[Flashback] Sorrow Sewn in Silk (Poison)

[Venidus Larkspur]

The pause she took before saying hypnotist felt like an eternity. He bit his tongue so hard he began to taste blood, but the moment passed after a few torturous moments. Guilt followed terror upon learning that the attendant had only been working there for a month, but he usually decided to make the visits about the surrogates rather than their Symenestra caretakers. The “introductions” passed as did the guilt, his angst a result of fairly stressful day rather than arrogance. “Enninia Coolwater. I would like to talk to her very much.” repeated quietly as he mused with the name in his mind. It was one of the prettier ones. Venidus was fairly familiar with human naming practices due to his exposure and surmised Coolwater was the name of the woman’s Hold. Enninia Coolwater was one of the prettier names he had come across in his meetings. So she is practically committing suicide. How noble and dramatic. Venidus smirked as the attendant mentioned the rowdy newcomer, “You tied her down? Maybe she will be dessert... As in a second course to today’s travel... not a meal...” He was talking to Enninia as much as the two female Symenestra in the room. Symenestra were often misunderstood by outsiders and cannibalism was definitely one of those misconceptions. One would think Venidus would have learned to choose his words more carefully in the presence of a new surrogate... Venidus grinned as the surrogate returned the wave. What a pleasant and polite girl. Quite polite... He approached the surrogate slowly, but there wasn’t caution in his steps. Rather his slow advance was relaxed and calm. Venidus observed the surrogate’s surroundings carefully as he came closer. The visual scouring may have seemed like a paranoid attempt to find a concealed weapon or trap, but in truth, he was merely taking in the room’s beauty and finding conversation points. After beckoning his sister over, Venidus began to speak to Enninia. “Hello Enninia, I am Venidus. We figured you might be lonely and want someone to talk to. Loneliness is such an unfortunate state to be in.” He found a place to sit, as he feared that standing might intimidate the short Vantha. Even while sitting, the height difference was enormous. Venidus relaxed and leaned back on the comfortable chair. Just when he had leaned back, he lurched forward. The posture brought him closer to Enninia and evened out the height difference a little more.

[Poison]

„Come then“, the woman said and gestured for Venidus to follow her to where the Vantha was sitting. She also invited Sanairas to join them – after a moment of hesitation. It was obvious that she didn’t trust the young woman completely. Sanairas in turn seemed to have decided to just ignore her – as she had decided to ignore the shadows that were still lingering at the edge of her awareness, the fact that she could lose her sanity again any moment. Her attention was entirely focused on Enninia now. She looked at her fascinatedly.

„Yes, we’ve had to tie her down“, the attendant confirmed. As he mentioned the rowdy surrogate becoming dessert, she looked at him strangely for a moment as if she were worried that he was one of those people that would rather kill surrogates and engage in violent, cannibalistic rituals than make sure that they served their intended purpose, but then she nodded. „You want to talk to her as well then?“ she asked. She thought about that for a moment. „I will take you to her later on. But I ask you to be especially careful in her case – and that you watch your sister. The surrogate will have to remain tied down of course.“

With that the attendant stepped back, allowing Venidus and Sanairas a few moments of relative privacy with Enninia. She sat down on a couch at the far end of the room, pretending to be occupied with a book of her own.

„I’m not lonely“, Enninia replied. Her voice was soft and gentle, although she spoke with a noticeable accent. Her eyes, those strange Vantha eyes, were a clear blue at the moment, showing that she was calm and relaxed. „There are always other women to talk to, and the attendants keep me company as well, but few male Symenestra ever come here and just want to sit next to me.“ She smiled a little as she said this. „Apart from him, but he has a wife, and he’s often a little strange around me.“ The smile made way to a sad look.

„Why are you different? Why do you care about whether I’m lonely or not?“ she wanted to know. „Why does she care?“ Enninia pointed at Sanairas. „Because I know what your life is like“, Sanairas replied. That was all she said for now.

