Kendall Saarinen

by **Kendall Saarinen** on November 6th, 2010, 1:09 am

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Kendall Saarinen
"All the love I want to give gets caught between every rib. What does that make me? I have good intentions, but no exit for them to come out right through. I'm in the wrong body. I must have stumbled in..."
-Cody Bonnette

As I Am Now
Race: Human
Birthday & Age : 5th of Summer, 489 AV (22)
Gender: Male (Formerly Female)

Walking The Path of Fire

"You leave home and you move on and you do the best you can.
I got lost in this old world and forgot who I am."
-Miranda Lambert

Kendall Saarinen was born in Zeltiva to a well off family of scholars. She lived in Zeltiva with her parents, her two older brothers, and older sister. Both parents were scholars. Her mother Marie, a Literature Scholar, and her father Da'nel, a Science scholar. Kendall was studying to follow in her mother's footsteps as a Literature Scholar and an author. Her sister Suanna (age 29) chose to be a Mathematics Scholar while her two bothers Ra'kel (age 23) and Layton (age 25) went on to be sailors for Zeltiva. The entire Saarinen family was extremely close and family oriented. Kendall remained living with her parents until the day of her accident. Her bothers and sister lived in their own homes but often stopped by her parents home. Everyone in the family knew everything about one another. That is why when Kendall went missing her family was completely shocked. How could she have disappeared when they could not think of a single reason she would go away?

The Accident (50th of Summer, 510 AV)

One night Kendall was heading home from studying with her literature mentor. She was never scared of walking the streets of Zeltiva at night. People knew who her parents were and only a fool would even dream of laying a hand on her. Sadly, there was someone wandering that night who did not care who Kendall's parents were. He crept through the shadows with his apprentice. The two looked normal enough. The mentor and older of the two was a man who seemed to be a bit on the older side with thinning grey hair and his apprentice was a handsome 21 year old male with blonde hair. They looked like they could be a father and son and that was exactly what they were posing as. The young man believed that he was going to get his first real lesson on animation but he could not have been more wrong.

The man told his apprentice to head back to their lab while he kidnapped Kendall. The boy did as he was told. He would have done anything to impress the master animator that was his mentor. The man tricked Kendall into returning with him to his lab and once there the man proceeded to attempt to experiment on her. The man hypnotized her so she could not move and then placed her in one of the circles. She wanted to struggle and scream but she could not get her body to move. Soon the hypnotism was so strong she could not see anything around her. The man began to start the experiment and then suddenly she heard a yell. There was what sounded like a struggle between the man and his young companion and then a thump on the other circle of the animation circles. Before Kendall could even begin to wonder what was happening there was what seemed to be a disruption in her thinking. It was like she was not connected to anything anymore.

When Kendall came to the lab the man and his assistant were gone. She was unsure if what happened was a dream or reality. She looked at herself but things seemed off. Her body did not seem right. She quickly got to her feet and her whole body felt weird and wrong. She searched the lab for a mirror or anything but nothing was left in the house to view her reflection in. There was no other choice, she had to head home. Her family would accept her no matter what. They had to, or at least she thought.

Kendall walked through the town trying to find anything that she could see her reflection in. Finally she walked past a small shop. She could see a full scale mirror through the window and ran into the store. Her heart raced in fear and all she could think was Please don't let me look like a freak." She prayed to any God who was listening. Her heart stopped when she looked at her reflection. She was not deformed or in any way ugly but who she was looking at was not in any way her. In the mirror a blonde haired man with miss matched eyes looked back at her. She was on the verge of tears and she reached a hand to her face so see if this man really was her. The man in the mirror reached up to his face too. It was true, she had been trans formed into a man.

The streets blurred around Kendall as she (now he) raced through the streets to her home. When she got to the door her sister answered and shot her a sultry smile. Kendall tried to explain who she was but her sister did not believe her. Soon her entire family had gathered at the door and she was crying, begging to be let into the house and the door was closed on her. Her family abandoned her when she most needed them and she had no one. She refused to give up, she needed to get home. Soon a fight broke out between Kendall and her family which resulted in a physical fight between her and her oldest brother. She was on the verge of killing him when a voice came to her. At first she thought she was going crazy as some side effect of the animation. Then the voice introduced itself as Ivak, the God of Fire, Volcanism, and Emotion. That was when a warm sensation wrapped around her wrist and in its wake was what looked like twin red flames wrapped around her wrist. Ivak had marked her and from that day on she was an Azenth, a follower of Lord Ivak. Now she seeks him as well as someone to call home due to the fact she has lost her own.

In My Head...

"The volume's down. Blue lights are dancing around. And still, I can't seem to find, the quiet inside my mind."
-John Mayer"

Kendall is a very confused and internally conflicted person. He is severely emotionally scarred but does not let on about it to other people. He feels rejected and unwanted due to the fact his family will never speak to him again unless he can figure out a way to return back to his normal body as a female. He often can be found daydreaming. In his dreams he is who he wishes he was, a female. He feels safe in his memories so he often daydreams.

On top of being generally confused about his new life as a male he has a lot of sexual confusion. He is much like a female trapped in a male's body. He mentally wants to be with a man but physically with a woman. He believes he will never fall in love and he will never have an actual family again. He sees himself as a scar on society at times. He does not feel like anyone wants him around. If one talks to him it is completely impossible to tell how much resentment he holds for himself though. When he speaks he seems like a fully functioning guy but that could not be farther from the truth.

