Twin Cries For Help [Shiress]

by **Tazrae** on November 3rd, 2022, 1:44 am

Timestamp: 47th of Fall, 522 A.V.

Tazrae woke up instantly. She’d been sleeping off and on most of the previous day with her sister watching over her. Exhausted, Kami had told her it was normal, and each time she’d awakened her sister had been sitting with her usually with Khari in her arms. If the child wasn’t near, Taz demanded to see her with a flash of teeth and a growling hiss that was more like an Ixam than anything human. Kamrae sat patiently through it all, even helping her sister to the bathroom and waking her up long enough to make sure she ate. The birth had been messy and Taz had lost a lot of blood, but she wasn’t doing more than spot bleeding the second day so her sister was confident Tazrae would make a full recovery.

The third day Tazrae was on her feet and demanding to go home. Kamrae had agreed, thinking that Tazrae’s primitive yet functional pavilion would be the best for the duo’s recovery. Giving her one more exam, her sister released her with a fully packed bag of food and provisions enough for a few days. The Inn had been fully abandoned for three days now, and Tazrae didn’t care one bit. She trusted Jaelis would have watched over things, having been hired to do just that, earlier on in the season.

The first issue Tazrae had was that she didn’t want to put Khari down. Not once. Not ever. She held the infant to her, keeping one arm burdened at almost all times. She was fascinated with the baby, which looked just like her except her eyes were golden. Her hair was a riot of caramel curls and her skin was the dark golden olive of the Tazrae’s people. Taz was fascinated with the infant, counting her toes, staring at her tiny fingers, and delighting in her smiles. She actively made it a game to get the infant to smile, so she sang and rocked her, fed her, and changed her with absolute joy.

But then, the babe would fall asleep and all these foreign feelings would invade Tazrae’s mind. She was scared, deeply scared because she didn’t know what happened with Sran’tuka and felt like he’d be after her and Khari in a heartbeat. She was mad, oh so very mad, that Khari’s father wasn’t her choice. She was sad too, in huge waves, because she wanted Khaysen and wanted to count his toes and fingers and make him laugh along with his sister. Did they miss each other? Were they aware one was lost to the other? Taz had no idea how to get her son back. She had no idea what had happened with Nyle and the battle that was waging. And she had her Grandfather’s hourglass which Nyle said was important. Would Alric know what to do with it? Gods… Taz rose, paced, and started bleeding again. She stopped pacing and then burst into tears without any real reason for the breakdown. She literally cried until Khari woke, then picked up the baby, bundled them both in her warm camouflage cloak, and headed for The Outpost.

She needed baby things and needed them badly.

Carrying Khari was so awkward. It was obvious that Taz had something concealed beneath the cloak. It was obvious that she was also trying to hide her own identity with the light-blending garment itself. She avoided everyone on the way to the Dovecote and greeted no one on the other side. She felt horribly vulnerable, especially with Khari, but she didn’t know how to get things for the baby she needed without having the child know what sizes and shapes fit. That vulnerability wasn’t something she was used to. Nor was the fear. There were dozens of other feelings, especially paranoia. Taz imagined she was being stared at. Eyes were all over her and she felt a bit cornered and regretted not grabbing her weapons before she left.

So she headed to the section of the Open Sky Market that housed weapons and picked up a few. She spent money randomly as sweat broke out on her forehead and Khari squirmed from Taz holding her too tight. She practically ran down the section of the market that dozens of arms dealers and she picked high-end good quality products. Tazrae had a bullwhip in her hands before she knew what she was doing, then spotted an ornate blowgun and a couple of sets of needles to go with it. The crazy continued as a couple of pairs of bolas were acquired, that she somehow thought she could use before she got out of The Outpost if someone made a move to hurt her. The new mother ran through the blades but found nothing that suited her. Someone was standing in the section of bows that looked suspiciously like a Benshira, so she swerved and headed out into the market itself.

Darting out of the weapons section, Tazrae found the section for toddlers and infants. There were clothing dealers, furniture dealers, and all kinds of things. Her arm was all but numb by now and though she’d stuffed the weapons into her backpack, and switched arms for Khari, Taz was at the end of her patience and sanity. The sheer number of things a baby needed was staggering. Taz didn’t know where to begin or what to buy. Khari needed a place to sleep that was safe for her… maybe multiple places to sleep. She needed clothing, toys, blankets… diapers. She needed so many diapers. Kami had shown her the general basics of changing a diaper, but she had so many dirty squares of cloth now from cleaning her daughter up that she had no idea how to control and organize the mess.

