[Challenge] The Inequities of Life V

[Alric Lysane]

26th Fall 522 AV – Tidepool Bar

“Nymkarta”

Alric took longer to open his eyes this time around, and as he did so he felt far too many aches than he remembered he should have…that was new. Did that mean he was on a different day now He still felt slightly hungover, but there were aches all over his body that seemed to correspond to places Buraga had taken a good strike to in his strange testing. Yet it had been Jade waking him the same way too…so this wasn’t a different day just…consequences from a day that no longer existed? He shook his head, not able to think such things through for now. Pushing himself up he dusted himself off, and looked up at Jade.

“Have you been fighting now?” the Gasvik asked.

“You sound like my mother…well…maybe not…what I remember of her anyway”

“I do not think that would be an appropriate descri-“

“Are you sure? You tend to me the same way at times. Why?”

“I was asked to do s-“

“Asked to do so, yes. But you could leave right? Anytime you wanted? Xhyvas would surely understand given his domain?”

“Mathias wanted to see you”

“Don’t avoid. Don’t be like me, no one wants to be like me, especially not a magical creature that only the gods know how much older than I am”

There was a silence for a time, the Gasvik staring at Alric impassively and Alric unsure whether he would get an answer, or if Jade would finally have had enough of watching over him – he’d not be surprised given his actions over the past season or so…or rather the inaction. Eventually Jade changed his stance and looked at the horizon himself, in as much as Alric to discern.

“There is much…potential. Mortals weren’t the sole seeds of their own destruction. In as much that fairness exists…it would only be fair if another chance was given. Even if I can only help give it to one of you. Yes, I am here because I was asked to be. I could leave…perhaps I will one day…but not yet. Now, Mathias wants to see you”

“I know, but I’ve seen him so many times…even in the break days between everything else…trying to make sense of it all…I need to do something else today”

“What do you mean?”

“It…doesn’t matter. Maybe if this ever ends, I’ll tell you and you can call me mad”

“I already know you are mad Nymkarta. If today is not a good day…then tomorrow it will be…you understand”

“I can’t wait for tomorrow” he said, a slow and slightly manic grin spreading across his face to Jade’s still impassive puzzlement.

Alric barked a laugh and shook his head, leaving Jade there to go back to Mathias as he always did, reporting in probably. He had followed people a few times, as surreptitiously as he was able to, and had discovered that it wasn’t even that the day repeated – everything did. People walked the same routes, said the same things, ate the same foods. He had even had some fun for a time trying to disrupt it, place illusions in their way to see what would happen or if changing things made the day end.

It never did. It merely adapted and people, in general, carried on with their lives much the same. It was as Randal had commented – what did Alric expect them to do? Even if some masterfully malicious Djed was at play here, could Alric expect them to change everything they were, or did, because he seemed to be having something ridiculous happen to him? He had assumed it was Sran’tuka after a while, yet this didn’t seem to be his style from what he knew. The monster would have just taken him rather than torture him…at least in this manner. Now he suspected it might be a God…and that meant he had little choice but to ride it out and try not to go mad along the way.

This cycle he was determined to pay a visit to Stu – partly because Buraga had said something interesting to him that had lodged inside his skull, and partly because he really needed a damned drink.


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[Alric Lysane]

The Tidepool Bar was an impressive place, especially given its comparison to similar places in Sunberth within the privacy of Alric’s skull. If Syka had done one thing for him so far it was to open up ideas and understanding of things, if only in a minor and surface manner. Stu’s place was a good example of that. Alric was aware, in a general way, of the fact that alcohol had to be made somewhere, that it likely involved some elaborate and timed brewing processes, and that such things took more time than perhaps people might think. He had never actually thought about it beyond that though, about the details, and Syka was all about the details in many ways, at least that was how it had affected his thinking.

“Back again Alric?” Stu asked in his usual jovial manner – he was a partier by nature, and somehow managed to appear for all the world like he drank most of his own creation and yet never suffered for it.

