[Malia's Scrapbook] The Final Curtain

[Malia]

To Do List After coming back from studying, I need one. I really want to get going with Mura development. This is only Alice's To Do, with no intended order. My PCs aren't as busy or rather, I first have to wake them up before they start giving me ideas again. Thread for Blythe Thread for Ora Location: Fire and Ice Jewelers Location: Heart of Steel Location: Wave Chaser Boats Location: Silverwood Wiki: include city drawbacks Wiki: important NPC writeups Wiki: Calivari Wiki: Opal Order Expand (ask Jen) Mura Manual & FAQ

[Malia]

Status Update Okay, I really should do other things now, but I’m taking the time and writing up a quick update on what’s going on in my real life and in general. School I have six days left until the final exam. It’s on June 9th, Thursday afternoon. Since school systems are so difficult, I’d like to explain a bit: Graduation in Austria consists of written and oral exams. Written exams are taken in German, Maths and one or two other subjects of the student’s choice. (I think I already explained that in a previous scrap.) They take place the week after the last week of school which was the beginning of May. In the meantime we got the results, and I’m pretty satisfied with mine. I got an A in German, an A in English and a C in Maths which is really better than I expected. If anything, Maths is trickier than all other subjects, but I’m glad I won’t be forced to concern myself with Maths ever again. This also means that my overall grades will probably be better than expected as well, although that depends on how well I take the oral exams. My subjects for those are History, Latin and Psychology/Philosophy. Now, after the written exams, we had three weeks of preparation time during which we only attended the lessons we had oral exams in. For example, I only attended History, Latin and PP lessons. Basically the teachers did a quick round through what we have to study. Some made us talk about it in class as if it was a presentation. Some discussed it with us and told us what we had forgotten or couldn’t find anymore. And right now, preparation time is over and I’ll have to get going really soon. I have six days of hardcore studying ahead of me. The funny thing is that my activity on Mizahar actually increased instead of the opposite. I blame it on the fact that there are no set school hours anymore. Everything I have to do is bound to be done according to my personal time management. And I learned a lot about time management this year (although it never seems to be enough). So, apparently I have found a good way to balance Mizahar and school. The only problem is that writing my own novel has taken a backseat to this. But that’s a subject for another scrap. And the problem that bugs me the most is probably the pressure. As always, I want to be perfect. There are a thousand things to do that could have been done earlier. I could have relaxed more. I could have started studying earlier, much earlier. I know my studying mentality: doing what is necessary. But sometimes I want to do more than what’s necessary. I don’t want to be good enough... I want to be better. But then, I tell myself that as long as I pass the exams for sure, it’s enough. But sometimes I want to be more. I forget that I can’t be brilliant at everything I do, and sometimes I try too hard and don’t get anything out of it. I guess everything I can do is wait and study. And study. And study. It’s only a week. Six days. And then I’ll be able to do whatever I want. Which leads me to the next topic of the day. Summer After graduation I’ll have a whole lot of free time and I’m really looking forward to it. I have promised myself to write like crazy, finish my novel project and review the last one and start a new one. I already have a few ideas and the plot is boiling somewhere in my mind and developing new bits and pieces, details. I really want to get used to doing research too. That’s something I’ve always been too lazy to do. But I want to learn it, because that’s what a professional writer does and it looks better in the novel. I also want to post like crazy on Mizahar and be really active again. Recently I’ve practiced writing short and precise posts rather than long-winded streams of consciousness. I feel that they’re just not as interesting anymore. It’s time for something new and fresh, a more refined and polished writing style, and I’m working on it. After the celebration on June 17th, I can hopefully focus on submitting my application for the ‘Language Art’ aka Creative Writing course at university. I already have a vague idea of what I want to submit: a short story, a scene from a novel and probably a poem (or not, because I feel that my poems suck). The fact that I only have 5 pages to show my talent and skill to the jury really irks me, but well, I’ll do my best. Towards the beginning of July, I’ll hopefully fly over to Germany and visit two friends I’ve first met on a German RPG board. It went inactive because all members were busy, but we continued talking over instant messenger. They’re lovely, a computer programming student and a girl with a biology degree who is also writing a novel and currently working at a publishing company. They live in the north of Germany and I’m still a bit confused about who lives where, but I’ll be visiting Lower Saxony near Hanover and North Rhine-Westphalia around Düsseldorf. It’s a funny coincidence that my grandma’s sister and her husband live in Düsseldorf. She said I should contact them when I’m there, but I think I won’t. I’ve only met them once or twice in my entire life. Anyway, I hope I can enjoy getting to know internet friends in real life and relaxing with them. They also said they have lakes, and I want to do a lot of swimming this summer. Mizahar: The grapevine You know what? I don’t care. I also want to say a thing or two about the recent discussion about rumors and talking about a person behind one’s back etc. You know, I’ve had my fair share of experiences in that field. It started in grammar school and is still an ongoing discussion topic at school. In fact the people from the other form group talk about people from our group all the time. Our school has turned into a powder keg of rumor and scandal these days because of a couple of different aspects that are not really important for this scrap. What I want to say is: See? It happens everywhere. People love talking and wondering and inventing little stories to entertain themselves. Green Day (German rock band) said that people who gossip do it because they are bored with their own lives. I mean, gossiping is okay, sometimes it’s relieving and relaxing. I do it too. But I try not to do it so that the people I talk about can HEAR me or find out what I said. This is an important point. Another important point is that if a person really has problems with another person they should talk to them or keep quiet. Of course, there are exceptions. Ranting to friends is okay, because friends are supposed to keep any dirty secrets that are revealed to them. That’s what being a friend means! But if you really have an issue with someone and you want them to change it, talk to them IN PERSON. If you feel that they won’t change it even if you talk to them, don’t. And most of the time people blow up because they’re still agitated and haven’t yet found back to a reasonable state of mind. However, being reasonable is important when criticizing others. We have already learned that lesson in the Worldforge. Why don’t we apply it to community issues as well? I firmly believe that you can only argue when you apply logic and reason. That doesn’t mean that you should be cold and unfeeling, but rather that you should back up your feelings with good arguments and explanations. Explaining things is very important, I think. In most cases it leads to understanding and tolerance and a peaceful resolve. I really wish people would explain more. Saying “I don’t like what you did here and here because it could be done better and more successfully this and that way” is so much more helpful and reasonable than saying “I don’t like you because you’re always mean to me”. You know what I mean? It’s a fact that a couple of people have had and are still having issues with Goss and the way she voices her opinion in posts and in chat. Me too. Several times even. In fact I recently remembered the first time I directly interacted with her which was when I commented on a wip location and she said that how the post was written and the atmosphere were totally okay and my comment was basically crap. I read it, got agitated for a while, and then I read it again and understood. See? It’s as easy as that. If you allow yourself to cool down before asking yourself what you want to do about the situation, you will often get better results. Your relationships with others will improve. Relationships should be based on respect and understanding, not on constant judgments and criticism. That’s something I’ve learned too. I have the natural urge to change others, to turn them into what I think would make a better person out of them. Well, I’ve learned and am still learning that my opinion is not a universal fact. And you know what? That’s why I take a step back and calm down before I start acting as if I were always right. Okay, I got carried away. This is not aimed towards a specific person. I guess it’s all the material that has been circulating in my head ever since I watched the first conflict unfold between two members of the Miza community. In the end, we’re all writers, we’re all artists and that’s what unites us. We’re here to write. So let’s write and have fun together.

