[The Home Cave] Letting the Cat into the Bag (Closed, Nya)

[Abashai]

[The Home Cave] Letting the Cat into the Bag (Closed, Nya)

TS: 60th of Winter, 509 AV
Location: The Cave in the Cobalts
Status: Closed, Nya


Pausing to assess one's life, or more precisely, the current state of one's life, is necessary if one desired to truly pursue purpose and meaning. Simply existing, living to survive each day, only serves the purpose of staying alive. Far too many people live that kind of life. At one time so did Abashai.

The benshiran's intention had not been to find purpose, his goals were never so lofty. Purpose found him. Driving sand had stripped him of the trappings of the rut that was his life and provided the opportunity to not only live to survive, but to find meaning in his life. It started with learning that the gods did indeed will something more from him. Yahal chose him with a mark. Gods do not mark people to simply survive. For two years Abashai had to learned to trust in the God of Trust, to learn that corruption and defilement were not acceptable in the world. Purpose began to take root, the purpose of serving a god.

Then she appeared. Nya Winters, by the hand of fate or the secret plot of their deities, swept into his solitary life like one of Zulrav's mighty winds. His life changed... drastically. Suddenly there was someone else, someone who was held to him by unseen cords. Someone he could not so easily isolate from himself,...though, at first, he tried. He questioned his fate. Nya was not Benshira, not even human. She belonged to Zulrav, not Yahal. He did not even know what a kelvic was, really. She had no shame in nudity, no qualms about eating human flesh. She was an animal in a woman's form and the farthest thing from what Abashai would have ever guessed as an agent of meaning in his life.

Looking back, there could not have been a better choice. Living with the outspoken, affectionate forest cat had revealed many things to him. She had begun to show him that there was a bigger world than the one he came from. That sharing himself with others made it possible to help them. That allowing one the vulnerability to love was worth the risk. And in all of it, she never asked him to give up who he was. Indeed, now he was no longer just a wanderer, He was a bondmate, Benshira, the mark-bearer of a God, an agent of his people in a foreign city and an enemy of Rhysol's followers. And Abashai knew that this was just the beginning. His life now had quite a bit of meaning. He felt as if he had moved into another phase of life. And there were some things he needed to do.

These reflections churned in the benshiran's mind as he stared into the fire, plucking absent-mindedly at his oud. Abashai was in perhaps the most peaceful place he knew. The cave was more of a home than any he could remember. He leaned against the pile of furs next to the fire, comfortably dressed in loose trousers, a sleeveless tunic and bare feet. Nya's ever-present dagger was thrust through a sash at his waist. Somewhere too, had to be the statuette of Rencil, though he did not look for it. The aroma of steeping tea mingled with that of rabbit stew the two had for dinner drifted through the cavern, the room softly lit by the candles lined against the walls. Indeed, with just he and Nya here, he should have been able to relax and enjoy an evening of music and conversation.

But a nervous flutter stirred in his stomach tonight. The time had come to tell Nya the things he would not before. Their bond had grown so close, Abashai could no longer keep them from her. It compelled him to reveal all of himself to his bondmate; the bond itself already told her so much. The encounter with the Konti at the Fire Festival only punctuated the urgency.

As Nya came to sit by him at the fire, he set aside the instrument, adjusting his position so that he sat across from the forest cat, his knees almost touching hers. It was closer than he usually initiated, though Nya never failed to close any gap that he may leave between them. And he found that to be just fine.

The benshiran looked into Nya's moss green eyes, who would surely see the sober intent within his own crystalline blue-greens. He found himself reaching out to rest his hand gently on the side of her face, his thumb softly caressing the smooth skin of her cheek, then slowly lowered it to his lap.

"Ny, remember the day we met, we played a little game? We would trade questions and answers. There were some questions I did not answer, not fully at least." He glanced over at the fire. "I would like to answer those questions now." He turned his gaze back to Nya. "I thought I could keep things from you. But you came to know me too well, see too many things through the bond. My intent was not to hurt you, or make you feel bad because I would not tell you, though I know that I did." looking down, he paused for a moment, as if to collect his thoughts. "For that I am deeply sorry. I thought it would keep me from getting hurt, keep you from being disappointed in me. I had been alone a long time, and I had forgotten how to share my heart."

Then he hesitated. Abashai had learned that Nya did not always see things as humans would. What if she thought what he was going to say was silly, or did not understand what it really meant? He concluded that he would have to take that chance. This was not only for her benefit, but for himself as well. There was a dozen years of silence penned up inside of him.

Abashai looked back up into Nya's eyes. "Some of what I am going to tell you, I have not told a single soul, ever. I want you to ask questions too, if you want, about anything. I want you to understand everything about me Nya. Then, maybe you can answer some questions for me."