“Again?” he asked, for a moment forgetting what the previous ‘real’ day had been about and then shaking his head when he remembered, “yes…back again. Feels like an age since I was here but my feet bring me back regardless”

“I see…sounds like you had a long evening. Feel up to some food? Got a good pig on the spit, should be nice and crisp soon?”

“Sounds delicious, I could eat a whole one myself. Been a while since I had a proper spit-cooked meal”

“I’ll fix something up for you when it’s ready then, and then we’ll have a chat. Sound good?” the priest asked him, waiting for Alric’s nod before heading off towards more busy work.

There was never silence at the Tidepool Bar, there was always bustle going on. Still, he had learned that there were signs to pick up on when the priest had decided to ‘put a pin in it’ and ‘revisit later’ from a social perspective. He was a good soul really, always wanting to help others where he could, so long as he saw there was a good reason to do so and that it might lead to a positive outcome. Upon reflection Alric thought the man had a knack for that sort of thing, for knowing when something could be done…and when not. It likely contributed to his ability to always be in a good mood – after all nothing ruined someone’s day quicker than an inability to solve something, and the frustrations that followed.

I know that well enough he noted to himself as he started to put a pipe together, taking out the black pearl gift of a god and showing no deference whatsoever as he shoved tobacco into it, in a practised way.

The tobacco he pulled from the magical tin wasn’t one he was familiar with, which was half interesting and half concerning. Several times he had come across one he didn’t like, or was too rough on his senses, though when he finally lit the pipe and the smoke started to curl around his face he was pleasantly surprised with an almost fruity taste and smell. Between puffs he studied the pipe that he had been given by Laviku, or rather exchanged. If he were honest with himself, he had not really thought about the idea of carrying around such an item as if it were an everyday thing.

He had had strange life so far, he thought to himself as the smoke eased his muscles and brought upon its relaxing perspective. There was something to be said for Xhyvas’ ideas on possible futures and choices, the labyrinthian corridors of freedom of choices. Still, Alric wasn’t entirely convinced that it truly mattered in the end. Perhaps in the endless cycles of time the fate of things would always be the same, merely repeated over and over again – an illusion of free will. That amused him slightly, that Ionu might actually be the most powerful of them all, but simply letting them believe otherwise – a cosmic trick. He grinned around the stem of his pipe and mused upon what that might mean for himself. Did what he do matter, in the grand scheme of things? Or was is simply window dressing…a local thing that mattered to specific people only…but was still worth it for that alone?

“And where does that leave me?” he muttered, thoughts turning towards that which he had pushed away for some time now.

Stu returned with a platter of various foodstuffs, all of them delicious Alric had no doubt, peered at Alric’s face for a few moments and then nodded, leaving him to his thoughts, no doubt leaving him to his own devices for a time, until he was ready to talk. The man always had a way of reading people that Alric envied.


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[Alric Lysane]

As he puffed away at his pipe, frowning every so often into the middle distance and taking in morsels of salted, dried fish, he found it difficult to remember a time before his life had become ‘interesting’. That was how Mathias liked to refer to it when he was opting for a nicer assessment. Alric called it a cluster-petch, which was a little harsh given that it hadn’t been all bad. Still, there was a definite line drawn across his life that denoted ‘before’ and ‘after’ and that line was meeting a curly haired innkeeper. He still wasn’t sure that he deserved what time they had spent together, but it had been the first pebble falling, cascading the rest downhill in epic fashion.

“Magic, curses, monsters, bloodlines, family and divines…can’t get much more different than what life was like before. Bloody gods,” he sighed, picking at the food some more before wriggling down into his seat, ankles crossed on a stool before him, and closed his eyes, reaching out for the charm he knew helped recall memory, “fine Mathias…you win…and you were right. And as for what you said Randal…well sometimes the only way of moving on is to go through, rather than around”

He didn’t start the process though, for what felt like the hundredth time he reached the precipice and then his fingertips retreated. This time, however, it wasn’t just because of what he didn’t want to recall but because Stu plopped a chair down, loudly and right next to him, scaring the life out of him. It took him a while to stop coughing up the smoke had had accidentally inhaled, his throat raspy and dry by the end, taking the cup Stu offered him and guzzling it down thankfully. Stu, for his part, found the entire event amusing and slapped Alric’s back between rippling bouts of laughter. The man wiped away a few tears from his eyes once Alric had subsided.