[Ora Sa'vina]

I love reading your posts. For a few reasons: it lets me know you and you bring up lovely points that I think everyone should have slapped across their face from time to time. I'm glad you did so well in your written exams! I know how math goes, I'm glad you did as well as you did, your final grade will surely be amazing. The way exams go for you are quiet strange, but I think that it's actually really, really, fantastic. There are classes I wish hadn't ended, I will guess you love PP, Latin and History? I hope Studying gets better, if you really think about it though; chances are, if you don't know it by now, it will be very hard to learn it in six days. I have learned this the hard way with statistics. As for being perfect. That is how all people should be. You should always reach to better yourself, for you and everyone around you. I feel the same as you, I may be good or perhaps even great but I always want to be better. It's human nature, don't fret so much on not being perfect at everything, just enjoy the journey you take to try to achieve it, that is where the real experiences are. I hope you have a lovely summer! It sounds like you have a great plan set in place. Visiting friends and swimming, that's what summer should be. I hope you have a great time! I wish I could go swimming near Düsseldorf, or just be there. I hope you have a great time, I'm sure you will. As for rumors, gossip and misunderstandings. These are all human nature as well. People are easily offended, and it's hard to take a step back, take a deep breath and tell yourself to let go and try to understand what the other person is saying. They do not always mean to be vicious with their words, but it's easier to hope straight on the defensive and take other peoples comments as attacks. Really, people need to think about the person. Everyone has drama in their lives, sure, sometimes it's fine to gossip about some young hoochie sleeping with a married man, but you have to take a step back and think about this hoochie, think about the married man. Think about them as people. You never really think about people when you walk past them on the street, you don't wonder what their dreams are, you just judge them at face-value. The same idea applies to words. You judge them at face value when you should really be digging in and trying to uncover what they really are. Sure, you don't always need to dig deeper, but sometimes, digging will reveal a whole lot more. Sorry for getting ranting! Your bit there just got me thinking! Thank you for the lovely post and I wish you best of luck with your orals and I hope studying isn't like pulling teeth.