[Nya Winters]

She had been looking forward to a quiet evening when she returned from cutting tall swaths of grass for Sus. Nya was infinitely more suited than the horse to shift into her animal form and rend the snow with her claws to reveal the tasty treats below. Tasty - as in mice. What Abashai didn't know (though truthfully he probably did - but she liked fooling herself into thinking that he was blind to a few of her more debase and nauseous habits) couldn't hurt him right? And of course once the snow was removed, all the kitten treats gleefully consumed, it was only fair she shift back and cut some grass from the meadow just down slope from the home cave for Abashai's horse. It was cold work, shifting, digging, nibbling the nimble treats, shifting, cutting grass, shifting again, then dragging it back up hill for the horse. She did it because Abashai liked the horse, and anything he liked she naturally did too. Well, almost. Sus was Nya's friend though, and she understood the mare couldn't spend all her time with those useless flat hooves trying to dig when claws were much better.

So, horse fed (for the third time - Nya liked mice and the excuse to get more), it was time to head in and see what Abashai was doing. She wasn't hungry anymore. She wasn't tired, not really, and she wondered what the night had in store. If there was nothing planned she'd naturally plan something. It was the only way to pass the horribly long winter nights.

Nya could hear Abashai strumming his oud. Usually she loved this, for it meant he wouldn't mind some company. Often she'd curl up behind him to listen, shift to her forest cat guise, and give him a warm flank to lean against. For all its comfort, that was the one thing Nya did not actually like that much - no backrests. Sure they had the desk and chair now, but if she had a backrest, and could still sit by the fire she'd be perfectly happy. If he was in a more playful mood, they'd often spend hours amusing themselves with a game Abashai had invented quite early in their bonding. He didn't like being touched - not really - and after their bond had deepened, Nya had learned to respect his space. But one place he didn't mind her invasion was along his back. It was the place she'd learned to curl up against at night, and it was the one place they could play Abashai's game.

Nya would settled down, facing away from him, her back pressed up against his. Her head wouldn't quite touch his for he was taller, but sitting back to back, she could touch him and Abashai could continue to play without Nya receiving an accidental elbow or a bump by an instrument when Abashai lost himself to his music. They also got two back rests out of the deal. And then they'd play their game. Nya loved it. Abashai would start to tell her a story - normally something outrageous - and part of the way into it, he'd just simply stop. The first time he'd done it, Nya had been confused. But then, gradually, she'd picked up the idea. It was her turn then... to continue the story in whatever way she felt it was best served. Then, when she got stuck with her imagination or couldn't decide how the story would go and she'd pause... Abashai would take up the tale. Together they wove wondrous stories that neither of them knew the ending too until it happened.

Some of the same characters would often make the same reoccurring appearances. There was the old woman who made pickles from Zeltiva. There was a pirate ship that constantly leaked. There was an evil golden wolf that Abashai loved in particular to make the bad guy in any story. Nya would borrow bits and pieces from her mother's teachings and so all her made up characters were fantastical and somewhat mythological. The Nyavani featured prominently often. According to Nya their males had whiskers that were just like the whiskers on a cat.

So it was looking forward to an evening like this that Nya made her way into the cave, washed up, and then settled down by the fire. She started to settle down behind him in hopes of luring him into a storytelling game, but there was something in his face that made her pause. She tilted her head, settled down in front of him - fairly close since he set his instrument down. When Abashai adjusted his position, she did too... bringing her knees to touch him. She was happiest when she felt his warmth, even in the heat of summer, and even in the briefest of touches. Cats were tactile creatures, sensual even when they weren't trying to be, and so that he wanted to face her and talk spoke volumes.

Nya watched his blue-green eyes which were sharp with mystery and emotion. "I remember." She said, a smile fleeing across her lips. They still played that game sometimes too... only modified in a teaching sort of way. It was how she showed him how to take better care of himself in the woods where they would walk together and describe what they saw to each other as they walked, pretending to be each other - to think like the other - to understand the other's perspective better.

His next words got her attention and she frowned a little. Nya had learned not to interrupt Abashai, for if she did he'd just go quiet until she could silence herself enough to listen. Silence would drive her nearly insane so to keep him talking, she sat very still, attentive.

She nodded, understanding what he was saying, and held the silence to her, opening herself to really listen. She wanted to interrupt him though - claim that he was wrong - because all of the hurt she carried inside was of her own making. Abashai hadn't caused her to hate being kelvic. It was always there. He hadn't caused her to grow angry repeatedly that she wasn't Benshira, it was her own thought she'd put there to give herself an excuse so that she didn't have to own her own responsibility each time she messed up. It was too easy for her to think "I am not Benshira. It is not my fault." Instead of quietly understanding that each thing took time. Instant gratification meant a fast loss of interest. Each person had a purpose that wasn't decided by that person. All were lessons her shortfalls had taught her - lessons Abashai wasn't responsible for.