Personality-wise Kendall is a bit awkward at times. He still is getting used to his new body and the fact he is male. He will at times do feminine things like touch someone when he is talking to them or will play with his hair when he is nervous. As time goes on he is slowly getting more masculine but he still has problems suppressing his more feminine habits. He will occasionally come off as being a homosexual but he really is not sure of his sexual orientation.

Kendall is a very clean individual. He does not like to be dirty or smell bad. He takes showers daily and will often take more if he gets dirty. He still tends to use more girly smelling soaps because he likes to smell good.

Although Kendall is a male he still seems to be prone to monthly boughs of emotional instability. These usually last about a week and happen about the same time each month. He almost seems bipolar during these times because he tends to either get extremely angry or cry almost out of nowhere. Other than these times Kendall is actually quite calm and a little shy. He is still a bit embarrassed of his low voice.

Quite often Kendall will experience cravings or feelings of want that he does not know the source of. At times he might crave alcohol or even food that he has never had. These cravings can only be justified as addictions of the man who's body he now is bound to.

All in all Kendall Saarinen is a very odd individual (for good reason of course) but is not fully aware that he is a bit strange. All he really wants is acceptance, love, and someday to be changed back into a girl.

Just Borrowing...

"Well, I know it's been years now and I don't look the same. And the hopes and dreams you had for me, you thought went down the drain. And the room feels so empty where my pictures used to be. And I can't say that I blame you, but you can't blame me."
-Jaret Redick

Kendall is about average height for a male human. He is very good looking (although he will not admit it out loud). He has a well toned body but is not extremely buff. He has shaggy platinum blonde hair with bangs that are almost always sideswept or hanging in his face. He almost always has stubble due to the fact he still is unsure how to give himself a good close shave. He never has a beard due to the fact he finds it dirty and uncomfortable.

All in all Kendall appears to be a normal twenty-two year old male except for a few minor details. The first is the most obvious of all. Due to Kendall's forced transformation he has developed heterochromia, a genetic disorder of the eyes where each eye is a different color. This disorder does not hinder him at all, in fact he has nearly perfect vision. His eyes are almost haunting because one is a beautiful shade of light green and the other is sky blue. This is a omnipresent reminder of who Kendall once was. His original eye color was green but when he was transformed into a male he was supposed to have blue eyes. Strangely both of his eyes did not change. He is unsure why, the best he can guess is the animator who experimented him lost focus or maybe the transformation did not finish properly. To this day he does not know why his eyes do not match.

Kendall keeps himself looking as best as he possibly can due to his previous orientation as a female. His hair is always perfectly styled and his clothes, although not the most high end, are always well taken care of. In some ways one can see Kendall slowly giving into his male body due to the fact he is starting to dress more like a twenty-one year old male and not a Twenty-one year old male dressed by his fashionable girlfriend.

As Seen Through New Eyes

"Whoa it was easier before I loved. Before this heart was turned to stone. Before this blood was stirred and blood was spilled. No one was ever meant to be alone."
-Gavin DeGraw

Since Kendall's accident he has left Zeltiva in hopes of finding the animator who stole his body. Before leaving Zeltiva he met Cathan a wolf Kelvic. After meeting the two decided to travel together. Their only goal was to head out of Zeltiva and to see other places. The pair left Zeltiva on the 20th of Winter and began their journey toward Syliras, their first stop on their trip to nowhere. On the first day of this trip the pair met Sondra, a Konti seer and a fellow Azenth. After a bit of talking the three of them decided to all travel together to Syliras.

Kendall only meant to stay in Syliras until the first of Spring but on the 85 of Winter Kendall met Hadrian, a mage who had attended the University in Zeltiva with him back when he was a female. The two spoke for the first time at Kova's Well and in that conversation Kendall accidentally let on to Hadrian as to who he really was. He mentioned that his name was Kendall Saarinen and from that slip up Hadrian knew who Kendall truly was. More importantly, he accepted him. Because of this meeting Kendall did not leave Syliras on the first of Spring like he had planned because he started to have romantic feelings for Hadrian.

The Spring and the turn of the new year (511 AV) proved to be much more interesting. Kendall's feelings for Hadrian were only getting stronger and the Azenth was starting to feel similar emotions coming from him. Kendall would have never noticed this but his mark from Ivak gave him the ability to sense suppressed emotions. On the 4th of Spring, Kendall was at Hadrian's apartment when his clothing set on fire while trying to learn auristics. Because of this, the pair went to buy Kendall new clothing at An Elegant Weave. It was here that Kendall and Hadrian had their first kiss in the fitting room. The pair did not mean to get romantic that day but when Kendall found himself crying in the fitting room Hadrian's lips were the force that made the tears stop. From that point the pair only became more close.

Later in the season Kendall literally ran into a mixed-blood Symenestra named Seven Xu. At first Kendall was a bit scared of him but as the two got to know each other at the Rearing Stallion (and Kendall got progressively more drunk) a strong friendship between the two formed. Later on in the season Seven and Kendall met up again at the shore of the Suvan sea to see each other one last time before he left to head to Ravok. It was a teary meeting and during this time Kendall told Seven about his secret, that he was actually a girl.The fact only brought the two closer. Because of this, Kendall considers Seven to be his best friend.

