A Thousand Pieces (SOLO)

[Serrif Von Chatlyn]

1st Summer 511 AV Daybreak came just as he had expected; just as he knew it would. He didn’t recall sleeping in a few days. Fear of what was and wasn’t real still lingered with him. He couldn’t be sure what was a construct of his mind and what was indeed real anymore. It seemed with every passing day the two were merging together more and more. What he believed to be a dream was becoming more real; and the more he thought about it reality seemed like a dream. This isle seemed surreal to him. Full of peaceful beautiful blond haired women? And he was one of only a handful of men on the entire island? It seemed like a dream to him. However being a slave in a camp…well that was something that did indeed seem more like reality. Even though it was far more torturous than the isle it seemed more real to him. The isle did torture him in a way; only because he wished to stay here with these women. He wished to stay here with Angelique…whom he hadn’t seen in days now… Time was something he had indeed lost all accounting of. He just knew when one day passed to the next. And when he finally woke up he knew he had things to do…He knew Lym would be waiting for him…she was expecting him. And he didn’t feel much like running into Ildin right now… Not after his encounter with her; even if it wasn’t real. He still felt a little messed up from seeing her…like that. His skin crawled some…and he couldn’t even begin to explain it. It was summer so even in his tent he was extremely warm. Out here he enjoyed seeing the sun rise up some. It came up over the horizon slowly…sluggishly really. He watched; it was all he could do not to just try and drown himself in the ocean, maybe then he would find out what reality was real and what was not. But that required a little too much dedication on his part…and he figured he could use that as a last resort. He saw the sun begin to welcome itself into the world. He nodded. Daybreak was coming…Another night and he wasn’t in the slave camps; a wonderful truth now if he could just keep it that way. Maybe Lym would know something about this. Maybe she could help him figure this all out. She was after all a healer, well a herbalist…he actually wasn’t completely sure what she was… But he knew that he could ask her what was going on and get a truly honest answer. Maybe it had something to do with the poisons in his body reacting with something. That could explain all the vivid dreams. But nothing would explain what he saw when he ‘woke up’ on the island. Nothing could explain what he saw. The crimson sands…Ildin’s marble white eyes…The muttering… That was why he needed to talk to Lym…if he could muster the courage to get to her. He debated…but now that he had a horrifying interaction once he believed he may be a little more prepared for it. If he walked among the street and all the Konti looked like Ildin had…he wasn’t sure what he would do. Maybe he would run again…get away from the isle entirely. Or maybe he would still press on to Lym to see if she knew anything…Or he could just keep his mouth shut and suffer in peace; quietly like he was used to. He didn’t know if he could handle that again. He had been through that hell once; he didn’t need it again. No; he wouldn’t be able to function here if that was the case. But he was hopeful; so he stood and greeted the day. Hoping with everything he had that the isle would be normal again. He shuttered at the thought that it would not be. But those thoughts were pushed back… deep inside to help him muster something resembling courage. He found some and pressed on walking toward the city center and the Opal Temple. He had duties to tend to in this place; even if it was simply constructed by his mind to keep him occupied.

[Serrif Von Chatlyn]