"I will. I promise. But Abashai... what is this about? Did something happen or is it going to happen? You look... scared?" She said, puzzled by why his gaze should look thusly. Everything was good in the world. A light snow fell outside. Deer were bedded down and Sus was quietly enjoying meal number three for the hour in her warm little lean-to. They were warm, fed, comfortable... so Nya couldn't figure out what was wrong. Nor could she decided if Abashai was actually afraid of something - afraid of what he was going to say or even afraid of something inside him. If there was an enemy she could kill (and eat) for him, she would. But there didn't seem to be anything threatening.

So, instead, Nya waited.. quietly.... listening.

[Abashai]

Abashai gave Nya a soft, reassuring smile. "Everything is fine, better than fine. I have never been more content, more happy." The benshiran wanted to be honest. "You make me happy Nya and I love the bond we share. I struggled against it at first, because I have never let anyone get too close to me. But I don't want to struggle anymore. It's too hard and it is keeping us from growing closer together." His gaze turned to the fire. "If you know the things I have not spoken, maybe you will understand."

After all they had been through, after all they had seen, the benshiran now believed the two of them were destined to be together. He did not say as much, not yet. It was a powerful statement and he didn't know how Nya would react. But accepting it gave him a measure of courage. Abashai wanted to tell her about the desert, about the Benshira, about his gnosis marks, the story of Toviel, even of Zaira. He wanted them to be able to talk about anything, all in good time. But first, he had to tell her about that night in Yahebah.

Abashai looked back at Nya with a deep, penetrating but gentle gaze. His bondmate was about to see the man only Yahal himself knew. After a brief pause, Abashai spoke softly. "I am afraid, because I have hidden these things away and I don't know what will happen, what it will feel like, when I finally speak of them."

[Nya Winters]

A slow relieved smile spread across her face, brightening her expression until her moss green eyes glowed slightly in the firelight. Nya was a creature of extreme expression. She had never quite learned the art of concealing her feelings like a true human would.

"I don't need to know them though, Abashai. You might need for me to know, but that's different. " She said smiling slightly, hesitantly, then reached out and touched his dark wavy hair. A light purr filled the cave. It was just as if she'd added And I approve of you to the end of her statement. But she continued to listen, and came to the realization that somehow this was about a poison within Abashai, something he'd let fester for a long time. Knowledge could be like that sometimes... dangerous and poisonous. But it wasn't helpful to push. He would have to draw his own knife and slide it through his conscious, exposing the wound to air so that it could finally heal.

And truthfully she was flattered he considered her knowing his secrets a lot like that. She had some of her own as well, but first it would be his turn - his truths - for they were more important to her than anything in that moment. If Nya had known his thoughts, she would have smiled, for it was as obvious to her as night and day that she belonged at Abashai's side in whatever capacity he needed her to be. There was a reason she was there and he was the way he was. She couldn't speak for Yahal, but Zulrav needed them and he claimed his need was to help the world. She figured it was something equally reasonable on Yahal's side as well.

"Hidden things should not have so much power. When you cast light on them, sometimes things that have been in the dark and are very frightening are something completely different when you shine light on them. Sometimes they can even be good things." Nya said softly. "But i want to hear these things now... it would be good for you to speak of them. Nothing should put so much weight on you, Abashai. Not the weight of fear I see." Nya said then reached out and took both his hands. She left them to rest gently in the space between each of their laps.

"So just talk... you don't have ot start at the beginning. You can start in the middle or in the end... whatever is easiest?" She said softly, encouraging him.

[Abashai]

Abashai drew strength from Nya as she took his hands, the grasp soft and caring, and he held them with a gentle firmness. Her touch still made his pulse race. His bondmate's affection, the way she looked at him with those captivating green eyes, encompassed him with something he longed for. Acceptance. Tonight, her touch brought him comfort and encouragement.

Nya spoke with such open eloquence. Sometimes her perception of the human condition was as sharp as the forest cat's physical senses. He was grateful that she never hesitated to encourage him, to find ways to edify him in times of doubt. As she spoke, Abashai watched her, the warm glow of the fire reflected on the smooth skin of her face, suffusing her long brindled hair with a ruddy sheen. Her bare arms were scarred, but beautifully toned. The benshiran admitted to himself that looking at Nya was very pleasing. He also found it difficult to deny the desires that sometimes stirred when he looked upon her. He mentally shook himself and returned his gaze to those moss green eyes. Nya had denied ever trying to use her hypnotic power on him. As he marveled at the bright green feline irises, he knew she'd never have to.

Bolstered by Nya's words, Abashai knew she was right. Her love and acceptance would make it possible for him to revisit his ghosts, but the exercise was meant to purge himself of the memories' afflictions. He turned his eyes to the dancing fire and lost his vision to images of a banner-walled city set among the desert sands. His heavily accented voice slipped from his lips in a low, resonating baritone.

"After my parents died, I went to live with my oldest uncle and his family in the city. It was he and his wife that raised me. They became my parents and their son, Omri, became as my own brother. Omri was one year older than me. He was intelligent, compassionate and wise, and I loved and admired him greatly. While I studied warfare and music, he studied the tenants of our religion. I always knew he would be someone important, like a priest or a city official."