Another person in need of mentioning is Jaelyn Baroth, a squire for the Syliran Knights. When Kendall first met her he barely talked to her. As the pair talked to each other more they started to get closer. On the 75th of Spring the pair both found themselves at the Temple of All Gods where Jaelyn admitted to Kendall that she had romantic feelings for him. Because of this, Kendall told her about his accident. Much like Seven, Jaelyn was surprised but accepting and because of this Jaelyn also became one of Kendall's closest friends.

On the second of Summer, Kendall, Hadrian, Sondra, Cathan, and a Lammergeier Kelvic named Ethan began their trip to Ravok. While Kendall had met Ethan prior to the trip, the pair got to know each other much better on the road to Ravok. Ethan was a friend and student of Hadrian's and was eager to meet Kendall. Since meeting the pair have become good friends.

As the days passed in summer Kendall started to get more and more anxious and nervous. He was having trouble sleeping and would often experience panic attacks. Halfway through the season, Kendall had a horrible panic attack. This caused him to run off into the night with Hadrian trailing behind. The panic attack was due to the day being a year since his accident. Hadrian tried and tried again to calm Kendall and finally in the end the mage was able to calm him enough to help him to ease into normal behavior once again.

Once in the city of Ravok, Kendall ran into an old friend named Aello. The pair had been best friends when they were younger but parted when Aello's house burned down and Kendall presumed her to be dead. The pair were very surprised to see one another. Kendall was surprised his friend was alive and Aello was even more surprised since her then best girl friend was now a man.

-To be continued-

by **Kendall Saarinen** on February 7th, 2011, 1:27 am

Skills Do Not Fade

Writing and Associated Skills

Skill	Points	Level	Earned
Writing	21	Novice	+10 (SP),+2,+3,+1,+3,+2
Rhetoric	54	Expert	+1,+2,+4,+2,+2,+5,+5,+2,+4,+2,+2,+4,+1,+1,+5,+3,+3,+1,+1,+4
Philosophy	14	Novice	+2,+3,+1,+1,+5,+1,+1
Calligraphy	3	Novice	+3
Storytelling	6	Novice	+2,+1,+2,+1
Composition	3	Novice	+3
Poetry	14	Novice	+1,+4,+2,+1,+2,+3,+1

Arcana and Associated Skills

Skill	Points	Level	Earned
Reimancy (Fire and Earth)	36	Competent	+15 (RB),+1,+5,+2,+2,+1,+1,+1,+1,+2,+3,+2
Shielding	5	Novice	+5
Auristics	14	Novice	+5,+1,+1,+2,+3,+1,+3
Meditation	10	Novice	+5,+1,+1,+2,+1

Survival and Defensive Skills

Skill	Points	Level	Earned
Unarmed Combat	10	Novice	+10 (SP)
Wilderness Survival	11	Novice	+10 (SP),+1
Broad Sword	12	Novice	+10 (SP),+1,+1
Brawling	3	Novice	+3

Other Skills

Skill	Points	Level	Earned
Riding	12	Novice	+10 (SP),+1,+1
Acting	8	Novice	+2,+1,+3,+1,+1
Cooking	5	Novice	+1,+4
Interrogation	21	Novice	+3,+2,+1,+2,+2,+3,+3,+2,+2,+1
Observation	19	Novice	+3,+1,+3,+3,+3,+1,+3,+1,+1
Seduction	27	Competent	+3,+3,+3,+5,+2,+2,+1,+4,+2,+2
Flirtation	2	Novice	+2
Singing	14	Novice	+1,+2,+1,+2,+3,+1,+3,+1
Bodybuilding	9	Novice	+2,+3,+2,+2
Horsemanship	12	Novice	+2,+3,+4,+3
Intimidation	10	Novice	+2,+1,+3,+1,+3
Drawing	5	Novice	+3,+2
Persuasion	2	Novice	+2
Socialization	19	Novice	+4,+2,+5,+1,+4,+3
Grooming	2	Novice	+2
Teaching	7	Novice	+5,+1,+1
Etiquete	1	Novice	+1
Investigation	2	Novice	+2
Running	1	Novice	+1

by **Kendall Saarinen** on May 8th, 2011, 12:12 pm

Gnosis and Faith

Gnosis	God/Goddess	Level	Abilities
	Ivak	Level 1 Azenth	Immunity to fire and the ability to sense underlying emotion. Also causes Kendall's body temperature to burn hotter than most.

by **Kendall Saarinen** on July 12th, 2011, 9:35 pm

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Lore and Languages

Languages:

Language	Level	Earned
Common	Fluent	SP
Vani	Basic	SP

Relevant Lore:

Irrelevant Lore :

by **Kendall Saarinen** on September 16th, 2011, 3:40 pm

This I Can Still Hold
▪ 1 Set of Clothing (cloak/coat & footwear included)
▪ 1 Waterskin
▪ 1 Backpack which contains:
▪ 1 Set of Toiletries (comb, brush, razor, soap)
▪ Food for a week
▪ 1 eating knife
▪ Flint & Steel
Heirloom- Mother's book about the Valterrian

Housing-1 large tent (4 person), large tarp, 100 ft of rope, flint & steel, lantern, 2 torches, bedroll, blanket, fishing tackle & hooks, a riding horse, a full set of tack, and a large set of saddlebags.

