Fela's Scrapbook of irrational fears

[Oracle]

To-Do list:

• Keep it simple: Catch up.

[Oracle]

Oracle - A whole new set of fears now... You know, when I first started I was told by someone very wise: I guess what Im trying to say is just post. Do it and think about what people think of it later. Try your best and if that isnt good enough for them then... Just dont give up on something you love to do like you stated in your thread just because of what people say. You will regret it. I listened and it has gotten me where I am now. I post what I want and what I feel makes something fun. Some people may not like my writing, some people do, but I always do it for me...until now. Now I worry about what other's want and what they expect from me. It's a thrilling and scary experience. Now I also understood what Fallacy meant by: I fear the adventure I come up with wont be good enough for the player, that it wont be challenging enough, that it wont be exciting and thought provoking enough to satisfy their needs. Ive been working on a plot and everything, but I have no direction. I know that feeling now as a starting ST myself. It's scary! I'm so behind on modded requests simply because of fear of not being good enough. I sit down to write up my ideas and my mind freezes and ideas of inadequacy run though my head. I want to do a good job and by worrying about it i'm actually making more of a mess of it! Well time to stop that, today I will be a posting freak. Affirmation: I will get this done, I will enjoy it and if I am not meeting the needs of my players they can tell me and I will do better. You know, I pull from Fallacy's post because it really shaped the way I played on here and the fact I stuck around ,Not that the DS of Alvadas has anything to fear now . I credit my still being on this site and not giving up due to the fear to a handful of people, and I thank them every day for encouraging me and helping me work through those issues. I guess I wanna thank them for holding my hand. *hugs for all* Thank you everyone. I give a heart, a cookie and a hug to you each <3 Jen, Fallacy, Lisa and Bina. You four answered my questions, listened to me rant and encouraged me. Thank you. (Now, no one get jealous. I love you too. These four just really were there for me in the beginning and deserved a mention.)

[Taln]

Aaaw Liz,

You're just a bundle of sweet! Don't worry about trying to please all of the people, all of the time. No one can do so, so don't expect it of yourself. Just keep on doing your very best and that will insure you please most of the people, most of the time. Some self doubt is a good thing. We can't improve if we don't question our writing, right? *hugs and offers cookies n sprite* Now get out there and write your butt off! <3

[Oracle]

Thank you hon. You always brighten my day.

I'm trying to deal, but I just feel like secretly I get one almost everyone's nerves. Maybe I'm just paranoid but I feel I get talked about behind my back a lot more than I know about. *sighs*

[Gossamer]

. Motivation I made you a sign to hopefully make you forget all these silly fears. People like you. You don't have to prove anything to them or be perfect for them. Be perfect for yourself and that will always be good enough. They are going to enjoy your company regardless. But remember, that's the great thing about being a storyteller. You are in charge. Everything is totally in your control. . .

[Oracle]

Oracle - Making Love to my PC's Cause we all deserve love. Thank you to Caelum for you workshop and thank you Goss for setting a beautiful example. Fela's Goal Fela wants peace. Peace from her troubled past and to be able to forgive herself for Salida's death. Her entire personality is split down the middle between her nature as an animal and her desire to be a part of the beautiful human world; with human emotions, and quirks, and love. So seeks peace between both of these desires. Her goal is to satisfy her desire to learn and with that knowledge come to terms with her conflicting feelings. Only when she comes to terms with her internal conflict can she then deal with her feelings over Salida's death, only then will she find peace. Character Diamond Ok, I think I'm understanding this part well enough. I really hope I don't muck it up too bad... Constant Traits - Positive: Curious, Fela would not be where she is not without a built in sense to explore the world around her. She wants nothing more than to learn and understand. While many things do not make sense to her simple brain she craves understanding and will do almost anything to achieve it. Negative: Stubborn, essentially if she is something she does not want to do then no amount of begging or pleading will make her do it unless she already was debating the issue to begin with. Sometimes she will not do something just to spite you because you wanted her to do it. Very set in her ways and unforgiving and unyielding to new ideas about how she should live her life. OK, I admit this may not be the best answer. Mostly because I don't know the answer really and that makes me sad, I know Fela has negative characteristics, she has plenty of them, but I'm having a hard time thinking of ones that are a constant trait that are ever present in her. Her unstable emotions and ability to flip between two different opinions at a moment's notice makes it hard to pin point any one characteristic that is constant. She is a walker contradiction just depending on her mood that day. Situational Traits - Positive: Helpful, She will go out of her way to help a stranger get back on their feet and will give just about anything to someone who has done no harm to her. She is unforgiving and cold to those who have cause her or her loved ones any pain, but so longer as you don't fall into that category she will literally give you the shirt off her back if need be. No really, nudity doesn't bother her one bit. The less clothes the better. Negative: Moody and Impulsive, yeah if I picked anything but this I would be lying to myself. Her moods are ever shifting and she is pretty quick to anger, or love, or lust, or flighty girlish fits of laughter. The smallest thing will set her off and she'll be embracing some other emotion with the same fierceness that she carries with her when she charges head fist into a new situation. She's a bit sarcastic and you never quite know how she is going to handle a situation from one moment to the next. When she gets something in her head, she will do it without even thinking it through. Going hand in hand with her moody tendencies, she also has a habit of growing depressed at the drop of the hat. She sees a tree that reminds her of Salida and she mentions it, the smell of some roasted pork and she remembers eating roasted pork with her, someone comes close to her and brushes against her, "Oh Salida used to brush against me all the time." Hell, she damn near starts crying when ever she gets near any stupid plant! She works for an herbalist, it's a wonder she hasn't killed herself yet. I want to sit down and really think about the story acts part so this will be a two part post. and yes, I will be doing this for all three of my PC's. So keep an eyes out.

