[Kabrin Road] The Birthday Boy [Kendall]

by **Hadrian** on June 26th, 2011, 5:55 am

5th Summer, 511 A.V.

After about ten minutes of walking with his satchel full of lunch, clinking bottles, and other things, Hadrian began to rethink the whole secluded birthday party idea, but it had so excited Kendall, he just bit his lip and kept walking despite the bite of the strap to his shoulder. He held onto Kendall's hand and continued toward the little waterfall that Ethan had found at his request and told him all about. They were practically there now after thirty minutes of picking their way carefully over fallen logs and boulders, and suddenly they walked into a little pocket of paradise on earth. The summer sun filtered by greenery overhead, though plenty of aching blue sky shone through.

Hadrian pulled Kendall's hand up to his mouth to kiss it, then smiled one of his furtive, little smiles and let go so he could spread the horse blanket over a spot of springy moss. Then he pulled Kendall down to sit with him and began pulling out two bottles of wine and the food he had been saving for the last four days, more delicate things that wouldn't survive the long trip. Each little addition was something that held a memory, even if it was just something Kendall had mentioned loving in passing as they walked through the markets of Syliras.

Last but not least, he pulled out a cabochon emerald and placed it in Kendall's hand.

"It's not much yet," he said quietly, "but it reminds me of your eyes when I first... was aware of you. We're looking for a way to put you back the way you were, but I... I want you to know that I will love you either way... in whichever body you live in. And someday I'll enchant this for you and set it properly and then it will be a princely gift. I promise."

by **Kendall Saarinen** on June 26th, 2011, 6:40 am

There had been a time that Kendall had looked forward to his birthday. It was always an exciting time with his family. Everyone tended to get very into the festivities except Suanna but truthfully Kendall had stopped expecting much from his older sister anyways. If his sister had been his biggest worry for his twenty-second birthday he would have felt blessed. The blond was not feeling in a festive mood since the previous night he had barely slept. Since the weather had started to get hot a feeling of anxiety had begun to nag at him. It was slight at first but now that summer had officially begun he could feel it heavy on him. He did not know what he worried about, only that he worried so much that he could not sleep. When he did finally sleep he rarely dreamed. That particular night he had dreamt of one thing. A dank room filled with broken furniture and scattered paper. He knew this room all too well even though he had only seen it once. The memory had been burned into his mind and sadly, it was not one of the things that his mark could douse. The emotions were strong and powerful. They marked the moment his life changed forever.

When Hadrian had taken his hand and began to lead him away from the camp he stuck close to the mage's side almost like a scared child. He wanted Hadrian to make everything better. He wanted him to scare away all of the horrible dreams and the anxiety that clawed at him at night. He was having trouble focusing as he walked and blushed brightly each time he tripped or stumbled on a log or rock. Each time he would mumble out a small sorry before losing himself once again to his thoughts.

The sight of the waterfall seemed to shake Kendall's silence a bit as a small smile formed on his lips. "It's beautiful." He spoke quietly as Hadrian kissed his hand causing his smile to brighten and a light blush dust his cheeks. He watched as Hadrian set up the blanket and nestled up close to him. Fingers wrapped around the fabric of Hadrian's shirt as he held himself close to the tall mage. His breaths were slow and unsteady as he tried to find his peace with Hadrian. If anyone could calm him from this anxiety it was him. He smiled softly as he watched Hadrian set up the food and the wine. The wine in itself made Kendall quite excited. Maybe it could settle him some as well.