[Malia]

More School I’ll post a detailed schedule of what I still have to do today, tomorrow and Thursday morning so I am prepared for all the exams. It won’t be easy, but I’ll do my best and try to get everything done in time. I should have started earlier, much earlier, but at least I’m working on it now... and posting the checklist to keep me motivated and avoid excuses. If this is posted on Mizahar, I will not procrastinate by using Mizahar. Also, if you see me participating in chat (not just lurking), tell me to log out and study. Thank you. I desperately want to get this done already. The rundown, showing what I need to do in total and what I have already done: History: 16/20-something pages Special Topic: 5/5 pages Latin: about 10 pages Special Topic: need to go over translation and eliminate mistakes, background knowledge: about 10 pages Philosophy: 10/10 pages, Psychology: still have to summarize, but I assume about the same Thesis: presentation done, my teacher fortunately told me what kind of question she’s going to ask me during the exam Today: History: 5 pages Special Topic: 5 pages Philosophy: 10 pages Thesis: do presentation, study question (not much) Tomorrow: History: last 5 or so pages Latin: go over translation, look over other stuff Psychology: summarize, study All: repeat Thursday morning: All: repeat one last time Thesis: Practice presentation

[Malia]

Let's Talk Business I passed the exams. I passed the exams! All of them! I feel like being reborn today! Now that that’s out of the way, I can safely return to Mizahar and start plotting for my PCs, especially Malia. With Stitch’s retirement, her entire reason for going to Avanthal has pretty much gone poof. There are a few ideas, however, that just need some thinking to turn them into actions and results. First of all, I have wanted Malia to start a business for a long time. It’d be some sort of shady dark stuff, with an investigation business as cover-up while in fact it's dealing with Animation and Uldr and undead stuff. After all, Malia still has to find three people she can offer up to Uldr as an exchange for the gnosis mark she received. I haven’t found anyone suitable in my threads so far, although the Homecoming might result into something more interesting. I’m not sure yet. The main problem is traveling. The journey to Avanthal was made together with Stitch, Jaeden and his Kelvic girls. Now, how does a vulnerable Nuit get back through all the snow and wilderness and past Dire animals? That’s an important question. I could just say that she travels with a trade caravan, but if there is any way for her to travel alone or in a small group, I’d rather go down that path. If it’s realistic, that is. And then there is the question of her next destination. If she’s starting a business, it should probably not be in Syliras because of the Knights. But then, it should probably be in Syliras because it’s the city with the largest population. I could also let her go to Sunberth and get acquainted with the local population of criminals. She’d probably be more successful at recruiting than elsewhere. Come to think of it, I like this idea. I also get to play around in Liminal’s domain which I’ve wanted to do for a very long time because Liminal is awesome. Another question is when. It’s probably only an excuse because I have no idea how I should start the business and tie it to the recruiting. A serious brainstorming session would help. I’d also really like Malia to get better at Animation, although I’m not sure how I should do this. Of course, I do have two self-mod training threads, but apart from that I only used it twice in threads with others. Plus, Malia is pretty limited when it comes to training in public because she’s paranoid. Kahnikivas could be everywhere... At least that’s what she thinks. And she doesn't want to attract his attention. A good idea would probably be to go back to Sylira, stay in Sahova for a while so she can advance her magical studies and most likely get in trouble with the local wizard powder keg and then return to Sunberth and set up the business. That actually doesn’t sound so bad, apart from the fact that both domains are rather player-empty from what I’ve seen. One of my ooc goals is to thread with as many different people as possible, to see new places ic and to have adventures with different mods. There are many players whose writing I love and admire, and I’d like to thread with all of them one day! Now, going to Sahova and Sunberth is probably not a good idea when looking at it this way. An option would be to lure people into going there and joining Malia’s business. I guess I have a rough idea of where I want to take her, but the details will have to be filled in as I go. I’d also really like to hear what other people think about it!

