Doing An Assignment Not Assigned Me
Recently, a high ranking storyteller asked his team what their strengths and weaknesses were. As you can imagine the strengths were fairly great things, but when I read the weaknesses, I was somewhat disappointed. They were cautious admissions of minimal personal failings… nothing to personal and nothing to risqué. I was hoping for something more juicy. Nothing was really put out there in my mind that felt honest, just cautious. And in an exercise I thought was worthy of an INTJ I started listing mine.
Why did I do this? Because I guess I felt a real lack in their answers and wanted something I felt was more hard core and honest. Should I share this with you? Probably not. But the truth is most of the things I share in my Scrap aren’t honestly for people reading the scrap. It’s for me. So in the light of that truth (which could be a flaw in itself), I want to list my flaws.
I have all the normal INTJ flaws. I’m an insensitive analytical trouble shooter with a notable lack of compassion. I’m not emotional at all for the most part and have a hard time dealing with people that are purely emotional. I happen to know for a fact this makes me a great admin. Why? I belong to a lot of admin support groups especially in the RPG fields and everyone says so. The fact that Miz has been up and running so long proves it as well. I don’t get bogged down by the BS. It does however make me a terrible leader because the best of leaders have empathy for their followers. Both are not mutually exclusive. It does mean that teams I build are unique in the whole of the world. They have to be to put up with INTJ leadership. There’s not just one of us at the wheel. There’s two. So thats the abstract. If you want the details, read on below. I'm posting this because it will be an interesting and entertaining idea for me to revisit this in the future to see how it has changed or proven true.
Anyhow I figured I’d make a list. Lists are great, efficient, and easily absorbed.
The Flaws
1. I do not relate well to others. Small talk and chit chat makes me kinda crazy and I don’t understand it. This makes me TERRIBLE at community building like people on RPG sites tend to expect admins to be good at.
2. I have a noted lack of interest in things most people consider common human pleasures like parties or social things. I'm notedly 'boring' or 'strange' to most other Meyer Briggs types.
3. I anticipate anything that can go wrong will and plan for it. That is decidedly a glass half-empty type personality. The flipside is that water is stored away for such times that the whole of the group thirsts. The negative side of this is that I am awfully hard to convince to take things in certain directions that might have a possibility of turning out brilliant because of the high chance (in my mind) of the disaster I can foresee happening. I will anticipate failure in every circumstance and steer very clear. So much like the difficulty of teaching an old dog new tricks (because of that dogs world experiences) I am very hard to sell new things too. I’ll listen, but as soon as that Ni-dom trait kicks in its usually game over.
4. I make up my mind instantly on things based on my experience, intelligence, and likes/dislikes. That means I’m opinionated and close-minded about things that aren’t my idea. And this is especially true if someone pitches me an idea and its incomplete without all the bases covered. In Miz terms that means a new skill, magic, god, beast, etc. If you don’t approach me with it complete and all the kinks worked out before hand, I tend to decide negatively about the thing in question.
5. I am overly sensitive, paranoid, and distrustful. This relates to flaw 1. I anticipate people being untrusthworthy and deceptive. In my experience they usually are whether they mean to be or not. The dangers of being ‘real’ on the internet have been proven disastrous and cautioned against by intellects time and time again so I assume everyone is full of BS when they talk about stuff. This has gone so far as to have over time having players claim to have cancer (and not have it), be gay men (and actually be straight females), and even lie about domestic violence. Frankly people are lonely and need attention a lot. I just steer clear of all of it because when I hear it (such as someone logging into chat and claiming they want to kill themselves), I quickly rid the game of it. This adds to my insensitive aura.
6. I do not express my feelings well. I usually bury them in rational facts and then expect others to understand what I am feeling. This makes me hard to get a bead on for those that rely on their empathy to get them through. INTJ’s are obfuscated against empaths. Seriously.
7. I dislike most people outright, like a few instantly, and feel almost neutral to the whole of the rest. If someone does something I consider a betrayal of friendship I will almost always never forgive them for the whole of my life. This is very true of people who have quit the site at one point or another (usually with a whiny accompanying scrap that says something to the effect that they’ve outgrown the childishness of Miz’s pretendness) and then slink back in at some point further down the line – usually within months or a year – and pretend nothing ever happened. They honestly will never ever have my respect again because that’s the INTJ way. We’ve had lots of people get busy, happily leave with lots of tears of sadness, then have marched back when whatever was preventing them from logging on has ended (usually with appropriate joy) and they’ve gotten new free time. I absolutely don’t judge that and don’t react the way I do to the former kind. The former kind can kiss my ass.