Serrif hoped and prayed that everything would be as he believed it should be. That there would be no more cryptic faces staring him down. And that maybe with this prospect there would be no more returning to the slave camp at night either…But everything would have to be taken one step at a time. He was anxious; to say the very least. Hopes died hard with this man. Almost every single hope he had ever had died hard. Leaving him almost nothing but a skeleton. But he had survived that; and he would continue to press onward. Because there was little else he could allow himself to do. He couldn’t just roll over; he wouldn’t do that at all. He couldn’t allow himself to just give up. He couldn’t and wouldn’t. Failure wasn’t something he had risked his life escaping to obtain. No. He was here to achieve. To be something greater than he was now. To achieve and sharpen his arsenal of tools. Then and only then would he release himself again into the world to do whatever it was he believed he should. That part hadn’t become clear yet. But he believed he would honestly know when he was ready for such an endeavor. And when he was there would be no stopping him from his goals. Many had tried in the past; and these people had discovered that he was indeed capable of anything. He walked down the cobblestone path, nervous as ever. He saw none. Not a single soul was out and about at this time. That wasn’t really all that unexpected. The sun was hardly ready to come up; and he believed many of the Konti were the same way…especially those with mates. This brought his thoughts back to Angelique…Where was she? He hadn’t seen her yet. He was curious as to her whereabouts. But at the same time he was afraid of what he may find if she was only a figment of his endless imagination. This while reality shift had shattered everything he had; dashed away any hopes of sanity and left him beaten to pick up every last piece he could find. And he had indeed found them all. But as to how they fit together he was unsure. And he didn’t have the intellect to even begin to carefully maneuver them all back into place alone. He needed help…desperately. Any who saw him would know he was indeed nervous. He was easily as uneasy as the day he had come to this isle. Then he believed he was still going to be pursued by those who would call themselves his master. He still half expected them to just show up suddenly and start tearing the city apart…if this was indeed a construct of his mind. These constant worries and thoughts darted through his mind constantly now. When would his paradise be ruined; if it already hadn’t? Was this the truth? Or was there even any truth to be had at all? The endless echo of questions deafened him as he walked. His eyes darted about looking for any signs of life…any at all. He knew that there was a possibility that at any second everything could go haywire. IF this was in his mind everything could go horribly wrong in the drop of a pin. But everything held together. His heart beated in anticipation for what ‘could’ be. All the horrors his mind could enact on this place poured through his mind. One by now he could almost visualize the terrors. But as real as his mind made them they were not.. No they didn’t happen here. Even though he could so vividly see them enacted. No the world remained. Again this only caused him to be more nervous. He almost believed it was indeed coming, even if he didn’t know when or even have a concept of when. Something was going to go horribly wrong. This now constant state of anxiety would only be lifted when he saw Lym…Relieved or worsened. He needed to know what was going on. He had to know what was real or at the least know that for now everything was going to be ok in one way or another. That he was going to be ok…but was he? This anxiety was nipping at him in ways he couldn’t begin to explain. Anything slightly resembling a footfall shot lightning through his spine. Who…what….? He looked but there wouldn’t be anyone…Perhaps he was hearing things? Yes…that was it….was it? This once wonderful construct now tortured him with uncertainty. The buildings were as re remembered…or as his mind had constructed. All seemed in place. But he didn’t know for sure. He would know once he saw Lym…Once he saw her again maybe then he could be relieved of all this. Every one of his foot falls brought him closer to the Temple. Again it looked as he had originally remembered it. That meant there was hope here. Again an oddity he saw none. It was early just before the sun made any effort of any kind to come over the horizon. In this hour people would be stirring to tend to their duties. He carefully evaded the eyes of any. He didn’t want to know…he didn’t. he wasn’t even sure he could handle it if it were true. If his mind had indeed turned on him and decided it was to torture him here as well. But instead of passively it would do so now actively. In ways he couldn’t even begin to imagine…Or maybe he could. It was his mind wasn’t it? Or did these horrible concoctions the Red Man forced into his body cause his mind to do these things to him? Was that what brought him to this isle in the first place? Did some chemical concoction throw him into a coma in which his mind made this lie for him to enjoy only to then torture him with it later? These thoughts dropped his heart from inside him. His demeanor switched, on edge and skittish he wouldn’t make eye contact with any. In fact he did everything within his power to walk less traveled pathways to get to Lym’s lab. He didn’t want to see any but her. He wanted to know it would be ok…that he would be ok. That his dreams, what he believed to be his dreams; were just that. Dreams that his mind had formed to torture him. He wanted to know Mura was not a dream; that these women were real. That this place; this peace he had found was indeed real instead of a chemical induced fantasy. He was on the edge. Looking down the long chasm of insanity; he was close…so very close to the edge. He could hear it call to him; he could feel his sanity slipping with every sound he thought he heard. With every last thought that beamed through his mind. All it took was one push and he would be lost. Not even the gods themselves could even begin to pull him out. He would be gone…claimed by the endless spiral of insanity. Never to know peace again; never to have any glimpse of what it was like to be well again. But even if the pieces were put back together again he knew he wouldn’t be perfect. No he would never be the same again. Did he want to be? That man in the cages was him; but at the same time it wasn’t who he was here…In Mura. Yes it was a sad story; but it was just that. A story, his past. Even though he would likely live out his nightmares when asleep he would still be here…or maybe it was the other way around…Dear god what if it was the other way around.

