And You Thought It Was Okay? (Vanator)

[Khiara]

73rd Day of Fall, Late Night

Khiara stood under the protective cover of the horses coral, a makeshift wooden shelter at the side close to the keepers tents that gave the horses a protected place to eat away from the rain and the snow. She stroked the white coat of her frostmarch, mind troubled and eyes a dull gold. Vsenri nickered as he stood with her, nudging the woman gently with his nose, but it didn't elicit a response.

The letter had come, delivered with much trepidation by Vanator's cousins to the hands of his First Wife. Kashik had read it, and torn the messenger a new...well she'd gotten very angry. Handed the letter whilst the drykas woman raged, Khiara read it quietly. Her heart sank. What was the fool of a husband doing?! Doing her best to console Kashik (think of the baby, you will only hurt yourself. No, castration is probably a bad move in everyone's case here), even when she herself felt things she didn't want to feel again. With some faith that things were not as they seemed, Khiara had taken the first wife for a walk. Fresh air and maybe some mead for those not with child. But that had been a worse idea than staying home! Vanator's cousins had wagging tounges and disgusting imaginations. The vantha felt sick, and more than agreed when Kashik wanted to leave.

And so it was, this day had fallen. Both women, sick with worry and with the crude stories the men had told, they had stewed over the letter. Then, suddenly Kashik had risen. She took up her spear, and strode out of the tent into the pouring rain. Khiara didn't move to stop her, knowing she didn't have a chance. Pulling the tent flap aside, she could see the woman only briefly before she disappeared into the rain. It was either one of two things. Vanator was returning, or Kashik was going to get him. Either way, the young wife could do naught but wait. If he was returning, she knew Kashik was going to loose her mind at him. Probably damage him. Khiara wished she had that fire, that strength. Instead, she felt hollow and hurt. Previous feelings and emotions flooded her. Guilt. Betrayal. Self-Loathing. She doubted her worth, and so recently after their wedding, their first night together...the young brunette doubted her ability to satisfy the golden skinned drykas. Shame coloured her cheeks as tears wet them.

Curled on their shared bed, Khiara waited for the husband and wife to return, but time ticked on. It was getting late. And did she really want to be here when they came back? Cowardice gripped her, and the vantha rose to pull on a thick cloak over her hair and wrapped around her body. Making her way through the wet and muddied streets - thankful the rain had eased somewhat - she walked towards the coral. Then she jogged. Then she ran. Reaching the fenced enclosure breathless and crying, Khiara stopped under the sheltered feeding trough and took off the wet cloak. Her leggings were muddy and drenched, but her top half was relativity dry. Pushing damp tresses out of her face, the girl slipped over the fence and whistled. From the darkness of the night, Vsenri came to her, wet and forever faithful.

And so she found herself here, stroking the wet horse and staring into nothing. Her tears had stopped, but her heart weighed heavy. Had she caused this mess? Had her lack of...fire and passion...had it turned Vanator from their bed? Had he been so unsatisfied that he would betray Kashik too? She had been worried about his safety before, but Kashik would have felt his death. The web...that strange and mysterious tie between the world and the drykas...it would have belayed this. Maybe? Khiara was still not entirely sure how the whole thing worked.

The night went on. The darkness of sunset became the darkness of evening, and all the while Vsenri stayed with her. Khiara had shaken herself from her empty stare to find a brush and work on his coat, drying it out. It gave her comfort, and took her mind off the drykas and his damned letter. Some of her upset had turned to anger, and she didn't want to return to the violence that would be Kashik's own anger. The vantha felt some satisfaction at what the drykas woman would bring to the table. Still...

[Vanator]

Vanator slipped from the entrance of the Denusk pavilion into the damp autumn night. Khiara had not returned. He had faced Kashik's wrath, and, in her way, his first wife had exacted her pound of flesh from him. Though he believed she had forgiven him, she would not soon forget. Facing his stormy first wife had been physically and emotionally exhausting. But he still had to find Khiara and try to explain. So, dressing again in dry clothes, he headed into the darkness to find his Vanthan wife. The Drykas knew where his second wife would be. Whenever her heart was heavy, so heavy neither Kashik or he could console her, the Vanthan went to be with Vsenri. Those moods usually rose from a longing for her home and family...and the white Frostmarch was her only connection to her old life. The stallion had been with her continually from the time she left Avanthal, broken hearted at the loss of her fiance. When she felt her loneliest, she went to her oldest friend. Vanator made his way through the darkness to the horses, approaching the coral and seeing her shadowy form, small and slight next to the burly Frostmarch. He was nervous and humbled, now having to face her in light of the dishonor she surely believed he had committed. His steps slowed until he came to a stop at the fence. He could not make out Khiara's features in the dim light, he was not sure he wanted to see them. The husband's voice lifted over the soft nicker of the horses. "Khiara..." He paused for a breath. "Please talk with me."

