Like a Teddybear With A Chainsaw... (Seliarus)

[Nidassasyae]

"To think," agreed Nida, her blush only deepening, the scarlet color contrasting sharply with her pale skin. It sounded silly when spoken aloud, where it had seemed perfectly reasonable in her head. But then, almost everything she said nowadays seemed silly, at least from her point of view. "No, no that's alright. I'll answer." The Kelvic bit her lip in thought. Torn between relief and glumness as he removed his lips from her neck, a small sense of clarity began to slowly trickle back into her mind. "It calls to me, Sel," She whispered, gesturing at the wilderness around her. "It beckons, and a part of me wants to obey, to... nevermind. I don't even understand where I'm going with this." Nida sighed, realizing that she was spouting nonsense once more. "I came out here to think about us. There, I said it." If it were possible to blush any redder, than the Kelvic would have been as crimson as a tomato. Unfortunately, it wasn't, so she was stuck with looking scared, without a ruddy mask overlaying her features. It was the truth, the whole truth this time. The way her explanation had practically tumbled out of her mouth should've left no doubt to the validity of the statement. Terse, yes. But that was the gist of it, and that was all she was capable of explaining at the moment. Especially as she was currently distracted by his proximity.

[Seliarus]

"Usss, Nida? Yesss, usss needsss sssome thinking about. There isss much to think about. Too much, from time to time. Even I do not ssssee a clear path on which we're walking. What caught your attention? What about usss doesss worry you?" He'd speak, speaking the words in his usual snake-whisper. Only this time, his words were deeper. Even he did not understand everything. Maybe, if they both talked about it, they would find a common answer. To understand their relationship a bit more. They had trust, care, even love. But, it did look like they couldn't find a way to use all of that. At least, the Dhani couldn't find a way. And even if he did, it wasn't the full potential. He could hunt down a village for her, just to prove how much he did love her. But, that wouldn't mean much. Or would it? The Dhani was in the black with that. He did note her blush growing more and more intense. He understood what it meant, and, he simply gazed at her. This part of her was new to him. He wasn't used on her being defenseless like that. So pure, as he saw her. Innocence, actually. Just as he, she also did not understand the true meaning of their feelings. But, for the moment, he didn't bother why he felt that way. He simply did it, and it felt right. being with her seemed right. Bonding with her seemed right. Loving her seemed right. He did not need any more explanations of why. It just was like that.

[Nidassasyae]

"I don't know, I just don't understand what's happening anymore. I've been on edge ever since we started traveling again, through these damn woods. There's wolves, and all sorts of dangerous animals out there, animals that I don't know, don't understand. I mean, I don't even know myself anymore. What if I attacked y-" she broke off, but the fear that shone in her feverishly bright eyes spoke volumes. Nida was afraid that, however small, there might be a chance she could lose herself to the wilds. She'd done it before, and it had enabled her to survive those many moons, alone in the wastes. But what if it took away her control, her emotions? What if she harmed her Bondmate? Nida knew she was becoming something else entirely, and her guess was that it was through her Bond with Seliarus. But what if that change, this sudden bloodlust, made her back into a true wild animal? One that wouldn't hesitate to kill anything, be it friend or foe alike? Her fear was no longer of simply loosing herself. It was of losing him. "Or what if I can't protect you? I have been thinking, Seliarus. I want you safe, but would that include staying far away from me? Could you do that? Could I do that? Before Zeltiva, I could have said yes without hesitation. I know I still should be able to, but the thought almost tears me apart just thinking about it. But I'll do it, if you want me to. Just tell me to go, and I'll go. Tell me you never want to see me again," she pleaded, utterly lost in her only partially irrational fear. Once Nida was caught up in the paranoia, it would not let her go. Crazed blue eyes widened, and she clutched frantically at the folds of his cloak. "Tell me!" Slowly but surely, the fear and paranoia were sucking all the rationality out of the young Kelvic. There was very little human about her at the moment, aside from the small and soft form that she currently inhabited. The blue in her eyes grew, eliminating all the white, showing just how close she was to losing control, to shifting. At this point, gentle words would probably no longer help. Nida needed something to shock her system back into reality, though that was the opposite of what she wanted. What she wanted was to let go of all these feelings, to unknowingly become what she had feared. To let instincts smother all these conflicting emotions, reigning over her actions. To let the pain of decisions and fear simply end.

