Closed [Swing Beach] Some Things Remain The Same (Alric)

[Tazrae]

Timestamp: 48th of Fall, 522 A.V.

Tazrae walked slowly between the rays of speckled sunlight that filtered through the trees and onto the cobbled pathway. It was a lovely afternoon, and she was still enjoying what it had to offer. She was also drinking in her freedom. Syka’s air was sweet, sweeter by far than the false desert heat. The smell of life was everywhere, green growing, intermingled with the dampness of earth and the crisp scent of the sea. She walked with a settled determination that put most of her restless nature at ease. Action was better than inaction. That didn’t set true for all parts of her life. Tazrae had yet to open the Inn back up. The closed sign was still prominent on the door. It had been so long since she’d been an Innkeeper, it felt like a lifetime ago.

There were other changes.

Her hair was longer and sun-bleached in a way only the desert could make happen. Her skin was tanned a deeper darker shade than Syka had ever achieved with Tazrae’s roaming the shadowy jungle. Her heart knew tragedy and joy, in equal parts that had settled on some centerline for the sake of her sanity. She was a mother now. And she had lost her sense of time – of its passage and its meaning. The burdens she carried were heavier and the happiness was… happier. Some of her burdens were willing burdens and some were unwelcome.

She had Khari tucked up against her sleeping. The infant was technically three days old now, and it was hard to believe she even had a child. She’d lost her absolute sanity yesterday at The Outpost and broke down. Shiress had found her and given her tea to calm her and had assisted her in some simple things that had completely overwhelmed the bard. For one, she now knew how to carry her daughter hands-free tucked up against her chest where the infant felt secure. That was a positive change. And Taz had the use of both her hands. It was surprising how much the babe didn’t slow her down. It was also surprising how much the child meant to her. Both children did. And as the Ixam trailed behind her, mostly half-grown juveniles, Taz knew the babies weren’t the only thing that was important in her life.

It had been more than a year since she’d seen him. But she’d already wasted so much time. Taz didn’t want any more of her life stolen and then handed back in a way she couldn’t even begin to understand. What she did know was that she needed to see him, to make sure he was alright. And she needed to tell him what happened. To that end, she went looking. She asked the birds, for though everyone forgot to use them, they saw and heard almost everything in Syka. For tidbits of food, they happily spilled their wicked little souls about men hauling traps and nets on Swing Beach. And the one she sought, the one with the unseen companions and the heaviness of heart was there with them.

Taz thought perhaps they meant Alric so she took their advice and headed that way. She was barefoot, and no longer had kohl lining her eyes or rouge on her cheeks and lips. Cosmetics were a mask and she wanted none. There was nothing to conceal here in Syka. There was no Kois in residence to uphold the standards and frown when she looked like the Wildling she actually was. Taz was very certain no one cared, none at all, in the sort of way people cared about status. They cared in the way of friendships and other deeper weavings. She wore no jewelry. None of the magic items she’d come to depend on had been in her inventory for a year so it simply hadn’t crossed her mind to slip on the armband or wear the necklace that Mathias had gifted her on her last birthday…. no the one before last. The last birthday she’d spent in a Dominion as a captive.

She passed Mathias’ place and Khari woke, curious and muttering baby sounds, but otherwise not hungry. Taz had clearly picked up from Shiress that three-hour feeding intervals were necessary, and it had been less than a full bell since she’d nursed the child. There was no one to leave the child with, no one to let her have this talk with Alric alone, so she’d simply bundled up Khari and taken her. She’d be doing that for the next dozen or more years, she suspected. Though truth be known, that time would pass altogether too quickly.

She crossed The Commons and walked down to the beach, weaving in and out of the palms where the light jungle transitioned to the sand. And when she grew close to where the men were hauling the traps out, Taz took a seat on one of the swings and gently gave it a push. She wouldn’t interrupt Alric at his work. She wasn’t sure if he was just volunteering to help out or if he’d taken some sort of job for the Founders. She didn’t want to ask, figuring she’d hear one way or another later. Knowing him, most of it was just to keep himself busy and occupy his mind. What sort of things did people do when they weren’t being hunted by those all around them? Sunberth had to be rough, from the stories she’d heard.

She wondered if Alric had found his normal in Syka yet. It was a hope of hers that he’d find a niche, a purpose, and thrive. His adoptive daughter, while not without her troubles, seemed to be thriving. Taz fed Lys as much as she could and was surprised to often find the girl more than willing to help out and clean up, sometimes joined by her friend Lexi.

Taz watched the men work, swinging gently on the swing and humming under her breath. The motion put Khari back to sleep almost immediately and she dropped her chin to kiss the baby on the top of her head. This was just one of quite a few conversations she’d have to have with people, many of which would be with Kami. Her sister had been so good to her when she’d returned. But she needed to sit and talk to her, hear the whole story of how she’d grown up, why she’d gotten married, and why they were now living apart. But she wanted to talk to Alric first.

And truthfully, she didn’t know how to do that. Taz didn’t want to add to his worries and weight, but she owed him some explanation, and sooner was better than later. It wasn’t like she could hide the fact that she had an infant now. And it wasn’t in her nature to lie and say she adopted Khari. She wanted the truth between them always, even if it was a hard truth. Besides, she had something for him… and it was a gift she wasn’t sure he would be too receptive of.

As she waited, swinging, she noticed a tiny shell in the sand at her feet. She slipped off the swing for a moment, knelt and scoped it up. Child-like, she held it to her ear and grinned. Laviku's shells still captured the ocean in their swirling depths. Some things, it seemed, remained the same.

Words: 1237

[Alric Lysane]

Alric had taken to helping to pull in lobster traps and nets of an afternoon, not because he had an obligation to but because he wanted to. It was a therapeutic act, as well as a helpful one, and gave him a sense of contribution to the settlement. It was especially important given the fact that he was not entirely sure what actual role of employment he might be best suited for. Mathias had shown him a bit more about fishing, but he wasn’t sure he was good enough at it to truly call it employment. Still, he was putting what little he did know to good use with the laying of traps, nets and various attempts at pole fishing. He had had some successes, and at least he wasn’t as abysmal at it as he had been when in Cervisi’s loop of time.

