40th of winter, 519 AV
It had been some time since Aster's visit to the library, and she was beginning to lose hope. It had been exciting to find out a few facts about the Benshira, certainly, but it didn't help her much, and she had found no new information to go off of since then.
Sure, she had spent more time thinking over what she had learned, examining herself again to try and fit the new information in with what she had learned about herself. The callouses on her feet may have been from walking barefoot in the hot, coarse sand; the journal had mentioned music and horses, so perhaps the callouses on her fingers were from gripping reins, or even playing some sort of instrument.
But that was as much as she knew, and as much as she could piece together. Could she sing? Singing had been something that was noted; but when she tried humming to herself one night, she was no more in-tune than she normally was (which is to say she hardly had any tune at all).
She tried meditating, thinking perhaps if she could calm her mind enough that she would have some sort of epiphany; she would lie in her cot at night, hands flat over her stomach with her eyes closed, breathing deeply in and out, mulling over the few facts she had about the puzzle at hand.
Forcing herself to focus only on that information, slowly phasing out the sound of Alard's snoring, and the feeling of the floor beneath her; just trying to tease apart the information she had for something hidden that she hadn't noticed yet.
But it didn't help. Instead she just grew frustrated, and eventually the sound of Alard's snores would reach her ears again, grating like a saw against metal until she rolled over and stuffed her head under her thin pillow in frustration.
She tried praying sometimes, too. Sometimes to Syna, sometimes to Kihala, sometimes just...to whoever might be listening. "Please," she would whisper, staring up at the ceiling in the dark, or out the window at the vast expanse of sky if she was alone in the apartment.
"Please help me, I'm trying so hard. I don't know where to go from here. There's so little I know, and I have so little resources. I'm trying to figure this out, please just...give me a sign, point me in the right direction, anything."
As expected, she never received an answer. It was frustrating; Aster felt like she was going to go insane. She could only do so much soul-searching, so much prayer and meditation, and it could only get her so far if she didn't know enough.
She wanted to yell, but she bit her tongue and kept going from day to day. Why would you do this to me and then not give me answers?! Was the thought that rattled around in her head, louder and louder with each passing day. Was this some sort of test? A cruel joke? A mistake, even? Had whoever done this to her, whether they be gods or human, even meant to? Did they care?
Questions upon questions with no answers. Maybe none of it really mattered, after all. Maybe it was just a strange fluke that was part of her life now, and she should just accept it, forget it, and move on.
She was just slightly too stubborn for that. Still, Aster was feeling rather defeated. When Alard woke up that morning and decided they were going to go to the Seaside Market to get...what had he wanted? Aster honestly didn't remember, she simply nodded.
It was a chance to stretch her legs and get some fresh air, at least. She had no plans of trying to run off this time. The market wasn't close enough to the library to try and get back there again, and it was harder to slip away from Alard, let alone lie about it, when he was sober.
And so she found herself walking alongside Alard, just slightly behind him, as they wandered through the Seaside Market. It was a nice day, warm with a breeze coming in off the ocean; the smell of salt lingered in the air, and Aster inhaled deeply, trying to ignore the tinge of filth that was Sunberth that layered it.
Word Count: 722
Sure, she had spent more time thinking over what she had learned, examining herself again to try and fit the new information in with what she had learned about herself. The callouses on her feet may have been from walking barefoot in the hot, coarse sand; the journal had mentioned music and horses, so perhaps the callouses on her fingers were from gripping reins, or even playing some sort of instrument.
But that was as much as she knew, and as much as she could piece together. Could she sing? Singing had been something that was noted; but when she tried humming to herself one night, she was no more in-tune than she normally was (which is to say she hardly had any tune at all).
She tried meditating, thinking perhaps if she could calm her mind enough that she would have some sort of epiphany; she would lie in her cot at night, hands flat over her stomach with her eyes closed, breathing deeply in and out, mulling over the few facts she had about the puzzle at hand.
Forcing herself to focus only on that information, slowly phasing out the sound of Alard's snoring, and the feeling of the floor beneath her; just trying to tease apart the information she had for something hidden that she hadn't noticed yet.
But it didn't help. Instead she just grew frustrated, and eventually the sound of Alard's snores would reach her ears again, grating like a saw against metal until she rolled over and stuffed her head under her thin pillow in frustration.
She tried praying sometimes, too. Sometimes to Syna, sometimes to Kihala, sometimes just...to whoever might be listening. "Please," she would whisper, staring up at the ceiling in the dark, or out the window at the vast expanse of sky if she was alone in the apartment.
"Please help me, I'm trying so hard. I don't know where to go from here. There's so little I know, and I have so little resources. I'm trying to figure this out, please just...give me a sign, point me in the right direction, anything."
As expected, she never received an answer. It was frustrating; Aster felt like she was going to go insane. She could only do so much soul-searching, so much prayer and meditation, and it could only get her so far if she didn't know enough.
She wanted to yell, but she bit her tongue and kept going from day to day. Why would you do this to me and then not give me answers?! Was the thought that rattled around in her head, louder and louder with each passing day. Was this some sort of test? A cruel joke? A mistake, even? Had whoever done this to her, whether they be gods or human, even meant to? Did they care?
Questions upon questions with no answers. Maybe none of it really mattered, after all. Maybe it was just a strange fluke that was part of her life now, and she should just accept it, forget it, and move on.
She was just slightly too stubborn for that. Still, Aster was feeling rather defeated. When Alard woke up that morning and decided they were going to go to the Seaside Market to get...what had he wanted? Aster honestly didn't remember, she simply nodded.
It was a chance to stretch her legs and get some fresh air, at least. She had no plans of trying to run off this time. The market wasn't close enough to the library to try and get back there again, and it was harder to slip away from Alard, let alone lie about it, when he was sober.
And so she found herself walking alongside Alard, just slightly behind him, as they wandered through the Seaside Market. It was a nice day, warm with a breeze coming in off the ocean; the smell of salt lingered in the air, and Aster inhaled deeply, trying to ignore the tinge of filth that was Sunberth that layered it.
Word Count: 722