[Khiara]

The golden eyed girl tilted her head to the side slightly as she heard a voice. A male voice, one that every day filled her stomach with butterflies and captured her heart. She didn't turn around to face him, merely turned her attentions back to Vsenri. All her calm, her resolve that she had found brushing the stallion dissolved in a blink of an eye, and she scratched his cheek as she fought back the fresh wave of tears.

Swallowing the lump in her throat, the young woman spoke low, but loud enough to hear.

"I guess Kashik found you? We were worried." Khiara fought back the words that really wanted to spring forth. Surely the First Wife would have given him that privilage. Slapping Vsenri on the rump lightly, she crossed her arms and watched him as he walked away.

"I will talk with you." The brunette said, unwilling to turn and face him. It was unfair to feel this pain again, after such happiness. There was an anger stirring inside.

[Vanator]

She would not even turn to look at him. But Vanator heard it in Khiara's voice. If he could have seen her brilliant eyes, the Drykas knew they would be golden, the color of sadness and despair. There was no doubt that she had heard the stories his cousins had spread, claiming he had taken Satu into the grass to lay with her. He wanted to make sure she understood that was not true. But he also had to tell her what did happen, that he had kissed the Konti. Though he had perpetrated the same transgression against both of his wives, the effect of his actions upon each varied. He had injured both their trust and their faith in him. But to Kashik, he had also brought her dishonor and betrayal and shame. She was a proud Drykas firstwife. But she was more, their marriage was not one of convenience, though it did bring political advantages. In the end it was fierce love that brought them together. But the wounds to Khiara were deeper and emotionally devastating. Her soul had been all but destroyed at the loss of her fiance Eliac, only to be crushed again when Van had to deny their love to marry Kashik. In fact, had Kashik not found the Vanthan that night at the cliff edge in Riverfall, Khiara may have done herself in. It took a season of healing in the company of the Drykas couple to bring Khi from the brink of her despair. When they had wed, it seemed as if Khiara had recovered and embraced her new life. Until now. He ached, Kashik already driving into him the pain he had caused his wives with one small kiss. He feared what he had done to Khiara. "Khi, it is not true what my cousins said." Vanator looked at Khiara, even though she would not turn to look at him. "She was set on leaving in the middle of the night, to find her own way in the grass. She surely would have died. I offered to escort her to the next caravan going her way." He paused, hoping to get even some acknowledgement.

[Khiara]

As Khiara listened to him talk, it was like having a bucket of icy water thrown over her. Relief flooded her being and her eyes closed against the sting of tears. Turning around, she walked to the man and wraoped her arms around his waist, pressing her cheek against his chest and closing her eyes with a smile and a sigh.

"I knew they were just talking. I told Kashik that you wouldn't just lay with some stranger, not after our vow's before Cheva." Pulling back, she looked up at him with shifting lavender eyes and smiled again.

"Vanator, I was so worried at first. Not...because of what your cousins had said. But," Smiling still, her lip trembled slightly as she tried to control the emotion that washed over her.

"Goddess, I thought something had happened to you. And I just couldn't handle that again...not..." The brunette shook her head, unable to talk. Cuddling into her husband, the one man who made her feel like there was life after such tragedy, Khiara just let her thoughts settle.

"I'm so glad your home. Did you explain it to Kashik? I bet your cousins will be sorry in the morning."
 

[Vanator]

Vanator embraced Khiara as the girl wrapped her arms around him, wincing at the still tender bruising at his side, courtesy of the enraged Kashik. How different his wives were. Kashik, perhaps wiser and more realistically, assumed the worst of him when the stories of infidelity reach Endrykas. But his Vanthan wife, sill possessing a youthful innocence even after all life had done to her, wanted to believe the tales were untrue. Her trust and ready affections made the truth even more difficult to reveal. His hand caressed her head, and as she lifted her gaze to him, her brilliant lavendar eyes stripped him and laid his heart open like a knife. Even in the dim evening those warm eyes pierced his soul, her soft, olive-skinned face so accepting and loving. He could not smile at her, trying to hide his guilt behind soft gold-flecked dark eyes."Yes, I spoke with Kashik." He and his Drykas wife had hammered things out, after she physically assaulted him and emotionally chastised him. In the end, they made up in Drykas style. "And my cousins will pay dearly for the rumors they have spread." "Khi, I have to tell you something." His voice lowered, trying to soften what he was to tell her. "It is true, I did not sleep with the Konti I escorted. I admit there was a temptation, but nothing like that happened. I did....kiss her."