“Strange, unseen beast man” the shrill sound of a bird came to him, sharp and a moment before talons dug into his shoulder, not overly so but enough to make the silent demand for food present, “nice food lady. Asking for you”

“Nice food lady? You mean Taz? Curly hair?”

“Nice food lady!”

“Alright alright…not so loud in my ear. Go on, take this” he said, pulling out a piece of bait and throwing it into the air, the bird launching itself towards it, catching it mid-air and flying away with a shriek of joy.

He turned and saw her, in the distance, sitting upon a swing and gently moving back and forth. He wanted to go and see her straight away but he had given his word and there were still things to be done. She would understand that well enough. So he continued in his work, pulling on the ropes that hung over the dock, heaving them upwards hand over hand, sweat beading his brow until the first trap was up and he was opening it – a medium haul of a half-dozen that went into a basket. Then he left the cage on the wooden planking and moved to the next, hauling that one in and finding four that went into the bucket with the others. The third only had two and the fourth had ten – though half of them were so small they weren’t worth it and so were tossed back after a few nips to his fingers. As he sucked the tips of his right hand he looked at the trove in the basket before it was taken away to the communal kitchens – a mixture of crabs and lobster that would make good meals for many, or a Tenday feast.

Then came the nets, smaller ones considering that they were merely meant to catch stragglers that made their way close to the shore, but still they tended to provide a decent amount per day – enough for a portion of the settlement, and the Founders liked to stockpile and preserve where they could, that much Mathias had made sure Alric understood. It didn’t matter how much was caught and how much was eaten immediately, so long as a portion went for drying, salting and other preservation methods. For rainy days, as it were. It was harder work than the traps, removing his boots and wading out into the sea until he was half-submerged, the others either with him or tending to other nearby nets. Still they worked, pulled and then ultimately dragged them ashore, feet finding purchase where they could underwater but despite the weightlessness it was hard work, the fish not wishing to leave the water and pulling upon the nets. In the end, soaked and sweating, they managed to fill another set of baskets that were taken away to be gutted and processed.

“Good work today Alric, perhaps we’ll make a fisherman of you yet” came the voice of James, he had come to help towards the end and Alric suspected it was his way of checking in on things, and on people.

There wasn’t time for a reply as they were all hauling the baskets away and he merely looked towards where Taz was and them looked at Alric before turning and moving away. Alric was sure his look was stranger than usual, something within it, uncertainty perhaps, but he was too tired to worry about it overly much. He slipped on his boots again, wet feet squelching as he sighed and collected his gear. His clothing was soaked through yet still colourful in its purples, greens and blues. Buckling on his weapons harness, along with its collection of weapons and pouches, he stroked the hilt of Zhyad lovingly. It had only recently decided to awaken and its song was muted but comforting. Still he didn’t listen this time, he had other things to pay attention to and he knew the dangers magic posed.

Making his way up towards her he noticed she had her ear to a shell of some kind. Hid rubbed his chin to hide his smile, it seemed her curiosity and wonder at things never faded. It was a good thing, yet he doubted she had asked after him to share stories about seas shells. Pulling out his pipe and thumbing some tobacco into it, after blowing to make sure it was clear, he placed it into his mouth and used a fire striker to light it, smoke curling after a few moments before he took the last dozen or so steps to where she was. Today had been a good day so far and there was little better than having a smoke after a day’s labours.

“You know, the talking birds took some time getting used to. I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to the shrill sound of some of them though, especially right in the ear,” he said, wincing slightly at the memory, “but they said you were looking for me? Or did they just say that so they could get two feedings? Sneaky creatures you know” he said by way of greeting, though when he got close enough and saw her he noted that something was different, strange. Her hair was longer for one, and lighter. Her skin was darker too and there were other things, more subtle that perhaps only those who knew her would pick up on. The babe was another thing, though he assumed she had been roped into looking after it for a time, she was always helping someone or other.

“You…alright?” he asked, sensing what the answer would likely be but not really knowing how to start a conversation he didn’t know the reason for, “you look like you’ve caught the sun a lot since we last met. Been patrolling out in the wilds somewhere?” he continued, leaning against a tree and looking her over, searching for and spotting smaller things – like the way her gaze was tinged with some kind of sadness, or the fact she wasn’t wearing her usual jewellery. He simply waited, to hear what she wanted to talk to him about but wondering what it was he was missing, as he felt he was missing something.

"Are we babysitting today?" he ventured slowly.

Words - 1183
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[Tazrae]

There was so much peace here watching the men haul in the catch like there wasn’t a single thing wrong in the world. She closed her eyes briefly and let it infuse her, needing it after the events of the last several days. The shell was gently tossed back onto the sand for some other grateful person to collect while she watched Alric walk up. Her blonde eyebrow lifted in surprise, even as her hand gently rested on Khari’s tiny back. “They actually told you that? I asked if they knew where you were and was surprised because they did.” She added, as a way of explaining. “I didn’t think they’d have the capacity to tell you I was looking for you.” She said thoughtfully, her mind mulling over the implications of that until something struck her. “Oh... you gave them a treat for doing so? That explains it. There is nothing they wouldn’t do for food.” She smiled slightly, then glanced at his pipe.

Taz was grateful he lit it and was even more grateful that he settled against the tree to listen. Her eyes roamed over him, blatantly, as if looking for injury or changes, noting that he looked exactly as he had the last time she’d seen him… though his skin was far darker than it had been when he’d been running the streets of Sunberth. Syka agreed with him, whether he knew it or not. He looked fit, and healthy, and there was a calmness in his eyes that she’d noticed when they’d taken their night patrol together. That seemed like forever ago to her.

“I have. The desert, I find, doesn’t agree with me as much as the tropics do though. And no, I’m not alright. But I’m better now, having seen you and … well knowing you are doing well.” She added, taking a deep breath and not knowing where to start. She twisted her swing so she faced him, though the ropes crossed over her head and all but hindered her ability to actually swing in it. She didn’t mind though. The wooden plank was comfortable and she still rocked gently back and forth as she spoke.

“I came to tell you a story. And I need you to listen to all of it. I need you to not react until I’m done. Can you do that?” She asked, and waited for his nod. When she had it, she continued.

Had she seen him yesterday, there would have been tears and anger and everything would have come out a jumbled mess. But Shiress had sat with the baby for a while and let her sleep, and she’d been steadily drinking some sort of tea the Healer at The Redynn had prescribed that had done wonders to level out her mood. She wasn’t scared, nor was she bleeding any longer and overall she could feel her strength returning.