[Seliarus]

The Dhani simply looked at her. She was losing herself, he could saw that. Her words hurting more than any dire wolf bite could. Was she still sane? her actions seemed off. Sel was quite angry, actually. How could he ever ask her to live. How could he ever say he didn't want to see her again, even though he told her he can't imagine a life without her anymore. Maybe the bond was dangerous, but he was ready to take that risk. He was ready to risk his own life just to be with her. Maybe she couldn't protect him from herself, but he wasn't defenseless himself. He rose his right hand up, glaring at her for the moment. Before he did it. he send his palm to meet her cheek, trying to make her regain a clear head. It almost watered his eyes to actually hit her, but that was needed. else she wouldn't listen. Else she would keep talking this nonsense. "Sssnap out of it, Nida." He'd start to speak, his words mixed with the initial fear of her reaction, and the shock of her words. He left his palm on her cheek, trying to tip her head upwards, so she would look at him. "You want me to sssay that? Do you really? Do you really want to leave me? You think I would agree on that? I love you. More than anything. More than myself, yesss. You warned me it might dangerousss for me before the bond. I ssstill accepted. I know my risksss. And I'm willing to take them just to be with you. I will -NEVER- asssk you to leave. If you do not feel well with my pressssence, you can leave. But I will never sssay that myself. You can protect me, but you will alsso need to be able to protect yourself. We both want the other to be safe. But, you forget, I can also take care of myself. I can protect myssself. let the wolves come again." He would pause, so his words would take extra effect, before his previously cold, harsh words changed into a warm, caring tone. "If you want me to be ssssafe... Ssstay with me. Be with me. Never leave my side. That way, you can protect me from the pain of losssing you." He would finish, keeping his coal eyes locked on her face, direly trying to make an eye contact. "I love you. Don't talk like that... It hurtsss more than any bite."

[Nidassasyae]