Horse- Colorsplash named Dykana

Ledger
100 GM (Starting Coin)
-35 (Broad Sword)
-45(Fall Expenses)
-2 SM
27.5 GM (Spring Wages and Deductions)
21 GM 3 SM

by **Kendall Saarinen** on September 16th, 2011, 3:43 pm

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Thread List

Flashbacks :

Autumn 510 AV :

Winter 510 AV :

Spring 511 AV :

Summer 511 AV :

Autumn 511 AV :

Winter 511 AV :

by **Kendall Saarinen** on September 16th, 2011, 3:47 pm

Graded Threads

Flashbacks :

Autumn 510 AV :

Winter 510 AV :

Spring 511 AV :

Title	Description	Date
Awkward Waters	Kendall meets Dimitri, a Syliran Squire at Soothing Waters	1st of Spring, 511 AV
Looking for Employment	Kendall gets a job at The Windmount Stables in Syliras	2nd of Spring, 511 AV
An Education	Cathan and Kendall visit Hadrian where he teaches them how to meditate and use autistics. Also, Kendall's clothing burns off...	3rd of Spring, 511 AV
Without Armor	Hadrian teaches Kendall Shielding	4th of Spring, 511 AV
The Threads of Spring	Kendall and Hadrian go shopping for clothing... and make out in a changing room	5th of Spring, 511 AV
After Hours	Kendall and Hadrian spend the night together	5th of Spring [night], 511 AV
Stealing Fire	Kendall meets a thief named Jokor and the two sass one another	7th of Spring, 511 AV
Returning to the Waves	Kendall meets Milya at the shore of the Suvan Sea	8th of Spring, 511 AV
Playing in the Gardens	Kendall meets Bolivar and isn't impressed	8th of Spring, 511 AV
These Stones Will Shout	Kendall meets Devlin, an Inarta, and they sing together	12th of Spring, 511 AV
Dancing With Strangers	Kendall and Nadra meet at the Rearing Stallion	13th of Spring, 511 AV
Getting the Hang of It	Kendall lugs bales of hay around the Windmount Stables	14th of Spring, 511 AV
Playing Horse	Kendall grooms a horse at the Windmount Stables	26th of Spring, 511 AV
Playing in Your Element	Kendall and Hadrian go to the Soothing Waters to work on reimancy and make steam...	41st of Spring, 511 AV
Mapping it Out	Kendall meets Seven Xu, a mixed blood Symenstra while wandering the city	48th of Spring, 511 AV
Bird's Eye-View	Kendall meets Hadrian's Kelvic friend Ethan in the Stone Gardens	50th of Spring, 511 AV
Excuse Me Sir?	Kendall meets Nathaniel in the Temple of All Gods	52nd of Spring, 511 AV
Getting Fresh Air	Kendall meets Troy in the Stone Gardens	56th of Spring, 511 AV[/url]
If Memory Serves	Kendall and Markus meet again after ten years apart... Hadrian is also there	74th of Spring, 511 AV
'Till the World Ends	Kendall and Seven go to the beach when Seven finds out some bad news about his mother. Kendall tells Seven about his mark.	87th of Spring, 511 AV
Down By the Seaside	Kendall and Hadrian go to the shore of the Suvan Sea for some alone time	92nd of Spring, 511 AV

Summer 511 AV :

Autumn 511 AV :

Winter 511 AV :

by **Kendall Saarinen** on September 16th, 2011, 3:48 pm

How The Fire Started

Everyone was gone now and the lab was quiet and desolate. The man and his assistant had fled and destroyed everything in their wake. They wanted to make sure no one would know what went on the night prior. Kendall was alone, passed out on the ground of the destroyed lab. She slept soundly not knowing what had happened to her. Although the world around her was a scene of marked with horror and sick intentions in her slumber there was nothing to fear. She was home with her family and there was nothing to fear. Around her the mark of the animation circle had been mostly erased but some of the white writing clung to her clothes. Although she was content in her dreams, dreams fade and it is inevitable that no matter where you are or who you have become that you always have to wake up and face reality.

Green and blue eyes fluttered open to see the mess around them. Kendall sat up and rubbed her head. Between her fingers there seemed to be an absence. The long flowing waves that usually frame her face were not there. Instead she felt shorter hair in its absence. In fear she pulled her hands away quickly and looked at them. Although male and female hands look similar even in Kendall's sleepy state she could tell the palms she stared at were not hers. Her hands were feminine and soft. These hands were rough and seemed to have been well worked with. Kendall never worked much. Her family was well off. Why should she have to? "Wha..." The same hands clapped over her mouth when the words came out. The voice who had begun to spoke was not her voice. It was deep and manly. Obviously not the octave that a young woman's would take. A cold chill shot through Kendall's body and in her mind she finished that she had tried to say out loud. "What is going on here?" Although there was no way to see tell exactly what had happened to Kendall she knew that something had gone terribly wrong. Call it sense of one's body. Things were no right and she knew it. For the first time she took in her surroundings. The floor was covered with papers and the remnants of furniture. The shock of everything was finally setting in. Kendall was in a situation where she was utterly lost. She shot to her feet in fear to see that the ground was a good four inches farther than she remembered. She was twenty-one. Women her age did not just grow four inches over night! Kendall was a sensible girl but that meant nothing now. All she could think of was one thing. She needed to get home. When she returned to her family things would be better. Her father knew people, they could help her. Kendall was completely unaware about how terrible her situation was. It was more than a few inches getting added to her height and a bad case of dry hands. There was something worse afoot and maybe if the fear had not caused her to be rash she would have stayed in the lab. She could have thought over what was happening and tried to remember the past night. Most importantly she would have stopped to notice that possibly she was not even herself anymore. Instead Kendall did what any one would do in the face of great fear though. She ran home to her parents. If anyone would take her in and help her it would be them.