“A year ago, on the 45th of Spring in 522, a chest was delivered to The Protea. It came off a Svefra ship by some friendly sailors. It was addressed to my aunt from my grandfather and it was a huge thing…” She said, her voice dropping a few octaves into what bards called their ‘storyteller range’. “I let it sit all day on the deck, unsure of what would be in it and what it would tell me of my past. It had been forwarded to me from Riverfall, though at the time I didn’t give it much thought. I figured it was lost cargo that was just catching up or something.” She added, then shook her head.

“I waited until the lunch crowd left, and instead of hauling it to Garden Beach, I decided to open it up on the deck. I took a shower because I was sweaty from the morning, and had only a pair of shorts and a bikini top on. No backpack, no jewelry, nothing but a small trinket in my pocket I’d been pondering over during the morning service. The chest was huge like I said, and I would have had to have gotten an Ixam or Ashta cart to move it alone. I broke the seal on it, lifted the lid, and … the best way I can describe what happened was that it sucked me inside it. I was gone from here and somewhere else. It was a sort of palace in the desert. I later learned it was a copy of the Kois Stronghold at Gold Lake. But we weren’t at Gold Lake. We were in a Dominion and something was wrong with time. Sran’tuka captured me… through my own foolishness. I met only two other people there besides the monster wearing my grandfather’s skin. Both were tribal members, a man and a woman who were siblings… fraternal twins I think… Lira and Nyle Kois.” She paused there, swallowing, and started to speak again, only these words came harder.

“It feels… unreal to tell you this. Part of it is because I’ve only been back three days… one of those days was the day I left on. The other reason is that I lost my sanity a little yesterday and went to The Outpost for a few supplies I thought I needed and Shiress found me there and put me on… some tea that has a calming effect. It’s a sedative and it’s getting me through this without the hysterics of yesterday.” She said quietly. Then she met his gaze and did a sweep of the area to make sure no one was close.

“He did to me what he did to your mother only it wasn’t him doing the act. He used a different man, one not directly related to me. He meaning Sran’tuka.” She said softly, clarifying. “Time passed there weirdly. Each day was the same. Each sunrise never changed. The sun rose over the distant mountains in the desert at the same exact place. At the same exact time, a bird flew across my line of sight each day… like the world was a broken copy of itself.” She took a deep breath, thinking she was glad she should feel more but did not. “He did something else to me the first moments I was there. It's hard to describe, but he put a necklace on me that took away my ability to feel anything at all. I moved through those days as if in a dream like I was reading a story or someone else was leading my life. He came to me sometimes, and we spoke, but nothing that was said was really important to me. I… lost weight. I would not eat. I stopped bleeding as a woman should. At first, they thought I was pregnant, but it wasn’t that. It turns out one doesn’t eat unless one feels hunger and pleasure and fear and has cravings. I had none of that.” She added, studying his face as she spoke.

"That whole time, the only thing that changed was me. " She admitted.

“I had nothing to do, no expectations, other than being a broodmare to Sran’tuka’s chosen stud and I didn’t thrive in that environment. Nyle started training me in various things and letting me run and I started getting better. I ate more because I felt hungry, drank often because I was thirsty, and he even let me handle weapons and learn new war tactics. I gained weight, grew back some muscle tone, and started bleeding again.” She told him, slowly thinking she was going to get through this story after all.

Khari stirred against her and Taz dropped her head to kiss the baby’s head and mutter a soft soothing word to her.

Then she lifted her eyes and met Alric’s gaze again. “He never stopped trying to get me with child using that other man until it finally happened. I never fought him. I never resisted. I felt nothing. I still didn’t feel anything when I got pregnant and the rapes stopped. And something else started happening. The man that he had matched me with started helping me. He did something to the collar I was wearing to deaden my emotions and slowly gave them back to me over time. The necklace had ten disks that pressed into my skin like a choker. He... manufactured disks that fit exactly the diameter of the medallions that comprised the necklace and slowly one by one over time he covered their backs. He was afraid to give me back all my feelings at once because he thought it would break my mind. I had to act like I was emotionless. By the time I was ready to give birth, he had all the disks covered and the necklace wasn’t working at all on me.” Tazrae said thoughtfully.

“I discovered the trinket that had been in my pocket was a Homefinder. It was something I found at Reclaimed Knowledge tucked into an old book. It’s a very incredibly powerful magical item that when charged, can take you home from anywhere. By the time I went into labor three days ago, I had managed to secretly charge it. I gave birth to twins, a girl, and a boy. While I was giving birth, there was an attack on the Dominion. I think the Kois Tribe was fighting back against Sran’tuka. It was utter chaos, and my grandfather had to leave to deal with it. In the confusion, Nyle helped me escape. I… could only take one child. I had something else in my hands that prevented me from taking both. Nyle took the other… and promised he’d keep the baby safe. I don't know whether he was able to keep that promise or Sran'tuka now has his new vessel. I activated the Homefinder yet before I could get home… something happened and I was listening to some sort of story about a man… Cervisi and a curse. I was somehow part of that curse, living an entire year in the scope of one day.” Tazrae said.

“After being in that strange ruined village, and hearing that story, I was home… on the deck of The Protea again. I had a wailing infant in my arms…. and I was bleeding heavily and exhausted. When I unwrapped her blanket, I realized I had my daughter Khari with me and somehow Nyle had Kaysen, my son. I do not know if Sran’tuka is alive or dead. All I know is that the thing I had to bring was this….” She said, turning one-handed and digging into the backpack that was now resting at her feet. She opened the lid and reached in. She pulled out an elegant hourglass made of carved metal. “It’s from my grandfather’s mantel. Nyle said it was very important and needed to be out of his reach.” She said, holding it out to Alric.

“I think you are supposed to have it,” Tazrae said at last. “It’s been a year and three days, maybe a little longer, since I’ve been here.. and since I’ve seen you. I just wanted to make sure you were alright and tell you what happened… and give you this hourglass.” She said softly, shifting her neck as if she were still wearing the collar, though she was not.