8. I guard my ideas jealously and hate it when people adapt them especially if they adapt them in what I consider a less than ideal way. This is true of borrowing concepts and is one of the reasons I harp on Domain’s retain originality. And its why I hate the fact that everyone does a situation of standard threads such as calendars, ooc channels, development forums, codexs, etc. People say that imitation is the best form of flattery. INTJ’s tend to want to kill when they hear that.
9. As a Te I build up a lot of concepts on the game that when executed fall short because of the reactions of others to it. I tend to blame them and let things like quests fold and fade away because I’ve moved on to other things simply due to the fact someone didn’t live up to my expectation. What? What do I mean by this? Let me put it in laymen’s terms. I expect perfection and when a reaction is less than perfect in my mind, I move on looking for the next perfect thing. Yup. Seriously. See why there are less than 3% INTJs in the world and less than 1% INTJ females?
10. I can never tell if people are being ‘real’ with me. Mostly I decide they are kissing ass if they act like they like me or say they love me and treat them with kid gloves while still remaining what I consider aloof. I truthfully suck at intimacy and I don’t get emotionally close to people unless they are those rare compatible personality types that can and will drag us INTJ’s out. They do it by asking hard questions, checking up on us, and being forthright. INTP’s are that way too. I married one. I think its also funny that the one person that can always get the truth out of me without even hardly trying moved halfway across the globe to marry another INTJ. Heh. I hope she knows how much I miss her even if I have zero time to keep up on weird ass schedules.
11. I am horribly impatient and intolerable of what I consider stupid delays or backburnering things. This should be self-explanatory. If you start it, finish it, or I will be there glaring my impatient annoyance. I want things concluded as well, so something sitting open-ended would leave me feeling batshit crazy. That leads to rash decisions based on the right now rather than patiently waiting for opportunities that might arise in the near future.
12. I have zero tolerance of general stupidity and equate ignorance to it as well. A wiser person would realize that ignorance can be educated and taught differently. I have no patience for this and am in a way jealous of the people that can show others better ways rather than just leave them in a stupid category like I would. Huge flaw here. I just feel people should know better already and most of the time they simply don’t.
13. Gross mismanagement and apathy makes me crazy. I demand everyone attack things as passionately as I can and do if I decide I care about the thing in question. Miz I one of those things. You might not realize I'm passionate about something. But If I'm involved, I'm passionate.
14. I find that when people fail to make me out to be the bad guy I laugh hysterically and tend to get a buzz out of it for years. I inherently know this makes me shallow. The same thing happens when people criticize me and claim I’m a terrible admin. I simply point to Mizahar and say it’s still here and will still be here for years to come. Where’s their legacy? That makes me terribly arrogant which is a known flaw of INTJs.
15. The site falls apart when I’m not around. I should have set it up so it doesn’t, but that’s not the way it turned out. I think this is a flaw. Others have told me this is a strength.
16. I don’t care that you don’t care that I don’t care. I only really care about me and the people I care about because they’ve made me want to care about them by showing me they are real people who have wonderful stories and warm bright personalities.
17. I hate compliments. I'm suspicious of any and all of them.
18. I expect people to deal with things just exactly the same way I do. And I’m often shocked and disappointed when they don’t. This is usually reflected back at me by them because my expectations were seemingly so off the wall and alien to them that they label me cold, unfeeling, and harsh.
19. If I tell you how I feel about something, I instantly regret it because I assume and usually correctly that you will use it against me somehow.
20. I delegate things (like authority) poorly because I try to do everything myself knowing I can do it better than someone else can. I then blame myself if things get dropped or unfinished for said delegation.
21. Getting writers crushes on people who do the unexpected in threads that read as incredibly clever instead of getting a hard-on for good grammar and spelling. I should like the attention to detail, but instead I approve of the outside of the box thinking far more.