“So lost in that head of yours that you’ve lost your street sense Sunberthian,” the priest said with a grin, “you’ve been like that since you arrived you know. First the curses kept people like you focused, a problem to solve and survival to consider. Now though…lost where you should really be found. You’re either running from something, unsure where to go, or you’re living past problems”

“Do your marks give you some ability to see inside other people’s heads? Or is it some kind of magic?”

“Magic” there was another smile and a chuckle.

“What type of magic?” Alric asked, intrigued, leaning forwards and sitting up, “can you teach it?”

“The best kind…and possibly, depends whether you want to learn about people or not. It’s people magic. You run a bar long enough, see enough people, hear enough tales of the lives…you get good at knowing people. Like you, just then…something to do, something interesting, and you perk up something proper. So…which is it?”

Alric didn’t speak at first, instead puffing away a bit more at his pipe thoughtfully, distracting himself with that and some more fruit. Stu said nothing, he was clearly a patient man and though he had decided to try to talk to Alric whether Alric accepted or not wasn’t his decision to make, and so he expected nothing – at least as Alric saw it. Time drew out and the waves lapping were the only noises breaking the silence for a time before Alric sighed and nodded to himself. He had come here for this after all.

“The second one”

“Usually the case. People can only take so much before they have to take some time”

“Time?”

“Time to process, time to forget, time to move on. Sometimes just time to drink themselves into oblivion for a while. Nothing lasts forever though,” Stu continued, and Alric made a non-committal noise, “the resilience of others never ceases to amaze me. People are part of why I took the path that I did. What is it that is wrong with you? Perhaps I can help? I’d rather see you being a happy member of our community than not”

“Our community?”

“Well, you can’t be fully a part of it unless you try to be. You’ve stood…apart a bit. Still, you avoided the question with your own…smart. Nothing worse for problems of the soul. Smart people think they can sort it out themselves, it’s all they have experienced”

There was silence again for a while as Alric reflected upon the man’s words, turning them around in his head, his pipe now dead and finished. He took a few moments to tap out the ask from the bowl and then handed it to Stu to look over, who took it with a look of interest and a raised eyebrow.


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[Alric Lysane]

“Gods…you know the gods of course, you’re a priest. Well one of them gave me that pipe, Laviku. My first meeting with him and what I offered him was a damned pipe,” Alric snorted at the memory, equal parts amused and exasperated at himself, “and he turned it into that which you see. Eyris and Ionu marked me, for different reasons. One was almost like…family. The other…a bargain of sorts”

“You have interesting friends,” Stu commented, passing the pipe back, “perhaps they see more than you do”

“Perhaps. Either way another god gave me memories. Or…visions of possibilities, other possible versions of me. He did it for a good reason, looking back on it, but what I was in those memories…I’m not sure I’d call myself decent anymore…knowing…”

“What you are capable of. With the right push? Yes…a thing we all struggle with. The mortal condition. Come…I know somewhere we can go. And something that might help, in conjunction with that charm you were going to use. We’ll need my drums though, finish your food and meet me on the sand outside the Tidepool”

And with those instructions St was pushing himself up and making his way to the third little island rancho, his own home, whilst Alric crammed as much of the food into his stomach that he could fit quickly and tucked his pipe and tobacco back away inside their pouch. Pushing himself up he made his way to the appointed meeting spot and waited. In the solitude he wondered what Stu had in mind for this new day, their first together since the repetitions began. Clearly it was similar to what he had intended himself, though no doubt with a more spiritual take on things – he was a priest after all. After a few chimes Stu came back into view, drum tucked under his arm, and strode up to him with purpose.