[Khiara]

Khiara's smile slowly faded as she looked up at the golden skinned drykas. He didn't smile back at her, and his voice was subdued. The vantha didn't like this, didn't want to hear what he had to say. Dropping her arms, the young brunette watched his face, her heart in her throat. Her eyes shifted like golden dye running through a violet stream, her brow furrowed. His words continued, truly Vanator hadn't slept with the woman. But...he'd kissed her? Khiara looked at him in silence. Her hair blew lightly in the breeze as the storm from earlier reminded Endrykas it could easily come back. He'd kissed her, the Konti woman he'd known for only a moment.

Lifting her hand, Khiara slapped him once across the cheek, anger and hurt clear in her eyes. Her body trembled with restrained emotions threatening to burst from her. Goddess...Kashik wouldn't have cried... grow up! 

"I spent...seasons...wishing I could be with you. I travelled further than you could ever imagine, in agony. I wanted to die. Then, you came along. And you...you breathed life into me again. But I couldn't be with you, because there were other hearts at stake. I could never hurt someone, just so I could be happy. I dreamed about being able to just kiss you, just once, to ease the ache in my soul. I left...this city...to ensure I wouldn't interfere with your new marriage, even if it nearly killed me. It nearly killed the only thing in this whole world that still loves me without question and without waiver." Shaking, she spoke through gritted teeth, clenching her fists tightly and eyes wet with unfallen tears.

"The only thing! And...you...were so good and proper. You held me back when I almost let go...you reminded me of just how much I was not yours. Seasons, Vanator!" The girls voice broke as she yelled the word at him. Tears had now fallen, but she had no care. The darkness seemed to deepen the silence as she recomposed herself.

"And in one night, you give away to a stranger what you refused to give to me. You shame your First Wife, and you dishonour me." Loosing her stony, cold logic, the girl pulled her cloak closer and spoke with a soft voice.

"Is it...me? Am I not what you thought I'd be? Wait, no. Don't answer..I'd rather not know." Quite suddenly, Khiara turned away and whistled for Vsenri. In the darkness hooves came closer. When the horse stopped before her, the vantha set about walking to the stalls, looking for Vsenri's white northern saddle and saddle bags. She grabbed his bridle and reigns off the wall, unwilling to look at the man, but barely able to see from the tears in her eyes.
 

[Vanator]

As the Vanthan's vibrant irises bled gold, he watched his confession wash away the adoration she had just showered upon him. Then the pain and anger clouded her face. The sting of Khiara's slap to his face pierced Vanator's soul even more than the pain of Kashik's spear against his ribs. He would have expected his fiery first wife to resort to such a martial response to his betrayal, for she was a warrior. But he did not expect Khiara's strike. The Drykas husband's eyes drifted to the dark earth at his feet before lifting to meet Khi's gaze again. Every word she spoke, laden with hurt and fury, painfully stripped a layer of Vanator's heart from him. Her lilting voice took on a hard edge until it rose to a crescendo. Khiara had never yelled at him, never shown the rage that swirled with the sorrow and tears that she now shed. He never thought, never thought about the fierce jealousy Kashik would bear, the deep sense of betrayal Khiara would endure. In the moment he allowed himself to kiss Satu, there was no world outside the two of them. Or, more accurately, he was blinded to everything but the alluring Konti and what she had shown him. But his world was always there, and there was nothing that he ever did that did not send ripples through the lives of those around him. Kashik had exacted her penance from him, made her point by emotionally manipulating him until he could fell the anger that she had felt. Then she claimed him again and reminded him why she would always be enough for him. But Vanator feared Khiara would not so readily forgive him. In the ways she had so pointedly expressed, he had offended her love more deeply. They had waited for so long. The Drykas remembered the long season that the Vanthan lived and traveled with the newlyweds. Kashik knew, knew the Vanthan and her husband loved each other, yet she trusted them. And they did not betray that trust. Van's lips did not touch Khiara's until his first wife was with child and the two could wed. Heavy guilt rested on Vanator's chest. As Khiara turned away, Van followed. "Khi, no, no, its not you, gods no, its not you or Kash." He knew, at that moment, his words would mean little, but he had to speak them, he had to let her know she had not failed him in any aspect of their life together. Van followed Khiara and Vsenri to the tack area. He was horrified as she went for her horse's headstall. "Where are you going? Khiara, don't. I am so sorry, gods I am so sorry, I know now what I did was a wretched betrayal. It was a moment, and it is gone, but I regret what I have done to you and Kashik more than I can say. I could tell you that nothing you or Kashik have done inspired me to do this. I did not seek the woman out, I did not entice her. But I understand that, if right now, you don't beleive it." The more he spoke of Satu, the worse it seemed to get. Bringing her up would only make things worse, this was not about her, it was about him and Kashik and Khiara. Vanator took hold of the bridle in her hands. Trying to find her hiding eyes. "Khiara, you can't go out there now. I will go, I will leave for a while if that helps. You can go to the pavilion, Kashik is there, I will leave you alone, if that is what you want. Though, I wish you would stay with me."