When the emerald was placed in Kendall's hands he could not help but look up at Hadrian in surprise. "I… Hadrian, it is so beautiful." He smiled sweetly as he felt a few tears raise up in his eyes. He loved the way that Hadrian seemed to take in everything, every little detail. He might have been able to hold the tears back but what Hadrian said next released them, sending trails of salty liquid down his cheeks. "Thank you. Thank you so much." He sniffled a little as he smiled brighter, not wanting Hadrian to think that he had offended him. "I love you too. Even when I am a girl, I will still love you." He looked up at Hadrian through teary eyes and smiled. "I think that all of this was worth it, at least in a way." He was talking about his accident, a topic he rarely brought up. "I don't know if Ivak had anything to do with my accident but…" He searched for the right words to say to the man he held so dear. He had been thinking on this topic for a while now, he just never knew how to talk about it. "But if I needed to… to change to be with you then I think it was all worth it." His hand reached up to trail his fingers across the cool skin of Hadrian's chin. Slowly, he guided the mage's lips toward his own before kissing him. When the two pulled apart Kendall smiled up at Hadrian, admiring his deep blue eyes. "Yes, it was definitely worth it."

by **Hadrian** on June 30th, 2011, 6:08 am

As Hadrian watched, some of the agitated patterns in Kendall's aura began to smooth away, at least for the moment, which had been his goal in all this. There were days when his aura was predominantly a bright, playful yellow, but it had been more and more muted of late. This worried Hadrian, but he kept most things to himself until he was more sure of them. But all the same, the Azenth pulled emotion out of him whether he liked it or not, so he gathered his djed in his eye as he winked, and when his eyelids parted, one of them's color was morphed into a brilliant shade of green that aped Kendall's own.

He grinned, quickened by the kisses and the undiscovered country that they were traversing hand-in-hand.

"I think you give me too much credit," he said, and poured wine for them both, offered a delicacy in his elegant, tapering fingers for Kendall to eat. Perhaps they were suspended in the wilderness between two opposing civilizations, but he could make the day pleasant for the fire-starter.

"Happy birthday," he said, and raised his glass. The wine went down with that hint of warmth that had nothing to do with the summer day nor the desire that flared within him. He could have distanced himself from the memory of the girl Kendall, but when she returned as this shape, she intentionally kindled that fire... "...to the pyromaniac of my heart."

by **Kendall Saarinen** on July 5th, 2011, 7:50 am

The memory of the room kept coming to Kendall. He was sure Hadrian could see it in his aura. He was not good at hiding his emotions, especially from Hadrian. He could see through him which was a good thing, in a way. He knew the person that Kendall was inside. Maybe it was better this way. Nothing would be hidden. He opened his mouth to speak but the words seemed to get caught. He did not want to worry Hadrian with talk of his anxiety and nightmares. Hadrian would have had to have seen his fear making it's way through his aura. "I've been having nightmares." He was not sure how to phrase it so it would not seem as bad as it actually was. His fingers intertwined with Hadrian's, trying to find comfort in his cool skin. "Last night I dreamed of the room where I woke up... like this." He motioned to himself with his free hand. "It scared me I guess."

Despite the discomfort growing within him, a bright smile appeared on Kendall's face when Hadrian's eye color changed. He giggled softly as he rested his head on Hadrian's shoulder. He felt safe there, like the memories could not touch him as long as he was in contact with the hydromancer.

Kendall eyed the wine as Hadrian poured it. He shrugged slightly at Hadrian's words. "Maybe." He looked up at Hadrian as he picked up a glass of wine of his own. "You really do make me happy though." He felt his insides warm as the drink slipped down his throat. "I feel... open. I like don't have to hide when it is just us." He blushed a bit as he smiled up at Hadrian. The anxiety was dulling but he was sure it would not go away completely.

"Thank you. I'm glad we could spend the day together." Kendall truly meant the words. He was scared that his birthday was going to be less than enjoyable in his current form. It was a different birthday than he was used to. It was more quiet and personal. "By the way, when is your birthday?" He was sure he would not be able to get Hadrian something as beautiful as his own birthday present. He looked over the gem in his palm, smiling as the light caught it's color. "I really appreciate this... everything." Even though there was a hint of anxiety still playing in his mind he felt happy. He would push it away for now, if not for himself, for Hadrian.

by **Hadrian** on July 5th, 2011, 4:00 pm

"I know," he said matter-of-factly, proving that his Vision grew keener everyday. It had been so difficult to master the basics, but his steady use of it as well as his diligent efforts to codify what he saw, the way in which is mind saw things, was proving him a savant after all. "I wish I were blessed by Nysel so I could climb into your dreams and keep you safe there, but at least... until that happens, I'm here for you when you wake up." He kissed the side of Kendall's face and smiled when his shoulder became the blond's pillow.