[Venidus Larkspur]

The thought of Venidus having to watch his sister in the presence of the dangerous surrogate forced him to cough in order not to laugh. First, Sanairas was twice as capable in combat than young Venidus. If anything, she would be watching his back if the surrogate posed any thread. Second, Sanairas was probably so capable that any woman a Symenestra could wrangle all the way back to Kalinor wouldn’t pose much a threat to the skilled combatant and hypnotist. He decided not to mention his thoughts to the attendant because he feared they might needlessly embarrass her. Sanairas had after all been out of the public eye for years, her prowess undoubtedly forgotten after countless rumors of insanity and incompetence. Venidus responded hesitantly to the attendant’s offer to take them to the other surrogate later, “That would be wonderful. It depends-“ He had almost said ‘how Sanairas is feeling’. His efforts to avoid the subject of her sanity almost crumbled before him, but he had caught himself. After a day of awkward pauses and silences, Venidus recovered from this particular near-transgression deftly. He continued, the pause unnoticeable, “- on how long we spend with Enninia here.” A polite smile tied the knot on a seamless recovery. The attendant respectfully retreated to another part of the room. Enninia began to speak in a voice so sweet that it was hard not to smile whilst hearing it. Her eyes conveyed that she was most comfortable. Her Vantha eyes offered him a break from trying to read the body language and facial nuances of surrogates of other races. Her lack of loneliness surprised Venidus, but he couldn’t say that he wasn’t pleased to hear that she wasn’t alone despite being captive. Venidus noted as her smile shifted to a much more somber look. While continuing to smile, he leaned forward, “Don’t take it personally, Enninia. Most Symenestra aren’t particularly skilled when talking to outsiders. I am sure he really likes you. If he didn’t think you were special, then why would he take you all the way back to Kalinor? Why would he choose you to give birth to his children if he didn’t think you were amazing?” Venidus realized how corny it sounded, but it wasn’t far from the truth in his eyes. It seemed understandably hard for surrogates to understand and connect with their very foreign captors. On the flip side, it seemed as though many Symenestra were equally as awkward and uncomfortable with their surrogates in many cases. He continued the thought, “Wife isn’t really the same thing as it is on the surface... It’s hard to explain but you shouldn’t feel anything except pride. I hope you know, and I feel that you do, that you are valued and that any strangeness is just him adjusting probably.” Sanairas responded before Venidus could and her response made him slightly uncomfortable. He wasn’t sure why though. He had already acknowledged the connection and it was part of the reason they had gone to the Nest, but Sanairas saying it so bluntly and genuinely removed any sort of romanticism or self-denial Venidus had created surrounding the idea of captivity. Enninia was probably curious about what Sanairas had to say, but he wasn’t really ready to hear it yet so he answered instead of allowing an inquiry from the Vantha, “I’ve been going to see surrogates for a long time... I-I guess its because sometimes I feel so much more human than Symenestra.” The attendant and his sister's presence both made squeezing the words out remarkably challenging. “Sometimes the culture and practices disturb me... I used to tell myself that I would adjust and get used to them, but I never did really. So I went to the closest thing to the surface we have here in Kalinor... you surrogates. Ever since I met one, I have been spending most of my time with them. I would like to say that it is purely philanthropic, but I do get something out of it. Sometimes its the only company I have.”

[Poison]

Enninia nodded as Venidus told her not to take it personally, but the sombre look on her face remained. Somewhere between her abduction, between the end of her old life and now she had begun to care about her captors, to identify with them to some extent. She wanted to please the man that would be the father of her child one day. She liked him – almost loved him – and she wanted him to love her back. For a moment it almost seemed as if the young Vantha would sob, and her eyes darkened considerably, but then she nodded.