And what about Khaysen? Was anyone buying things for him? Was he even alive? The mere thought of what had happened to her son set her to crying uncontrollably. Taz pulled her hood deeper, stepped back into the shadows, and sobbed. That set Khari to cry, and Taz had no idea what to do to comfort herself, let alone her daughter. She whirled, uncertain of what to do, sticking to the shadows when a familiar form passed. Shiress? Taz was certain it was Shiress. With a growl, the young traumatized bard launched herself at the physician. She came around in front of Shiress and shoved her one-handed into the nearest booth wall. She tipped her head up so that Shiress could recognize who she was under the cloak, and hissed at her teeth bared. Then she sobbed again, the infant clutched to her wailing.

Taz laid her head against Shiress’ shoulder, releasing her at the same time, but holding her body away from Shiress’ form protective of whatever was wailing in her arm. She sobbed uncontrollably, trying to resist the urge to pull a new weapon out of her backpack. She’d never manage it with Khari in the crook of her arm. Instead, she lifted her head, met Shiress’ eyes, and said with a hiss…

“I can’t get her to stop crying. I can’t stop crying. I’m bleeding again. I needed things, but the only things I could get were weapons. I don’t know what to buy for her… there’s so much here. They have my son. They have him and I don’t know if he’s alive or if he’s safe or if anyone is out buying diapers for him.” She sobbed, melting completely down. "I never cry… I never ever ever cry…” She sobbed…. “But I can’t stop crying. Everyone here is looking for me… looking for her. And I don’t even know if that monster is dead.” She said frantically, shifting the wailing infant into her other arm. The child, not normally fussy so far, was tapping into her mother’s distress and screaming her curly little head off about it.

“Shiress… please you help. Please?” Taz said, her blue eyes bloodshot and scared. She was shaking like a leaf and the infant was wailing in her arms.

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by **Shiress** on November 5th, 2022, 5:59 pm

With Ian in school for most of the morning, with all the children in school for most of the morning, and with her duties done for the day, Shiress found she had a bit of free time. She hadn't been to The Redynn in some time and decided on a whim that she'd like to make a visit. Seeing her old colleagues always made for a good time, and hopefully, she'd run into an old patient or two. It was always nice to check in and see how they were fairing.

Shiress stepped off the Dovecote and turned toward the hospital. Coming to the Outpost always gave the doctor a feeling of otherworldliness, an inviting hiatus from the everyday routine she had fallen into since coming to Syka. As always, the Outpost was bustling with patrons and visitors coming to and from the vast array of shops and stalls. Shiress picked her way through the bodies, smiling and nodding as one does as they excuse themselves through the masses until she found a break in the crowd and began a brisk but leisurely stroll to the Redynn.

Just as the entrance to the medical facility came into view, Shiress found herself suddenly pinned to a wall by a cloaked figure, the high-pitched wail of a tiny baby emitting from the folds of the stranger's arms. Shiress had just enough time to draw in a frantic breath before a pair of familiar eyes peered up at her from the shadows of the hood, the blue of them startlingly vivid against the darkened, damp lashes and the red-stained sclera.

Tazrae's lips parted on a surprisingly violent hiss just before a sob forced its way through. The innkeeper's head thumped against Shiress's shoulder as more sobs joined that of the baby's. The doctor's hand came up and pressed against the curls at the back of Tazrae's head, almost instinctually, whispering quiet shushes and words meant to calm. She was just about to gently extract herself from the distraught innkeeper to figure out what had the woman so upset when Tazrae began speaking shakily between her sobs. Shiress dipped her head, feeling soft ringlets of golden hair tickling her cheeks as she strained to listen to what the other female was saying.

As Taz's emotional torrent of words finally dwindled to silence, Shiress's body had gone taut with understanding. Tazrae had given birth to a baby, two babies, undoubtedly twins. A girl and a boy, but the boy's whereabouts and even his safety were unknown. She had come to the Outpost to buy things for her baby but had only managed to purchase weapons because everyone was...Shiress's arms tightened around the young female as understanding dawned.

"Of course, I will help you, my friend," she soothed, gently turning the petite form in her arms so that they could walk, "come this this way so we can talk."

Thankfully, Shiress had nearly made it to The Redynn when Tazrae had found her, and they had only to go a few steps before she was guiding the innkeeper through the entrance and to a cushioned chair in the waiting area. Just as she helped Taz sit, she heard a familiar voice speak behind her. Shiress straightened and turned to see Murine watching her with a concerned frown.

