Unforgiven [Denen]

[Eldon Sunkiss]

Denen may not have realized it, or even believed it if he heard this, but he was a miracle worker. He had single handedly patched Eldon up, stopped the bleeding, eased the aches and pains of the body, and gave emotional support to Eldon. It was difficult for a person to realize just what Eldon was going through. Sama'el knew, he had lost his entire family at once. Eldon's family was always small, but over time they all fell from his life, leaving only one brother, who he only recently met, and Eldon's friends. They were good friends, but few could claim to be as good for Eldon as his cousin Sam, and Denen. Denen might have had an even bigger role in Eldon's recovering than Sam did, despite Eldon's certain death if either of them had failed. Sunkiss knew he was forever in their debt, and even though he may never get the chance to rescue them from death (and he hoped he would never have to) he would always do anything for them, never try to hurt them. He owed them too much. It was why he felt like dying when he kissed Denen's shoulder. It was a platonic enough of an action, he could have passed it off as delirium, being emotionally and mentally broken, or just a motion of gratitude, but lying didn't feel right, not to Denen, of all people. He was Eldon's Harmless Protector, his pacifistic defender, his hero even. As Denen worked, Eldon looked at his hands, the palms, rugged, rough, worn from years of reimancy, wielding a spear, toiling with dirt, fighting and riding. They looked strong, but almost devious, angry. He could easily cup them around nothing, yet imagine them encircling the throat of a Zith, squeezing the life out of the monster that stole the last thing that truly mattered to him. Eldon's hand lowered, replacing his gaze on his palms to that of Denen's face, his own eyes. It felt strange to feel so close to this man. They had been friends for several seasons now, but it was like his near-death experience only strengthened some emotional bond between them. Eldon, rather than wondering why is happened, questioned why it had to be a near death situation that brought them so close. Eldon swallowed hard, a lump rose in his throat and he thought he might suffocate from the lingering nervousness there. It felt like such an odd action, having Denen's hand slide slowly, comfortably down his chest. It felt unfamiliar but not particularly unwanted. It gave him chills, yet not that of cold. His hands, those hands that hungered for vengeance, lifted into the air. Eldon still wished he was more proficient with the Grassland Sign, it would make this so much easier, to say more, to speak faster, to make conversation with Denen just genuinely easier. The hands felt too sinful and dirty to use in conversation with this gentle man. There were no other choices though. "I have healed well because of you. Not only have you healed my body, but given me hope to keep going. Thank you." Eldon smiled through the consistent pain of his chest nagging at him. It was difficult to smile, after the dream, the experience, the feeling of disaster coursing through his veins. It was difficult to smile, but he found strength there for a genuine happy smile, as if for just a moment, his father was alive, he wasn't injured, and he was there with his friend. Denen's face turned red, intensely red. Eldon bit down on his lower lip. He feared that he went to far, which he probably had. He had been so focused on not hurting his friends, or even allowing them to suffer, and here he was, using his own condition as an excuse to use Denen. He felt his chest hurt, not where the Zith managed to rend his flesh, but his heart. It ached. He made a mistake, he was certain of it. He winced lightly, wishing for a moment Denen was more fierce and would strike him for such an action, such a bold action. It just wasn't fair to Denen. Eldon's pained staring lowered for a moment, but quickly returned, locking gazes with Brokensong once again. He was caught off guard by his words, they almost held a sense of longing, not regret. "It not fair to treat you like this. You have been so kind to me, and to do that without your wish is wrong." Despite his poorly worded apology, Eldon couldn't take his eyes off Denen. He glanced from his eyes, to his hair, his lip, and back to the eyes as if he was imagined some sort of intricate dance right where Denen's face was. Eldon was certain he caused Denen pain, after he had done nothing but watch over Eldon and care for him so diligently. Never once had Denen asked anything of him. "Ask for anything from me. I will get it for you."