„No, I don’t think he would have taken me to Kalinor if he didn’t like me“, she agreed. „You don’t want to lie with a woman that you find unattractive and boring, do you? I’m overly emotional sometimes. It must be all the stress. Most of the women here are already pregnant, but we are still trying.“ She sighed. He’d visited her almost every day for the past couple of weeks. Of course she knew that sometimes it took longer, that you didn’t always get pregnant right away, but it still frustrated her and made her wonder. What if she was barren?

Behind Venidus Sanairas nodded. She could understand how Enninia was feeling. She wanted a child as well – at least via a surrogate. But while there was still hope for Enninia – she might be a little delusional, but on the whole she was healthy – Sanairas would never be allowed to become a mother due to her condition. The great hypnotist and warrior of the Larkspur Web was no more. She seemed to have been forgotten by most of Kalinor. She was only Sanairas the madwoman nowadays, and if she knew the extent of the rumours surrounding her she’d be shocked or only lose what remained of her sanity faster.

„Why are Symenestra wives different?“ Enninia wanted to know. She knew that Symenestra women seemed to have little problems sharing their husbands with other women, but it still confused her. Having posed her question, she looked at Sanairas. The Vantha’s eyes flashed yellow with curiosity now. How could a Symenestra like Sanairas possibly know what her life was like? She opened her mouth and was just about to ask Sanairas what she had meant when Venidus interrupted her. She abruptly looked at him.

„You feel human sometimes?“ she asked, not quite understanding. Sanairas apparently didn’t really understand it either. She looked at her brother closely, waiting for further explanations, and she didn’t seem to be in any way aware that her presence made him slightly uncomfortable.

As Venidus spoke, Enninia nodded, but then she asked, „If there are some things about your culture that disturb you, why don’t you leave? I have to stay here because of him and the child I will bear him, but you are free to go, aren’t you? Why don’t you explore the surface and talk to humans that aren’t surrogates like me?“ On some level Enninia was aware that she was a prisoner, no matter what kind of feelings she had for her captor, but she didn’t want to think about it. It made her severely uncomfortable.

The talk about prisoners and why Venidus didn’t leave also made Sanairas uncomfortable. She was aware that she was probably the reason why he couldn’t just leave, that her condition affected every aspect of his life, but she didn’t want to think about her madness and what it meant. She disliked not being able to control it. She had been different once, strong, powerful, respected throughout Kalinor. To distract herself, to change the topic she asked Enninia, „Who is the man you speak of? Which Web does he belong to?“

„He is of the Acacia Web“, the Vantha replied. She smiled at the thought of him.

[Venidus Larkspur]