[Tessa Poe]

I'm trying to deal, but I just feel like secretly I get one almost everyone's nerves. Maybe I'm just paranoid but I feel I get talked about behind my back a lot more than I know about. *sighs*

Awww well you don't have to worry about that from me you know, or at least you should do since I <3's you too Liz

[Caelum]

Fela’s workshop is beautiful. It tickled me to catch it. I thought it might be helpful to mention that when I was coming up with Caelum’s traits, the first thing I did was list almost twenty different words that would describe him. I could have probably listed twice that amount. When I decided on “bitter” as his negative, constant trait, there were actually about seven other words behind it that ended up being subbed beneath that one heading. Things like “moody” and “ambivalent”, etc. I think about it as an inclusive process rather than an exclusive one. Instead of getting rid of the other words, I teamed them up and appointed captains. Post script: That is probably the worst sports analogy in the history of man. My apologies.

[Oracle]

Short update from phone:

By the way, love the sports analogy

Gahhh! I hate being away from the computer. I am seeing so many lovely things I wanna to respond to and so many people I want to congratulate! Well, i'll just have to do it Monday after class. :3

[Fela Meason]

Elisabeth Gann - Things you Should Know About Me Not in a "boy you better step" kinda way. No no no...just a "hey, this is nifty so listen up" kinda of way. Ok, maybe a little "boy you better step". It's better a really shitastic week. -.- That's another scrap for another day. This will be a bit long, and pretty boring. So just a warning for ya. This is mostly for my benefit. I'm a shy person, but I hide it well. I'm afraid of clowns. I'm also afraid of escalators. Terrified of them to be honest, like i'm going to get caught and eaten by a great beast. Stairs aren't great either but I can use them in a pinch. I love chocolate and peanut butter, but will never eat a bon-bon again. I love Harry Potter as a guilty pleasure. At one point in my life, I hated anything that was mainstream. It still carries through a little to this day. I'll give things more of a chance now than I used to, but I've always felt that sometimes as a whole humanity sickens me so I don''t want to like what they like. I could go on and on about this one...but I will say I don't mean anyone on here sickens me. This is a small pocket of people I don't mind dealing with on a daily basis. I work in a call center as a cable company customer service rep. I have been doing this for almost 4 years now. I am in school for linguistic anthropology. I have an essay in English I should be working on instead, but have horrid writer's block so I was hoping this would help. I am allergic to raw onions. I own 4 cats and a fish. I once topped out at 14 indoor animals. (Not including the time I bred mice) I am pagan. Eclectic with more druidic influence. My birthday is Nov. 6th. I am a whovian. Hard core Whovian. See here for a definition if you do not know what that is. My favorite movie as a child, and I think still is, is the Lion King. Rocky Horror Picture Show is a close second. The Rocky Horror Picture Show sequel Shock Treatment is third. I listen to all music besides most rap and country. I do enjoy some of it though. So in a way I enjoy all music. People say this, but I doubt they know what "fem rock acid" is or "Swedish angel devil duet". Sometimes I come across as elitist, but I really don't mean to. I subscribe the the idea that "I'm ok, you're ok." I hate willful ignorance. If you know you can do better, than do it. I don't hate often or easily, but when I do it is intense. My tongue lashing have been known to make grown men weep. Which isn't impressive since I think everyone should cry and it should not be a sin to cry, but what I mean by grown men is those grown men who believe it is not ok to cry. yeah, those guys. My Fish's name is Mr. Anderson. I will do almost anything for a cookie. Or good food in general. I love food. I am a fat kid and proud of it. I project my vices into my characters. I want nothing more than love, to be loved and above all else to be needed. I like turtles. I read paranormal romance novels, but I have standards and wont touch most of the mess out there now. Even though I am both deathly afraid of spiders and clowns, IT is one of my favorite Stephen King novels and movies. Made for TV mini series are made for me, no one loves them like I do. My Favorite made for TV mini series was "The 10th Kingdom." I would gladly have Alan Rickman's babies. I wish I was a better writer and don't respond to my Miza threads out of fear and intimidation when the person I am posting with is better at writing than I am. My ringtone I wake up to in the morning is the theme from Pokemon, I also have it in Spanish if I want to mix it up. I feel knowing yourself fully, inside and out, is essential to being able to create a believable character. Mostly because then you know how the mind works. If you can't understands someone as simple as your own mind, what hope do you have of creating a while other person. I'm a walking contradiction. Some days I hate hot dogs, other days it's my favorite food. Some days I am liberal, some days I am conservative. Everyday I am a full supporter of human rights and social liberties, that is one thing that does not change. I think we were all created so be allowed to pursue happiness. Each and everyone of us. When ever I hear that song by LMFO I hear instead, "Every day I'm truffling" and picture a tiny pig digging in mud and wearing rain boots. No matter how many foods may come and go from my diet, certain dislikes remain constant: Mushrooms and Olives. I'm a texture eater. I have a labret stud and a nice stud. I have 1 tattoo. In my past I have had a total of 14 piercings. I have quite a temper. I control my temper well with everyone besides the man I love. I'm glad he loves me and puts up with that. I just had my three year Anniversary. My father is a paranoid schizophrenic, and I love him anyway. I have PCOS. My grandmother is 86 years old, and I still bet she can kick ass if need be. She worked in a steel mill and never quite lost that fiery spirit. I love her very much. I am from Wisconsin. I still remember the smell of Kenosha. -.- Kenosha was a few towns over from where I lived but they had paper mills. The smell was unbelievable. I once had a hamster I taught tricks to, his name was Gilbert. This whole experience has been very cathartic for me. ...for some reason.