Shiress quickly explained that she had come for a visit but had run into a friend, a very distressed friend. Maurine nodded her understanding, smiling sadly at Tazrae, graciously offering them any assistance they might need. As the blonde healer turned away, Shiress moved to sit next to Tazrae, resting one hand on the other female's arm as the fingertips of the other glided down the baby's reddened, damp cheeks. The extent of healing from Rek'Keli's mark was unknown to the new healer, but Shiress felt the Goddess's mark thrum to life and let whatever healing she might offer the new mother and babe flow through her and into them, focusing on soothing and calming her friend and her child. Her child! Shiress shook her head, astonished. The innkeeper had most definitely concealed her pregnancy magnificently.

"I would be honored to help you pick out what your baby needs, Taz," Shiress said softly, "I even have some things left over from Ian that I would love for you to have," she paused, looking cautiously at her friend, "Will you first tell me what has happened? You had twins? I didn't even know you were pregnant, Tazrae, or I would have been there from the start."

Shiress looked down at the beautiful, chubby-cheeked baby in her friend's arms and smiled, "She's beautiful and perfect, and what you are feeling, the tears, being scared and overwhelmed, is completely normal, Taz. It's your body's way of dealing with having a baby inside for almost ten months, then suddenly empty. It happens a lot. It even happened to me after Ian. I call it after birth sadness, and it will pass."

Shiress glanced over just as Beth, her nurse at The Redynn, padded over to them. Shiress stood and hugged her.

"Beth, it's so good to see you," she said, then stepped aside, gesturing to Tazrae, "this is my friend, Tazrae. She's a new mother and is feeling a bit distressed at the moment. Can you get her a cup of Ashwagandha and chamomile tea? We have shopping to do, and I think that will set her to rights for a while. Oh, and bring me a wash basin, cloth diaper, and a thin sheet, please." Beth nodded and left to do as asked as Shiress retook her seat.

She watched her friend a tick before asking, "Feeling any better? Feel like talking? Will you share with me what has happened?" Shiress dipped her chin in the baby's direction, holding her arms out, "May I tend to her while you gather yourself? I won't leave, I promise. I'll sit right here, next to you, where you can see the baby and me." Shiress smiled at her friend, "I know exactly how you are feeling right now, Taz. You can trust me."

Word Count - 1,154

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by **Tazrae** on November 6th, 2022, 5:12 am

There was one thing Tazrae knew at that moment and that was simply that the Gods must have sent Shiress there to find her. What else would explain finding the Lady Physician in the midst of the hustle and bustle of The Outpost in the middle of some sort of psychological breakdown? Feeling Shiress’ arms around her at that moment was the best feeling the new mother could have asked for, and her words absolutely backed up the sensation her hug had given Tazrae.

Shifting the baby to her other arm, Taz reached down and took Shiress’ closest hand in an iron grip, following her almost blindly. She let the woman lead her through the crowd, past some sort of double doors, and into a cool interior that smelled slightly medicinal overlaid with herbs. Before she knew it she was sitting in something comfortable, and that in itself was a relief. Taz hadn’t known how weak she was until she just flat-out sat down. The fight went out of her, and so too did the sobs. She felt… safe, even though Khari kept wailing.

Tazrae focused on Shiress’ voice. Unfortunately, she wasn’t actually hearing what the woman was saying, but rather hearing the tone and timbre and the feeling the touch gave her. She heard the exchange with the other woman, then heard some instructions. There was something about shopping, and something about … something… and then it was quiet for a moment. Taz saw Shiress put out her arms and realized she wanted Khari. The Bard normally would not have given over her child, not even to someone she knew was safe to do so with, but Shiress reinforced her words with the fact she wasn’t leaving… that she was going to stay right there. It was then that Tazrae started really hearing what was being said to her and looked at Shiress’ outstretched arms again.

“Don’t leave with her, Shiress. Stay right here. I… I am not myself and I think I…. I would hurt you if you looked like you were taking her.” It was true enough. Tazrae’s mind was roiling, and her djed was just as unstable in her core. It felt like a whirling dervish inside her gut and she just knew… knew at that moment that if someone threatened her child, she’d turn all the air in their lungs to fire and burn them from the inside out.

She gently, one finger at a time, loosened her hold on Khari, and then with the child not in a death grip, the baby hiccupped and dropped her screaming a few debacles. Then carefully, Tazrae handed Khari over to Shiress but moved closer, positioning herself so she was leaning closer in the chair. Tazrae knew Shiress was trustworthy, or so she thought. But still, closer was better. “Her name is Khari. Kaysen is missing.” She said, her voice cracking over the name. She hadn’t realized she was still crying until someone handed her a soft damp warm towel and a steaming mug of some sort of tea.