Venidus ignored the questions about how Symenestra wives were different and how he felt oddly human. He would have loved to answer young Enninia in gruesome detail, but two things kept him from doing so. First, he couldn’t really think of much to answer her with. The ideas were supported by feelings rather than particular examples or facts. Second, the examples and facts that did come to mind seemed to be incommunicable. She could only grasp so much of Symenestra culture just as he could grasp only so much of her Vantha culture. They were reaching out to one another, but the distance was too great to bridge at the moment. Venidus quickly pondered his inability to leave Kalinor. The reason that came to mind most readily was his sister and her state. However, that wasn’t the biggest reason. In fact, Sanairas and her insanity wasn’t a reason at all. As much as he loved his sister, his care for her was a luxury she could do without. She wasn’t even lucid for a majority of the day, and he speculated that she would adapt and cope with his absence... maybe even grow stronger! The real reason he couldn’t leave came from his family. The Larkspur Web constantly dissuaded him from leaving Kalinor. They often used Sanairas as a weapon against him, but the family pride and reputation at stake really was the anchoring force. As much as he felt human, Symenestra ideas of community and family bound his actions. Sanairas was safe from his family’s deluded mentality. She could probably take their father, mother, and other brother in combat, but even if she couldn’t, murdering her would not go unnoticed or unpunished. Her death, be it murder, suicide, or accident, would only bring more shame. Venidus was certain she would be cared for. Unless she was impregnated.... The thought had never dawned on him and his quick pondering evolved into worried brooding. A death via pregnancy would be a perfect way for them to rid themselves of Sanairas. Venidus prayed to every god that the other Larkspurs weren’t cunning enough to think up such a plan. He glanced nervously back at Sanairas who was looking at Enninia and asking which Web she was serving. The young male Symenestra let out a silent sigh as he learned that Enninia’s man was from the Acacia Web. Well now whenever I see one of them all I will be able to think is Enninia, Enninia, Enninia! I suppose dodging the subject of Webs would have been difficult even without Sanairas. Venidus coughed, clearing his throat and mind. He feared that the Vantha may perceive his sigh and associate it with the Acacia web so he spoke, “Acacia Web is most respectable and honorable! I am sure whichever of its men you are growing to know is quite great.” The statement was a lie of sorts. Venidus didn’t find any of the Webs particularly great. They were all the same to him. They were all unremarkable. They all danced to the beat of Symenestran culture. Some had darker secrets than others and some had more notable members, but as far as he was concerned, they were more or less derivative. The lie or mistruth left a disgustingly sweet taste on his tongue. He felt a crushing wave of regret and sorrow overcome his mind. He realized that he was trapped just as the surrogates and his sister. Enninia was trapped in the Nest, Sanairas in her mind, and Venidus in Kalinor. This new truth caused the entire cavern of Kalinor to feel oddly suffocating. Venidus was a prisoner and he hadn’t even realized it. He restrained an unexpected tear with his hand, disguising the motion as tired eye rubbing. Venidus just wanted to speak so he grasped out for a topic, “Don’t fear being barren. It’s an uncontrollable state thus there is nothing to fear. We should really fear ourselves and people’s tendencies to endanger themselves with poor decisions....” Venidus toyed with the idea of a barren Surrogate. He had never heard of one or met one... At first, the idea was interesting, but after a moment of thinking, it seemed almost eerie. Why hadn’t he heard of or met one? Surely Enninia wouldn’t be the first! Would they simply throw her to the cavern depths to her death or bring her back to her home...? OOCI am going to be gone Saturday and Sunday... Perhaps late Friday. Cell service and thus 3G is still unknown so I may not even be able to read posts or check PMs.

[Poison]

Both Enninia and Sanairas looked at Venidus, waiting for him to explain why he felt human sometimes.

Sanairas was especially curious about it. She had never realized that he felt like that – and neither was she aware that there were other reasons besides her insanity that kept him here. She tilted her head a little to the side and looked at him directly, curiously, but no explanation came. For a moment she wondered if she should ask him about it, but then she decided not to.

The young surrogate likewise remained silent. She didn’t dare to ask him about things that he didn’t want to talk about. No matter who he was and what he was like, in the end he was still a Symenestra, and she was a human.

„He is a great man!“ Enninia confirmed, and her eyes practically seemed to glow. „He is a weaver. You should see some of the things he makes! He even made these clothes for me!“ She gestured towards the silken garment that she was wearing. Venidus would notice that it was quite well made and fitted her perfectly.

As he spoke about the possibility of her being barren, she looked confused for a moment and furrowed her brow. „Fear ourselves?“ she repeated slowly, not quite understanding what he meant. „Which people are endangering themselves? Which poor decisions do you mean?"

Enninia had no idea what happened to the women that were unable to bear a child or she would be scared instead of simply a little sad. The truth had been kept from her, both by the man that would be the father of her child and the attendants at the Nest. Barren surrogates were usually killed, and their remains were thrown onto the cave floor that was filled with bones, decaying flesh and garbage, a place full of disease where dangerous things lived.

