28 Spring, 517 AV
"Speech"
"Others"
"Speech"
"Others"
"Yeah, me too," Garland responded, and Dovey relaxed without being quite sure why. It was as though she'd been given permission to stop thinking for the moment; her own mind quieted in imitation of the foggy silence which had arisen, and she allowed her breathing to calm as she took long, slow pulls from her mug of ale. The anxiety and the grief were still there, in the background, but at least she could let them lie.
She drained her ale to the dregs, half a chime before Garland arose from his stupor, and lowered the empty wooden mug slowly to the countertop. The Stallion was filling up, she noticed dimly. A sluggish stream of patrons trickled in through the doors, some alone, some on each other's arms; the background hum of chatter and laughter grew steadily more intrusive. Dovey let go of her mug and rested her chin in both hands, curling her fingers into loose fists, feeling the nails' soft pressure on her palms. It was all right. She was all right now, really. There was nothing at all the matter with her.
She leaned toward Garland, shivering suddenly, when his arm wrapped around her shoulders. She felt her expression begin to contort, the corners of her mouth dragging upwards, and she lost herself for a moment in fighting tears. She hunched her shoulders when Garland withdrew his arm, curling into herself, suddenly afraid the other patrons would notice her distress and laugh at her -
she mustn't cry -
"I am such a failure," said Garland beside her, and she realized he was sobbing.
"Oh!" She swiveled in her seat to face him, startled out of her self-absorption, eyes widening with the beginnings of alarm. "No... no, don't." She reached for him, setting a hand awkwardly on his shoulder, wanting him to straighten up and be strong like before - she didn't know what to do, everything was all wrong and Garland was crying and she didn't know what to do...
She gulped on her next breath, and her eyes hurt and she blinked hard and then there were tears seeping out of her as well, big droplets falling in a steady stream she couldn't have stopped if she tried. Garland's fit of crying eased, then halted altogether, and she thought vaguely how absurd it was that he should apologize to her for crying when she was doing the very same thing. He might not have noticed, she supposed; she wasn't sobbing, and her expression was not too flagrantly misshapen. She was only sitting quite quietly and weeping, and she knew why and she wished to the gods she didn't. Why couldn't one simply shut off grief when it had gone for long enough? Why did it have to keep on and on and on and... Dira and Kihala, it wasn't fair! She'd fought it, she'd fought it for a long time, but she saw now that she had never been going to win.
And there was Garland, sitting beside her, outwardly calm but likely feeling near as messy inside as she was. Gods, she wanted to help, but how could she? She was so tired, and this hurt, it hurt like petching Hai...
She caught the barman's eye, slid her mug across to him. Ale, she mouthed.
Boxcode credit: Karin Ironyach