22. I trust actions over words. I find it tedious that people say things then do things completely the opposite of what they say or fail to follow through with what they promise. I judge them horribly when they pay this kind of lip service to the site (promising to write up skills, run threads, or help newbies for example then give them bad advice). And needless to say I write them off as blowhards and never trust them with any sort of project ever again.
23. I hate unknown variables because I like to know what I have to deal with all the time. It's taxing to even try to manage unknown variables and if I can’t anticipate variables then I can’t pull tools from my toolbox to deal with them. It means that some projects fail before they are even launched because of something I can’t anticipate. I like to anticipate everything. That’s how I live life and manage everything and it drives me crazy until I get vital facts in order so I can proceed in my neat little INTJ fashion. Some of you would call this having all your eggs in one basket. I absolutely have to have them gathered and counted and inventoried and judged. If they aren’t there and I anticipate they are missing I’m going to be going batshit crazy until they are located, cataloged, and placed safely in the basket.
24. I like to live in my Ni world. But real life and Miz life forces me to move into Te world and that leaves me feeling a lack of control. That results in me being stubborn, grumpy, controlling, and the worst of all a full blown micro-managing fiend.
25. I have mastered Bitchcraft. This is definitely a flaw. People shouldn’t enjoy and thrive at the art of pissing people off while smiling sweetly.
26. There’s a thin line between confidence and arrogance. That line is called humility. I know as an INTJ I’m full of flaws and humble so when I react with satisfaction, as the saying goes, it’s a smile of confidence, not one of arrogance. However, most people see arrogance and that is off putting and the reason I’m often labeled toxic. This is definitely a flaw because a more approachable emotional and sympathetic person would be instantly read as confident NOT arrogant.
27. Along with the previous one, my humility is scarier than my arrogance because I know what I know and I know what I don’t know. That is confidence embodied and its intimidating to those that have no fucking clue what they know or don’t know. We have zero tolerance for these types so again I label this humility a flaw.
28. People bore the shit out of me. Yea. I said it.
29. I’m that asshat that simply realizes that serotonin and dopamine are the ONLY two things that make you happy and make you enjoy things. I don’t assign anything else romantic to it. It’s all bullshit anyhow.
30. I do not pursue friendships. I figure if people want to be friends they will make the effort.
31. I have a hard time thinking people are super special – you know – like your mom or daddy does. It’s super difficult to impress me, butter me up, or manipulate me. You can spend hours thinking you’re getting on my good side but the truth is I probably have a file a mile long of every negative thing you’ve ever said about me, the site, or something I’ve developed and I am perfectly aware you’re a blowhard.
32. I’m often hugely disappointed when someone wants to talk about a subject but then know almost nothing about it. This ties into the whole stupid verses ignorant point I brought up previously.
33. I make people incredibly paranoid rather than put them at ease. See the flaw about finding you not super special to explain.
34. I truly don’t give a shit about your excuses. I’ve tried giving a shit. It didn’t work out so well.
35. Emotional arguments piss me off and shut me down. However, I will gladly toss out protocol and hierarchy when someone presents me with things that are well thought out and innovative. This can occur to the point where I MYSELF GET EMOTIONAL. Yea I'll tear up over something so well thought out and innovative that its not even funny.
36. I get lost in the detail and often don’t see the bigger picture.
37. I feel abused and alienated because I want honest transparent relationships with people and others tend to just want to show me the best of them. This is a huge flaw. I’m not interested in the best of them like most people are. Perfect people are boring and fake. I’m interested in the whole package. This especially transfers to PCs. Perfect PCs annoy me and offend me because I’m not that stupid to believe it. Where’s the flaws in your cardboard marysue/garystu?
38. I battle irrationality with candor. Huge NO NO if you want people to actually like you.
39. I do not understand what I feel are a lot of arbitrary unwritten social rules. And I do not feel these things should be the deciding factors in determining your acceptance and attractiveness to others.
40. Finally, I fail to really tell people I’m having a good time or enjoying their writing. I’m trying to change this by making an active effort to say “I like your writing”. My normal status quo is to read their threads or everything they write because I like the way they write. This translates to real life as me having a good time and being perfectly content but not smiling or acting bubbly and joyous. I guess this is the resting bitch face curse translated to Miz.
I kinda want extra credit for doing the assignment even though it wasn't assigned to me.
(I probably have others, but I'm far too flighty to think of them all at once 
I pray everyone gets out of this okay.