Words: 1870

[Alric Lysane]

“They’ve become both annoying and quite useful. If I thought I could make a contract with some…do they have matriarchs…patriarchs? Well either way, I would strike a deal of food for patrols and information carrying properly. Could be an early warning system even…but I suspect that might be asking too much” he said with a small shrug between puffs of his pipe.

There were many ideas he had, that wasn’t the problem. The issue was implementing them, and he wasn’t overly good at that. He had never really done much that gave him experience in such things. He had made changes at Ruby’s here and there, set up better vantage points and hall patrols and so on, but settlement arrangement was out of his comfort zone. HE kept meaning to talk to Mathias about it, but the man seemed busy of late, still available here and there but not enough to have such long conversations with. He was hoping for some time before the end of the season, but he suspected it would be winter before he could discuss any potential arrangements.

It was at that point that the conversation, for all that it had just started, turned a corner and decided to make a sprint or the otherworldly, implausible and the sickening. It was never good when someone asked you to listen and not do anything – a promise extracted before knowing what something was had always seemed unfair to Alric, but he understood its purpose well enough. As the story unfolded though, he found it extremely difficult to keep his words as it had been given. There were a mixture of emotions, one after the other and all at once, but the ones that threaded through all of them were hatred…and despair. He wasn’t sure when it happened but at some point his back had slid down the tree he had been leaning on, leaving him sitting upon the sands, staring into the middle distance as her words burned into his mind and the smoke half-blinded him.

“Cervisi…the son of a…bastard,” he said eventually, when his voice had returned, latching onto the point that was the least mentally problematic in those moments – a strange thing in and of itself, “Cervisi and his bloody repeating time and damned statuette” he wasn’t sure why he wasn’t raging. Perhaps Stu’s help had mellowed him somewhat, or perhaps he had just lived so many contentious, or deadly, days this season already that he just didn’t have the energy for it – at least for now.

“That was the man in the village. I…had a similar experience with strange time, though mine was a day that repeated over and over. Hundreds…thousands of times. It took me that long just to process and deal with what Xhyvas gave me in terms of memories. Alternate lives, all of them captured, by Krysus…to teach me a lesson of perspective, basically. Though I think he probably saw it differently, as did Ionu. But…that doesn’t matter anymore I suppose, things are as they are” he trailed off, words failing him as he tried to wrap his mind around the enormity of what Taz was telling him.

He took the hourglass from her, the one the real Arcadius had told him of what seemed a lifetime ago now, and looked at it. He knew he would spend days studying it, musing upon what to do with it, but the times for it didn’t feel like that moment and so he simply placed it upon the sand in front of him carefully, took a good few drags upon his pipe to calm himself and then pinched his brow for a chime or three after, still processing the story. He knew there was much in it that was important – politics and family ties for her, magic and weaknesses that were not previously as well knows, if they were suspected by the divines in their games. All he could think of, though, was how Tazrae had been abused, like his mother, and that the child strapped to her was her own. It was a double blow – first because of what had been done to her monstrously, and second because the child she had was not one that had a bond with them both, that was of both of them.

“So…you’ve been in this…Dominion…for a year. And the child is yours. Your other child…we’ll assume they got away but can’t be sure. Sran’tuka is at war…but will probably win if he is still powerful enough to…abuse…you as he did. And you have…his hourglass. And you’re giving it…to me,” he was summing it all up, mostly to try to order it in his own mind so that he could deal with it, “that’s…a lot in a few chimes” he continued lamely, knowing it was a poor response but also not knowing what to actually say.

“I’m sorry that you had to go through that Taz. I wish I had had the power to remove him before it happened. Or that I had opened that box instead of you maybe…I don’t know. I only know that the fact it happened to you…that it never should have…that I’d do anything to have had it not…” and the words died…they were pointless really.

Wishes and hopes and dreams…it had happened, and had shattered the former things perhaps. He had his own stories to tell her, explanations that would make some of the things she said make sense, or at least more sense. Then there was the conversations about what this would mean for the future – and he didn’t mean for the pair of them, but for Syka as a whole. The artifact she had brought him…it would forge a reckoning, of that he was sure. But to go over all of that, to tell of. Of everything he had gone through, of things that should have been said long ago…it didn’t seem right. It would cheapen her own tale, and her experiences as brutal as they were, and so he said nothing for now, saving them for later. Instead, he took a deep breath, stared at the horizon for a time as he finished his pipe, and then sighed and let that fall to the sand too.

“I won’t ask how you are feeling, because that would seem stupid…but you know why I would be asking. I...don't know what to say....or how I can help?”


Words - 1065

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[Tazrae]

Tazrae nodded carefully at his comments about the birds. “I think they might prove an asset if we start looking at them as more than pests.” She affirmed. “It might be something the Rangers can start working on… training and getting the birds set up in some sort of routine where they have a message to carry, maybe scout, or even keep watch in places us people have a harder time going,” Taz said, looking blankly thoughtful for a moment. “The Svefra have something similar. Maybe one of them could teach us how to use the birds or teach us how to teach the birds…” She added.

Then she got him to promise to remain quiet and told her story. She looked surprised when he uttered a series of profanities about Cervisi, as if he had first-hand experience with him. She was right as he went on to explain a little about his own situation and what he went through. She got the impression his brief sentences were just the smallest portion of what he’d experienced, but she didn’t ask him any questions about it. Now… now was just not the time for either of them to do more than say what they had to say.

“I think … he was cursed. I don’t think it was his fault. I don’t know… you get so unstable when things become completely out of your control.” Taz said softly, having apathy for the man, even if something of what he went through caused her to go through what she went through. “None of it makes sense… it’s like a broken vase shattered in a million pieces across a stone floor. You can see the pieces and know that something used to be whole, but there’s no way to put them back together or inherently understand what those pieces used to be.” She said softly.

“I would like to hear the whole story, sometime soon Alric,” Taz said to him quietly. “Should you wish to tell it to me.” She added, giving him an out if the events weren’t something he wanted to share. “Now… now is not a good time… not for questions… not for explanations. I’m… exhausted. I’m heartsick. And one of my children is out there somewhere without me and I am having all kinds of thoughts that are not good thoughts about that.” She said softly, shaking her head and protectively cupping the little baby girl against her chest even though the wrap firmly held Khari in place without assistance. It was almost as if Taz needed to reassure herself the baby she did have was safe.

