by Hayl on July 21st, 2011, 1:17 am
He looked at her and narrowed his eyes. “Please… I may not be the greatest of company, but I don’t have any pleasantries about harming women… hairy or not.” He was getting perturbed by the audacity that the females of this dark city had. Even as a man from Sunberth, a place rampant with womanizing crimes and sexual hierarchy, he was tired of the average woman assuming that he was a soulless scumbag who would kill anyone without a qualm about it. “Let’s go…” he said gathering his things and flinging them over his shoulder, “If I have to be in this shirt any longer I’m afraid I’ll be swooped up by a strong breeze.”
The lady in front of him was driving Hayl crazy. She was weirdly disproportionate at her legs and was leaned over to reveal her mile long cleavage to the store-owner. Hayl was counting his own heart beats trying to take his mind off of her stupid words. “You know when Griffith, my third husband, died he left me his horse. Beautiful beast, but dumb as an ox…” she was so far bent over that her enormous rear was staring Hayl in the face. He rolled his eyes over to Vyxxenne, “I know I said that I have never killed a woman before but…” he whispered to her, then let his eyes shift darkly at the obnoxious lady. His tone was soft enough that the babbling woman would never hear it. He thought about trying to lift something from her, but her butt seemed so crammed into her skin tight dress he was confident she would be able to feel him if he thought about it hard enough. He peered over the mountain in front of him to see the store owner. He was, to Hayl’s greatest fear, enamored with the sight. His eyes would widen as her chest did with every breath. Hayl took notice of the man, he dressed nice, but probably because he was a tailor, however, his hair and beard were fairly un-kept. ‘He must not be married’ (The lack of a ring could prove substantial evidence to the great detective) ‘He’s probably never seen a woman’s breast before in his life.’ The judgment was fair, being that the rather unattractive, overweight, and balding man in his thirties would be so fascinated by boobs probably 10 years his senior. He whispered again to Vyxxenne, “Your kind is lucky to die off before they grow old and fat and ugly like my kind do.” His knowledge of a Kelvic’s life cycle was obviously miniscule.
“Ever since… Hector, my 5th husband… when he died, SNIFF… money has been so hard” her flabby body quivered with each snotty inhale. “I know I may not have much…” ‘Maybe if you would quit eating you could do yourself and all the starving people in this city a favor.’ He thought when she broke for a dramatic pause “But I can cook better than anyone I know…” “I bet…” Hayl said probably too loud and covered it swiftly with a cough. “If you could find it in your heart to forgo your price on this beautiful blouse, that reminds me of the one Seymour (6th husband) got me, then I would be glad to treat you to the most… delicious night you could ever have.” Hayl whispered out the side of his mouth to Vyxxenne again, “Don’t do it, or you'll marry her and be a dead man.” He played as if he was talking to the man himself. Silence came awkwardly as Hayl realized the man was making no reply. He furrowed his brow in curiosity and peered again over the mountain to see what his hang-up was. The man’s eyes where white all around his shocked pupils, which were glued to the flesh in front of him. ‘This man really has never seen a breast before…’ Hayl thought as he tried to contain a chuckle. The store owner finally opened his mouth and began to say something. “B-b-b-b-b…” He was stuttering something, and it sounded dangerously close to Hayl that the man was about to scream BOOOOOOBS! Really loud when, “B-b-b-b-but what would you make for me to eat?” his eyes finally shifted to meet hers.
“Alright, alright… I really hate to break all this up, but I would like to buy this overpriced shirt and your future death sentence-I mean wife, here, is making me regret my birth as a human.” A short scoff and some snooty curse was about to fly from the large ladies frog-like lips before Hayl interjected again, “I can solve both your problems right now. I will pay for your bed spread of a dress right now if you keep your mouth closed for thirty seconds, and I will pay you an extra gold if you let me leave with out hearing another word of you trying to communicate.” He slammed 8 gold down and sighed at Vyxxenne, “I haven’t eaten in two days and I’m already starting to lose my appetite… let’s go before I consider throwing myself in the water again.” He would say as he attempted to grab her gently by her arm and escort her briskly outside.
He would then change his shirt as they walked to their next destination, his chest reveled heavily white wraps with traces of dark in their center that would lead any to believe his wounds were healed, but only just. Once he was fitted with his new black linen, he would then look at her and comment on his behavior in the shop, “I’m sorry about all that… I just can’t stand shallow people.”
“Let’s pick the first place that serves something hot and dead and then eat there.” He said swerving in an inn with a sign on it that depicted a roast turkey. He opened the door and cringed at the noise of the place during one of its busiest hours. “A table… there.” He yelled to a small one in the corner that would be perfect due to its seclusion from the rest of the louder crowd. Hayl sat and didn’t offer anything proper to Vyxxenne that would suggest he knew some formal manners when it comes to seating a woman. (He was from Sunberth, not Syliras) The bar man walked to him and spoke directly to Hayl. “Drink?” “Something brown and alcoholic, what’s for dinner?” “Rabbit stew…” Hayl nodded with agreement, and then let the man get Vyxxenne’s order. He noticed the suspicious look the bar-tender’s face gave when looked at Vyxxenne and then Hayl, “She’s all yours if you can convince her not to kill you.” He muttered under stoic eyelids to him. The tender smiled back and then winked at Vyxxenne after placing some bread on the table for the two of them. “Let me eat before we really get into the whole planning thing.” He said tiredly as he pulled off a large chunk of the bread and shoved it in his mouth, slowly chewing it on one bulging side.
CSNever Underestimate the Power of Being Underestimated!