"I was almost eighteen. One day, the schoolmaster asked me to return several delivery baskets to the baker. Everyone knew that the baker's wife was beautiful, and was the subject of many good-natured jokes among the students at the school. So, as a teenage boy, of course I was pleased to make the return. When I arrived at the baker's, he was not in, but his wife was. She was very friendly, and asked me to carry the baskets to the back, to the baker's apartment. Then she offered me wine, which I had drunk only in small amounts at certain ceremonies before. My uncle always warned me of the dangers of drunkeness."

"Youthful pride prevented me from refusing, and the baker's wife gave me a generous cupful. Not wanting to appear like a boy, I drank deeply of the wine, which took very little time to affect my young body, and my judgement. She would refill my cup, and my inexperience and drunkeness prevented me from seeing her teasing caresses and flirting words for what they really were."

"She seduced me Nya, and I gave in." Still staring into the fire, Nya could see his jaws clench, feel an anger rise within him. Their bond would reveal his sense of betrayal, his deep disappointment with that youthful Abashai. He paused, trying to find a way to describe what the bonded pair had never discussed. To this point they had never broached the subject of sex. "I lay with her, mated with her." She felt a slight tightening of his grasp on her hands. "The baker caught me in bed with his wife. Having sex with someone else's wife was a serious crime in Yahebah. The man called for the city guards. I was scared, I tried to run, but was caught."

Abashai paused the telling of his story for a moment. The memory caused the pace of his breathing to quicken almost imperceptibly. He was silent for a long moment, glancing at Nya to gauge her reaction to the confession. He had promised to let her ask questions, to be honest with her.

After Nya had a chance to absorb what he had said and ask any questions. He would continue. As painful as that memory was, what would come next would be far worse.

[Nya Winters]

She watched him carefully, recognizing part of his history for he'd already told her that his parents had died when he was young. He'd mentioned his brother Omri too, but in a passing way that made her think the two men were very close, but that Abashai missed him too much to speak further of him. She'd been curious at the time, and even now she was even more curious as Abashai talked about his life.

Nya didn't know how old Abashai was now - age had never come up - but she was fairly certain he was close to twice again as old now. Eighteen seemed like an eternity to her, but she knew that to his race it was still very young. His words further explained his avoidance of alcohol, for even though she liked the taste, she knew it could make her freer, less inhibited. It was not something she always enjoyed and so she never drank to excess. It just never made sense to do so. But she could see how someone young could make the mistake.

It also sounded like the baker's wife knew what she was doing.

She felt Abashai's hands tighten and her eyes widened at the words that next came from his lips. Jealously, white hot and wrathful, infused her for a moment. It was so strong, so unexpected, she wanted to howl out her displeasure. Another woman had touched Abashai! A low growl emanated from her lips, filling the space between them with the unexpected and unwelcome emotion for a moment before Nya got control of herself. She didn't exactly know what seduce meant, nor to lay with someone, but she knew what mated meant and that is what set her off.

It seemed somehow fitting that the pair were caught in their treacherous act and the woman's evil exposed.

"Abashai... another man's mate? His female? That was very bad... very bad..." She said, shaking her head even as her eyes widened. She knew in that instant, in that moment of clarity even remotely thinking about Abashai with another female, that she'd never tolerate it - couldn't ever tolerate it - despite all the plans she'd made to find him a good wife, to make him a good family and all the children he deserved. It tore at her heart because she wanted him happy, wanted things for him that he deserved... but the reality was the reality.

She wouldn't let him. Couldn't. And she growled low in her throat again, this time at herself, for her jealousy and possessiveness. They weren't traits she would have admired in another, let alone in herself now.

"I would have tore her throat out for touching you." She said abruptly, her alto even lower than usual, infused with a dangerous tone that normally wasn't there. It was the tone she used when speaking of hunters. It was the man-eater voice. "I would have tore her heart out for feeding you something that took away your ability to choose what is right or wrong. You were wrong to touch her. Horribly wrong. And you hold blame, but not as much without her actions. Because even you know it was wrong. Another man's mate is sacred, regardless of how bold a cup of wine makes you feel. Stupid, Abashai... that was very stupid." Nya was truly upset. Abashai could see it. He could see the jealousy and possessiveness clearly. It also made Nya glad the city of the Benshira was so very far away. Had it been closer, she'd have left her bondmate then and there to go take care of the situation.

Her hands tightened in his and her moss colored eyes burned with a strange new light in them. Rage.

[Abashai]

Abashai really didn't know how Nya would react to the things he had to tell her. He had hoped for compassion, understanding and comfort. But he had feared she would withdraw, find him unworthy of her affection. What he got was totally unexpected.

He sat in stunned silence for a moment, feeling the powerful grip the forest cat had on his hands, seeing the piercing conviction and anger in Nya's searing glare, hearing the low rumble of her growl. He was shocked by the intensity of Nya's response. For an instant, fear shot through his body, such was the fury in his bondmate's stare.