Tazrae drank it as she wiped her face. It felt good to swipe the cloth over her features. The towel took off the tears and the dust on her face as the tea did its job of relaxing her. It was then she understood Shiress was asking her how she was doing. Tazrae nodded in response and watched her look over her daughter.

“I’ve been gone a year.” She said in a hoarse whisper. “My Tribe caught me… the Kois… and held me in a magical place… a Dominion. Only a day passed here, but I was gone a full year.” She started explaining again. “The babies were coming, and someone attacked… there was chaos. I got away… I got away with one of them… not both. I couldn’t carry both. Their father took one. I didn’t know which one. I don’t know if he killed Sran’tuka… or if he is dead himself. That monster used me like a broodmare to get a new host body from… he wanted my son.” She said, shaking her head. “That was two days ago. When I came through… when I got back… I was so tired. I… I just slept. Khari and I just slept. And I would feed her… and she’d make such messes… I didn’t know babies were so… dirty.” She explained.

“I only woke up this morning feeling better. And… Khari needed so many things that I didn’t have. I didn’t have diapers… no blankets... no bed to lay her in… nothing. I brought her here to get things… but there are so many people selling things… hawking… all claiming their things are the best. I don’t know… Gods Shiress. I…. The only thing I have for her is milk.” Taz settled back in her seat, watched the doctor tend to the baby, and felt her own world falling apart.

“No one knows I was gone. I… how do I even deal with that?” She asked, drinking more of the tea, feeling its effects already. “Nyle has my son. Possibly Sran’tuka has him now. Is anyone caring for him? Who is feeding him? Changing him? Who’s giving him kisses? I can’t stop thinking about him.” She told the physician, rocking slightly. “This is what going insane feels like, isn’t it?” Taz said softly, leaning back, gripping the arms of the chair.

Then she blinked at Shiress. “You brought Ian’s baby things all the way to Syka from where you both were?” She asked as if that struck her as odd. “Were you… “ Tazrae’s sentence was punctuated by a small hiccup. “.. were you going to have another baby?” Taz asked, her eyes going wide. She fixated on that issue… of Shiress having baby things and clung to it because it didn’t trigger dark spaces in her mind. “Or did you just… not want to let go?” The Innkeeper said softly.

“I can’t let go of my son… I can’t leave him there. And now… now they’ve stolen something from me besides my son. I think they took my mortality.” She said softly, leaning back in the seat, drawing her legs up, and cradling the tea mug to her chest.

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by **Shiress** on November 6th, 2022, 7:22 pm

"I'm not going anywhere, I promise," Shiress reassured, accepting the warm, soft bundle of flailing arms and wet cheeks into her arms, "I would do the same for Ian if someone looked like they were about to hurt my son, too. That fierce sense of protection you are feeling is actually good," she smiled, looking down at the baby as she unwrapped the tiny thing, "It means you've bonded with Khari. Such a pretty name."

Shiress looked over the diaper covered baby with a professional eye, gliding the pads of her fingers along the baby's soft skin, looking for obvious marks or imperfections. She was sure someone had probably already examined the baby and tutored the new mother at least on how to diaper her daughter as the cloth wrap was neatly folded and tucked. Shiress had her own nurturing sense to reassure and continued on with her subtle examination, eyes focussed on the newborn until she heard Taz say that she had been gone a year.

Emerald eyes snapped up and settled on the innkeeper, intent on listening to her story. Had someone tried and convinced the doctor several seasons earlier that they had been captured, held captive, and raped for breeding purposes in another dimension where time didn't exist the same as in the real world, she'd have balked at such a story. As it was, Shiress believed every word., but that didn't mean she knew what to say to Tazrae. She could only adopt a sad, empathetic look of horror on her face and whisper, "Oh, Tazrae," over and over in an attempt to portray her understanding of what she must have gone through.

It was impossible to, though. There was no way anyone could understand the depth of mental anguish that all of this had caused the woman. Shiress wanted to ask questions and dig for detail, but now was not the time. Tazrae was on edge, teetering between losing her mind and lashing out with violence. Shiress got it. She so got it and knew asking questions would only push Taz one way or the other. So, she listened, nodded, gasped, and shook her head in disgust as the story unraveled.