[Denen Sunsinger]

Denen had grown up in a family whose priority was helping others. They tended to the sick, labored tirelessly on finding better ways to mix herbs and heal. But he had found, in his Pavilion, that so much time was taken to fix others, that there was little effort given to healing wounds within the family. Not physical wounds, but wounds that reached the heart. Denen had never been able to overcome the look in his father's eyes, or how Jada—when he was a child and in need of comfort—often seemed short with him. It wasn't his fault that he'd been subject to brutal ear infections. He thought of his family then, of what it would have been like to have someone there at all times, a constant. A friend, more than just family. He was discovering that with his friends now. Friends were a novelty to him, a newness. He'd had them before, yes, but never of this caliber. He didn't know what he would do without them. They were his new family, with or without the title of a Pavilion. They offered comfort in return for the comfort he offered them, and kindness for kindness. They were patient with his clumsy tongue, and each sought to make life easier for him by using sign when he was present. It meant more than he'd ever be able to tell them, and treating their wounds, emotional and physical, was the very least that he could do to repay them. His hands were gentle, roughened only from the time he spent digging for roots. He did not think of them as heroes hands. They were hands that were meant to heal, but what was so special about that? He smiled up to Eldon for a moment, a sweet, innocent gesture. On his knees as he was, it might have looked almost as though he was offering a prayer. He tucked a strand of dark hair behind his ear, flushed slightly, and returned his bandages to his bag. With everything tucked away, he put his focus, instead, on making sure Eldon appeared healthy. His skin didn't seem to have lost any of its luster, or color, and his eyes—for all their sadness—were still bright. His temperature was normal. His tireless efforts of cleaning the wounds had, it seemed, paid off. There were no signs of infection. In fact, the herbs had added a pleasant aroma to the air of the tent. Everything was healing in order, which pleased him more than he could ever say. He noted Eldon's shivering, and in his innocence thought it due to the cold air outside. His blue eyes shone with quiet pride, and his pretty face flushed as Eldon spoke. It wasn't just him, he knew that. Sam's encouraging had helped, and Eldon's own physical strength, too. His head bowed gratefully. They were too kind to him, his friends. He felt valued, appreciated. It was strange to him, but welcome. “I'd sooner offer praise to Rak'keli than myself,” he admitted quietly. He was grateful for Eldon's effort at speaking sign. He knew it was a change, but the thought meant a lot to him. He could keep up well enough with words, but it was difficult to speak back. He didn't know what his voice sounded like, beyond the muffled vibrations in his head, but he had been teased for it as a little boy, enough to make his use of vocalizations limited and timid. He spoke easily enough with those he trusted, Eldon among them, but he preferred to use his hands. Denen's eyes met Eldon's, and he frowned slightly. He didn't feel like he'd been used. The kiss had been sweet, gentle. It was nice to think that maybe Eldon was like him in one way or another. Beautiful, admirable Eldon. What was Denen in comparison but a pale, gawky boy? He fiddled with his hands, watching Eldon explain that he felt he'd insulted the young healer somehow. Denen let him speak, and then slowly shook his head. “I never said I did not wish it,” he signed, his eyes dropping. “You are very handsome, Eldon, and I...” His hands dropped into his lap. What was he doing? Surely, Eldon hadn't meant it like that. He reached down and drew up the shoulder of his tunic, offering a soft sigh. “I suppose you might as well know. I am not...drawn to women, Eldon. In fact I'd sooner be a man's wife than be a husband.” He stood for a moment, looking down at the seated Eldon, before he slowly sat down beside him, his bag on the floor and his hands folded in his lap. “I don't think that will ever happen, though.” He smiled again, softer now. “What I mean to say is that you need not apologize for something so simple. It was just...It was just a kiss.” This said, he leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on Eldon's cheek. “There. Now we are even. I couldn't ask for anything, Eldon. Nothing besides your friendship. It means more to me than you know.”