[Malia]

Just an important notice: Due to a strange shortage of internet capacity I will not be able to log on, post or chat with anyone until the 21st! This is not my fault and it's nothing I can control. I could probably use internet cafés (which I'm doing right now) or the PC of my friend, but don't expect anything from me until the 21st.

Thank you. I promise a lot of activity, and I want to work a little behind the scenes until I get internet back.

[Malia]

Relations This might not be something of importance, but I really want to get back into scrapbooking, so I’ll just start by telling what happened today. Since school ends this week for those who’re still in school (hah!), my violin lessons have come to an end too. This is more finite than any other summer break though, because for me it means forever. I’ve taken lessons ever since I was seven, with a break of three years in between, but after that I really got to appreciate and know my teacher so much better. I’ve always felt a deep level of understanding between us which is very remarkable since he’s at least twenty years older than me. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean understanding in a sense of wanting to be together or something... He’s just a nice guy, he’s funny, lets me do what I want and I truly enjoyed how he conducted his lessons. For two years I’ve got to know him the way I do now... and now it’s the end. What surprises me more, though, is the way it has ended. I’m not depressed or maybe just a little, but even that is way better than how I usually cope with the loss of a person I like. I assume it has something to do with the way we said goodbye. We didn’t really do it. I wrote a little story today and added some musical elements to it, so it had something we shared in it. It also tells a bit of what he blessed me with through teaching me. He was the one who introduced me to the world of music on a whole new level, after all. It wasn’t just listening anymore... it was actively taking part and adding to the overall sound and music in the world. And I love it. Even when I stopped taking lessons for three years, I wanted to go back and start again. I missed it so much! Only when I had made the decision to continue with lessons, I was content. Anyway, I gave him the story. I also gave him my mail address so he could send me the MP3 file of the piece we’ve been working on. He wanted to send it to me forever... it’s so typical that he always forgets stuff. But I’m sure he won’t this time. He even fiddled with his phone for at least five minutes to turn on the alarm... And then, as I already mentioned, we didn’t say goodbye! Instead, he told me of hobby orchestras in Vienna and of a musical his orchestra is going to do next year. I guess he talked me into joining since rehearsals are mostly on the weekends and I will see my parents from time to time anyway. It’s such a nice way to part ways... with the promise to see each other again one day. I wish all of my goodbyes would have been like that.

[Malia]

Distractions Honestly? Sometimes I feel Mizahar does not deserve me. It’s not like I think I’m a worthless writer because I know people enjoy what I write for them. It’s not like I don’t want to be a part of this awesome community and the grand story we weave together. It’s not like I don’t know what the duties of storytelling and making the commitment of a thread (both as mod and PC) means. I think I’m the oldest member who is still a storyteller. And I’m kind of proud of it. But that’s not the point. Apparently I have a problem with consistency. I manage to keep up and post like crazy, to really work hard for a while, and then something else distracts me. Lately I’ve started writing a new story and joining JulNoWriMo. It’s a writing event like NaNoWriMo in November, only that it takes place in July. I’m posting on the forums a lot when I’m not writing since the community is nice and friendly and funny. I’ve also met a person I’ve been stalking for about half a year. Their stories are fascinating and they talk about their characters as if they were real people. That’s what I admire. Point is, when I find a writing event that really gets me to hardcore write for my stories, I forget everything else. Since the 7th, I wrote 2k every day. And almost nothing for Mizahar. That’s the point. When I’m done with writing for my JulNo story, I just can’t muster up the energy or creativity to produce another 300 or 500 words for Mizahar. PC posts are slightly easier, but getting into the story or the head of a NPC takes more effort. I don’t really know how I should cope. I already put a notice in Alice’s signature. I’m not taking any more threads, at least not until August. But then I’ll probably do AugNoWriMo (and/or have a job, if I’m lucky). So, I don’t really know what to do. Maybe keeping my number of threads low and focusing on the few things I have going is the key. But I don’t really see how I can avoid the problem. I’ve always struggled with balancing RPG posts and my own writing. It’s either the one or the other. But then, I don’t really know if my worries are justified. Getting Featured Contributor totally blew me away. I didn’t expect it. Not at all. But it makes me think that my activity is not as crappy and sporadic as I think. Are people actually okay with waiting times as long as I get back to them? Is it okay if development takes forever? I’d love to have an AS or two. I’d really love to, I imagine it’d make things so much easier if part of the load is carried together. Apply, people! Apply today! Anyway, just wrote this to explain my recent absence and to sort my thoughts a little. I really don’t know what to do. I don’t want to change anything. But I see that I need to change something to reach a state where I can be truly satisfied with my work. Jen’s scrap got me thinking too. Am I enjoying storytelling? Do I like it enough to carry on, despite the bad conscience? There are things I must figure out.