[Venidus Larkspur]

Venidus nodded genuinely. The clothes were quite exceptionally made. The tailoring and make were exceptional. The fit was perfect, but that was to be expected from one who knows the... “client’s”... body so well. Venidus had never been particularly attracted to anything really, but he was sure that many Symenestra would envy Enninia if they saw her. Her finely crafted clothing began to make Venidus very self-conscious about his raggedy garb. His clothes fit poorly and showed signs of were and overuse. Many of the articles showed rips and shoddy patches. He shifted uncomfortably in an attempt to cover most of the blemishes, but for everyone disguised, he noticed another and another after that. In exasperation, he slumped in his seat and allowed all the blemishes, most imagined, to show. Venidus bit his lip. His words were intended to be empty comfort for a possibly barren surrogate, but he couldn’t help to think of countless examples unlike her previous questions. Sanairas... She endangered herself with her use of hypnotism and paid the price. Curse my dull wits and tactless mind! He hoped that the comment’s implications had escaped his sister’s notice, but overgiving and Sanairas weren’t the only issues. The fringe Viratas groups were endangering all who partook in its practices and threatened to pull all of Kalinor into its destructive maw. His brother’s self-destructive rage and Web Larkspurs similar lust for reputation also came to mind. He mused which of the examples he should share. Some wouldn’t make sense to the surrogate while others would be quite unsavory to mention in front of Sanairas. With a sigh, he spoke thoughtfully and slowly, “We shouldn’t fear the uncontrollable because fear is only good when it prompts action and action can’t change the uncontrollable. Thus... fear regarding the uncontrollable is useless... and poison.” Venidus paused and repeated what he had said in his head a few times. When satisfied, he gave a shy grin and continued, “People like the fringe religious groups here in Kalinor who spill innocent blood for their perverse rituals... They should fear themselves for justice will deal with them swiftly when the time comes. If they had the fear you have, they would be more inclined... to stay in line.” Sanairas would have made a better example, but he wouldn’t dare travel that road. His sister would not be made an example of. He looked back at her with a mix of love and regret. He hoped that the love drowned out the regret, but it couldn’t be helped in the end. He felt regret for her condition and the thoughts he had been having all day. On the bright side, she was dressed much better than he seemed to be. The thought of clothing acted as a sort of escape. A sad smile crept across his pale face as he looked back at Enninia’s special eyes.

[Poison]

Enninia noticed that Venidus was uncomfortable, but she had no idea why. Was it because she was a surrogate? No, that couldn’t be. He had admitted that he did this frequently, and thus he was most likely used to women like her. Was it because he was so poorly dressed in comparison to her? She looked at him, and then at her own, luxurious dress and gave him a somewhat embarrassed smile. She, the prisoner who would either die a painful death or be murdered and thrown onto the cave floor, wanted him to be comfortable around her. She couldn’t stand it if he didn’t feel well in her presence.

As he spoke about fear further, the young woman looked even more confused. „If we shouldn’t fear the uncontrollable, what should we do then?“ she wanted to know. „Should we simply sit there, wait and see what happens?“ As she asked this, it occured to her that her life as it was now was mostly uncontrollable. She wasn’t afraid though, not really. The only thing that she feared about was that she wouldn’t be able to bear the man that had chosen her a child. Apart from that she was largely fearless.

Sanairas realized that she didn’t have her life under control either, but unlike the somewhat naive surrogate she was very much afraid. She feared that she would lose control completely some day, that she wouldn’t be able to return from the dark place anymore. She was scared when she thought of the fact that there was nothing that she could do. Why had this happened to her? For a moment she felt completely dizzy and had to hold onto her brother to steady herself, and then, when it was over she gave him a somewhat weak smile.

„Do you think your god will punish them?“ Enninia softly asked as Venidus spoke of the fringe religious groups. „Why have they not been dealt with yet?“ It was then that she noticed that Sanairas didn’t seem to feel well, and she patted the couch besides her, inviting the Symenestra woman to sit down, helpful and compassionate, as always.

The attendant that was still present had likewise noticed that Sanairas didn't seem to feel well and risen to her feet, but as she realized that everything was under control again, she sat down again.