Khari let out an impatient squeal of disapproval at the lack of attention, effectively drawing Shiress's eyes back to her. Shiress couldn't help but grin down at the little girl, with her fists swinging faster and faster as she worked herself up to a good wail.

"I...don't know what to say, Tazrae," Shiress admitted, fingers deftly working loose the folds of the diaper to reveal a surprise mess, "except to agree with you that babies are dirty," her voice had gone animated and teasing. Pulling down the far corners of the diaper, Shiress swiped them across the baby's bottom until the worst of the mess was gone, then reached for the second damp cloth left by Beth for the cleanup. "I have questions, so many questions that I want to ask, but not now. Not today. Not until you feel up to answering them. If it's okay, though, I do want to say that for as much effort as..." she struggled to pronounce the name, failed, tried again, and just went with it, "...Sran’tuka went to getting, as you said, a baby boy, I feel sure he'll, at least, care for him."

Gods, that slim reassurance turned Shiress's stomach even as it passed her lips, but what else could she say? Maybe that was it. She needed to listen and not say anything unless it was something worth saying. So Shiress did just that. She listened, interjecting when she felt it was okay to do so.

"Well, the good thing is that for the next few months, all Khara will need is milk and sleep," she smiled as she swaddled the newborn and propped her against a shoulder, patting her butt, "and as far as explaining yourself, it's no one's business, Tazrae. If they are truly a friend, you'll not have to explain a thing beyond what you just told me," Shiress paused the bottom patting and placed a hand on Tazrae's, "If I know the people of Syka like I think I do, they will rally around you whether you tell your story or not."

Shiress removed her hand from the innkeeper's and resumed the soothing pat, adding a little bounce," and for the record, No. You're not going insane. What you are feeling? it's called being a mother, my friend." Shiress added gently.

Shiress shrugged uncomfortably at the mention of her keeping Ian's baby things and couldn't help but laugh at herself, " Both, maybe? I mean, I'd like to have another baby one day," she said, smiling shyly, "but I guess one reason I kept them is that I want them to be used and valued by someone else other than me one day. Maybe give them to Ian so he can use them for his child," she glanced sideways at her companion, one curved brow arching, "or maybe I thought a friend might happen to have a surprise baby, and I would like for her to use them."

Shiress watched with a frown as Tzrae curled in on herself as if she could somehow draw away from her own words. Seeing that, it enraged Shiress, shocking her with its ferocity.

"Your morality was never theirs to take," Shiress said sternly, even while keeping her voice low so as not to wake Khara, who had fallen asleep against her shoulder, "I thought the same thing about being a slave," she added, tone softening, "I felt something had been stolen from me, too. I felt sullied and dirty for a very long time. Ian's father told me that something like that, in my case, was pride, but definitely morality, too. He said morality and pride aren't something that can be stolen but were willingly given to those that hurt you. That if I had given those things to the person that hurt me, I had the right to take back what was rightfully mine."

Shiress's cheeks reddened at the memory of her and Elias...up against a wall...in an alleyway...and the way Elias had enticed her to take what was hers. Clearing her throat, she pulled herself from memory and glanced sideways at her friend, "It'll take a while for you to understand what Elias meant. It took me a while. But I'm always here for you for when you're ready to talk," Shiress paused, then added, hoping Tazrae presently had the mind to get the double entendre, "and if ever you need someone by your side when you leave to take back what is rightly and truly yours, you can count me in. I'll be right there."

Khari grunted softly, arching her back against Shiress in a baby-sized stretch. Shiress lowered the tiny girl, who grunted and stretched again before settling slowly back into a doze, long golden lashes fanning out against her pale cheek. With practiced ease, Shiress laid the sleeping baby in her lap and reached for the thin sheet set out for her. She folded it twice longways, leaving about a foot of fabric across and about five feet long, then folded the ends together once, then twice, then once more but added a double knot to hold it together, creating for all tense and purposes a sling.

Transferring a snuffling and softly snoring newborn to the crook of an arm, Shiress rose, gesturing for Tazrae to do the same. The doctor looped the sling over the innkeeper's head and then helped pull one arm through so that it hung on Tazrae like a sash. Very gently and slowly, for her friend's distressed comfort, Shiress settled the newborn into the sling against her mother's chest before stepping around to her back to ensure the Knotts were secured.

"Let's get that shopping done while she's sleeping," she said, rounding to the front again to pull at the ends of the sling until the baby's sleeping face was well hidden, "Honestly, with what I have at my bungalow, there's very little she'll need right now," she smiled at Tazrae, a little sadly, a little jealous, and a whole lot proud, "Just her mommy, a little patience, and a whole lot of cuddling," grabbing her friend's hand, Shiress paused, "We'll pick up Kaysen a few things, too, cause I think he'll be back in your arms sooner than you think. Ready?"