“There’s a quieter spot further north, just beyond Mathias’s home, where at this time of day there will be the right conditions for what I think will help” starting to walk and keeping pace with Alric as he took them the direction he spoke of, continuing their conversation.

“Which is?”

“Meditation. Deep as we can go, with the aid of rhythm”

“Rhythm solves the problem does it?”

“Music, and the power it holds, can solve many things. What you need, I think, is to embrace that whilst reliving the memories…one last time”

“You think that wise? It’s had a lasting effect the first time around”

“Yes, but that which can harm, can also cure. You need to view them in a detached way, separate from yourself. You can acknowledge that you are capable of terrible things, whilst still realising you are not responsible for the acts of…other…possibilities”

“That easy is it?”

“Easy…lad this is the hardest thing to do…knowing yourself. Accepting yourself…then forgiving yourself. We aren’t equipped to do it easily, that’s why so many people never do. You think Artik drinks himself into a stupor just because he is lazy? Or likes my drinks?” Stu gave him a serious look for a moment, a passing one before the soft smiles returned.

“He has a story then?”

“We all do. He should be the one to tell it, should he wish to do so. I’ll make my own bargain with you Alric, shall we?”

“I’m listening” he said, eyebrow rising as he glanced at the priest.

“I help people, I like to do so. But never for free”

“You want me to pay you?”

“No, nothing so base. I help you…you try to help Artik. Perhaps someone who is newly…reformed…might be able to relate in ways that those who have decided to simply let it be are unable to anymore. Seem fair?”

“If you can get these dark things from my mind then I’ll get him up at dawn doing running and training”

“That would be a sight,” Stu laughed and pointed a bit further away from them, “Mathias’ place…not far to go now. Come, wait outside on his decking, I just need a few moments to go and speak with him. Have another pipe, it will help ease the nerves”

Alric agreed with that at least, taking the opportunity to sit upon the steps and light one with a firestick Stu passed him as he departed, smoke soon drifting away on the sea breeze. He sat there, losing track of time and gazing upon the settlement, pondering upon his purpose there. It was another thing he had wrestled with for a time, what he could actually offer. He was no grower, fisherman, hunter or provider – not really. He had been a bouncer, a relatively posh guard by Sunberth standards. Perhaps he had been a bit more on occasion, but he doubted that Syka needed thieves or vagabonds. He had already caught Lys keeping some more of her wayward ways and had earned her frustration when punishing her – and that other girl she seemed to have befriended…they were both little tearaways at heart really, young and without reason.

I remember those days…far simpler than nowadays he mused to himself privately.

“Alric! Jade told me a strange thing this morning, about why you couldn’t come today for some fishing. Now Stu here tells me you’ve been speaking with him! Should I be worried that I am too boring for you now?” Mathias’s jovial tone smoothed his words over just before a hand clapped him on the shoulder and a rumbling chuckle began.

“No! Not at all, in fact I wanted to talk to you about…other things. Just…no more fishing for a while I’ve had my fill”

“Have you indeed? Strange times you seem to live in of late?” the Founder’s gaze was deep and questioning even as it twinkled, but after a time of meeting Alric’s eyes the man simply nodded and patted his shoulder once more.

“You’re in good hands with Stu, knows what he’s about. Listen to him…for me. Now, go on, before you change your mind…or he does” Mathias said with a wink and then Stu got them both walking once more, this time having no stops until they had found a little area with some large, flat stones that looked as if they had been placed down for smooth seating.


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[Alric Lysane]

“Here we are,” Stu said, settling himself upon the floor, legs crossed and drum in his lap, “take off your weapons and everything else that hinders. Clothing is fine. Sit down like I am, your back to mine, and we’ll see what you’re capable of”

It was a set of simple suggestions, but they were instructions that were to be followed and the tone was definitive – nothing else would take place until Alric had complied with them. Curious as to what Stu had in mind precisely, he unfastened his weapon harness and let it slide to the floor, all weapons forming a small heap on the sand. HE took out the few that were hidden, like the hidden blade and the bagh nakh, and placed them on top of the rest. He pulled off his boots, dusted himself off and tugged at his clothing until they rested as comfortably as they would, then sat own with his back leaning against the other man’s.