Outside the Autumn air blew cold against Kendall's arms. Autumn was always this breezy thanks to the sea off the coast but strangely the cold air did not bother Kendall as much as it usually did. She was cold, there was no doubt about it. It was a cold she could deal with though. The kidnapping kept playing over and over in Kendall's mind. All she could think of was getting home. Her parents loved her and they would catch who ever hurt her, she knew it.

The walk home was a bit odd. People nodded or waved to Kendall with a look of warm welcoming. A look normally saved for newcomers to the city. These people knew her! She had lived in Zeltiva her whole life. She grew up in the halls of the university and had taken her first steps on the docks. Zeltiva and everyone who lived there were a part of her. How could they look at her like they had never seen her before in their lives? This started a seed of worry in Kendall's mind. A seed which started to grow and dig its roots into her mind as more welcoming looks came her way. He heart started to beat faster and a cold chill ran down her spine. "What is going on? Why is everyone looking at me like they have never seen me in their life?" Home would have to wait. Kendall needed to know what was going on. Her eyes darted to a shop on her right. They had to have a mirror! She quickly walked over to the store and dashed into the shop. A woman about Kendall's age gave her a sultry look. "What are you in such a big hurry for handsome?" Kendall looked at the woman strangely. "Handsome? What is wrong with this woman?" The cold chills were taking over her body as the fear was multiplying. "Mirror" Kendall could not get out any more words than that. Even speaking that one word pushed her farther into her fear-filled frenzy. The woman smiled and pointed to the back of the store. Kendall did not even wait to say thank you. She ran to the back of the store and stopped in horror when she came face to face with a blonde man who was the exact same height as her. This happening may have been less frightening if it was any man on the street. This man was not though. He was staring back at Kendall through the mirror she stood in front of. Simultaneously Kendall's heart and lungs seemed to stop working. Was this even possible? This man could not seriously be her reflection. Could he? She reached out toward the mirror and touched the cool glass. The man did the same with perfect symmetry to her. She whipped her hand back from the mirror and the man followed her movement. The two stood wide eyed looking at each other. Kendall and her reflection that showed her what she did not want to believe was true. She started to walk backwards shaking her head. "No...no...NO! This cannot be happening!" The woman from before rushed to Kendall's side and grabbed her arm. "Are you okay sir? Do you need to sit down?" Kendall ripped her arm from the woman's grasp and pushed her away. She watched as the woman tumbled backward and hit a clothing display behind her with such force that she fell to the ground. Where had that force come from? Kendall had never been that strong. She had expected the woman to stumble back a few steps as she regained her footing not fall back and actually get hurt. "I-I-I'm so..." Kendall did not get to finish talking. A man walked out from the back of the store and looked at him with scolding eyes."I do not know who you are but get out of my store immediately!" The man was furious and he looked ready to kill. "Sir, please! I didn't-" Once again Kendall was interrupted. "You have exactly half a chime to get out of my store or you will be carried out in pieces." There was nothing left to do. Kendall had to go. It was time to go home and she prayed to any God or Goddess that could hear her that things would be okay. Even if no one accepted her, even if the world was falling to pieces, as long as she had her family she would be okay. Or so she thought.