Tazrae watched him take the hourglass, relieved he accepted it. She said nothing when he just sat it down in the sand. She had just put a lot on him. She was always putting things on him… and she hated that. But this… was important. She just was too tired to understand how. Tazrae watched him smoke his pipe, pinch his brow, and process what he was hearing.

When he briefly gave the story back to her, in the facts as he’d absorbed them, she nodded curtly to each of his sentences. She shook her head in denial when he expressed his sorrow at what she’d gone through. She didn’t need him to be sorry or want to take it away or back. There was nothing he could have done nor anything she could have done to stop her grandfather. And even after telling him everything… after unburdening her soul and taking this high road of being honest with him... there was still a weight on her shoulders. Part of her wondered if she should have done as she had been advised and told no one the child was hers. She just… wasn’t a liar. After all she’d done to Alric, Tazrae couldn’t add this as a great deception to her list.

“I’m not feeling a great deal… I felt everything hard and fast and … it came in waves yesterday. I’ve never been one to break down, but Shiress thinks I had a panic attack which she said was normal… I’ve been drinking this tea and it’s been making me feel leveled out. But there’s only so much of it, and when it’s gone, that’s all The Redynn will give me because it’s addictive and brings people peace that should not have peace until they work through their problems by facing them.” She said softly, still twisted in the swing, letting it slowly roll in a circle tethered to the ground by one of her toes dug into the soft soil. It was a child-like pose for all that Taz was a woman grown.

“You don’t have to say anything, Alric. I didn’t tell you this to put more on you. I’ve put so much on you since we met. I’ve loaded expectations on you. I’ve practically shoved magic down your throat. I had this notion that you could and should be stronger, fiercer, and ready for anything if this monster came to you to take you. That was wrong of me. That was harsh of me. I was a fool. Sran’tuka wanted what was yours to claim as his to prolong his life. But it was yours to decide about. I thought I should help you with those decisions… push you in a direction I thought was best for you. I know differently now. You are your own person and you should be making these choices for yourself.” She said apologetically.

“This creature is old, cunning, and like nothing we have ever seen before. I know my Tribe… is all but slaughtered by him. He’s murdered himself into a corner and there’s nothing left for him to take from them. There is only you. And there is now only Kaysen. And somehow, someway he can’t touch either of you without that hourglass. I don’t know why… I should have asked more questions, but I just didn’t… feel anything.” She whispered, then twisted her neck again, like she was fighting against some unseen bond tightening her throat.

“I was … screaming in pain and fear trying to push my son into the world when something happened and he left the room. Someone told him there was a rift and someone else thought the rift was an attack. I have no idea what was actually happening and I wasn’t in a position to see. I wish I knew more, but I don’t… and I wish I knew where my son was, but I also don’t. I can only control so much… the here and now. This is one thing I can control. I wanted to see you and tell you… to tell you all of this and to apologize for what I did to you. In so many ways I was just as bad as he is." Taz admitted.

"I asked so much of you. I pushed so hard. I stole the life you should have been living in Sunberth right out from under you. I wasn’t trying to do that. It wasn’t anywhere near my intention, but it’s what happened and I see that now so clearly.” Taz said softly, both her hands clutching the swing ropes now. She leaned back slightly, twisted gently again, restless even sitting there attempting to be still. Her eyes met his and he could see they didn’t have their usual sparkle. They were dull, like a banked fire, quite like an expression he’d seen on many people under the influence of various drugs in Sunberth.

“Everyone here will know what happened. Word will just get out. I have a baby now. People here will talk about it, and not because they are mean. That’s just who they are. It’s just the nature of this community. You needed to hear all of this from me. Not from someone else.” She said darkly, shaking her head, and reaching up to scrub at her forehead a moment. Her hand dropped to her throat and she rubbed at it also for a moment until she seemed to realize what she was doing and jerked her hand away.

She almost laughed then, but it came out a soft wounded sound as she shook her head. “Even now… even now you are asking how you can help? You should be angry, Alric. And not at him… but at me. I’m the stupid one. I was not in any way remotely smart about what happened. I didn’t even look at the chest with auristics before I tried to open it. It was openly addressed to my aunt from him.” She said, shaking her head in disgust. If she had more capacity for it, she would have been crying again. But the incredible bitterness and anger were banked for the moment as if discarded on some back burner of mind stove.

Taz uncrossed her legs where they dangled from the swing, then reached out and kicked the shell with her toe. She watched it sail away in a half arc to thud in the sand some distance away. It had done nothing to her but brought her joy – the sound of the ocean – and yet all she had for it at that moment was a kick. Taz shook her head. “I want to stop hurting you. I want to stop pressuring you to be something you don’t want to be. Gods, Alric. I love you so much and what I did put all that attention on you. It was so wrong. I’m sincerely sorry.” She said thoughtfully, going back to before.

“I just… I needed to spend time with you. I always wanted to know what you thought about this or that. Do you know when I was making breakfast at the Inn for guests, half the time I was daydreaming and wondering what you were doing and if you were safe in Sunberth? I was really afraid when we learned more and more about everything, and then the Gods got involved. I didn’t trust you enough to take care of yourself on your own. How horrible is that? I’m so sorry.” She said again, shaking her head, letting it hang low… half concealing the child resting against her chest in the wrap with the curls that were loose around her face.

“I even came to you, as a stranger you didn’t even recognize, and inducted you into Reimancy … asking you to trust me.” She said, shaking her head. “And you did. You let me.” She said, her voice trembling. “It just made you more of a target for him. He could see through all his ways how well you handled it. You were born to wield magic. It was truly in your blood. I made things worse.” Tazrae whispered.

“If he has Kaysen, then you finally have your chance for freedom… to pick any life you want and live it. If he’s dead… truly dead… then the same thing applies. I want that for you… a life you pick for yourself, not a life I manipulated you to have. I’m no better than he is, Alric. At least now you can see it… you know it.” She said in almost a whisper.

Her hand moved to rest on Khari’s back which she stroked gently. “I love you, Alric. I have since the day you smiled at me in The Outpost at that shop and helped me pick out games. There is never going to be another man for me, ever, but I’ve made a horrible mess of both of our lives. My family has hunted yours and I am no better than any of them. I saw how you were when you got here. I can’t help but think part of that was my fault too. I’ve given you space because I wanted you to find your own way and make your own peace… and because I’ve already caused so much of the opposite of that in your life. But I’ve done nothing to earn you. I’ve done nothing to deserve you. And I certainly haven’t given you the help you so generously offer to me. I can’t apologize enough for all of it.” She said softly, then untwisted the seat on the swing and stood up.