“So here we are…two men huddled in a…back to back sit down. What next?” he asked Stu, noticing that the way they were sat had him gazing at the horizon whilst Stu was facing towards the jungle and Syka proper, “a good view as always. Part of the plan?”

“You shut up for a while and instead listen. Take that charm of yours in your fingertips, you know the one, but don’t use it yet. Instead listen to the waves, the drumming and feel my breathing through your back, trying to match it. Then, when you are ready, close your eyes and sink inwards…then use the charm to try to face the memories”

“Easy as gold on legs then?”

“If that means easy where you are from…yes. Let’s begin”

He suited his words by beginning a slow rhythm on the drum, the sound resonant and deep, setting a pace much like a heartbeat. There was nothing fancy to it, but Alric fancied that there was a calling to it, as if underneath the pounding there were whispers tempting you to go along with it. He had heard the man drum before at Tendays, he managed to get most people up and dancing, but this felt more like an invitation to sleep somehow. He watched the horizon and heard the waves, mixing with the drums in a strangely magical way. Then, shifting his attention to Stu, he focused upon the man’s breathing and set about trying to match it.

It was a slow, deep and relaxed in and out type of breathing, no rushing and the timing consistent. It took him some time but after a while he managed to match it, their breathing synching up finally and he concentrated on keeping it that way for a long time, until it became instinctual in its repetition. His gaze had been on the horizon but now it was almost fuzzy, unfocused on the external and instead shifting to an internal focus. His muscles started to relax, and his posture became less rigid, unconsciously leaning more onto Stu, who took the opportunity to use a soothing, resonant tone to speak.

“That’s good Alric…good. Un-focus. Relax and release your burdens. There is nothing now except the warmth of Syna, the rhythm of the waves, the drum and your breath. Relaxation breathed in…stress breathed out. Good…good”

It went on that way for a long time, so long that the passing of time itself seemed to fall away. No longer of consequence compared to the inner world that he was experiencing. Stu had been right, it was almost like sinking down into himself, or at least becoming more aware of himself and his body, his internal monologue and his emotions. He had never been particularly good with emotions yet with Stu’s patience coaxing he was able to view them from a kind of distance. A detachment perhaps, where he acknowledged them and then they moved on, sinking in without concern. It was a revealing journey of sorts just for that alone, making him realise just how little he thought of himself if he were truthful and did not refuse to take account of it.

“You’ve already changed…good progress. I can sense the shift in you. Good. Who we are, what we are…these things are made of so many things. Usually too many things. Things we should no longer hold on to. Now…acknowledge this. Realise that responsibility is a serious thing, and should be taken seriously. But should also be allocated properly. Understand?”

“I understand” he spoke softly, quietly as if afraid to break the spell being woven.

“Good. Now revisit yourself again. And then another time. As many times as it takes for you to be ready. Then use your charm”

“I don’t like looking at myself you know, never did” he whispered.

“No one ever does, but it is necessary. Go on” Stu replied in the same resonant tone that he had been using the whole time, never missing a beat or a breath.


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[Alric Lysane]

At Stu’s patient nudging Alric returned to himself, submerging himself deeper into his mind, sensing out and turning over his emotions and memories. It was a long overdue assessment really, a lot had changed for him in less than a year, none of it really dealt with or fully processed – it had always been on to the next thing, the next puzzle or crisis, the hunted trying to find a way to prepare for a much more dangerous hunter. Everything had seemed so raw when looked at before, but now it felt…different. As if Stu’s mere presence seemed to create a barrier of detachment, he felt at ease enough to delve. Clearly his method worked, and he made a note to try to find a way to replicate it himself in the future – not that he thought he was particularly musically able.