The walk home turned out to be more of a run because the farther Kendall went the faster she seemed to run. Soon her home was in her line of vision and she felt a stroke of peace shoot through her. She was going to be home and things would be okay. No matter who she was her family would know she was Kendall Saarinen. Even her mother had dictated that fact to her early in her life. "A mother can always tell who their children are. No matter how long they have been gone or how much they have changed." This thought kept Kendall running as she neared the house. As soon as she came to the front step she banged on the door. "Mom! Dad! Lay! Someone! Let me in!" There was the voice again. Low, a bit raspy from the anxiety, and most importantly, not feminine. Soon the door clicked open and Kendall's sister Suanna stood in the door. She smiled and leaned against the door frame. "How may I help you handsome stranger?" This was not something that Kendall wanted to hear from his sister. It was unnatural and completely wrong. "Suanna get mom... I mean your mom." If the whole gender change was not messing with Kendall's mind enough his sister really pushed the insanity over the edge. Suanna simply nodded and walked off to find their mother. After a few chimes Kendall's mom walked to the door. Without even thinking she rushed into her arms and started to cry. "Mom! Oh my God mom! I don't know what is happening!" Instead of the kind a nurturing talk he had expected from his mother and loud and harsh voice ripped through the air. "Get your hands off my wife or you will cease to exist young man!" The voice could only belong to one person. Kendall had not been the recipient of this sharp and cutting tone often but everyone in her family knew one never crossed Da'nel Saarinen, Kendall's father. He stood there strong and intimating. He was flanked by Kendall's two brothers, Layton and Ra'kel. Although Da'nel was a wonderful father he had an anger as sharp as a razor. Although Kendall did not want to let go she put her hands up in the air and walked a few steps back from her mother. "Dad, you have no idea what is going on." It would be hard to convince her father she was who she claimed she was with such a deep voice. She would have to try though. Her father walked closer to her, a hand resting on his blade. Although the man was a scholar he was always prepared for the worst. When he was not deep in his books he was practicing with his sword. He claimed when Kendall was younger and scared of the weapon that the blade was "just a hobby". Everyone knew it was not though. Da'nel was a smart man but he was also a protective one. If there was a danger to his family it would not see the light of Syna for much longer. "I do not know what is wrong with your head..." He stopped and motioned for Kendall to offer her name. She swallowed hard and looked at him. "Kendall" Da'nel raised an eyebrow at Kendall and gripped his sword. It stayed sheathed but his hand was ready to deal a blow that would send Kendall straight to Dira. "Kendall. Really? Strange, that is my daughter's name and she strangely did not come back last night from her studies with her mentor." Da'nel's fingers drummed the handle of the blade. "Might you have anything to do with that...Kendall?" All Kendall wanted to do was tell the truth to her father. More so, she wanted him to believe her. "Dad" Da'nel shook his head and stared at Kendall. "Do not call me dad. You are not my son, there for I am not your father." There had never been a time in Kendall's life where she had ever called her father by his first name but now it was coming from her lips. "Da'nel... I am your daughter Kendall. You-" Before the sentence escaped Kendall's lips Da'nel had his blade pointed at her. "I do not know who you are or where you came from but I will send you to Dira if I EVER hear you claim to be my daughter again." The blade seemed to say more than Da'nel ever could. It was quicker and sharper than he could ever be. "Dad...Da'nel, you have to believe me! Ask me anything only your daughter would know. I will do anything to prove I am not lying to you." Kendall meant it too. She loved her family more than anything. They were her grounding and they helped her see straight when she was in trouble. Now it was her turn to steer them in the right direction and they would not hear her out. "You do not need to prove anything to me. This family does not use magic and my daughter could not have become... you unless there was some magic involved. Besides, how could I know for sure if you did not use some magic of your own to get the answers from her?" There was no reasoning with Da'nel. He was scared and he was angry. He wanted his daughter back and there was a man who seemed to be a perfect stranger standing at his door way claiming to be her. There was only one hope left. It would either prove or disprove the mantramantra that had kept Kendall going her whole life. She looked at her mother and prayed that she would come through for her. "Mom, you know it is me right? Like you said, a mother can always tell who their children are. No matter how long they have been gone or how much they have changed." All eyes were on Marie, Kendall's mother now. She looked at Kendall sadly. "Please mom, please do not ruin the one thing that has kept me going all of these years. You are the only one who can convince them I am who I say I am." Marie shook her head and looked at Kendall sadly. "Mom! It's me, you have to believe me. I'm so scared. I don't know whats going on and I just want to come home." Layton, Kendall's older brother walked over to him and grabbed his arm. "You are done kid. I do not know what your issue is here but this is over." It was not over. Kendall needed to come home and no one would let her. If her family would not listen to words maybe they would listen to violence. A fist flew through the air and hit Layton across the jaw. The moment her fist collided with his face she knew it was a terrible mistake. Layton was strong and even when the two of them had been younger he had liked to playfully knock Kendall around a bit. Never as bad as what she was expecting now though. Layton rubbed his jaw and Kendall saw out of the corner of his eye Ra'kel was coming over to join his brother. If Kendall had hoped for a chance against one brother there was no chance in all of Mizahar that he would even survive a scrape between both of them. There was not much common sense left in Kendall's mind though. All right thinking had been thrown out the window now. "Step back Ra'kel. This is between Layton and me." Never had Kendall ever thought she would speak so demanding to her brother. To her surprise Rak'el stepped back. Brown and Blue eyes stared deep into Layton's dark brown eyes. "You chose the wrong family to pick a fight with man." The words meant nothing to Kendall. For all she cared, her brother could be speaking Nari. For once Kendall did not answer. She just stared back to Layton. There was nothing left to say.

The first punch flew and it grazed across Kendall's cheek like a bullet. Normally she would have backed down and admitted defeat. Something would not let her though. Maybe it was this body filling her with the masculine need to conquer the other man. Maybe she just wanted to prove she was right. Right then and there, there was no logic. There was just two men trying to fight for what they believed was right. Layton pulled back and let a kick fly toward Kendall's stomach. His foot barely missed ask Kendall rushed to move back. There was not time to let Layton get another hit in. Although Kendall had never fought before in her life she thought back to watching Layton and Ra'kel fight when they were younger. In this memory Kendall had found her edge in the fight. She knew Layton's moves and she knew how he danced on the battlefield. Another kick fired at Kendall but her hand grasped around his ankle. She knew that if left to her own devices she could have never caught her brother's kick. There was something happening within Kendall. A sort of connection of body and mind. Her new body knew the motions of fights and her mind knew how Layton fought. "Layton, you are my brother. I grew up watching you fight. You cannot surprise me." With that statement Kendall looked at her mother and she knew right away what had happened. The look in Marie's eyes was far too obvious. She knew exactly who Kendall was and she knew she was her daughter. The mantra Marie had repeated to Kendall her whole life had been true her mother knew her. The mantra never said anything about how the mother could lie to save her own hide. Marie was a smart woman and she knew that if she admitted to knowing Kendall was in fact her daughter then she would be no better off than Kendall. At least when she lied only Kendall took the blame. It was blatantly obvious now. This was no longer Kendall's family. A dark look in Layton's direction was all he got before Kendall flipped him and sent him crashing to the ground. There was no holding back now. There was nothing to lose. If Kendall died, she died. There was nothing to live for now. Her family would not take her back and there was no way she could go back to the university. Maybe it was time to face Dira but she would take Layton with her.