Word Count - 1,427

by **Tazrae** on November 8th, 2022, 3:43 am

Taz watched Shiress look over her daughter with a sharp unblinking gaze. Her lips flicked up at the corners when Shiress mentioned she’d bonded with her daughter. The new mother knew instinctually that she’d kill for her daughter immediately. She’d die for her daughter just as quickly. It all felt very dramatic, but that was the truth of her new reality. That small bundle in Shiress’ arms meant the world to her. There had been things that were important before Khari, but now… now they seemed distant.

“My sister diapered her this morning. I… was still groggy and sleeping. I woke to feed her and then woke again in a panic.” Taz admitted. “I don’t know how to do that fancy thing with the cloth and the pins.” She said, disgusted with herself. Her sister made it look so easy, but when Taz tried, the cloths twisted and just didn’t work the way she thought they should.

Because she had told Kami her story, it was a lot easier to tell Shiress. Taz refused to live with this as a secret and refused to hold crimes close to her where it gave them power. The Kois… and Sran’tuka had no power over her. Not now… not anymore. Shiress didn’t need to say anything. She wouldn’t have known what to say if the words were reversed. “It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything. I just needed to tell you, if that makes sense. This isn’t a nightmare. This isn’t a story. This was something that happened to me… that was done to me. I’m incredibly angry about it… and my head isn’t working right. This… whatever this is she gave me to sip… its helping already…” Taz admitted, her panic had seemed to be receding as steadily as the level in her tea cup was dropping.

Taz shook her head. “No… no questions. Not now. I…. I can barely tell you my name today. I can’t answer questions.” She admitted, blinking back tears. She was done … with the crying, the feeling lost… the need for help. No, she wasn’t done with the need for help. But she was done trying to move forward herself. She knew she needed help… badly… and it was being offered. She wasn’t going to refuse it, and she wasn’t going to forget.

“Excuse me…. Shiress… she said she was bleeding. Can I… take a look?” A lovely Konti woman asked quietly. It was Murine Eveningfall, the woman from before. She reached out a hand and Taz nodded. The woman laid a hand on her stomach and frowned. “Twins you said? You’re torn up a bit… nothing badly… give me a few moments.” She said softly, and drooped her hand to Tazrae’s stomach.

Taz felt a warmth infuse her abdomen and her lips parted in an “O” as there was an abrupt cessation of pain. She had been on the run so hard, been so shaken, that she hadn’t realized half her discomfort was physical and the need to heal driving her to sleep. The Healer kept her head bowed, her hand shimmering on Tazrae’s abdomen until she finally looked up, met Tazrae’s gaze, and smiled. “No lasting damage. If you hadn’t managed to get here, there would have been. I want you to wait at least a half to a whole year to try for more children. No sex for four tendays. Let your body heal.” She added.

The bard nodded tiredly then offered the Healer a sad smile. “Thank you. I will remember.” She said with a crack in her voice. There would be no more children for her. There would be no sex. She was something now that no man would understand nor want. It was okay though. And if it wasn’t okay right now, it would be soon. Taz had made her peace with herself and her situation the moment she’d looked in her daughters golden eyes.

The bard flashed her teeth in an attempted smile at the Healer and the woman released her grip on Tazrae’s abdomen. Murine glanced at Shiress and then gazed down at the child. “Pretty little girl. She has unusual eyes.” Then she rose up from where she was kneeling, and showed herself out.

“I... Kami looked at me but she said bleeding was normal.” Taz said, watching the Konti retreat. “She’s a powerful healer, isn’t she? I… I already feel stronger.” Taz admitted softly. She wasn’t putting down her sister’s skill, but Taz had a feeling Murine Eveningfall had more marks and more experience than Kami had.

Shiress was saying all Khari needed for the next while was milk and sleep. “No… she will need more than that. She already does. Protection. Love. A safe place to sleep….” Taz looked overwhelmed again, but there wasn’t that tinge of crazy left in her eyes. She looked far more under control.

“You are good mother.” Tazrae said. “I’ve seen it. And I know what bad mothers are like. You are none of that. You should have more.” She added, as if her permission made any difference to Shiress. “There are good men in Syka.” She muttered, then ran a hand up and through her curled hair. She leaned back against the chair and shuddered.