[Khiara]

As the drykas followed her, Khiara tried to keep the tears from spilling down her cheeks. There was hurt, anguish and shame begging to come forth. But there was something else, something Kashik had helped nurture in her, something she lost somewhere back in Avanthal. There was pride. And she was not going to let Vanator see anything else. Not this time.

Listening with her back to him, Khiara blinked hard and tried to spot Vsenri's gear. The vantha wasn't willing to admit, she was running away again. It was easier to flee, and cowardly. But that was her thought. In her muddled and agitated state she had decided to go. Home maybe? Anywhere that was away from the ache rising in her. The pain and hurt she felt for Vanator's kiss was like a stab in the back. But it too brought up feelings she didn't want again. A hollow ache in her chest. Pressing her lips together as he stumbled through an explination, trying to make things better and only making it worse, the brunette spun around to walk past him. Instead he grabbed the bridle and stopped her, trying to meet her gaze. Khiara tugged on the leather, struggling to keep her gaze away from his, to stop the tears brimming in her golden eyes. Finally, the frustration and the ache overcame her as he willed her to stay and advised he would go.

Bursting into tears, the girl loosened her grip on the bridle, one hand pressed to her mouth, the other clutched tightly to her sternum as the hurt took over. Moving away from him, Khiara tried to walk away. He didn't deserve to see how upset he made her, how easily she broke. Slowing, she crumbled to her knees in the mud, doubled over and sobbing in defeat. Lightning sheeted across the sky in the distance, and the rain started to fall again in a gentle drizzle. Khiara didn't notice it, didn't care. Her heart hurt, broken and raw, old pains locked away spilling forth to mingle with the betrayl. 
 

[Vanator]

Vanator would not let her leave. It was too dangerous, but he understood why Khiara wanted to run away. It was how she handled the difficult emotional trauma in her life. She fled Avanthal when she lost her fiance, she ran from Endrykas when he married Kashik. She contemplated killing herself when Vsenri was near death. Van believed that it was only by the woman's goddess that she had survived this long. Vanator was not letting her run again. The guilty husband tugged the bridle from Khiara's hand as she gave in. With a helpless ache, Vanator watched his crushed wife collapse to her knees in the mud, convulsing as she wept. If he could, Van would have carved his own heart out of his chest with a dagger and handed it to her. Knowing he had devastated his young love yet again, the Drykas fell in despair the the ground beside her. Van wanted to put his arm around her, to pull her close and comfort her as he had in the past. But this was different, he was what had broken her, and he feared it would only make matters worse. A cold rain started again, only driving the moment into deeper misery. The Drykas watched his wife hunch over, as if she wanted to shrink until she was nothing. Her body shuddered with sobs, and Van could no longer stand it. He wrapped his arm around Khiara, drawing close until he could speak softly into her ear. "Khi, I never meant to hurt you. It was a moment, one stupid moment. I have no excuse. Gods I love you, I really do. I know now what I did was incredibly hurtful and shaming. I don't expect you to over look it, or even to forgive it, though I pray you do. I could not live knowing I had hurt you again, that you would give up on me. I can't watch you leave again. You are a part of me, of us. I promise never to betray you again, never to be unfaithful. You are more than enough, you and Kashik are more than any man could need or deserve." He hunkered closer to Khiara, trying to shield her from as much of the rain as he could. His words felt feeble, futile pebbles bouncing off of the broken girl with little effect. He squeezed Khiara and sighed. "Please come home." He spoke in a soft voice in her ear. "Kashik is waiting, its warm and dry." Vanator leaned back on his heels, looking down on his wife, now drenched, her dark hair sticking to her head and clothes. "If you want, I will sleep elsewhere."