Layton laid on the ground with Kendall on his chest. She was ready to tear him apart. The first hit was the hardest. It was the second punch she had ever thrown, fronted only by the punch that had started the fight. After the first hit the violence became effortless. The anger was bubbling over and flowing into her fists. She could not stop this frenzy. The union of crazed anger and blind fury. Kendall had long forgotten why she was fighting anymore. Only that she had to prove that she was right. "Layton, I wish it was not going to end this way." A fist was poised and ready to further bloody her brother's face. "It doesn't have to be" A voice echoed in Kendall's mind. She glared down at Layton and pulled his face up to her's by his collar "It does have to be! I need to come home. I need everyone to believe me. How dare you say this doesn't have to be the end!" Kendall was yelling at Layton although the voice in her mind sounded nothing like her brother. Layton looked up at her confused and forced himself to talk. "I never said that." It was all Layton could get out before Kendall slammed him against the ground. "Don't treat me like a dumb child. If it was not you who was it?" Kendall's hands gripped Layton's shoulders but he would not answer. "I did. I know you are angry but this is not worth passing your brother to Dira." Your brother? Finally someone had acknowledged that Kendall was who she said she was. She let go of Laydon and stood up. "Who are you? Where are you? How can I hear you?" The entire family watched as Kendall seemingly talked to herself although it seemed to them to just be more proof that she was crazy."I am Ivak. I can speak with you through your mind as I please seeing that I am a God. As for my location, that is a question even I cannot answer. I hope you can answer that for yourself someday. You will never find the answer if you kill your brother though. What is killing your brother going to prove?" There was no answer because there was no reason. "There is no reason." Kendall was embarrassed by her own uncontrollable rage. "Yes, there is no reason. There is nothing to gain here. Your family has proved they do not believe you are who you say you are. Is that what a family does?" The family watched Kendall as she started to cry and seemingly talk to a person who was not there. "No, but I'm scared and I do not know what is happening. I just want to go home." She complained and cried like a child. She stopped when she felt a warm sensation seem to wrap around her forearm in intertwining lines. She looked down to see two red flame like marks stand prominently against her fair skin. "As long as you bare this mark you have a home. Seek others who have my marking and you will never be alone. Do not waste time with people who do not see you. Instead look for people who will take you as you are."

There was a sense of calm. There was still anger and resentment but it was controlled. Kendall's emotion had cooled and began to recede. There was a new family to be found. The individuals who shared the mark that she now bore on her forearm. There were still answers that needed to be found and of course new living quarters to arrange. Kendall felt a calm though. She felt connect to something even though her family wanted nothing to do with her. She gave them one last look and headed for the streets. There was no goodbye to be said except to the city of Zeltiva.

by **Kendall Saarinen** on September 16th, 2011, 3:51 pm

Realtionships and Family

Name: Kay'lan Snowsong
Age: 1st of Winter, 488 AV (23)
Race: Vantha
Relation to Kendall: Ex-boyfriend
Status: NPC

Physical Description:
Kay'lan is a bit short, although it is normal for his race. He stands at a height of 5'7 and has a well toned body. His eyes change with his emotions but at a normal state they are a vibrant purple, like the color that runs through his hair when the light hits it. He is very handsome and appears to know that fact quite well. Since his move to Zeltiva from Avanthal he has strayed from the furs he grew up in and dresses more like a Zeltivan. His voice is deep and he often looks a bit upset.

Character Concept:
Kay'lan is a very artistic man by nature. He grew up in Snowsong hold of Avanthal but left when he was sixteen. When he arrived in Zeltiva he enrolled in the University to study Literature. It was there that he met Kendall. The two of them met they did not like each other and both completed for their professors attention. They both had very different writing styles and they both thought the others writing was not as good their own. The two were put together by their professor to try and work through their differences. At first they hated the partnership but as time went on the two began to fall for one another. After about a season the two decided to start a relationship with one another. The relationship continued for five years until Kendall's accident.

Skills:
Instrument (Guitar)- 10
Singing- 15
Musical Composition- 10
Writing- 15

Gnosis: 1 Mark from Morwen (given shortly after birth)

Name: Ra'kel "Kel" Saarinen
Birthday: 37th of Summer, 487 AV (24)
Relation to Kendall: Older Brother
Status: NPC

Physical Description:
Ra'kel is tall but not as tall as his older brother Layton. He stands at about 5'9 but often appears shorter when he is with his brother. He is a bit lanky but is slowly getting more muscle due to his job working along side Layton at the docks and on his ship. His skin is more on the light side while his eyes are a lot like Kendall's once were, a bright spring green. He likes to wear his dark brown hair a bit long although he gets teased about it by his older brother. One could call Kel handsome but he is seen more as simply good looking since he is usually found at Layton's side. Kel can almost always be found with a peaceful smile on his face although he has been known to look a little troubled at times.

