[Octarus's Scrapbook] The Gordian Knot

by **Octarus** on November 29th, 2019, 4:59 am

For everything, thank you.

Mizahar has been, and will always be an important part of my life. When I first stumbled across the site I quickly fell for the vast lore, and the community. It was here that I tried to write seriously for the first time, and found that I actually really enjoyed it. I got to know my thread partners and work with them to improve my writing, and I am very thankful for their attention and support. I am also thankful to the founders for all the work they have put into the website, and the wonderful little lore book they put together that will always have a treasured place on my desk. This site means a lot to me, and helped me adjust to the idea that I didn't have to go in the direction I had been heading before then. It gave me something meaningful to do with my time.

I quickly started several characters in a relatively short period of time, my first being a wolf kelvic known as Nex Paciscor. I was impatient to explore my new hobby, and made more than a few mistakes along that time, and I learned a lot from those mistakes. However, I didn't learn from all of those mistakes immediately. I was just starting college around that time, and I got into some business I shouldn't have. Gradually, that business of mine took more and more time, and my writing suffered. I'd been at it for over a year, but when I got addicted, I started making increasingly irrational decisions. Not responding properly to friends on the site, and posting increasingly late until dropping off the map entirely.

I filled the hole left with more addictions, nearly flunking out of college till I had a really close call that thankfully ended up okay in the end. After that I stayed sober, moved to a new city and finished my degree, and got a good job that paid pretty well for a new hire. That lasted for nearly two years, and in that time I even resurfaced here for a time under another character of mine, Ragnor Matlian. But apparently I didn't learn from my mistake the first time, because when I found out my boss was in the business, I went right back at it, dropped off the map, and well, same shit different day.

Thankfully, I had a friend help me out of that pit, and I'm well over a year sober again. I quit that job, and moved on to another field that I find I like a lot better than the one I started with. An writing is still an important part of my life, and I just want to say I am very thankful for the community here. This place has never been far from my thoughts, and I have learned a lot of important lessons from my time here. Some of those lessons took some more time than they should have to sink in for me, and it has taken me a while to accept that. Anyways, I'm rambling, and it is not even that late. I'll leave this on a personal note, and then proceed to vex over this page for the next half hour.

Thank you Gossamer, for everything you do on the website, for your wonderful characters, and your words of encouragement that have stuck with me for so long.

*Alright, this endnote is for those of you who jump to the end after reading the first bit. A 'tldr' of sorts. For everything, thank you.

by **Octarus** on October 9th, 2020, 5:35 am

Hey, just dropping by to apologize for my absence of late. Something happened and I had to take a little bit of me time out in the woods. So I dropped everything and went radio silent into the woods for a while to use up some banked vacation time. Also because I don’t want to unload my baggage on some random skimmer, I’ve kept this intro tldr brief. If you want the full story, keep reading, but be forewarned. The baggage train takes no stops.

All aboard the baggage trainMy wife cheated on me.

The inciting event. The start of many a plot. A tale as old as time, and for this protagonist, nothing new. For those who know me, have known me. This is my attempt to express the events that have transpired over the past few weeks. Apologies for the format. It is as abrupt as a firecracker going off in a toilet bowl. Some words were had, some things were said, some things were seen and done that pissed me off for a long time. I wanted to do a lot of things, none of them good for me. I did not do any writing during this time, and that is what hurt the most. I did take a sojourn into the woods. An what a sojourn it was. But now I’m back with all the baggage that comes with that. Doing some couch surfing in the meantime, but I’ve got my mind right. Focused. I’ve started writing again, and its been helpful for dealing with all the feelings and leftover frustrations from the events as the repercussions continue to unfold. Long story short: I’ll make it. An I’m back to stay, and fingerscrossed get back up to speed in the next couple of days. I’ve missed you all and look forward to hearing from you in chat soon.

by **Luminescence** on October 9th, 2020, 12:34 pm

I'm so sorry to hear that Oct, that's awful. It's completely understandable that you needed some time away from everything, and I don't think anybody here will fault you for that. Real life can be shit sometimes, and while Mizahar is a wonderful escape, sometimes you just need a break from everything. I think most of us have been there.

Situations like this aren't easy or quick or clean, but I hope that things continue to get better for you and that you're able to move on from this situation in whatever way is best for you as soon as possible; it's hard to start healing when you're still dealing with the fallout.

I will also say I'm very glad to see you back. We missed you as well. <3

by **Karsynwa** on December 1st, 2020, 3:18 am