Oh, she was deeply disappointed in him. He readily received the buffeting of her sharp words, a fitting chastisement for his deed, coming from the one who could inflict the deepest wounds. Her cutting indictment of his adulterous affair stung. But in the pain of her judgment, there was cleansing.

But the story of Abashai's seduction uncovered an unexpected revelation. Nya's rage revealed how strongly she felt that Abashai belonged to her. The depth of his bondmate's jealously, though frightening, left Abashai in awe of the power of the bond they shared, and of her devotion to him. His core shook at the potency of her passion that slammed him through the bond. It was startling, and to his own surprise, thrilling. A sensation birthed in his gut and rose in a heat through his body. Had he known Nya's conviction to let no other woman ever touch him, he would have sworn to her right there to never touch another woman but her. Not out of fear, but because he wanted only her. Nor did he want another man to touch her. He recalled his anger during Nya's Reinmancy initiation. He had to fight the urge to draw his dagger on Terminus when he cut her, held her in his arms and poured something of himself into her.

Abashai steeled his spirit, awash with pain, shame, and a sudden passion that seemed to clutch his abdomen with sharp claws. He sat up straight and looked into Nya's fierce eyes. His voice was soft but firm. " I know I have done wrong, Nya. I have spent the past twelve years paying for that sin. Though my God has forgiven me, I have not. I have mated with no other woman since that day, sought no wife, no solace in the arms of a female, though I had the opportunity, I have remained alone, until I met you, Nya." He paused, weighing his words carefully, "I will never make the mistake that boy made again... I have no reason to...I...only to need be with you."

[Nya Winters]

Nya knew her reaction was strong. Sometimes she reacted instantly to things, with all her heart, when she should have instead taken a deep breath and let the reality of the situation truly sink in. She could feel Abashai's pain and shame, but the loneliness that always seemed to follow him around when she first met him was gone. Her moss green eyes caught his blue-green ice and studied them for a long long time.

"My mother used to tell me how important it was to own whatever it was that you did, wholeheartedly. She used to tell me that passing blame on something or someone else was a cowards path and only made the taint, if the thing you did was wrong, all that much worse. But if you own it, you take responsibility for your actions by admitting your part and moving past it. That's so important, because if you own the things in your life - your deeds - then you truly own your life. And when you own your life, it is so much richer, fuller, and you invite happiness to come stalk your doorway." Nya explained carefully. There were times she quoted her mother - indeed times she sounded like Zilvia - whose words had sometimes made the difference between Nya doing the right thing eventually or perpetually doing the wrong thing and thinking it was right.

"I think you've owned your life. Probably way more than even my mother would say was necessary. You live a good one, and I'm sorry you had to leave your people, live away from them, because i think you are a fine Benshira for all that you made one mistake when you were young." Nya paused then, swallowed, and shook her head. She broke her gaze from his and glanced down at their interlaced fingers.

"I don't want to feel like this, but I am so jealous. I'm not sure why I feel so jealous - it was so long ago and so brief. I've always wanted you to be happy, Abashai. I've always planned on helping you find a beautiful Benshira wife, one that will give you lots of children, and make you proud to be of your race. But I don't think... I'm sorry. I don't want to be like this. But... I don't think I could stand the thought of another woman's hands on you. I know you will need a mate eventually, and although I hoped it could be me when you were ready, I know I'm the wrong race. I do not know who my mother's people are. Or my fathers, for that matter, but none of them look like yours really. Abashai, you could take anyone you want to as a mate. Anyone. Anytime. I see the way women are around you. You are a natural leader yet soft spoken and resourceful. And you are beautiful, though I do not think that is the word we are supposed to use for males." She paused then, took a long calming breath, and squeezed his hands.

"How can you only need me when I am so different from what you require? I know Yahal's law, Abashai. You are not supposed to take a mate that is not Benshira. How are you going to get around this? You are his faithful and you trust in him. And what if I don't give you a choice? What if I just want you and only you and will not let any other woman be in your life? What does that say about the depth of my devotion to you?" There was pain in her voice and real fear - the sort he hadn't heard from her before. But she needed to explain more.


"We all have dark things, Abashai, that we hide inside. You know some of mine, but you do not know all of them. There are two really important ones about me you don't know about. I should tell you... but it is frightening stuff." She said softly... then started with the easiest first.