She shifted from leg to leg, rocking the baby in her arms. “She should have been yours. Kaysen should have been yours. And I hate it that they aren’t… and that’s my fault too. It doesn’t change how much I love them though. And I can’t blame them… either of them… for how they came to be. That’s on me as well. I will be guilty for that the whole of my life.” She said, glancing down at the hourglass resting by him for a long time.

“I wish I knew more about it. But I even screwed that up. All I could do was bring it. And maybe give you some closure? Maybe hand you back some of the strength and pride that we Kois have stolen from you.” Taz said sincerely. “You deserve so much more than that, but it's all I can think of.”

She opened her mouth to apologize one more time, then closed her lips firmly. The bard drew a deep breath and said instead. “I’m so greedy, Alric. After all of this, I still want a life with you, with Lys, and these two babies. I still want children with you. I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy, protecting Syka, and eliminating the darkness in the world that keeps trying to snuff out the light. You ask me how you can help. Can I instead ask you how I can make things right between us?” Taz stood there trembling, terrified, and yet still finding herself tossing all her cards on the table.

Words: 2299

[Alric Lysane]

“Problems not faced have a way of becoming greater than they were” he said softly, well aware of that fact himself, nodding slowly as he continued to look into the middle distance.

As she spoke, he simply listened, there wasn’t much else that he could do given that the words came tumbling out almost, as if they had been held back for some time. It was a strange series of admissions, some of which he thought weren’t fair. Some of them he could see what she was saying but perhaps saw it differently, some he found himself nodding slightly, turning his own thinking around and seeing that he could agree with it, assuming he accepted her perspective as true. He didn’t see that much of it was particularly fair. Even if everything she said was untrue, which was not possible for anyone really, it didn’t make it fair.

He had traced his thinking back his way so many times that, perhaps, he was largely immune to the anger and sorrow of it now. Nothing had been the same since that journey with the memory tea. Yet it didn’t matter what they had done, to each other or otherwise, what had happened with his parents would still have happened. Sran’tuka wouldn’t have magically evaporated just because they didn’t know he existed. Perhaps he may already have been taken by the monster, his body used as his soul was trapped in the very hourglass upon the sands between his feet. Even if her assessment of herself were entirely accurate, which he didn’t think it was, it wouldn’t matter – things were as they were. You could believe that you could manifest an escape from your fate…but it would be like one of his illusions – mist that fades in time.

“What would be the point of being angry, exactly? Oh sure I might tear some boulders apart later, but what would be the point? One thing I learned in Cervisi’s loop was that it’s pointless. Rage as you like, it doesn’t change anything, and just makes you blind to what you could have seen. I’m tired of being angry and bitter about the terrible things in my life…it’s not brought me any good. Oh the emotions run deep Taz…very deep…but letting them explode at you…no” he said softly.

She blamed herself for things that weren’t true, and that showed him more than the way her eyes seemed dead compared to usual that her mind was not in the right place. He wasn’t qualified to heal minds, but neither was he going to allow her to rip herself apart for things that were imagined. Perhaps it was linked to this mental…lowness…that she had spoken about, the tea and related matters. He would be the first to agree he was not well versed in the medical, particularly when it came to children and their birth. He trusted Shiress to know best, and the healers at the Redynn were the rest of the best he knew. When she had finally tallied up all of her grievances, admitted fault for everything she decided to, and asked her question he let it lay silent for a time, simply looking at the hourglass in front of him. After a while he poked it, tipping it over as he had seen in chess.

Checkmate Sran’tuka…or is it me? he told himself, not much of his usual humour in it.

“You can start by stopping apologising for everything under the sun. It’s foolish, and far from the truth. And it’s not following your own advice. You told me to not blame myself for the Nymkarta, to not paint them with the same brush, yet you paint yourself with a brush if misery as if it were the most accurate way of presenting yourself. Believe me when I say that it’s pointless…and wrong. It might not be the time for the story, but the outcome is relevant…don’t take responsibility for things that aren’t your fault” he said after a while, his tone careful and neutral, but firm.

“You assume I’ve never made my own choices…or that I am capable of doing so given the way things are. The gods have messed with my life to the point where I’m not sure there is a distinction. I allowed you to give me Reimancy because it seemed like a good idea, not because you asked me. True I’d probably only trust you to do it, even when cursed it seems, but you hardly tied me up and forced me to become a Geomancer. Nor did you force me to learn all the other magic. And what were you supposed to do? Leave me to be unknowing, unprotected and unable to even comprehend countermeasures? When you knew that there was a monster after me?” he asked the questions, leaving them in the air for her to consider, now or alter made little difference as he was fairly sure if she followed proper logic she’d see there were moral areas that were not as clear cut as she was making them out to be.

“No one stole my life in Sunberth, if anything my father stole my life when he made me forget everything and dumped me at the orphanage. Good plan or not it hardly left me with the life I should have had. Sran’tuka stole the rest. And blame the Priest of Rhysol if you want something to blame for me coming to Syka, though I’ve already told you that I came for you and Syka. I didn’t have to get on the Wind Eagle. I may not have solved the problem but that was the reasoning. And…ultimately…if you want something to blame for everything then blame the gods – Xhyvas, Ionu, Yshul, Rhaus...all the ‘good’ ones. They knew of me, of you, and of Sran’tuka and this artefact…and chose to push two mortal pawns upon a board to try to solve it for them….because they were scared.You think us powerful enough to resist the divine? Kalas is the only one who’s ever succeeded at the biggest middle finger in that regard…and no one knows how he did it anyway”

“So…could you have been less of an idiot in opening the wooden box? Sure. Do I blame you for the entirety of my life, which by your words seems to have been lived as a marionette upon everyone’s strings, no. You don’t get it both ways – knowing I can be an annoyingly stubborn bastard at times, yet also apparently never able to make my own decisions. It doesn’t work that way Taz. And would I change things? Maybe. But nothing that was the fault of you. Frustrating as you can be at times, pushy even perhaps, it doesn’t mean that I’m going to hate you for it. So…stop it” he sighed, finishing how talking for a time and preparing another pipe, this time taking a while to look at the child, wondering how he fit in with everything now.