"You don't have to hide," he assured him. "Perhaps by the end of this trip you won't have to hide for Cathan or Sondra or Ethan either. You know, before we all have to hide everything from everyone." He chuckled, already mentally preparing for Ravok.

"Oh, my birthday isn't until the 7th of Winter. With any luck we might be in Avanthal by then, safe and secure. And I imagine even though it'll be bitterly cold, there would be no more impressive season to see the City of Winter than in its own season."

by **Kendall Saarinen** on July 10th, 2011, 2:40 am

It was a calming feeling to know that even after Kendall's worst nightmares the sight of Hadrian sleeping beside him would always be the first thing he saw when he woke up. The thought was a bit odd in it's own way. He never imagined he would be this close to Hadrian back at the university. When he seen him he never thought he would be feeling his lips against his cheek like he did now. "Just you being there beside me helps." He smiled lightly at the thought of Hadrian visiting his dreams but the warm expression faded a bit as he thought of how his dreams had been lately. They were painful and he was not sure he would have wanted to share that with Hadrian.

"I like the thought of that." Kendall spoke quietly as his arms wrapped around Hadrian's arm that was closer to his body. He had been thinking about how it would be to tell the rest of the people in their group about his secret. "I've been thinking about telling Cathan. I think he deserves to know since he has been with me since just about when all of this started." Cathan was quite passive about most things. Kendall wanted to believe he would be understanding about his accident but he was not sure if he would be. "I guess I am scared about telling Sondra although she probably already knows. Konti can tell those kinds of things right?"

A sweet smile warmed Kendall's face as he looked up into Hadrian's eyes. "I'll have to think of something to do for your birthday… if you want me to that is." The blond was not sure if Hadrian was the kind of person who even liked people making a fuss of his birthday. "At least I can keep you warm up in the snowy north." He did not know why but he felt the need to keep Hadrian warm. He wanted to make him comfortable. "I'm sure sleeping will be more comfortable in Taldera. I imagine I'm not the most pleasant person to sleep with now that the weather is getting warmer." He smiled nervously at Hadrian. He wanted to seem like he was joking but he truly wondered if his body heat bothered Hadrian now that is was summer. "Speaking of Avanthal, what are you thinking of doing there? Are you going to try and meet Morwen?" Kendall could not say he was exactly excited to be in the Goddess' city. In fact, he did not really have a desire to even see her. In the end, he knew that Hadrian was interested in the divine and if he wanted to meet the Snow Queen he would happily go to her city with him. As much as he hated to admit it, there was still a part of him that was a bit curious about the northern city.

by **Hadrian** on July 14th, 2011, 6:14 am

With a dear blond head on his shoulder, he was quite content for the time being. He kissed the hair that smelled like, well, Kendall. In Hadrian's nose, Kendall's hair and skin always smelled of summer, the sun, or fire. Perhaps it was the extent to which he had been working with Auristics of late, senses bleeding into each other, though he wasn't one of those people who naturally tasted color and smelled music. Perhaps he was becoming one, though?

"I'm coming with you all the way to dread Ravok, aren't I?" he asked, gently teasing. He didn't want Kendall to be afraid anymore.

"I think Cathan and Sondra are trustworthy. Wolves are loyal and yes, Konti are intuitive, though I don't know how much she knows or suspects. I suppose you could ask her. Both of them are daring Ravok and the wilds for you, so I think you can trust them with your secret if you are comfortable doing so. I can be there when you tell them if you like, or I can let you do it alone. They would probably prefer you told them alone, though. Sort of a respect thing, perhaps?"