"I want children someday. My body is old enough for them, because it tells me so twice a season quite forcefully and will do so until I do something about it. And if I do not take herbs I will act in a way with you that will make you incredibly uncomfortable. It is like your scent becomes intoxicating. I cannot get enough of it to the point I want to roll in it and cover myself with your smell. It's called estrus, according to Zilvia. That's just the beginning. It gets a lot worse after that. The first time it happened, my mother locked me away in a stone room until the feeling passed and she could decide what herbs to make for me to prevent it from happening again. I ... made my father incredibly uncomfortable. He was the only male around when it happened, and I could not think correctly, though it was no excuse. He left for a almost a full season, living outside until my mother could figure out the right dosage and make me safe to be around." Nya admitted softly, ashamed herself. "I either need to return home sometime next year briefly or I need to find a source for them here, because if I do not, you won't have a choice. I... smell really good too when it happens, even to a human. My mother only gave me enough for a year and then I will be out. It's a long time away that I have to worry about it, but I don't want to put you through that unless it is something you want too. And I don't want you to break Yahal's law." Nya said, her heart in her eyes. When Abashai had never offered to use her for pleasure as most bondmates did with their bonded, she'd often wondered why. And then someone - the dancer - had told her. It had been the worst sort of news, but it made sense because of Abashai's deep rooted faith. Nya had backed off pressuring him since then, since knowing this, and now she wasn't sure if Abashai hadn't pursued anything because of the other woman and his act as a young man, or if indeed it was because of Yahal.

Truth be told, she still wasn't sure.... that was why it was better for her to simply ask him and then finally know. Because even if he only needed to be with her, which was incredibly flattering and warmed her through and through, it might not mean anything more. So she released her grip on his hands, leaned forward and rubbed her jawline up his first on the right side and then on the left side... slowly, infusing him with all her sense of love and trust, washing away the jealousy for a moment because it wasn't something necessary or appropriate. And then she asked him the question on her mind... the most important one.

"Abashai, can we ever be mates? Like that? I'm not asking for right now, or even for when if the answer is yes. But could it be something for us in the future? I just... need to know." She said softly, repeating the slow gestures - their own personal greeting, their own way of comforting each other.

This wasn't the worst of her worries, for she still had to tell him about Zulrav's request. But this was an important thing they needed to talk about.

[Abashai]

As Nya caressed his face with the soft curve of her jaw, Abashai felt the flood of emotion that threatened to boil over melt away. A peace settled into his spirit, allowing him to digest the things Nya had shown him from her heart. It was good that she brought them up. It seemed there had been many things his bondmate had held from him as well, as she began to share her secrets too. Indeed this night the two of them would open many secrets that needed to be shared..

Abashai enjoyed Nya's soothing affections a moment longer, then carefully placed a hand on either side of her face and guided it before his own. He leaned in to kiss her warm cheek, then leaned back and dropping his hands. He took Nya's hands again in his, entwining his fingers with hers.

Nya's question was one he had asked himself many times, especially since the incident at that wicked shrine. Abashai saw the dilema with which Nya had been wrestling. She believed the benshiran would not consider her as a mate because of who she was, or was not. That could not have been further from the truth. He looked deeply into her eyes, as if he could gauge her understanding in the deep geen pools.

"Ny, whether we become mates or not is not a matter of meeting some requirement. It is true, the traditions of the Benshira dictate that a benshiran does not marry outside of his people. It is also true that that tradition stems from Yahal's desire for purity among his people. But, Yahal separated me from my people so I would learn to trust in him alone, not in myself, or even in the traditions of the Benshira. I have learned that Yahal is not only the god of the Benshira, and he does not simply want his servants to be rule-followers. Yahal desires purity of the heart, and he judges the motives of a man. He chose me, marked me, to learn this truth. Even some of the Sylirian Knights honor Yahal. I do not believe that he is displeased with them because they do not have benshiran wives. So you see, I am not held to choose a mate from a certain people, or even of the followers of Yahal...only that I choose a woman whom I truly, purely love. I no longer live in the desert, so I am not bound by my people's laws, only by Yahal's call for a pure heart and a hatred of corrupt things."

"I have never met anyone like you Nya. You know that I love you. I know I do not share my feelings very well, but do you really know how I feel about you? That I can't sleep unless I feel you next to me, hear your purr in my ear? That just the sound of your voice calms my troubled spirit? That when we are apart, I do not cease to think of you? That the touch of your hand on my skin makes my heart jump and my pulse race? I cannot envision my life without you, I want my life hopelessly entertwined with yours."

Abashai paused, his gaze still locked on her eyes, as if searching for something. "I am not afraid of who you are Ny. I love the cat as much as I love the woman. I accept the things that the forest cat does because I love her...you. If you want, I will go with you to visit your mother, if you want more of the herbs you need. If we do not get them, I am not afraid of what might happen."

The conversation had taken a turn he had not expected, but now was most excited it had. Abashai had more to tell Nya, the rest of his tale, there was more shameful secrets to reveal. And now he knew she had somethings that she had feared to reveal as well. But what he wanted to say now, to do , he had never planned.