He was very aware that he was already known as a less than amazing member of the settlement. Also for being one who raised another’s daughter…and at this moment potentially getting another of that kind of label. People talked, and they weren’t always nice about it whatever Taz felt about the subject. He was conscious of the fact he was close to being a settlement joke after a fashion, for various reasons. A man with powerful gifts but no real power, with skills that weren’t really ‘useful here’ and not worthy of his own children but fated to help raise those of others. And – finally – a woman who loved him but had been abused for that love, and before they could truly know each other. Yes…they would talk, and whilst Taz had earned her respect and understanding, he had not. He didn’t think he’d have an easy time for a while at all, lighting his pipe again and taking a deep, soothing pull upon the pipe.

“But the fight isn’t over, not with Sran’tuka. This hourglass…it’s a pre-Valterrian construction, initially used for medical reasons, to keep people’s souls stored until their bodes could be healed from the most terrible of things. It is what he uses to switch bodies. I doubt he will accept its loss so easily, or that he has a second one to use upon your son. And even if he does he doesn’t strike me as the type to take a slight, or a challenger, with an accepting grace. And if he does find out I am still around one day…well then it’s a backup isn’t it? No, I doubt it is over. But that doesn’t mean my life is beholden to him, or to others. My life is my own”

“Perhaps some of it is my fault. I tried to be…civilised. To fit in…but I don’t really fit in anywhere. I didn’t really fit in Sunberth either. I was perhaps meant for a world that doesn’t exist anymore, a family of remnant magical blood, in their own places and nowhere else…and those places are gone for me now. Unless I build them myself, I suppose. It would explain why I’ve thought so much about this place, and what it could be rather than what it is…I don’t know. But what I do know is that I can’t pretend to be something I’m not. I’m not supposed to be a civilised member of society…I was a thief and scoundrel for Yshul’s sake. So it’s not your fault that I haven’t found a place, I’ve probably been approaching it wrong. I'm not meant to be a fisherman, or all the other things here. There is honour in those things…but I can’t claim to be able to enjoy that” he shrugged into the curling smoke.

“You say you don’t feel like you’ve earned me…well I’m not sure that I’ve earned you, or that it works that way. But you want it to be that way then go and earn away. I don’t think it’s necessary…but if it makes you feel better, go ahead. Perhaps we both should...but all I want right now is to stand over Sran’tuka’s lifeless body for what he did to you. I am...livid...deep down. You have no idea. The things I would do..." he trailed off, frowning at himself briefly.

"Then I'd need to figure out what it is that I am supposed to be and do. I don’t hold anything against you…but by the criteria you set for yourself I won’t measure up until I’ve found my place and done something with it...or earned you in some way. Surely you see that you're apportioning things to yourself that you shouldn't?” he asked, wondering if hearing it applied to him would make her see how strange it was as a philosophy.


Words - 1759


.

[Tazrae]

When Tazrae was done speaking, she waited, rocking slightly from foot to foot to keep Khari settled as much as the baby could be. The bard was lucky because it seemed the child was going to be a quiet thoughtful one and not one that screamed her lungs off for no particular reason. She watched Alric, her eyes scanning his face, reading his expression, studying the stubble on his jaw, the gleam in his eyes, and the lines on his face. He spoke softly at times, as if to himself, and other times he made his words clear. She was a bard though, twice marked by Rhaus, and had no trouble making out what it was he said, no matter his volume.

Some days it was good to be one of Rhaus’ favored, and sometimes it was not. She didn’t like all that he said, but she did hear him out. Anger had its place and she could have spent a bell telling him of how useful and necessary anger actually was. Anger drove her to many things. It energized her, challenged her to survive, and when she got angry it purged the physical and emotional pain she felt which ultimately lead to her being calm. Taz could be calm because she was able to feel and process anger. That was a huge thing for her… huge.

Anger was also a problem solver. It made her reach deeper to be more creative, more determined, and change that which she couldn’t stop being angry about. Anger gave her an awareness to things like exploitation. Taz had been exploited, and she knew first hand how helpful anger was in dealing with that fact. It made her more able to communicate… like this moment, talking to Alric, letting him know what happened and why. Anger also drove her to set goals and achieve them. And she had a feeling that after this particular conversation, she’d have more goals than ever.

“Anger is very good, Alric. For me… it drives me to focus on what I hope I can achieve, rather than focusing on pain, insult, and on being a victim. By being angry, I am able to set a whole host of goals… positive goals… to keep from feeling this way ever again. I find it very empowering. It keeps me from being afraid or feeling helpless. If I’m angry, I’m doing something about it.” She said simply… not able to rightly express all she was feeling. And then she grew silent again, listening more.

Rage changed a whole lot for her. But she wasn’t going to argue with him. She knew how to pick battles, and there was no true point in picking one here.

She watched him think, poke at the hourglass, and think some more. This was not going how she thought it would go. When he finally spoke, she simply nodded. No more apologies. Okay. That was something she could do. “Okay. No more apologies.” She said it out loud to make it something living and breathing, and to show him she understood what he wanted. Quieting her mind, she focused solely on him. He said more, and she listened.

Alric felt the Gods had messed with his life. Tazrae wasn’t sure that was exactly it. She suspected the Gods stepped in to assist him to counter Sran’tuka. But Alric didn’t seem to be in the mindset to hear a counter to his thinking. She wasn’t going to argue anyhow. Taz was determined to listen. She heard him… when he laid claim to his own decisions and accepted he’d done things and learned things because those were his own decisions. She was glad to know how he felt about that. She’d told him how she felt about it too. And she felt his dismissal of her feelings on it. It wasn’t a surprise. People looked at things through the prism of their own viewpoint. She could see his side but did the fact his side countered everything she said make her viewpoint null?

She guessed it did.

And she got a broader picture of his thinking the more he spoke. Taz came to understand he blamed The Gods for a lot that had happened to him. That made her incredibly sad, for she knew he wore a plethora of marks that armed him against Sran’tuka, whether he acknowledged that fact or not. He might have come to Syka for her… for Syka… but he’d been closed off, distant, and hard on himself to the point that it had pained Tazrae to witness. He said more… much more… and she blinked because he claimed he wasn’t angry but he sure sounded angry. Oh, he didn’t raise his voice, yell or do anything remotely to indicate he was enraged. But there was an unsettled calm about him like there was something deep and stewing inside.