Then she blinked hard. Her morality? No… no that’s not what Tazrae had said. She’d said mortality. She’d meant what she said. Taz felt outside the scope of death and life, outside of time’s grasp. She could see the distance stretching in front of her and knew she was no longer aging. She didn’t know what else that meant, but something had happened while she was gone… something she couldn’t explain. Tazrae’s moral compass was just fine. She would never let anyone play fast and loose with that or steal it. To her, the world was full of blacks and whites and beautiful shades of grey. She knew which side she stood on. And that compass would never be off course, not once, and she’d make every choice count.

She’d just live a long long time doing that. Taz didn’t know if she could convey that to Shiress or even if she should.

When Shiress gestured, Taz stood and found herself wrapped in a baby sling with Khari back resting against her chest. It was a reassuring feeling. She laid both hands on the baby's back and sniffled one last time. “Okay… shopping. Do you know what she needs?” Taz asked quietly, half afraid to go back out there.

Words: 1080

by **Shiress** on November 15th, 2022, 7:43 pm

"It's very potent ashwagandha and chamomile tea. I can bring you some to make your own tea at home. Maybe have a cup in the morning and then at night. And, yes, feeling better by just talking makes total sense," Shiress replied, knowing exactly how just sharing your story with someone, telling someone else your burdens, could be a balm for your soul. Sadly, Shiress didn't have anyone left to share her story with whom she felt wouldn't judge her for it after hearing it. Shade had come to his own conclusions after Shiress shared her past with him, and those conclusions were still there, like a veil across the man's eyes when he looked at her.

When Murine approached the pair, Shiress pulled back, offering more room for the healer to get her hands on Tazrae. Murine was nice enough, but not for the first time Shiress felt her toes aching a little as the woman tended to step all over them. The doctor thought the blonde healer was a bit...arrogant sometimes, but being a Priestess of Rak'keli, Murine had good reason to be.

"She is definitely powerful. A Priestess of Rek'Keli, the Goddess of Healing, actually," Shiress said, frowning at Murine's back as the healer walked away, "Kami was right. It's very normal to bleed after having a baby. After I had Ian, I bled for five weeks, which is normal, too. It's your body's way of cleansing itself after pregnancy," Shiress glanced sheepishly at the innkeeper, "Sorry, I didn't think of that. I guess mundane healers and gifted healers have the same goals, just different ways of reaching them, " she smiled, then frowned again, "and now that I'm both...I really do need to speak to someone about fully exploring my gnosis and its limitations. Do you think Kami would give me some pointers and maybe help me better understand the ways of gifted healing?"

When they were on their way, baby Khari tucked safely against her mother's chest and Tazrae moving a little easier, Shiress gave the innkeeper's question some thought. "I think I have a good inkling of what to get," she grinned, leaning in to bump shoulders with Tazrae playfully.

Shiress set a leisurely pace as they moved through the Outpost, allowing Tazrae to acclimate to having the baby in the sling. Shiress's remembered her first time with Ian in one. She was terrified he would slip out, but the sling was tied tightly, and little Khari wasn't going anywhere. Taz would get used to it quickly and appreciate her free hands.

Shiress spotted a stall with different colored bathrobes hanging over a table laden with an assortment of multicolored towels, washcloths, soaps, shampoos, bath oils, and everything else one might need to bathe and moved them in that direction, leaning in to explain to Taz, "One thing about newborns that I didn't know when I first had Ian is that their skin is super sensitive and will be for the next few months. Things like scented soaps, dyed towels, and washcloths can be too abrasive or cause a reaction to the baby's skin. So, always remember the closer to natural ingredients that you can get, the safer," she smiled, then turned her attention to the lady behind the stall, waiting, "Hello, undyed washcloth, towel, and white soap, please," Shiress paused, thinking, before adding, "and talcum powder, if you have it, thank you."

As the woman moved off to collect their things, Shiress turned to Tazrae, "The powder is a great way to keep the baby's bottom dry and stave off rashes. After every diaper change, just sprinkle a little on her butt and girly bits. Oh, and I'll show you the trick to pinning a diaper later."

The stallholder returned, laying out the items that she had asked for. Shiress nodded and fished out several silver coins from her coin purse, and pointed to a white towel cloth with a little hood for a baby's head, "I'd like that hooded towel, too, please, and a couple of those baby gowns. The pink one with the elephant and the white one, please, and that thick yellow baby blanket," turning to Tazrae, she said, "My treat," she added, then grinned, " and that little towel with the hood? It's the best thing ever created. You can wrap Khari up inside the towel and cover her head at the same time. You'll love it."