Nida felt the impact of his hit, the delicious coolness of his palm before the small explotion of pain. It wasn't all physical pain, not really. Both Sel and Nida had gone through much worse, a slap couldn't be much in comparison. But the fact that he had hit her hurt much more than the action, casing the Kelvic to suddenly stop in the middle of her tirade, freezing in shock. Slowly, her eyes went back to normal, the irises shrinking until they met human proportions. Nida removed her hands from his cloak, instead using them to cover her face. She didn't hate him for it, didn't feel any anger because of the action. Nida was willing to suffer much worse, if she had to defend him. If that was what he wanted. That wasn't to say that she'd consent to being beaten by him like a common dog, but it hadn't come that far. Not yet, and until it did, the Bond would remain unbroken. It was the Kelvic part of her that thought now, the animal instincts were put firmly under control. It hurt just to think about that, leaving him because of those things. He'd done it to bring her back, where she had almost slipped from the edge of sanity. Nida knew that. But even so, his action forced her tired mind to think, albeit briefly, about if it ever went further. Sel's hand still rested on her cheek, cooling the slap-reddened skin underneath. At first, she refused to look up. By the Gods, what had she done? Nida shivered despite the thick clothing that covered her. She'd almost lost herself, and it had been even worse this time. The sacrifice in Zeltiva could not compare. This time, she'd genuinely lost her hold, however briefly, on her control. But Nida couldn't resist him. She would never resist him. Slowly, she uncovered her eyes, and tilted her head up to look at him. They were all red and puffy, and Nida looked just about to burst into tears. She hated that about herself, that anything concerning Sel always led to tears. Weakness, she had so much of it. Too much. What if- No. Those thoughts were what led to her explosion earlier. She couldn't think those things. "No, I don't want you to say that," the Kelvic whispered, her soft voice carrying on the still winter air. "I don't want you to leave me. It hurt almost too much to ask. I never wanted you to go, Sel. I want you to stay with me, I want to be with you." She paused for a moment, struggling to keep the sobs in. Pathetic, weak creature. Can't even say a sentence without crying, she told herself, forcing her mouth to keep moving. "But it's not me, sometimes. It's something else, something that doesn't love you. You've seen it, just now. I don't want it to hurt you. I can't live with that thought. Could you stop it, as you did earlier? Could you bring me back? Could you be prepared to strike me again?" "I would stay with you, protect you from whatever you want to be protected from. In my heart, I know I can't bear to leave you, not while my sanity is still intact. My life for yours, blood for blood, love for love." These words carried a stronger note to them, however faint. Slowly, she was coming back to herself, no longer whispering, but simply softly talking. Nida met his coal black eyes, gazing into their ebon depths. So strong, so much stronger than her. Emotionally, she'd thought he was the one who was unstable. When they'd Bonded, he'd spoke of his lack of control. Now Nida saw the truth, it was really her who was the weakling. Though his words may have only communicated that it was he who needed her, Nida knew otherwise. She needed him, more desperately than anything else. More than air, water, blood, or life itself. If he left now, or she did, there'd be no turning back. No way to bring her back to sanity. The Kelvic gave a shudder of relief when she heard him give an order. It wasn't exactly like an order, Seliarus would never force her to do something. But still, it was the only thing he said that didn't have her choice directly woven into the words. The solidity of that one statement built her up, and broke her down. At one end, she had something she knew what to do with, not to talk like that again. On the other, he said that it hurt him. "I'm s-sorry." The Kelvic's voice wobbled over the words, and she kept her chin up, trying to keep the tears from spilling out. Pain, so much pain that she'd caused him. Here in the wilderness. At Zeltiva. Even her foolish choices with the Direwolves, it all led to that. "I won't, I won't ever talk like that again. I promise, I swear. Never again."

[Seliarus]

The Dhani would keep would be caught between two worlds. Like so many times before. He did hit her, even though he hated the very thought of that. Maybe there was no other way, but, now, as he did it, he felt bad. There had to be a different way. He wasn't ready to strike her again if that would happen. He couldn't. His hand felt like stone. Cold. Hated. Doing that which he swore to protect her from. And yet she didn't complain. She didn't say a word. A part of him hoped she'd say something. Something about not doing that again. About trying to find a different way next time. Yet, all he got was the question if he'd do that again. He knew how losing of control makes you feel. He could relate to the feeling. Luckily, his out-bursts were uncommon since she arrived in his life. Yes, a part of her hated him. Like a part of him hated everything that lived. Maybe, in time, she would understand that the only way to deal with that, was to give in to the part, and try to control it. to add the hate on herself, and point it at something else. He knew how that worked, yet, he had no idea how to explain. He wanted to help her, but, he couldn't. That was one of the things she had to deal with alone. He will stand at her side all the time, protecting her from the hate, if anything went wrong. He would help her, but at first she had to understand it herself. She promised, yes. But simply talking about that wasn't enough. He had to make her see that even thinking about that wasn't good. Till now, she would be able to understand that bottling emotions up in your head only leads to attacks like the one before. The Dhani wanted to help, wanted to instruct her. But, he couldn't. He couldn't find the words.Caught between two worlds, each one tugging him in a different direction, yet moving nowhere. "I'll me alwaysss here for you. By your ssside. Whatever happensss. I wont change my mind. I ssswear. I'll help you. Whatever might come. Whatever might trouble you, you're not alone. Alright? You can alwayss talk to me. You can alwayss count on my sssuport. Asss long as I breathe, ass long as that, I'll love you. I'll care for you. And together, we'll make thoughts like that go away. We'll help each other. You complete me. Let me do the sssame."