[Malia]

Okay, the internet shortage has happened again: No internet at home until the 21st. This time, however, I have a plan. My phone still has internet for reading, and for posting I'll regularly borrow a laptop at the library (which is what I'm doing now). I'm determined to keep up activity. Please be patient nevertheless!

[Malia]

Mizahar Musings Jilitse’s latest scrap got me thinking. I realized I haven’t been active lately, not really, with all of my accounts. I could list the things that keep distracting me, but the list would probably be too long for a single scrap. Let’s just say that I’m writing, always writing. I took a peek at my NaNoWriMo 2010 yesterday, started reading it with the goal of editing and polishing it, and I was actually surprised how much my writing style had changed since then. And when I told my friend, she said “well, you’ve been writing a lot” and I realized that was true. I mean, I used to avoid long and complicated stories because I didn’t have enough ideas and didn’t have the persistence to finish them. It seems like I have changed. My sights are set on being published. I’m 18 now and I feel like I haven’t accomplished anything yet. Because of this I want to polish the novels I’ve already written, find a literature agent if possible and then concentrate on getting a publishing company interested in my writing. That is really the focus of my life right now. Of course, I can’t stop inventing new stories and writing them down. In fact I just finished JulNoWriMo as well as Camp NaNoWriMo (which both took place in July). And then there are a lot of books I want to read in order to get better at writing and find out what one has to do to create a bestseller. I finished reading the first book of the Dark Tower series by Stephen King which absolutely blew me away. And now I’m fascinated by Natsuo Kirino and her psychological crime novel Grotesque. It seems that I take books more seriously, I want to analyze how the author arranged the content and pictured the characters. I want to learn as much as I can! Anyway, I said I wouldn’t bother you with the complete list. Instead, I’ve been wondering about Mizahar. I haven’t visited chat for at least a month. I see new people on the boards every day and don’t know if they’re alts or if they’re completely new. Regardless, I’m not interested in them most of the time. I have a feeling of being cut off from the most important aspect of Mizahar that keeps the game going: the community. This is obviously because I found a new community at the JulNoWriMo forums. It’s a small one, of course, but they’re very funny and nice. All of them love to write as much as I do! I’ve also been thinking about my PCs. I keep posting for Malia because she’s my oldest PC and the one who has gone through the most ic development and I don’t want to abandon all that. But to be honest, I’ve lost the drive to continue her story. She has hit a dead end, or at least it seems so. It’s the same with Aselia. I don’t really know what to do with her and Kelpie’s retirement made me sad as well. Now I don’t really want to look at Lhavit anymore... Okay, but I have new PCs (secret). They’re promising and I really love their personalities and how they slowly form a will of their own as their first threads advance. Yes, I’m having fun with them. But. I can’t just dive back into the game and enjoy myself like I did before. The community is not there anymore. I want to log into chat. I need to do it soon, try to catch some familiar faces (or names). I also want to get going with my new PCs. Gravitate towards writing what I like most. Yes, I think that’s the key. Everything else will sort itself out, I believe, if I focus on having fun. Right? I’d really appreciate comments. I’m aware of the fact that this is probably some sort of ongoing rant. It’s been the same topic for a few scraps, I think? Nevertheless, I feel like I have a lot of stuff to sort out in my head and this helps a lot. Comments and advice would help too, from anyone, really.