As their items were bagged and packaged, Shiress pointed out another stall to Tazrae. This seller had an array of tiny baby clothes folded along a tabletop, and a few items hung around the corners, "You want to pick out some clothes now or go and find something to eat? You'll probably need some new, comfortable clothes, too, just to do until you're back to your teeny tiny, I'm not too jealous size, right?" she laughed, then asked, "When do you think Khari will be ready to eat again?"

Word Count - 860

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by **Tazrae** on November 17th, 2022, 12:14 am

“I would like that.” Tazrae said to Shiress’ offer of the tea to take home. She was still sniffling slightly, but more and more she was getting herself back under control despite everything. There was a panic in her that had been growing since she’d left the Dominion. Within Sran’tuka’s realm, it had all felt surreal; the rapes and the swelling of her stomach. Even the idea that she was going to be a mother had seemed so far-fetched. But now that she was free of the place and had Khari in her arms literally there was a sense of panic.

It was real. It had happened. She’d lost a year of her life.

And motherhood? Could she do this? There was no supportive family unit. She had no lover or husband to form a family with. The only man she cared for had built huge walls between them and those walls had no pass-throughs or connections left that she could find. Khari’s father belonged to her sister and Taz was pretty sure that once her sister knew that, any chance for them to bond would be gone forever. She couldn’t shake the sense of this being her fault; her doing. And yet, the tiny child in her arms called to her in a way she couldn’t ignore. Taz didn’t know if it was instinct or fate, but she had to look at it one way and one way only.

She’d been so lonely. Now, because of this child, she’d not be alone for at least the next decade or two so long as she could keep this child alive, healthy, and happy. And she could only do that if she had people like Shiress willing to help her. Otherwise, Khari might not make it through the next day or two. She thought of her son then, but she couldn’t do anything about his absence. Not really, not until she was better.

Turning her attention back to Shiress, she noted how Shiress was overshadowed by the Konti and she nodded to Shiress’ words. “I think my sister, as a healer, loves talking about healing and would talk to you all day and all night about it. I think healers probably have much to teach each other.” Taz said softly, blinking, slowly coming out of whatever it was she was affected by. She rose when Shiress did and followed along beside her, Khari riding snugly against her.

The bard nodded numbly. Undyed. Unscented. Soft, natural, gentle… the words rolled around in her mind. Talcum powder? Taz nodded again. She felt stunned, like an animal caught in torchlight in the darkness unused to seeing a flame where none should be. The bard had never had anyone shopping with her, for her, like this, selecting item after item. She watched a baby towel with a good go into a parcel as well. But she trusted Shiress and was so thankful… thankful she was doing this.

“Shiress… I can’t thank you enough. I’m trying to remember all this. It’s a lot.” She said, gesturing around. “You don’t have to buy all this stuff. I have coin. I just have no idea what I need.” She added, drifting with Shiress from seller to seller, picking out things with the woman.

At the clothing booth, Tazrae saw what Shiress had gotten Khari and picked out similar things but in darker tones, and looked apologetically at Shiress. “For Kaysen, when I get him back.” She said softly, adding a green blanket to the yellow one and two outfits in the same style as the ones Shiress had picked out for Khari. Then she paused at a seller who looked like she had a ton of the cloths they used to wrap around Khari’s bottom to catch her feces and urine. “I need quite a few of these, don’t I? And extra pins…” She noticed a tall bucket and a brush set that looked like it was used for cleaning the diapers.

“Does she need a bed or can she share mine? And should I get her a hammock for the palapa at Garden Beach?” Taz asked curiously, coming more into herself. Then she smiled at Shiress. “I’m hungry… I’m always hungry these days. She’ll be ready to eat soon too… like every three bells she eats. It’s been a few, so she’ll be awake soon.” Taz said, dipping her chin down and reaching a hand up to cuddle her child for a moment. “You woke her up early at The Redynn.” Taz explained, knowing it was going to come soon. She’d slipped a few things into her backpack – the items she’d bought for Kaysen – and the diapers the vendor had sold her along with the package of pins. “Do you know of a place we can eat and I can feed her?” She asked softly, not sure … until she remembered there was an apartment here.

“I have a place here… an apartment. The T&T. It was… a place I kept for Alric and me to meet. It’s half his….” She explained, not sure if Shiress knew about that. “We could put stuff there… eat… buy food from the vendors… feed Khari.” Taz suggested, unsure if Shiress had other plans.

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