[Serrif Von Chatlyn]

His hand found itself pushing open the door to Lym’s lab. She was there sitting at a table. A smile on her face. Her complexion just as he remembered. The anxiety was heightened; please mercy!! He though as she then nodded. “Prompt, something I can indeed learn to get used to.” As her words registered with Serrif she would see his demeanor shock. Something she had likely never seen…Seeing her brought a rush of ease over him. As if he had expected to find something else in her place. He felt like he could collapse. All the fear, all the uncertainty came crashing around him. Why…what was going on with him? Why all these vivid dreams? All the sleepless nights? All the surreal dreams and visions when he was awake? He swallowed hard trying to fight back everything he really felt. He was overwhelmed. His paradigms had been rocked in the last few days…Shattering everything to the ground helplessly. He had researched endlessly to try and find out what was going on with him. But turned up nothing because he had no idea what the Red Man had given him in that camp, nor what he had tried to administer to heal the damage…or counteract it. The pieces fell to the ground. Serrif found himself beaten and tired on his knees begging himself to pull it all together. That was what he was left with. All those pieces he carried were scattered now. He had nothing! All this time all these studies and he had nothing! His memories were scattered, they had betrayed him!! None of them able to tell him anything useful in any way whatsoever. He had glimpses, but glimpses and mutterings weren’t enough for him to piece it all together. He couldn’t go back into his past and see anything. NOTHING! All his memories were soiled with pain, blood and poison. A thousand pieces were all he had. And no way of knowing how or even if they all even fit together. He felt as if he was handed two puzzles in one box and told the two somehow would fit together. But he had no idea of the picture they would form. He had NO idea of how this mismatch of pieces would ever resemble anything he could have seen before. So he was left trying to rake his mind on how these thousand pieces could come together…he might not even have ALL the pieces in the first place…What could he do about THAT! “What be it today?” He spoke, his speech not really sounding together at all. But the words were there. It was obvious there was a good strong source of stress on him now. But he figured above anything else things were ok now. For the time being everything was ok. There weren’t any hidden surprises here for him nor where there any glassed over marble eyes. No Lym was fine. For now it seemed his mind was having a little mercy on him. He wasn’t sure how long it would last but another thought entered his mind. It was possible that his mind hadn’t created this reality; but that instead he was here right now in actuality and his mind was merely imposing strange whims on it. Much more possible than a dream he figured. But at the same time it was still a reality that he wasn’t sure about. In all every move he made felt like it would only be met with scrutiny by his own mind. He wished he understood what was going on with him. “First,” Lym said as she curiously looked him over, “your going to tell me what is bothering you Serrif. Then we will discuss other duties.” She was worried that something was indeed preoccupying his mind. And she couldn’t have that; there were duties to be done and he would need his full span of attention to complete them. He leaned against a wall and spoke after gathering his thoughts. “I…” where to start and what to tell… “some things have been happening to me. I’ve been seeing things during daylight hours. All kinds of things that skew and distort the world around me. Then at night I’ve been reliving my past in vivid detail. Everything just as I remembered but the same details are missing. I fear…” He shook his head and then spoke. “I fear that soon I will lose a grip on what is and isn’t real. What is here and what is there.” Lym listened. He posed an interesting predicament to her. What was and what wasn’t was a topic that she herself never took time to ponder for very carefully chosen reasons. “Serrif, what you are trying to discern is very dangerous. You will indeed find yourself staring into the abyss for answers; and if you look long enough the abyss also stares back. The truth is I doubt there is anyone that can say for sure what is and what isn’t for sure.” She stood and walked over and then pressed a finger gently against his chest. “But you have to be content with living here and now. Don’t forget the past because the past is your fuel, don’t forget the future because that is your drive, but live in the now for that is where you can make the future what you want.” Serrif nodded. Her point was more than valid. But he still feared the darkness of sleep some. Maybe eventually that would clear. And he could sleep in peace. But for now it seemed all that he could think about were those vivid dreams that seemed to be getting more and more violent with every passing night. Every time he closed his eyes he would have another violent dream that tried it’s hardest to rip him apart. And he would wake up here sweating, broken and alone. Still feeling like he wasn’t a part of this place. Still feeling that no matter what he did this place wouldn’t be what he wanted it to be. All because he was terrorized at night by things he felt he couldn’t control. “I will mistress.” He answered as he centered himself for the days activities. “See to it that you try. Now there are things to be done; tend to the garden some until I come get you. Then I have some other assignments I would like you to help me with.” “Yes mistress.” With that he walked out into the garden and began tending to the multitude of plants and such. He found the rising sun comforting to him in times like this. It was a new day…his day and he was going to do something to make this day better than the last few.