[Eldon Sunkiss]

Denen was attracted to men. Eldon had suspected this on several occasions, primarily because Denen lived with Sam, in his pavilion. He wasn't sure why Sam was doing it, since he was fairly certain Dymphna had all of his attention anyway. Perhaps there was a little about Sama'el that Eldon just wasn't yet aware of. Eldon smirked lightly as he lowered his head. He suspected how Denen felt about others, and here he was giving Denen a kiss on the shoulder, and not even able to explain his actions. He looked up at the young man again, the healer that had saved him after he was pulled from the plains by Sama'el. Denen had patched his wounds, soothed his pains, calmed his fears. Sama'el had giving him strength and hope that he would claim vengeance, but if Eldon was to be entirely honest, it was Denen that really did everything to keep Eldon from passing on. Perhaps Denen never saw respect from his family, perhaps he never was treated like a person because he was thin, not a typical hunter, or some kind of warrior, yet Eldon loved him. Denen saved him, cared for him, checked on him like the mother he never had, the brother he never knew, the friend he always wanted. Eldon smirked again because it was easier to do that than to accept a tear of something, not sorrow, but something else. Perhaps relief or joy. "Rak'keli didn't come here and help me, you did." Eldon chuckled lightly as he repeated himself, though the second time with his hands. He wasn't certain how to say the goddess's name in sign, but he figured Denen would understand the same. "But I thank her as well for sending you, for teaching you well, for keeping you healthy so that you could keep me safe as well." Eldon nodded slowly, as if it was awkward for Denen to have Eldon know for certain. He knew that it had to make life just that much more difficult. Some men were quick to disrespect those that weren't "typical" or "normal". Eldon himself knew he was atypical, but he hid it, tried to, even to himself he had kept it a secret. He both understood and misunderstood the kiss on the shoulder, such a seemingly innocent act of affection. "Yeah... just... a kiss." Eldon smirked again, reminding himself that Denen was under Sam's pavilion, he would be taken care of. Besides, Eldon owed Sam too much to do what he did. Eldon sighed softly as he gently rubbed his hand across the fresh new bandages placed around his chest. Still, after wearing these strips of cloth for many days, they felt out of place. He wanted to tear them from his body and claim he was healed. No, he wanted to claim he was never wounded. Invincible is what he should have been, immortal, empowered, but it was hard to feel anything like this. He was injured, wounded, weak, broken, and fatherless. He was comforted, true enough, but he was still hurt. "Do you love my cousin?" It wasn't appropriate to ask it, but Eldon couldn't resist the urge, he even signed it with his hands, making completely sure he was understood. Perhaps, if he did, he would talk to Sam. No, he definitely would. If Sam planned on taking Denen, then Eldon could be pleased, but if Denen loved him, and Sam wouldn't, he might as well be crushing Denen's hope, if he had any left. He would find a way to help Denen, or at least try to help. Eldon nodded as he gently stroked his cheek with the back of his fingers as he mouthed the words 'thank you'. He felt he was forever in Denen's debt.

[Denen Sunsinger]

Now that he had declared his oddity to his father, it didn't take as much courage to confess it to others. He supposed that was due to the fact that he knew his friends would not reject him, even if they did know. He offered a soft smile and laughed faintly. It was nice to be able to be honest about it. He'd kept silent on the subject for a long time, and now he could be himself, even if that meant he no longer could claim his Pavilion. It was shameful, to be at odds with his family. He knew that much. But he couldn't live with himself knowing that he was living a lie. He could not marry and be unable to touch the women intrusted to him. It wasn't fair to them, any more fair than it was to him. He had tried to overcome it, to force himself to want that which did not come naturally to him, but he couldn't, in spite of his best efforts. And so, already an oddity for his deafness and his thin, seemingly weak body, he added to the pile. But he did his best to be a good Drykas. Since he imagined he would not be contributing to the gene pool, he did what he could to help others, no matter who they were, to be a good friend and a comfort to any who stood in need. It was a special comfort to know that he could be there for his friends. For Eldon, Sama'el, and Dymphna. To know that he, however great a failure when it came to producing more Drykas, had done his part to keep others healthy so that they could. His eyes turned to Eldon's hands, and he gave a small smile. “Maybe someday the goddess will take note of me, and then I'll be an even better healer.” He would have given anything to be able to better help his friends, to be sure that he was doing everything in his power, however small, to make certain that their lives were comfortable and with as little pain as possible. “I was glad to have helped,” he offered softly. “You are my friend.” Denen's head bowed for a moment, as if waiting for Eldon to determine how he felt about what he had just been told. He remembered the disgust in his father's eyes when he had told him, and how hurt he had been to have to admit it to Stone Brokensong in such a way. It wasn't supposed to happen like that, if ever, but there hadn't been any avoiding it. His father had pushed and pushed until Denen had no choice but to tell him the truth. He glanced up slowly to Eldon, wondering what he was thinking. Did it make him less worthy of friendship in Eldon's eyes? That was what he feared most, that his nature would drive those he loved away from him. Eldon, like Sam, was what every Drykas boy dreamed of becoming. Strong, in spite of pain and suffering, and heir to their Pavilion. Denen knew he'd never be Ankal. He was the only child of the last wife, after a line of four older brothers and two older sisters. What was more, he knew the likelihood of his ever being married was small. He loved another man, one who, though good and kind to him, did not seem to return the same affections. And Denen, terrified that he might ruin their friendship with his love, had begun to do his best to try and hide it. He was adjusting Eldon's bandages when he saw his hands form the question. His heart sank, and his face blanched. For a long while, he simply knelt before Eldon, trembling. How could he admit such a thing? But he couldn't lie. Not to Eldon. And so, after several minutes of simply sitting there, staring down at his thin knees, he nodded. He did love Sam. He had told him so. Sharing a tent was becoming almost unbearable, for he often awoke in the night to find himself happily snuggled against Sam, only to realize that his dreams were just that. When spring came, and Sam and Dymphna married, he intended to return to his own tent to give the newlyweds their privacy, and to make his own presence less awkward.