Personality:
Ra'kel is a very kind person, at times a little too kind. He is embarassed to show it though. He is very influenced by his older brother Layton and often sees him more as a friend than a brother. Because of this Kel tends to show a side of himself to the world that is only a fraction of who he is. He knows that Layton sees him as being a bit too emotional and pensive and it worries him that his brother judges him on the fact.

When Kel is free from the pressure of being judged he tends to be very artistic and emotional. Past girlfriends have said that he is very responsive and sensitive but he also seems distant as though his mind is elsewhere. Kel tends to not date very often, prefering his time alone, or so he claims. He likes to feel close to people but does not feel like he has met a person who he can truely be himself around.

Kel enjoys writing and poetry, much like his sister Kendall, but no one in his family knows he does. Instead he pretends to be interested in boats and building to seem more like his brother.

Skills:
Writing-10
Navigation-15
Drawing-15
Gadgeteering-10

Name: Suanna Saarinen
Birthday/Age: 67th of Spring, 481 AV (30)
Relation to Kendall: Older Sister
Status: NPC

Physical Description:
Suanna is extremely beautiful and she knows this. She holds herself with an air of pride and importance that is hard to ignore. Her wavy hair is long and dark, much like Kendall's was. Her face is soft featured, accented by her dark brown eyes. While she is not extremely tan her skin is a bit darker than her siblings. Suanna, is a bit on the shorter side, standing at about 5'5. She usually looks taller than this due to the fact she often wears heels.

Suanna seems to radiate a feeling of self pride. By just looking at her one can tell that she is thinking "how lucky are you that you are with me?". While her features are soft, her expression tends to be a bit stoic and pretentious. Her smile is beautiful (and she would love for you tell tell her that) but she does not show it too often. The brunette prefers to have a look that is almost nonchalant. Better to keep the boys guessing than to make them think they have a chance.

Suanna loves to dress nice. In fact, it is almost impossible to find a time where she is not looking her best. She can usually be found in dresses or skirts and nice looking blouses. By looking at her one can tell that she comes from a well off family and in truth, she goes out of her way to dress in such a fashion.

Personality:
If someone was to explain Suanna in one world it would be pretentious. She knows that she could have almost any man she wants and owns this knowledge. She is proud of the fact that her family is well off and wants everyone to know it. She is very coy and loves to play hard to get. When she is with her family she is usually quite quiet, even a bit short. Away from them and with her friends she tends to be a bit more friendly although, never too friendly. She likes people to think that they are not fully pleasing her. Almost like they are forgetting to do one thing and that one thing would get them in good with her.

Suanna is very judgmental, especially of people who she thinks are below her. She does not like Svefra, finding them dirty and poor since they live off boats and not out of houses. This does not mean that she will not converse with them. It is hard not to when living in Zeltiva. She would never want to be seen with one though. This does not apply to just Svefra but all lower class individuals.

Suanna is rarely single, liking to make sure there is always a man vying for her heart. She is very stubborn but knows how to use emotion, both others and her own, to her advantage. She rarely stays with men for long, easily growing tired or annoyed by them.

Lastly, Suanna is very intelligent, her knowledge laying in mathematics and politics. She would rather look arrogant in showing off her intelligence than have someone think she is uneducated. She studied at the University, like Kendall and their parents.

Skills:
Mathematics- 25
Seduction- 15
Politics- 10

by **Kendall Saarinen** on September 16th, 2011, 4:58 pm

The Quiet Things That No One Knows

"So keep the blood in your head and keep your feet on the ground
If today's the day it gets tired, Today's the day we drop out
Gave up my body and bed all for an empty hotel
Wasting words on lower cases and capitals"

General Information :

Aesthetics :

Family :

Location :

Traits :

Occupations :

Childhood :

1. What sort of child were you?
Haha, I was really bossy. I often told people what to do and what to wear. I was very... blunt. If I thought something about someone I would say it to them and I never sugar coated it. I had a very high opinion of myself but as I got older I grew out of that along with being blunt and bossy. Even when I was little liked learning. I had a really hard time focusing though.

2. What is your favorite memory from childhood?
The day I met my friend Markus Andres. He helped me track down a boy named Jimmy who put a live mouse down my dress when I was twelve. After we found Jimmy Markus best him up and I thought he was doing it to protect me. I'm sure that wasn't really the reason. After that I somewhat forced him to take me on a date and we when down to the sea. From there we had a cute little puppy love relationship until Markus' mother died and he moved to Syliras.

3. What is your worst memory from childhood?
My worst memory was probably a tie between Markus moving away and my brothers moving out of the family home. The house was very lonely without my brothers constantly bickering or getting trouble together. My brothers were like best friends and I liked to think that I was part of that too. They always included me when I wanted to spend time with them. Suanna never really let me get close to her.

When Markus moved away I was a little heart broken. He was my first crush and I like to think my first boyfriend even if it was adorably innocent. I cried for weeks. I hope to see him again someday when I am in Syliras.

4. What sort of relationship did you have with your parents?
I was very close with my parents. I was their little baby of course! I was closest to my mother though. We were a lot a like before I had my accident.

5. Who was your most influential rolemodel?
My mother was. She was an amazing writer and she was amazing at piano. At times I wish I had not told her how much I loved that though. She made me take piano lessons after that. *laughs*

Education :

Relationships :

Drugs and Alcohol :

Likes and Dislikes :

Favorites :

Outlook :

Actions :

Emotions :

Relationships :

Group Situations :

Self Image :

Beliefs :

Life & Death :