He let his thoughts turn to the present and the future, starting with something easier rather than the past. What was he, really? He had been a guard, an attempted scholar, a minor mage and a general mischief maker…but those didn’t seem to be that valuable to him in respect to what he could offer Syka. And as for the value of himself, he had never really thought that much of himself. Still…assuming that he did, and that he was wanted in Syka for the long term, what could he become? That was the better question and he spent some time acknowledging that and musing upon it, entertaining ideas and discarding them, weighing up his feelings on the matter and where they might take him.

The Rangers seemed to be a good bet, though it was apparently a requirement for anyone who was very skilled as things like jungle survival, so it was less a desire and more enforced. Still, if he went with the idea it seemed somewhat attractive. Randal had made him see the jungle slightly differently – more like where he knew than something alien, which appealed to him. Somewhere firm from which he knew how to work and could build upon. Considering building Mathias had suggested he make a mage tower, but he was no builder – at least not yet. Was that another worthy goal, perhaps? Still, either way he sliced it there did seem to be a hole that he couldn’t fill – that of what he offered Syka, what he could do on the daily that would qualify as a form of employment. He still wasn’t sure on that…though he did have some ideas for settlement improvements he wanted to run past Mathias and the other Founders…should he ever break out of this damned daily cycle.

“Don’t drift too far Alric…you’ve accessed the right mindset…stop skimming the surface. It’s time to dive now…I will change the rhythm slightly, encouraging you inwards, helping to heighten the senses you need” Stu’s voice interjected, as if reading his mind and stopping Alric from falling down that particular rabbit hole.

Alric nodded slowly, but for the first time surely. He kept his breathing rhythm even as he heard the beating of the drum change, yet it was a deeper breath in preparation. His fingertips pinched the charm he wanted lightly, and he focused, narrowing his memory to the day with Ionu and Xhyvas, in that room after Lys had been ‘vanished’.

“Here we go again” he muttered to himself, using the charm and the memory coming into a sharper, more definite focus, as if he were reliving it but with a slight distance to it, not quite in the moment the same way as he had lived it the first time.

Reliving it he could see why Ionu seemed to take an interest in him, he was quite dramatic when he wanted to be, and his emotions were all over the place. He had had good reason, yet still it had likely not had him in the best state with which to deal with what Xhyvas was about to do. He inhaled and steeled himself, and then the memories and visions tumbled through him all over again – Krysus owning him, not because she saw him as an exemplar of her domain, but because she wanted vengeance for his father’s actions. The torture that went on for far, far too long and how it felt, the inventive and damaging cycles of it and the inability to be allowed to die. His eventual capitulation, his breaking and reforming into a monstrous killer, inventive in all the wrong ways, an artist of misery. He could hear his heartbeat in his ears, mirroring the rhythm of the drumming that seemed distinct now as he relived the memories.

The distance that Stu had helped bring him, despite the quite detailed and precise workings of the memory charm, made him able to see things now that he had been unable to see then – the fact that he hadn’t just given in immediately, that what he had been turned into in those other possibilities wasn’t a voluntary act but rather the culmination of his physical, mental and emotional shattering. And then the charm seemed to rewind and recycle the memories all over again, as if tapping into his conscious desire to almost desensitise himself to the trauma of it in some manner. This time, however, it was far more intense and personal – more like how he had lived it the first time and the emotions and sensations seemed more raw.

It tore through him, ended and his eyes flared open, and he came back to himself, realising that he was covered in a cold sweat and that he was panting. The drumming had stopped, though Stu was still sitting and propping him up. Alric, for his part, tipped over sideways and curled up into a ball for a while.


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[Alric Lysane]

Alric wasn’t sure how long he was curled up for, but he was aware that apart from the occasional sniffling and the wetness on his face he made no other sounds. Stu was there still, watching over him, but beyond that he was left alone. In truth he was alone, his only companion the cascading raw images and sensations and that was one he wished he did not have. It was different this time though, instead of fighting it there was a form of surrender, acceptance. With it came the beginnings of a true integration – which made the pain a more solid reality. Weakness was a sure death in Sunberth, he had never really known how to deal with it as he knew he wasn’t the strongest. Here, in Syka, there was no need for that defence mechanism all of the time, and letting it go helped him here, for a time.