His right hand released hers and reached to her face, brushed aside a stray lock of brindled hair, then softy caressed her cheek. "You ask me if we can ever be mates....I do not see how we could not. I cannot imagine anyone as my mate but you." Abashai's voice dropped, soft but full of certainty. He leaned towards her, until his face was inches from Nya's. He could smell her skin, see the vivid details of her moss green irises. His eyes had been locked on hers, now only glanced down for an instant. Then Abashai leaned in and pressed his lips against Nya's. It was a gentle but firm kiss. He allowed it to linger, to feel the moisture on her lips, their warmth against his. His heart pounded, every nerve seemed to vibrate with energy. He could have lost himself in the moment. Then their lips parted and he slowly leaned back, his hand sliding from her cheek and taking up her right hand again. The earlier upheaval of emotions had been swept away, and only a resolute purpose remained in the benshiran's heart. Abashai spoke, his voice husky and sober . "Nya Winters, will you be my mate....my wife."

[Nya Winters]

If someone asked her later to imagine the most peaceful warm safe place she could think of, Nya's mind would have traveled back to this particular moment, this instant. She later would most likely equate it to children floating peacefully in the womb of the world, sheltered from everything, absorbed in only each other. Their truths were raw, exposed, but not abrasive as they gently revealed their secrets to each other. Nya sat so close, her slim knees bumped up against Abashai's as they sat cross legged in front of each other on a pile of furs with the firelight crackling off the walls of the cave. The fire and the candlelight that flickered throughout the stone cavern cast shadows across her bondmates face, making his blue-green eyes even more piecing and sincere. To Nya they seemed like mirrors that reflected Shai's feelings, which she could read clearly in the peace of the moment.

It felt strange to her... that revealing such things brought such peace. Even if questions hadn't been answered, just the relief of knowing that tonight... of all the nights they'd already had together... they were going to know the last of what lingered behind the barriers that they erected from each other.

She felt his warm lips on her cheek, his hands back in her own, and then he started speaking. With each word, Nya's heart lightened. Her expression grew wondrous, and her green eyes softened in a way that Abashai hadn't really yet seen them. Taldera had luminous moss that hung from some of its incredibly old trees. Nya's eyes matched their eerie green phosphorescent hue as she watched him in the near darkness, and soaked in his precious words.

Abashai had always accepted her. Always. He had always held her heart and her feelings very carefully in his hands. His words were no less than she'd learn to expect from him... and she felt her fingers gripping his and her eyes brightening with tears. Forest cats never cried, so the unexpected brightness was a surprise to her. But there was just no other way for her body to enclose her joy any further.

"I... Shai.. " She was speechless. Nya started to tell him she wanted him to meet her family and them to meet him. She was so proud of him, so proud of the bond she'd formed and how special her bondmate was. He felt like his past was riddled with mistakes, but Nya saw his past as a series of choices that led him to her and then on to what they must do together. But it was hard to speak, hard to even breath, with the weight of the words Abashai gifted her with raining down on her.

There was no time to speak though, for Shai leaned forward and answered her question so thoroughly, so completely, that she was still left staring mutely at him with no doubt or question left in her mind. He drew even closer, his warm scent flooding her senses - a mixture of tea spice, leather, soap, weapons oil, and something else that was so purely Abashai that she simply couldn't have identified it as anything else. Their breath mingled again and Nya felt her heart begin to race in her chest. She couldn't put words to the sensation. It was better than spotting prey one had been tracking for hours. It was better than a warm nap in the sun. It was better than extreme hunger and the first warm bite of freshly downed meat. Nya's eyes widened and her hands involuntarily released his to trail up his arms and slide around his neck. She never looked away or blinked as his eyes grew nearer, gleaming with something she was unfamiliar seeing in them. The forest cat in her noted the subtle colors in his pupils and how the blue blended with green in a thousand tiny hues that ran from dark to light and made his icy gaze seem almost preternatural.

She recognized what he was going to do an instant before he did it. His lips met hers and Nya did something she'd never ever done to her bondmate before. Nya tasted him. While his lips gently pressed against hers, the girl tilted her head slightly to one side, and nipped at his lower lip gently. Her eyes were still trapped in his gaze. As time passed, strangely the kiss became a moment that was timeless. And while his lips firmly played across hers, Nya's own trailed across his. It was tentative, hesitant, and incredibly thrilling.

Even at night, when she curled up in the small of Abashai's back and buried her face gently in his curls at the nap of his neck, she'd never trespassed and licked him. She'd wanted to, at times, to sooth is wounds. But humans were touchy with such things, and she'd learned at an early age grooming them wasn't appropriate.

But the kiss... it invited intimacy and invoked a trust on such a deeper level. So she pulled back slightly and caught his lower lip with her lips and nipped him gently and slowly, tasting him thoroughly before he carefully pulled away. Nya felt dizzy and her heart hammered in her chest, but she sensed a question welling up inside him. Their link was stronger than ever in that instant for the forest cat blinked, loosing his gaze for a moment, and was confused for a single breath as to which one of them was which. She heard Shai's question through the bond before it slipped past his lips. Her hands released his shoulders and slid down his arms back to their laps where Abashai captured them again.