Taz frowned. She hadn’t claimed responsibility for the entirety of his life. Though she said nothing, inside she was denying that she had remotely indicated he was some sort of stringed puppet. If he thought that, he thought that, and Tazrae doubted there would be any changing his mind. He felt like he was just getting wound up to throw some verbal punches, and soon enough they came. He never made his own decisions? Had she said that? No… she hadn’t. She didn’t think that nor did she claim he was some sort of puppet.

Stop that? Stop blaming herself? Okay, she could try. It wouldn’t be easy, and it would take time. He was stubborn, and with that, she could agree. But she only nodded when he listed his own critiques of himself. She was frustrating and pushy? Yes… that was true enough and earned another nod from her. She didn’t think he’d hate her. Gods, did he? She hadn’t said as much, but maybe that’s what he was thinking. The only time she’d used the word hate was to say how much she hated that her children weren’t his. That had been saying too much as well. She could see that now. Shifting nervously from one leg to another, rocking slightly, she kept watching and listening to him, nodding where it was necessary and appropriate.

He said nothing else for a while… lost in thought or perhaps condemning himself or her for other things. Ahhh… He was thinking of Sran’tuka. That was it, then. She nodded as he told her more about the hourglass. Nyle was right to want to get it to Alric then. Taz hadn’t even know that much about it, what it was for, and what it could do. She’d only been told it was important to her Grandfather and if the monster inside him didn’t have it, everyone was a bit safer from him than they were if it were in his possession. What Alric said clarified that fact for her.

Alric was smoking again. She watched him work through some more things, half spoke aloud, half in his head. He reaffirmed his life was his own, and to that Taz nodded. That was true enough. And she was glad the Hourglass afforded him some sort of backup, though she wasn’t sure how that worked. She was so tired and honestly wanted to feel the freedom of the Syka sun, the wind, and the darkness that enshrouded the night here and made her want to run wild. Tazrae had missed it so much. It was like a part of her was dead or dying because she hadn’t been here in so long. She’d been in Sran’tuka’s world… a nightmare. Watching Alric, she decided it probably hadn’t been that much different for him either. He wasn’t telling her things, and hinting at other things that she knew was probably deeper and darker than she could understand not having experienced them firsthand. That was doubly true if he knew Cervisi. He said he’d had a day that had repeated over, many times, and Taz could only wonder at that.

When he said he hadn’t earned her either… or that it even worked that way, Taz opened her mouth to say something about that. However, Alric shut her down with his next words. All he wanted was to stand over Sran’tuka’s lifeless body? Revenge was all that was important to him? Some sort of justice? How could he say he didn’t feel anger, not be angry, reject the whole concept of anger, then say how livid he was deep down? She took a step backward as he continued to speak.

“… but all I want right now is to stand over Sran’tuka’s lifeless body”
“… but all I want right now is to stand over Sran’tuka’s lifeless body”
“… but all I want right now is to stand over Sran’tuka’s lifeless body”

Those words echoed in her head, repeating over and over. Then, once Sran’tuka was dead, he’d go figure out what he was supposed to do and be? If the bard swore at all, she would have let out the most profound profanities she could think of. But she didn’t swear… not ever… and there was no need to start now. That awful sentence was just replaying itself over and over in her mind. Didn’t he already know who he was? Didn’t he already have an idea of what he was supposed to be doing? Hunting monsters aside, that had nothing to do with what she’d asked of him. But that was okay. It’d been so long… so very long.

“I wish you luck then… with your hunts.” She said, knowing that he had just told her the things he wanted. The death of a monster and the finding of himself… which left her where on the list? Nowhere. And again, how could she blame him? “I hope you get all that you want.” She added, shaken slightly. What had she expected? Did she think he’d take a hold of her like he had when he’d arrived at Syka? Did she think he’d kiss her as he had in the shower? That moment was long gone. Those feelings … that everything… not important. He wanted death and revenge and to go find himself; that was what was important. Tazrae would have apologized one more time if he hadn’t strictly told her to stop doing that. But it was good… so good… to feel this, to have this out in the open and understand the repercussions of everything. There would be no arms folded about her telling her things were going to be fine. He didn’t say he loved her. She’d needed that. Gods she needed that badly. He told Lys he loved her all the time. But Taz? No. This… this man that claimed he would not feel anger or be angry, was livid, and she was a fool. Twice over? Three times over?

Taz took another step back, away from him, one of her arms still protectively covering her newborn. She paused then, after the steps, and glanced up to meet his gaze one more time. “Thank you for hearing me out. Thank you for listening. And you should know that you’ve always measured up.” It was all she could think of to say. Taz didn’t know the pathway forward. She didn’t know how to forge tomorrow or the day after that. But she’d figure it out… because the child in her arms needed her to. She just wished Alric needed her as well.

Then she took a deep breath, gathered herself, and took a few steps forward again. She retrieved the hourglass where it sat in the san, tucking it under her arm. "This came too dear to me to leave lying around. I'll find a safer place for it." She said simply. It had, after all, cost her a son.

Words: 1943

[Tazrae]

Grading!

Tazrae –

Childcare +3, Storytelling +5, Foraging + 1, Psychology +5, Medicine +1, Teaching +1, Planning +2

Psychology: Laying Out Ground Rules For A Tale, Medicine: Sedating Oneself, Psychology: Telling Someone You Love In-Depth About Your Rape, Psychology: Admitting Your Own Weaknesses, Psychology: Letting Go Of Love, Arcanology: Utilizing The Homefinder – Teaching About It, Psychology: Understanding When Someone Is Undeserving Of Something That Cost You More Than The Price They Paid, Planning: Using Birds As Messengers In The Future, Psychology: Taking Responsibility For One’s Actions, Psychology: Understanding Where Situational Blame Lies, Psychology: Telling Someone Exactly What You Want & Getting Rejected, Psychology: Understanding When Love Isn’t Reciprocated, Psychology: The Death Of A Relationship



Alric: You can grade your own shit if you ever grow a set and return.