Nida's fevered gaze softened slightly as she detected the sadness in her friend. What a pair they made, the two confused girls. Neither completely understanding the other, and trying their best to do so. While Seliarus was her Bondmate, Nida's connection with Nehsmay was still strong, albeit in an entirely non-magical way. She felt the need to please Nehs. "We find Shade," Nida shook her head adamantly. "I don't know exactly who this Kelvic is. Don't know. But I do know something. He couldn't have abandoned you. No. He must have had a reason. Reasons for everything." "I will stop when you or Sel tell me. I will go when you tell me. The decision isn't mine. It's never been mine. As much as you, or he, say that I could make it. I can't. Not mine. Not me." The Kelvic shook her head, wishing she could take Nehsmay's promises and reassurance. But she couldn't. Choices were not hers to make anymore. It wasn't because of the control that he had over her, nor the love she had for her 'sister'. Nida just didn't want to be the one to make these decisions anymore. She wanted to be told what to do, and she hated every moment of it. How she longed for the freedom of the open wastes, but the very thought of leaving the Vantha and Dhani filled her with an unparalleled fear. But then the Vantha's words turned to love. How Nida despised and idolized that word, that single syllable that spelled out countless moons of frustration and confusion. At first, Nida couldn't process what Nehsmay was trying to communicate. Love was in your chest? No, that was the heart, the ribs, the lungs. The wonderful place that contained so much meat. How could love be that? It made no sense. The Wind, the Sun, the Rains, the sweetness of a bloody piece of meat... how could they be love? This was abstract, this was poetry... this was petching difficult to understand. Nida was no poet, no philosopher, no human to solve and figure out the complexities of the mind and its emotions. To her, this sounded like complete and utter gibberish. But Nehsmay didn't lie. This had to be true. This had to be love! So all that remained what figuring out what she was saying. "Forgetting. About yourself..." murmured Nida, her grip on Nehsmay's hand suddenly growing slack. The Kelvic's face paled, and she looked away. The Vantha's description had aptly told Nida what she had wanted to know. Or at least, the misinterpretation of the Vantha's words. Did love mean forgetting about yourself? It must. Nehsmay didn't lie. But that would mean... Kelvics could love? Nida could love? The conflicted young woman didn't know what to do with this newfound knowledge. So this losing herself, this confusion, was all just love? A feeling spread through her body, icy cold and blisteringly hot at the same time. Hate, confusion, grief, fright, relief, love. Was it all of those, or none at all? A playful breeze blew through the clearing, making the flames spin and dance, and blowing the Kelvic's raven hair from her face. The Chevas mark was completely unobscured by the blueblack locks. Heavily stylized and shimmering silvery in the firelight, the mark took the shape of a slitted eye. But Nida didn't know what it meant, what it signified. The Kelvic had no understanding of the concept of marriage. Yet still, the condemning mark lay on the skin on the left side of her neck, winking at Nehsmay in a serpentine and treacherous manner. The Kelvic did nothing to cover it, not realizing that it was now clearly in the Vantha's line of vision. |