[Eldon Sunkiss]

There was no nod offered towards Eldon, but it wasn't so simple as that. Denen's face went almost pale, his eyes seemed to get dark. Eldon knew he was right, he didn't want to push it any further, already he felt the guilt soaking into his skin from the air around him. He felt cold, very cold. Not from the atmosphere, but from within. Denen must have felt it too, he started trembling, shivering, perhaps more because of fear than anything. Of what? Eldon had no idea. Was he ashamed? Afraid? He wanted to kill himself for not restraining his words. He was prying where he shouldn't have been poking. It was no business of Eldon's who Denen loved, and who he did not. He was, in his mind, destroying the one that saved him from destruction. This was not how you defended a friend. A lump of anxiety settled in his throat like a stone or blob of dough, making him feel like he couldn't breathe except for a small sliver of air where oxygen passed through. It was not enough to satisfy his hunger for air, but enough to tease him, a feeling that could drive a man mad quickly. Finally Denen nodded, it was a weak, but revealing motion. Eldon didn't wait, but reached out and took Denen's hands in his own, giving them a soft reassuring squeeze. He spoke, slowly, so that the Brokensong might more easily read his quivering lips. "I am sorry. I didn't mean to ask." Eldon gave another soft pulse, a squeeze to Denen's hands. "I will protect you from sadness. Anything I can do, I will. Do not be sad." Eldon slowly pulled his hands away to sign again. 'You are my friend as well. You are one of the family I have left. If you hurt, I hurt. If you wish it, I will talk to Sama'el.' Eldon didn't know how, or if he even could, to say that he had never been so close to someone as Denen. Sam and Eldon, they were close, but they were kin, connected by the web since birth, and even through Sam's exile, they were together. Denen, however, held an unorthodox bond to Eldon. Eldon owed him, cared about him. 'If you ask it of me. I will help you find Rak'keli, and make her see you are strong for her. Make her see you are worthy, because you are.' Eldon placed his palm over Denen's chest, over his heart, nodding slowly. Denen had a heart of gold, larger in size than any man or woman he had ever known. Gender obviously didn't matter. There were things though, that Eldon realized Denen had an advantage over. Eldon, though unsure of who he was, was expected to take not just a wife, but many. Not just to take wives, but to have children so that, maybe, some of them would survive. It bothered him to the point that he only believed it was right because it was expected of him by his own people, the people he loved and trusted. He had intentions, someday, to wed and procreate, but he was reluctant to start, he had much to do, much to understand. Denen, at least, knew who he was, who he loved. That was a difficult gap to fill. And honestly, it scared the shyke out of him.[/indent]