but it is still a concern.

The idea of having a potential bursting artery (let alone the MAJOR artery of one's body) scares me to no end. I don't fear death, I just don't want to have to worry about that yet. I am in a good chapter in my life. Things are looking UP for me, something I rarely get to say... But that alone scares me and my wife.

I have been trying to combat some of these issues but things... They are slow to improve. Stress is still high, health still sucks, motivation is fleeting -- some days it is good, others it isn't, anger is always at boiling point.

My calendar has been insanely scattered, I have not even been able to keep up with my "pre-determined" Mizahar schedule... Which is not cool, I need the structure that I am so desperately trying to create. I use Google Calendar to track my wife's schedule, my daughter's schedule, My work and daily schedules. All our appointments, Bills, Pay Days, when our roommate is out of town. I have added task reminders to my calendar to try and get things done on time...

Hell I have even went to the extreme and added Bedtimes to my calendar. Commutes to and from work/daycare. Yeah... I do that. Looking at my weekday is a mess, I feel overwhelmed that I have no time to do me things, even my time I book for Mizahar is either not used to it's fullest potential, or I am not even doing it.

I think I am trying to do a ton of things and not getting anything done because I lack focus and again motivation... Any suggestions on how to regain that focus I crave and desire?

I use to do To-Do Lists, and the Calendar booking that I do now. The to-do list is kind of still there but they stopped working for me. I know I need to get XYZ done, but XYZ don't seem to ever get finished... I have been all over the Interwebs looking at things, Youtube, Books, I even tried to do my own things here and there... So far -nothing- is working anymore. >.< Maybe most of my issues (minus the health) is related to the desire to be structured and yet loose enough to do what I desire.

CreditGoes to Lisana for this beautiful post template

[Ball]

testing something that just came to mind:

[imghttp://www.mizahar.com/forums/gallery/pic.php?mode=large&pic_id=56342[/img]]OOC Image

[Ball]

The test failed, but that's okay. I will post something here tomorrw methinks.