[Serrif Von Chatlyn]

The sun warmed his body, he would likely need to get a new set of clothing if he was going to be outside most of the time. A white shirt and pants would be nice. But clothing for men wasn’t exactly easy to get here on this isle. He struggled sometimes to find anything that was catered to men. It was an interesting predicament but one he found hilarious in a way. But in a society almost completely based around women it wasn’t uncommon to have services based around them as well. From what he understood men didn’t stay here long. It almost seemed like men came here had children then left the women to deal with it all. He couldn’t imagine doing that; but then again he didn’t know how he would act if he had a child. He couldn’t imagine what it would be like for everyone around him to outlive him though. He didn’t think that would be fair in any way. He wasn’t even sure if Angelique wanted anything like that; especially with him. He stooped down and began picking out weeds and such in the garden. They weren’t all that hard to pick out from the rest of the plants here. But for some peculiar reason Lym had him collect the weeds he picked out. Maybe for another one of her projects or something; he supposed that could be the reason. He figured she had a reason; much like Ildin did for all the strange things she put him through. But with Ildin the reasons were almost always visible. Her reasons for what she did were almost always revealed at the end of their time together. But with Lym things were a little different. She seemed to plan things a little more than most. Her goals were more long term and everything she did well it all just seemed to fit together well. But he digressed he was here to pick weeds and tend to the garden. And he would do just that. Lym came out and in her left hand she held a small vial. “How are you today Serrif?” Her voice as usual was soothing and yet at the same time inquisitive. He knew lying to her would do him no good. They had been around each other enough now for her to know when he wasn’t right. And she knew he wasn’t. He knew what she meant was ‘Your not feeling well are you’ but she didn’t say that. She didn’t need to. “I’ve felt better.” He admitted. “Well take this it will help then finish up the garden. You should feel much better by the end.” She handed him a small vial. Serrif inspected it. He knew Lym wouldn’t give him anything harmful, nor would he use him as a test subject. So he nodded and then knocked back the vial. The mixture was soothing. It also tasted of cool mint. But he couldn’t discern anything else about it other than that. Lym was indeed skilled and known to tinker; so it could likely be something that she just mixed up. Whatever the case he did feel better. “Thank you.” He said handing her the vial. “Now, tend to the garden.” She said as she then turned around and walked back into her lab. He tended to the garden, the entire time he started to feel better and better. His body was soothed and his mind was indeed shaping up. The sunlight helped as well, he found as the sun got higher he too began to feel a little better. His head was clearing and the day was indeed looking a little better for him. His body was soothed and well his stomach was settled as well. He also was enjoying the breeze of the lake as well as the sweet scents from the garden. Whatever Lym had given him was working well.

[Serrif Von Chatlyn]