Musing about birthdays, he shrugged his shoulder a little, making Kendall's head bob a bit.

"If you think of something special, I'm sure I will enjoy it, but you don't have to worry about it. If my nameday passes without acknowledgement, it would not be the end of the world. I've forgotten it before." He smiled at Kendall's worry, evident in his voice without even having to Sense it. "I like your heat. It's part of who you are, but Winter might make me cling a bit harder, it's true." He chuckled.

"I would like to meet the Ice Queen, yes. I don't know that I would seek out her gnosis. She might want me to stay in Avanthal and serve on the Icewatch with such favor... But I would offer my services there for perhaps a season. If I create things for her, she might favor me with information or the like..." It even occurred to him to trade his skills and efforts for her recommendation to Nysel, and perhaps the dreaming god might help him work his way into Kendall's dreams to calm them of their terrors.

"It doesn't hurt to have the gods owe you one, right?"

by **Kendall Saarinen** on July 15th, 2011, 1:51 am

Kendall smiled up at Hadrian. "Yes you are. What ever happened to the guy who was so adamant about me staying away from Ravok?" The blond spoke with an air of joking. He felt a little pride in the fact that he had gotten Hadrian to come with him to the city of chaos but mostly relief. He was sure Cathan would have defended him if anything happened while the pair were there but Cathan was a Kelvic and did not know how kind the Ebonstryfe would be to an angry Kelvic.

Hadrian kept talking of how everyone in their group were making the trip for Kendall. It worried the blond. He felt bad that all of them were going to Ravok just because he had the inkling to. "I think I'll do it alone. Like you said, it would be respectful." Kendall also felt as though he needed to learn how to find courage when Hadrian was not around. Although the hydromancer claimed that he wanted to protect Kendall he knew that Hadrian would not be at his side at every moment. "Cathan will probably be first. Then Sondra or Ethan." He thought about how the conversations would go and he felt a shiver creep down his spine. "I'll worry about it later though. Right now I just want to be calm and happy… with you."

Mismatched eyes looked up at Hadrian as he shrugged. "I won't forget. It is important." Kendall thought about what he could give to Hadrian. He knew that he wanted to write him poetry. It seemed like such a small gesture for someone like Hadrian though. He would keep thinking at the present. He still had a few seasons.

"Really? It doesn't bother you?" Kendall smiled back before kissing Hadrian. He felt relieved at the hydromancer's words. The blond had worried a bit over the past few nights that he had been sharing a tent with Hadrian that he had been overheating him. "Feel free. I wouldn't want you to freeze. I feel the need to keep you warm." Was that strange to say out loud? He had always thought about how he wanted to keep Hadrian at a comfortable temperature. He had never admitted it to him though. "I want to make you feel as content as you make me even if it is more temperature-wise than emotionally. Is that odd?"

"I think it would be interesting to meet Morwen. I've heard She is very kind and friendly. She would have to be for a whole race to worship and live with Her." Kendall was not sure what he would do if he ever met the snowy queen. In truth he was not sure how any of the Vantha would react if they saw his mark. Morwen had been the one to lock up Ivak and he did not know how welcome he would be in a city run by her and full of her followers. "Working for a Goddess, that really would be something." He spoke with a hint of wonder. "Yeah, I think a favor from the divine could come in handy someday."

The more Kendall thought about Avanthal the more he worried about their time in the city. "Everything will be okay right? In Avanthal that is." He could not help but worry that the Vantha would not take kindly to his connection to the fire God. "I doubt Morwen is too keen on Azenth considering she locked their patron deity away." The blond shook his head lightly as he tried to clear his mind. "No, it will be fine. If I have you things will be good." Kendall might have sounded like he had quelled his worry but he was still scared. "Like you keep telling me, I am who I am. If others dislike me because of my connection to Ivak… petch 'em… I suppose. I'll still have you." A small smile poked at the blond's lips as he leaned into Hadrian. The mage had proved time and time again that he did not mind Kendall's connection to Ivak. "It looked like I fell for the right person."

by **Hadrian** on July 15th, 2011, 7:06 am

"I think I finally realized that I would be a mess if you left and I wasn't there to take care of you. Perhaps it sounds... misogynistic to an educated woman like you... were, are... I know you are intelligent and capable, but I think I would not be content if I were not there to help. It's become important to me that you are safe and happy. That's all."