[Venidus Larkspur]

Enninia’s question of the uncontrollable prompted a quick response from Venidus, who had figured it all out at this point, “Well, we should just accept it. We can shape that which surrounds the uncontrollable in order to make the best of it. We should make the best of it if it’s something bad and revel in it if it’s good. May the gods give us the courage to change what we can, the serenity to accept that which we can’t, and the wisdom to tell which is which.” Sanairas’s touch and weight on his shoulder surprised Venidus, but he grinned and looked back at her. Sanairas and Venidus had always been close and her touch was comforting. He was reminded of days spent with his sister learning and growing. The discomfort she displayed and the weakness of her smile were distorted by his nostalgia. Why can’t every day be like this... Her and me just happily surviving in this light forsaken city. Ennina’s second question made Venidus frown and furrow his brow. The fringe groups had been the source of much anxiety and countless nightmares. He had woken up too many nights sweating because his dreams consisted of his torture and demise at the hands of some cultists. He shivered remembering the last particularly gruesome dream in which he watched his family devour him starting with his feet and moving up. I will not let those groups take Kalinor... I won’t let them continue to exist! Venidus’s speech was solemn as memories of his nightmares haunted his mind, “My god... Our god may punish them, but I have heard of no such thing yet. I fear he may even reward them. I mean who is to say that their way of worship is incorrect? They certainly give more to him than most...” The attendant was standing up and Ennina beaconed Sanairas to sit. Venidus was a bit confused. Did I miss something? What happened? Is Sanairas slipping away? Venidus looked back at the attendant who was now sitting, but he was still unsettled. The young Symenestra yawned and stretched out his arms. He was growing tired, but Venidus didn’t want to return home just yet. His family was sure to be unhappy with reminding the public of Sanairas’s existence. He decided that fretting about his family was pointless while he had Enninia and Sanairas with him. “What god do you warship? I believe Vantha have a certain love for Morwen and Rhaus if I am not mistaken, but people are known to warship odd gods on occasion and I am known to have a shoddy memory.” He tried to smile, but he really couldn’t muster the will. He was a tad more drained than usual due to Sanairas’s company, and worrying about her slipping into darkness was taxing. If his sister did fade back while out in public, it could be dangerous for the people around her and the Larkspur Web would not be pleased. OOCTotally paraphrased the last line of the first paragraph from a famous prayer, but it fit... so I used it.

[Poison]

Enninia nodded as she heard Venidus‘ words. Maybe that would be best. Maybe she should simply try to make the best of the bad things and be happy if something worked out. „Do you live by that?“ she asked him. „Do you accept that there are some things in this world that you cannot change? Do you ever get mad at the gods?“ The tone of her voice was still soft and gentle. It would be obvious to the Symenestra that the younng surrogate wasn’t mad at the gods at all. She didn’t think that she had such a bad life here. The Symenestra were all kind to her, and she pretended that the bad aspects of her life in Kalinor didn’t exist.

„You pray to Viratas, don’t you?“ she asked as Venidus questioned whether the fringe groups‘ way of worship was indeed incorrect. „Do you not have priests? Priests that have been marked by him and regularly talk to him? Could they not answer that question?“ She remembered that Queen Morwen regularly talked to the people of Avanthal and marked most of them. Was it different for the Symenestra? Was their god distant? Did he ever give them advice?

„I worhsip Morwen, like all Vantha“, she replied. „She is a wonderful goddess. If you ever come to Avanthal, you might be able to meet her. She is different from most other gods I know. She is our goddess as well as our queen.“

„You look tired“, Venidus could hear Sanairas say. „Would you like to go outside for a bit? I’m sure Enninia will understand. She’s such a sweet girl.“ She was tired as well. That brief moment when she had almost lost control had exhausted her, and she could feel the beginnings of a headache. Maybe, if she was alone for a bit, it would go away. She still wanted to finish the tour of the Nest as well as meet the other surrogate the attendant had talked about. It had been so long since she had done something like that.