He was becoming more and more focused with almost every passing moment. He was enjoying everything a little more. The suns rays were nice as were the sweet scents of the garden carried by the gentle breeze. Every passing moment seemed to be caught and captured by him. He breathed peacefully in and out as he tended to the garden. He didn’t even mind being outdoors working. Maybe this had to do something with how nice he felt; or maybe it was just a nice day outside. Either way he was indeed enjoying himself more than he had expected. He continued through the garden getting rid of dead leaves and such. He pruned some of the bushes and trees as well as pulling the weeds that he did find. Again all the weeds he found he placed into a bag, again he wondered just why Lym wanted them. He really couldn’t imagine anything they would really be useful for. But then again he was relatively new to this learning apprenticeship he seemed to be part of. He wasn’t sure all the things she had to teach him; but he knew that she had more knowledge on the subject than he did. But he was sure that she had more to teach him than that. Yes; he was here to do more than simply learn about medicine. He was here to learn philtering techniques as well. He knew the very basics but nothing that was too extravagant. He was sure that if stuck around Lym long enough she would be able to show him things she had learned over time. Such knowledge would be priceless to him because her knowledge was far greater than his in various areas. Her knowledge was also far greater than most people, well he assumed this only because he knew Konti lived long lifespans…and he hadn’t quite found a way to accurately tell how old a a Konti woman was. Every single Konti seemed to age no more than sixteen to twenty years of age. Then after that they looked that age until…well he wasn’t sure how long. But he knew this much, he had never seen an unattractive Konti. “Good, you’re finished.” She said as she walked out and then looked about. Nothing missed her keen eye especially when it came to tending the garden. A slight nod voiced her approval for his work, “acceptable work…now we have other things to tend to.” With that Konti grace she walked back into the lab and then nodded looking about at the mess she had created. No matter how hard she tried it seemed she always created a decent amount of mess with her work. She sighed and then looked to Serrif; but before she could speak he did. ”So you want to tidy up some?” “Precisely.” He was beginning to be able to read her. That was good especially in an assistant; he would be able to do things without her asking. And he should be able to do this by now. He had been around her for nearly a season now. “Where do you want to start?” He asked as she then looked about again. “Those books,” She pointed to a stack on the table, ”I am no longer using.” The stack was about three books wide and four to five books high. She had been doing some research it seemed. those vials need to be cleaned and brought back, and I have a decent amount of ingredients that need to be sorted and put away in storage. Serrif nodded. “Right I will set to work then.” Without any further instruction he started with the books. Lym did have a system of organization that had taken him some time to learn. Mostly because the system was based not on title but on content; the reason for this was because most of the books had no title, they were just notes on different herbal remedies and medicines. He had learned a good amount about how she thought by learning this schema of organization as well. She was logical and methodical, she liked things done a certain way but could and would deviate from that when needed. But her books were not one of these things. She didn’t have time to go book hunting when she needed some reference material. So he had to be exact in his placement and organization of the books…of her books.

[Serrif Von Chatlyn]

He carefully yet quickly set to putting away all the books she no longer needed; taking care not to disturb any place markers she had in it. Just because she didn’t have a need for the book now didn’t mean that later she wouldn’t need the place holders. Rather he left the books exactly as they were. Her tombs of knowledge were put away quickly and efficiently; then afterward he continued on to the vials that needed cleaning. He found a spare wash bucket and placed the vials inside. He was never really sure about what she was working on; but he knew she was always working on something interesting. She would spend weeks researching random things. Things even he would believe would be unrelated. But then after she was done with all her studying into these things she would start experimenting. Weeks of experimentation and she would fill her table up time and time again . His job was to keep her work surface relatively clean so she could function. But then after her experimentation she was usually successful in something. Sometimes she wasn’t successful in what was intended, but she always accomplished something. And his job then was to document what she had done in one of her journals. She always made sure to look these notes over as well and make sure that he had gone enough into detail; even making drawings when needed. After all the point of all of this was replication. The ability to later come back and duplicate the results that she had found. It seemed to him that she was the one that tried all the new things. She was the one making the large strides in medicine. Every time he came in she had a new set of projects that she was working on for one reason or another. Sometimes she had an actual reason for doing so; other times she was doing so out of boredom. But nevertheless she always got results of some kind; she was always learning something from her experiments. Even if the experiment mixture failed or something like that she always learned from the experience something that made it all worth it. And he was loving the fact that he was able to be here to learn with her. She was experienced beyond anything that he could ever have thought. He remembered when he first met her she made a comment that if he wanted to learn from the ‘experts’ he would have to take classes. Expert was a term he had learned was very dangerous. Because the truth was there were no experts in anything. There was always more to learn; always more to comprehend. And when one deemed themselves an ‘expert’ they tended to stop learning; thinking they had already learned everything. He knew that both he and Lym saw themselves as students, just at different levels of knowledge. She understood there were things he knew and things she knew as well. But they had become quite the working group now that they had been paired together. She could not concentrate completely on her studies and such not having to worry about the state of her work area. And then at the end of the day her area was clean. This was sometimes ruined when she spent all night trying some new things, but nevertheless her area got cleaned. Serrif didn’t seem to mind the work either; he was learning at a good rate as well. She had seen him grow at an alarming rate. His mind remembered all kinds of things after just writing them down. He was able to recall facts and such that she had discovered in her experiments with him. His mind was indeed eager to learn this craft. What he didn’t realize was just how much he already knew. He was leagues ahead of many of those who came here to the temple to learn. He had practical experience he just needed a way to translate all of that. But she was working on such exercises for him. He had the potential to really be a great herbal healer. She just had to convince him of this. He had finished with the vials and taken them to wash. Entering the room again he then set the vials on a drying rack. He couldn’t help it but his steps were lighter and his body was feeling much better than before. She noticed this as well and smiled some. Serrif noticed this and queried. “You usually only smile at the conclusion of a successful experiment.” ”Exactly.” “Was I a subject?” ”More of a proof of concept. I wanted to prove how dangerous the mind can be; as well as how helpful mindsets can be as well. You see the mixture I gave you was simple mint, cane sugar and water; nothing more.”

