[Scrapbook] Martini's Updates

by **Martini Elwood** on June 18th, 2017, 5:50 am

About Me

Name: Shavonne, but SJ is fine.
Age: 20
Sex: Female
Nationality: American
Location: Ohio
Likes: Animals, Thick Plots, Improvement.
Dislikes: Arguments, Rudeness, insects, dishonesty.

Rules

Feel free to post!
No Spam.
Please feed me questions to power my vlog.

The Use of this Scrapbook

Updates n Hiatus notices
General chatter or rants
Character Vlogs

by **Martini Elwood** on July 9th, 2017, 9:33 pm

Lately My grandparents have been going fishing. I usually go with them, but this weekend was a greater time since my brother decided to stop by. We went down to Sandusky, Ohio for catfish. We left at about 12pm and came back about 4am. Our biggest catch was about six or seven pounds, and we only filled one cooler this time.

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by **Martini Elwood** on April 6th, 2018, 12:23 pm

After a very unexpected Hiatus I return. I will definitely keep this up to date from now on. Also gonna start working on a Vlog. If anyone has any questions about Martini just post them here and I'll definitely try my best to answer.

by **Martini Elwood** on June 2nd, 2018, 7:29 am

Don't think I mentioned this in chat but about two weeks ago I got my first job and disappeared of the face of Miz as things were quite hectic In getting me trained and sorted.

Today I'm proud to announce that I'm officially a Zoo employee! I have a snazzy name tag and everything. Most of my co-workers have the habit of calling me SJ because they often misspell or mispronounce my name.

They finally moved me to Lorikeets today, and I got to feed and pet them~ They're such beautiful birbs haha.

Anyway, pictures or it didn't happen right? Well-

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by **Martini Elwood** on August 26th, 2018, 2:48 am

So, I've been tossing this around in my head for a while - until now I had no idea how to put it into words. Recently I was told that my grandfather once again had cancer - now its lung cancer. He's been adamant about not getting treatment, and he was quick to apply for DNR.

Having lived with my grandparents since I was two of house that hurt my heart. I thought and got angry at him - after all, what right did he have to leave us behind? Were we not good enough for him to want to live?

I answered my own question as I was looking back on the past - a friend of mine called once she'd gotten word and we talked about it for quite a bit. And I came to the realization that he has every right to not get treatment.

He's aware if what it means if he doesn't but at the same time he's tired of it - the needles, the bloodwork, the stints, his pacemaker... he's had three heart attacks and had bowel and prostrate cancer. So I sat down and talked to him about it.

Eventually it got emotional - how could it not? We're taking about letting him die, you know? So finally he tells me that he knows he's dying, but he's ready for it because he's seen a manner of things - some of which he'd have a hard time explaining.

Well, I got the impression that he was tired of all the strain his body went through. Most of all he just seemed exhausted and in need of a rest.

And it clicked. I know I'm elfish for wanting him live forever, I also no it's unreasonable. But there are so many things I want to do for him and show him that I feel like I'm thinning on time. But the one thing that's bothering me is the times I never bothered to learn his recipes. I used to hate cooking - I still do. But now more than ever I wish that I had taken the time out of my day to stand next to him a bit longer and watched him do what he was passionate about.

And that sad thing is I'm out of time to learn.

TLDR; The thing you regret the most is often the thing they pushed for you to join them in and you refused. Don't think about work, school, fun... think about the guilt and the sadness you'll feel if they leave without creating enjoyable memories that will be with you always.

by **Antipodes** on August 26th, 2018, 3:14 am

Oh, hun, I'm so sorry to read this and to know you (and your family) are going through this. I wish I could hug you. Cancer is such a diabolical and awful thing to experience as a helpless bystander and even worse for the one inflicted. I'm here if you ever want to chat and understand what it is like (my mum is also terminal; I get how bizarre it feels to talk freely about their mortality and funeral arrangements like it's just talking about the weather).

My one recommendation is not to waste any time. Spend as much time as you can with him. I know it feels like you've wasted so much time but I can assure you he will likely be so delighted to know you are interested in learning about his passions. Dig up his recipes and ask him about them. Even if you don't get the hang of cooking them, just experiencing the stories he has to tell about them is something you can keep with you. It's such a hard thing to experience and I send you all my love. Try not to second guess things and just be present with him and soak up everything you can <33333

Much love and big big hugs x