by Wrenmae on May 31st, 2011, 4:51 am
She was not the same. Moreso, she was honest...which was as significant a change as morphing itself. Her embrace was awkward, thick with tensed muscles and strained breathing. Even the pat on his back had been patronizing, a stranger's parody of care. Nearly three years of absence and this was all she was able to give.
He smiled in kind, his face acting out the emotions he wanted to feel. Beneath his skin, an earthquake ravaged his emotional landscape, mere formality the catalyst. Kit wasn't here to see him off, her every movement was a poor disguise for habit. Perhaps she hadn't even realized why she came, merely had. Like everyone else in Alvadas, Kit could care less about the boy of ten years standing cold and forlorn by the stone-faced gate. She had no tug of emotion from the years they had spent together, likely only the ebbing suspicion of something foul within his character.
She, the only person left to him, had rejected him in the most fundamental of ways.
And a shadow passed across his eyes.
What use was there in smiling or good if it was always the result of guilt? Nothing he had done, no experience he had earned seemed worth the effort in the end. His adopted parents were dead, his niece was a distant (if not friendly) acquaintance, and his true family was long gone to the belly of some wayward creature. Nothing in his life thus far could compare to the horrifying emptiness he saw in her eyes, saw in his own soul.
There was something dead there, a place devoid of compassion.
She may have faced horrors in his absence, in fact he was assured by her words and nuances of body that those wounds were not inflicted by mishap. As much as he wanted to press, the stirrings of brotherly instinct kicking in with a dusty cough, he held his tongue and nodded.
But the light had gone from his eyes, snuffed out as suddenly as a candle crushed underfoot.
"Always were a climber," he acted, laughing, "But what would life be without a bit of adventure?" It sounded forced to him, the words almost screeching in his ears and the laugh more of a hollow bark than any display of mirth.
What would life be without a bit of hardship?
What would life be without anyone to share it with?
"I suppose you did not think to see me again, fortunate fate we can see each other at least one more time." He murmured more to himself, heart careening into some distant void with the sound of glass fracturing, the weave of their entwined stories fraying. Seidaku had not yet shown himself, and perhaps even he would not come.
To be lonely was unbearable, but to be lonely alone was worst.
And to inflict harm on those he cared about was unthinkable.
She would have to do.
He reached behind him, taking a small ball of tawny fur from a saddle pack. Ket, curious little creature, poked her head up from sleep with a morbid sort of interest.
"I will not need her, where I'm going...I fear Ket far prefers an ocean of land to water." The last word caught in his throat unexpectedly, emerging with a wet gurgle that forced his hand to rise, trying to catch them, but only appeared flailing. He turned from her, a rough attempt to control his own features. Dashing the tears forming at his eyes he forced himself to breathe deeply, to sustain a sense of dignity, at least, in this final farewell.
The letter was a mistake, and the clarity of the notion struck him a heavy blow. He would have sooner left ignorant of how she felt now, of how little his departure meant.
Her father was dead, her mother a mystery, but what did she know of suffering? Alvadas had been, for the most part, kind to her. She had not gone for want of affection or food, entertainment or activities...and though perhaps she had her share of rough experiences, she knew nothing of finality. The day on the windy pass, a stupid choice made of youth and fear, and the long arduous task of coming to terms with what he forced upon the world with his life...none of that was hers to hold, to bare. If he told her, she would revile from him, perhaps even hate him. Why not? The consequences of a decision made eight years ago were just as tangible now as they were then. Certainly it was impossible to evolve from his experience and come to terms with the sheer horror of what he'd done.
No. His life would be a constant reminder that he should have perished in the winter storm, stuck lifeless to the rocks till some animal pried him from the ground.
Rage coursed inside him, a bubbling frustration with not just Kit but everything, the world itself and his own poorly informed decisions.
His fingers clenched into a fist, pressed firmly against his legs as though the effort alone would leave imprints. He wasn't leaving Alvadas. Nothing so simple.
No, now he saw he was just leaving another place of hooded glares and whispered fears...that he was a Plague bearer, a Blighter, a monster. Years of striving against it won him no affection, not even a hint of compassion from the only being in the world left to know him.
She was like everyone else.
And to her he entrusted his animal companions, the suffering beings who were perhaps, in their simple intelligence, the only ones to grasp how falsely he smiled.
"I ask that you take care of her, Ket is still young, but curious and playful when she's feeling well. She is used to Alvadas and the road, so take her to either."
He held her in his gaze a moment longer, drinking in her web of experiences, her stories, her obscured beginning and even more curious end. He asked the bruises silently who birthed them, or rather what...but mere appraisal revealed no truth.
"Well," he said, staring at the ground and the pile of gear he had stacked there, "Before you go, I'd like to say something...and you need not respond...I just feel like saying it."
Filling his lungs with air, banishing the sorrow that crept in reddened veins across his eyes, he put both hands gently on her shoulders. Catching her eyes with his own, he pierced her aura with his own and coaxed her attention to his mouth, his words, the last bit of advice he may leave her with. Hypnotism, a gift of saboteurs, seductresses, and spies. He used it now as many had before, to grant him what he desired. There was no guilt any longer, a lead weight descending on his already heavy heart. The best he could do for her and everyone he knew was to distance himself from them...what he was, what he could become, he would not visit it on them if he could.
"Live without regret, and try to fill the days with meaning. You do not know how lucky you are to be who you are, to be what you are. With talent and drive, the world could be to you as one extended stage, or anything you want it to be...really. Seek out what your heart desires and never let the world bring you to its level. I lost sight of that a long time ago, and maybe I have a harder time of it than you...but I don't want to see my own mistakes repeated, especially in someone I care about."
Tears held themselves at the corners of his eyes.
They refused to spill.
"We are not blood, but I count you as my family, my only family. We have grown distant, or perhaps were never so close, and so there is much of you I do not know nor understand...but please take my words to heart and make something great of yourself. Be safe, and remember the choices you make may last longer than you anticipate. I am a product of that...and I always will be."
He pressed himself closer, his eyes almost brilliant as power and Djed coursed through them. A trail of blood briefly seeped around the edge of his right eye, descending like a teardrop down his cheek. "And if you are in trouble, never ask for help from a stranger, especially if they offer it freely." He accentuated it with a flash in her mind, a brief picture of Vayt. He was clad in fur, a handsome creature with shifting eyes and a confident smile. A corona of smoke coursed around his face and one hand lay open and descending, as though to rest upon her head.
"Beware that man, avoid him if ever you see him...for there is nothing good that can come of his visits."
Pushing away from her, he broke eye contact and his power, setting himself to gathering gear to take onto the ship, counting out his Mizas with distracted methodical intensity.
"Now go, I can already see that you did not want to be here."
He did not look at her again, his face away, perhaps so that she could not see the tears mixing with the blood and seeping down his cheeks.
Last edited by
Wrenmae on June 9th, 2011, 10:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.
This PC has the Blight gnosis. As such, you as a player need to be aware of what that consists of. Wrenmae has an invisible aura that amplifies sickness and disease. Wounds may become infected, small sneezes may become coughing, and a slight fever may become more serious. A nuit's body will also break down faster in the presence of the Blight. These effects may not be immediate, but within the few days following your encounter, the symptoms will manifest. Some sooner than others. I cannot control your character, so creativity will be left up to you. Best wishes and stay healthy!
Special shoutout to
Fallon for my new CS