[Serrif Von Chatlyn]

He reflected on what Lym had said. She had given him nothing, essentially water and sugar and it made him feel like this. Only because he thought he should feel like this. He kept those thoughts and he continued to feel good. She had tricked him, but at the same time she had opened his eyes. He felt like he wanted to feel. He had been so focused before on what had happened to him that he couldn’t concentrate at times on what was going on right in front of him. He almost couldn’t enjoy the pleasantries of life because he was to obsessed with the negative things. Lym had proved a powerful point. ”Mind over matter Serrif; we both know this.” She smiled and then made a sweeping gesture as she continued. “How did you get here; flee your oppressors, or even live long enough to flee? Mind over matter. There will be a time where you think you can take no more; you’ve seen it Serrif. And all you have to do is tell yourself you can. That you will not break. And you won’t. Doubtless Ildin has shown you this. But there is another part to the mind that actually can affect health. If you say you are feeling good then you feel good. You’ve just proven that to yourself.” ”I’ve underestimated the power of my own mind.” He said as he gently came to the words. “It is your greatest weapon when armed with knowledge.” “Indeed it would be.” He admitted with a smile as he then moved to clean out all the glassware he had used. “When you are done I have something I want to show you.” She said as she watched Serrif clean up everything. She did like having him around as an assistant. He had been so very useful; and so very interesting to just keep around really. He had done everything she had asked and more. She realized his thirst for knowledge. She couldn’t even begin to count the times she noticed that he had been reading through one of the many books she had. He especially seemed to like the large bindings she had made from all her many notes. He really seemed to take an interest in them. And she hadn’t found out why. He finished and she nodded. “I noticed you have taken a liking to reading my plethora of books. Is there anything in particular that interests you?” She asked knowing likely what the answer would be. “Antidotes, and the curing of disease.” He admitted, exactly the answer she had expected. “Then this,” she handed him a red and black novel at the bottom of one of the bookcases, ”is what you want to research in.” She smiled and took a seat. “There is powerful knowledge there, read it understand it and you will be able to better understand poisons.” Serrif gently flipped through the pages and there was all kinds of information here. All kinds of antidotes for all kinds of poisons. The description on how to make these antidotes was indeed pain staking. The detail made him feel as if he could do it if he wanted to. Maybe he would make some antidotes sometime. But how one tested such things was beyond him…he knew how the slavers tested them. But he wasn’t about to do that.

[Growl]

Appreciation Time! Name: Serrif Experience: +2 Gardening, +2 Organization, +1 Socialization, +1 Rhetoric Lore: What if it isn't Real?, Hopes Die Hard, Thinking of Angelique, Excessive Anxiety, At War With One's Mind, Lym Tricked Me!, Mind Over Matter! Ledger: Lym's Notes on Various Herbal Antidotes and Remedies (to borrow, please return it by the end of next season) Additional Notes: First off, is the term "lab," the one you truly wish to use when discussing where Lym stays? Also, please be careful with your writing, there were a few typos. Lastly, while your pc has a basic understanding of plants because of his herbalism skill, he has no experience with gardening, prior to his thread. Thus, he may not have done a very good job with the pruning and everything; (you may wish to keep this in mind). Also, (while this is not a bad thing), you spend a lot of time describing how your pc feels and how the NPCs interact with him. While this can be great for character development, it does not help much when awarding exp. So, you may want to make a note to be more specific of how he gardened, (like clearing away dirt, pulling out weeds at the root, etc), so that more exp may be awarded next time. Other than that, it was a good thread. Feel free to pm me with questions or concerns!