Nya blinked, her overbright eyes spilling tears suddenly. Shai could feel her answer and recognized the tears as joy even before she blinked and awkwardly swiped at first one cheek then the other. Both the question and indeed the tears brought Nya to an absolute standstill inside. She had never cried before, ever, and it shocked her even though they were brief.

The forest cat broke her gaze off from Shai's cool piercing orbs and leaned forward to bump her forehead against his comfortingly. She released his hands and brought hers up to his head, digging her fingers gently into his hair. She didn't speak for the longest moment until her soft alto words softly caressed his ears. Nya was whispering.

"Shai, I want more than anything to say yes. I do not think I have the ability to say no because I think we were supposed to be like this, together, from even before the first time I ever saw you across the clearing and stream. But there is more.. so much more I need to tell you. And if your question still stands after I tell you what I need too, then my answer will be yes absolutely."

Her words were even softer then, quieter. "When I first left home... well when my parents first made me leave... I traveled lost for a while, resisting my mother's suggestion to go to Syliras. I came across a man who was teaching youngsters - not children exactly - but young people. He was leading them like .... I'm not sure how to describe it. He wasn't honest with them, and they were willing to do things for him no person should ever do for another. Evil things. He reminded me of a vulture. I know it makes you uncomfortable sometimes to hear about Zulrav, but the Stormlord told me to go into the temple where he was teaching. There was a frenzy. People loved him, almost unnaturally. It was my choice, but I created a distraction in there - unclipping some rope that was holding the crowd back - and slipped into the back while he wasn't looking. There was a man there, that I found in the back rooms. He was old, suspended in the air, and there were wires going from his body to the building. It was his gnosis gift, powering the lights in the building somehow like magic. I know this is hard to hear, but its absolutely true." Nya said softly, her words echoing into the stillness of the cave.

Abashai could feel her sincerity and her honesty.

"I freed him and the mage was very angry... the vulture man. He knows old ways, dangerous ways, and he would have killed me but Aruin, the old man, did something to stop him with his power, which was the power of storms. He died protecting me because I honored his last wish - to be free and in the world when he died." Nya said softly, slowly rubbing her forehead across Abashai's as if seeking his comfort. "His last wish as he died was that Zulrav give him one of his marks to thank me for freeing him. I learned a lesson that day. There are some enemies you cannot fight until you are ready. Zulrav honored Aruin's wish and made me one of his Stormwardens. It is a hard thing to explain, Abashai, but I can hear the winds and control them. I can do things you will not believe until you see. I can harness the wind. And in granting me this, I agreed to do something for Zulrav. I agreed to learn and build myself up and find a bondmate that would be strong enough to help me.... because The Vulture is still out in the world and hes looking for something that is very sacred - something that could destroy the world if he gets it. It is called the Powercube and it once belonged to the Seven Robes, a woman named Tallshade. It leads the way to six more very powerful artifacts that people like the men in the temple we fought want to badly get their hands on. Zulrav wants me to find them before others can. I agreed to do so. He gave me time though... first... to find you." Nya paused then, letting her words sink in. They were weighty words, important, and in a way something she wasn't proud of.

Nya felt in a way she'd lied to him, took advantage of his courageous heart, and all the while should have been open with him that her life wasn't entirely her own.

"You keep feeling like things are happening for a reason. I know it, every time you think about it. You keep wondering if Yahal put you in my path for a reason. I know Zulrav did. I can't help but thinking they want this, want us together, so we can do this. But part of me really believes that we can't succeed in doing this unless we absolutely trust in each other, and that we know each other completely. I was not whole nor happy before I met you. Now I wake every day and know I am supposed to be here with you. If I am supposed to do what Zulrav requires and still be at your side, I think you too are supposed to be looking for these things as well. Yahal just doesn't seem as talkative about things as Zulrav is. He likes to hear our words in the wind, and sends us back his own so we know we are not alone, even though I always felt alone before I met you." She said softly then leaned back, breaking the contact between the two of them.

She looked deeply in his eyes again and gave him her answer.

"I don't feel alone anymore. I haven't since the day we first shared a camp together. I want to stay by your side forever... and be your mate... your wife... even your friend. I want to protect you and make you happy. I want to have your children. But, there's other things we have to do too. These things for more than just you and I - they are things for the world. I will gladly be your mate, Abashai... I already am in all the ways that are truly important to me... if you can accept this last secret and know that there is nothing else I have not yet told you."

Nya's love and regret washed over him, sincere and deep. He could never doubt, ever, the depth of what she felt for him because of the bond. But she was worried about the last secret, and how he would take it. She was so worried that she leaned forward and nipped at his jawline, almost like a kitten would do to an adult when it sought comfort or food, begging for understanding though deep inside she knew he wouldn't refuse. Abashai was born for this challenge. His whole personality was designed for it. Nya was sure of it. Absolutely sure. If she hadn't been, she wouldn't have told him and wouldn't, she suspected, had been able to bond with him.