[Nidassasyae]

His reassurance brought her back to another time, a past long put behind her, but not entirely forgotten. Whispers around the fire, the scent of kin and prey in the air as three children gathered around the roasting rabbit. A story, there had been many stories. Tales of magic, of heroes and heroines, of damesels in distress. Of those who lived beyond the ice fields. But there had been one tale, one told of a man and a maid, of a Kelvic and a Vantha. Bondmates. The two starcrossed lovers had searched for each other many an age. To young Nida, it had been a favorite, and she had flushed with pleasure whenever her mother began the tale. Only now did she understand the true sadness of it, the fear of losing her Bondmate, as Quarasi had with Svein in the tale. She knew not that hours passed Nor noticed that darkness fell And as she looked, she thought at last Her heart much break with heaviness: She wept, for all that had been taken For love unbidden, for beauty lost, For all that lives and breathes and will Grow cold and lose its loveliness The kelvic was silent, brooding over old memories, and what Sel had told her. This was no mere reassurance, nor pouring out of emotions. He'd given her a pledge, of sorts. A hope, a vow for might come to pass. She clung to it like a drowning man would cling to a piece of wreckage. She wanted that care, wanted a break from all the distrust and anger that had started to creep in on her, tainting all but Seliarus with their foul touch. A vow, he'd vowed to love and care for her. And he was waiting for an answer. No, she couldn't simply agree. This was more than that, perhaps more than her fractured mind could comprehend. But, oddly enough, only one thing echoed in that hollow space within her head. A vow from the story, when the two lovers had pledged themselves to each other. It rang out, repeating on and on until her mind was full of it. The sentences chased each other down the dark corridors of her thoughts, filling her until she thought she'd burst. "Alone, always alone. Never trust them, no you shouldn't. Always watching, waiting," She mumbled, feeling that sensation start to creep back in on her. Numbing her mind, but it wasn't able to silence the vow. The vow from the tale. "I am here. For you, I am here. As long as I draw breath on this world, I am here for you. Always here. By blood and bone, I bind myself to you. Though the icy winds may blow, I am the warmth against your chill. As you are my light in the darkness, the watcher at the walls. Your pain is mine, your burdens will be carried under both our shoulders. By blood and bone and Bond, I am here. So mote it be." Her voice soft, eyes burning bright, like frozen stars, peering into the depths of Seliarus' dark eyes. As before, there was nothing remotely human about her. But, it was not unconfined ferocity, but the aura of the wilds ran through her veins, her skin a seemingly poor barrier against it. Barely contained, but it stayed. She was altogether different, her voice flat, then lilting and musical, her right hand trembling as she reached out hesitantly. A feather-light brush, barely even there, whispered across his cheek. And then her hand pulled back abruptly, her eyes widening into saucers at the invasion of an altogether unexpected sensation. A burning feeling attacked the skin on the left side of her neck. It was painful, yet pleasurable at the same time. So odd, like being brushed by a red hot sword, which was covered in a wrapping of the finest silk. Shocked, the young woman put her hand to the burn, yet as soon as the sensation had appeared, it was gone. Underneath her fingers, she could feel the skin was raised there, that hadn't been there before. It wasn't just in some random swelling, but she could trace a pattern, some design of swooping and delicate lines. A Chevas Mark adorned her pale neck, shimmering silver in the cold winter air. In the shape of a stylized slitted eye, the mark had a certain elegant beauty, that which jewelry or other adornments could not even hope to compare.

[Seliarus]