He listened quietly about sharing secrets, having made his feelings clear. The rest was between Kendall and the others, but he smiled and shook his head no. Wanting to keep him warm was similar to him wanting to keep Kendall safe, he supposed, but the wine was making him lazy. It was nice to know that they were isolated, but not so far away that Ethan or Cathan wouldn't sense danger headed toward them.

"We have less to worry about in Avanthal than Ravok, I think," he said. "In Ravok we'll have a god of evil and His priesthood, knighthood, and all the rest. In Avanthal we'll have a seasonal goddess, and while She might not particularly like one of Ivak's favorites among Her people... well, She is more likely to be just or forgiving than Rhysol. If anything, She might ask us to move on, but I would think a goddess wise enough to recognize your pure heart and good soul. Who knows, maybe She will speak to you about Ivak. They can't have meant to bind Him forever... He's a force of nature. There will be a lack of balance without His fire and violence. At least, that's how I see it..."

by **Kendall Saarinen** on July 16th, 2011, 4:57 pm

"What, you didn't feel the call to chase after me? You couldn't imagine your life without me?" The blond giggled slightly as he spoke. "I'm just kidding." A smile lit up Kendall's face as Hadrian talked. "Not misogynistic at all. In fact, I find it very sweet." To Kendall it felt nice to have someone want to protect him. "I would be scared to face the city without you. Just knowing you are with me makes me content."

Hadrian's words helped to calm Kendall a bit. He still felt a little scared but he his nerves would even out eventually. "I hope she would see that. It would be interesting to talk to her, especially about Ivak." A nervous smirk found it's way to Kendall's lips as he spoke. "I don't want to speak out of place but the world needs Him. The Azenth can work with emotions and the fault lines but we are not Gods. I worry that we cannot keep Ivak's realm under control for Him forever. It is an honor to try though." Kendall was not strong enough to be of much help to the other Azenth yet. He was still very new to everything it seemed. "I know I don't help Him much at the moment but I hope that he sees that I'm trying." Hadrian was really the only person Kendall felt comfortable talking in this much depth about Ivak to. "Maybe He will speak to me again someday. I'd like to think He is waiting to see how I do with a sliver of power. Hopefully someday He will favor me enough to let me help a bit more." Kendall ran his fingers over the flames around his wrist. He wanted to help Ivak just like He had helped him. "I might just be being overly optimistic. I think that is good in it's own way too. I've been being very negative lately." The words seemed so simple. Especially for a discussion about one of the stronger Gods in the pantheon. The words were filled with meaning and passion. Kendall truly wanted to help Ivak in any way he possibly could.

"You have seen a lot of the world, right?" Kendall looked at Hadrian curiously. He had spoken about Alvadas and that city was all the way in Kalea. He would have had to have seen some interesting cities on the way there. "Where is your favorite place that you have been?" Kendall smiled as he thought of what he might see in the future. He was heading into a world completely unknown to him. "This is my first time seeing the world. It is hard to believe that I spent twenty-one years of my life in one city. I guess I never really saw a reason to leave Zeltiva." Even though he missed home he was happy he was not there. Even if he was still in his right body the blond knew he would not be as happy as he was in this moment and this confused him. His departure from Zeltiva had been for one specific reason. To get back to normal. He still had the dream, there was no denying that. He was starting to feel normal though. At least at Hadrian's side. "I am really happy Hadrian. I feel… correct, if that makes sense." The blond blushed slightly before leaning into Hadrian again, resting his cheek against his shoulder and breathing in his cool scent.