“Do you feel able to talk?” Stu asked after a while, intervening only once Alric’s breathing had eased somewhat and his body had relaxed.

“About…what?” he took one last breath and then sighed it out, pushing himself up slowly, rubbing at his face, his eyes feeling slightly grainy. He felt tired, so very tired, yet also there was a change inside that he could feel distinctly, it wasn’t all done with, but it was a start.

“You have confronted what had split a portion of you from yourself…now it is back and the most important thing is to integrate it to yourself once more. Otherwise, this whole thing will happen again, perhaps not in as nice a way as this time”

“You want me to talk you through it all? I’m not sure that’s…that I can…”

“Then we will sit for a bit longer, then return to the Tidepool and you can have a drink before. But we will talk,” the man stated simply, not a request but a prompt, “it is important. All of us are guilty of running from things, it is how we survive sometimes. But we get caught eventually. It is always better to face it. Talking about it shows that you have moved past the first part of the process”

They sat for a lot longer than Alric expected, the other man not once forcing him to rush and instead seeming to find sitting there, his own eyes closed in some meditation, a kind of retreat or break. Stu was usually busy Alric supposed, bustling and talking, always full of energy. He had wondered before how the man did it, whether he ever had time to himself. Shifting position to watch the priest for a time it was clear that the man was comfortable with his lot in life, at least on the outside. Alric suspected on the inside also.

Alric took the time to settle, his raw nerves easing and a more relaxed feeling creeping upon him as the sky began to darken, a sign that evening was approaching – they had been there for almost a whole day and he hadn’t even realised. For a time, he didn’t quite meditate, instead simply feeling himself out, assessing the change he felt. He did feel…lighter. There was an ease in his chest that he didn’t remember, his mind less fogged and more focused. There was a rawness though, emotions heightened and feeling more…real. It was strange, as if he had put in place mental barriers to the experiences Xhyvas gave him without even thinking. Whatever had been there was gone now, though, Stu was right about that and likely right about the talking it through too.

“You know who my father is?” Alric asked after a while.

“Yes I know. A strong man. A great man in some ways”

“Xhyvas wanted me to understand what he went through, what it took for him to do what he did, so he made me live through possible lives where Krysus…took me,” he paused, looking into the horizon for a time before continuing, “he meant well but…”

“Gods don’t think the same way as mortals do…yes I know. A lot of them mean well, but their perspectives are usually…removed…different from ours. Understandable really, given what they are and how they work”

“Exactly…so I’ve been carrying around the tortures, of myself and my doing it to others. I was…better at it than Kalas apparently. What that says about me…” he trailed off.

“I would say it means you’re capable of being better than he is in everything else too. I’d not be so quick to condemn yourself…not just because they were not really your actions…but because sometimes the ability to commit atrocity is what stops worse ones from happening too”

“How do you mean?”

“You’ve killed, yes?”

“Well…yes” he said, uncomfortable.

“Was it always for terrible reasons? Were none of them to save someone else, or to stop a more evil person from doing something worse?”

“I…guess”

“Like I said, smart people are often the most stupid. You’ve lost yourself in reasoning why you were awful, without considering why you were not. Good news for you is that you’ve got plenty of time to fix that”

“Doesn’t make me forget”

“No...it doesn’t. Nor would I say you ever should. Instead treat it as a reminder”
“A reminder?”

“One to keep you on a better path. Well done Alric, you’ve successfully taken the first step on the path to healing”

Alric didn’t smile, it wasn’t really a good thing that he had to do this to begin with, but at least he could confirm that he felt…better. No doubt he would still have times where he would lose himself in dark thoughts, but the rawness had seemed to fade – at least for now. The rest of the day they both merely sat there, until eventually Alric fell asleep, propped up by a tree this time. He didn’t know but Stu left him there after a while and paid a visit to Mathias, to inform him of Alric’s progress, a fact that would not matter given the time cycle they were in.


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