The Dhani listened. Feeling her touch on her cheek. His eyes nearly watering. But, yes, only nearly. his coal black eyes shinning lightly from the thin water cover, only for a moment, before it would disappear again after the next blink he did. That was touching. That was the most beautiful thing ever had ever said to him. Maybe the 'I love you' was touching, but, her words, were like the confession. Explanation. Bonding. That was different from the bond they had, though. in the bond, they accepted to be near each other. Here, they were accepting actually being one. The bond was nothing more but a first date, compared to this. That date when you don't know what to do, what to say, or how to act. Here, they knew what they say. They knew what they want. And how they would get it. He wanted to be with her. To love her. To treasure her like a jewel she was in his heart. To hurt those who'd hurt her, and prevent her from getting hurt. And after that thought, he felt something burning on the left side of his neck. He seen it also happened to the Kelvic, but, as she did move, he did not. He stayed there, sitting, with closed eyes, head tipped downwards. The feeling was weird. it did hurt, but the pain was different. it was more like his shifting, but, different. He couldn't explain it, but, even if he would try, the pain was long gone. His right hand was placed on his neck, feeling the same slitted eye Chevas mark than his Bondmate. Confused, yet relieved, the Dhani felt complete. Happy, if you want. His eyes were locked on the Kelvic again, his hand trying to meet her's. Trying to feel her touch again. The Dhani felt peace once more. The Snake was tamed.

[Nidassasyae]

OOCIt's on your neck hon, not your cheek What was this? This odd mark on her neck? Nida's brow furrowed. Who sent it? Was it dangerous? There, Sel had it too! Frantic, the Kelvic reached towards her mark, about to attempt to try and remove it, but then she remembered something. In the tale, when the Bondmates had given vows, marks had appeared on their necks as well. Always only on the left side. No, this pretty but useless mark was a Chevas mark. Nida supposed that this Cheva had given it to them, but the tale hadn't gone so far as to explain who that was. Good, it was Cheva's, not their work, so it couldn't be harmful. "We're one now. Not alone, not two anymore. One," whispered Nida when she finally found her voice, her new way of speaking was strange in her own ears. Fragments... that was how she had started thinking now. Brief fragments. Where the Dhani's want for touch extended to small things only: holding hands, Nida's hunger for it went far beyond that. She wanted his cool touch, yes, but she wanted more. Her fingers threaded through Sel's as his hand was seeking hers. Then, carefully, her tentativeness showing with her slow movement, Nida pressed her lips against Seliarus'. Softly at first, then more hungrily. But never hard enough that he could not easily pull away. After a split second of this, she drew back, her question apparent in her eyes. Was this okay? The hunger still burned inside her, but she managed to just keep the flames in check, wanting his consent before proceeding.

[Seliarus]

Puzzled, maybe. He did not heard about random marks appearing on your neck when you say something like that. Or, maybe he did, but forgot during the years. Probably the last. Like he would ever believe something as beautiful as this would happen to him. looking back, the Dhani had no real wanting to feel at home. To feel cared for. Living around towns, and running away from the townsfolk was enough. Like his Bondmate would put it, the thrill of the hunt. The touches, and care his Mother gave him, were merely a shadow of the past. Unable to remember much. Until this all happened. Until this Kelvic stepped into his life, and showed him that he was missing on something in his life. Missing her in his life, to be exact. He gave little to no worry to the mark. It appeared after he promised something to her. After saying he'll be with her. Mizahar was full of magic. Good, or bad. it had Gods, Goddesses, magical powers, and magical beings. he guessed, it had something to do with it. Their confession, and now, their vows. He accepted it. Not feeling like he should take it back, or break it somehow. Oh, no. He had all he wanted. His. No, theirs. There was no mine anymore. No, I, or me. Not now. He could feel her hunger coming from the bond. Indeed, holding hands was too little. Caught in the moment of the kiss, he'd give the Kelvic a smile. Warm, caring smile he rarely used, if not with her. No one else deserved it anyways. He'd bring his right hand up, and wrap it around her shoulder. He did not a thing to resist the kiss, but after it ended, it left something behind. The feeling of emptiness. He wanted more. So, he tried to lightly pull her closer, using his right hand, slowly, tipping his head to the side, and slightly forward as well. He didn't ask for permission. No, he felt it was the right thing. For the both of them. His lips would met hers again, only this time, it was he who was being offensive. Early, she caught him by surprise, but now, he had a clear head. No hate. No humans. No worries. Only her. only desire. He was with her, the Chevas mark silvery metallic shine was the proof for that. Just like she said, they were one.