Playing Pretend & Having Gifts
I don’t like playing pretend. Ironic isn’t it? In some regards, Mizahar is all about playing pretend even though this isn’t the kind of pretend I’m talking about. We create pretend characters; tell stories that are pretend and try to crawl into the minds of people and creatures that simply don’t exist. I never liked playing with Barbie’s as a child, creating fake scenarios and weird plastic relationships and attending weird plastic events. I liked building elaborate forts in trees, building with erector sets and Lincoln logs, and playing cowboys and indians (the Indians always won) outside. These were real and tangible things to me just like Mizahar is now, even though they fall well into the definition of pretend. The kind of pretend I am talking about has more to do with pink elephants and unspoken undercurrents that disrupt everything and really get in all our ways.
I never wanted the biggest newest video game. My world was the fields and streams around my grandparents’ home. I roamed outside from sun up to sundown. I played hide and seek in sunflowers. I feasted on strawberries from the strawberry garden and fresh apples from the orchard when I was hungry. I chased butterflies through the rain because I once read a magic children’s book called ‘Where do butterflies go when it rains?” My combat was catching crawdads and fighting them with each other, wagering things like agates, partial cartons of bee bee’s, and extra chores over the outcome. I fell asleep in the sunlight and dreamed of fairies and far off lands while sheep grazed all around me. I constantly asked why things were the way they were (Why is the sky blue? Why does the sun set in the west?) and then researched endlessly until I came up with the answers myself. I was self supporting and self entertaining.
My childhood was amazing and it was filled with gifts.
I learned early and fast to do rather than plan. I learned even faster to read people because they were not like the quiet sheep of my childhood, the endless barn cats, and the deer or sparrows in the field. They were made of light and shadows in equal parts, though like the Akalaks without tattood faces, they mostly mastered the dark and nourished the light and were for the most part good.
But that’s not so with everyone.
And we natives teach our children to embrace their gifts. Some gifts run in the family. Some gifts spring up unannounced and unexpected. Everyone has them, though I’ve noticed most don’t acknowledge them very often. It’s a sad world when your best friends can list all your gifts and you yourself can’t see them because your culture teaches you that something like gifts can’t exist. My people teach the opposite. My grandfather was a very strong healer and medicine man. He knew it and everyone around him benefited from it. Green things love him, which I think is why my thumb is so green too. My grandmother had the sight in that she knew who was on the phone before the first ring could happen and always made extra food only on the days folks would drop by around supper time. She always knew when storms were coming and when we’d need extra supplies in town. My mother’s gifts ran towards colors and visual arts. She’s a fabulous artist and decorator, the type that could make trash look like a million bucks with very little effort and thought. She knows it. My grandmother knows about hers. My grandfather was proud of his. I also know about mine and am not afraid to talk about them.
My gifts run along different lines from folks in my family with the exception of my gardening and nurturing abilities. I have the green thumb from my grandfather who gifted it to my mother and then on down to me. But that’s not exactly my strongest gift. I ‘get’ animals and they tend to follow me like I’m some kind of pied piper. But again, that’s not my strongest gift.
I think my strongest gift is the ability over time to subconsciously invite people to drop their mirroring and show their true faces to me. You can laugh, but it’s absolutely true. Most people put on masks and reflect back what they think you want them to see. I call this ‘mirroring’. If you love something, they automatically love it too just to be liked. This is especially true on the internet when people can build completely unique personalities well separated from the reality of who they are.
Often people are so desperate to be liked, loved, needed, cherished that they never once stop to think that maybe people would like to see their true selves (and like them anyhow) and not the facades they put up. There is danger in this mirroring because you often have to remember who you are, who you sold yourself as to whom, and remember all the falsehoods that you potentially told. I think often people are worthy of love, but I don’t want to love false personalities. I’d much rather know the real thing. Again, that’s because I don’t like ‘pretend’.
I’m much better with truth.
Most people hide the ugly within simply because it is ugly. They know all about it – about themselves – and fear that sooner or later others know it as well. That later comes faster with me. That’s my real gift. People often try mirroring with me and it lasts next to no time. The façade breaks down, and pretty soon I see the reality. Around me they just ‘forget’. Everything about me invites them to cut loose and speak their mind. And often they do. It never takes too long. This sounds arrogant to say, but its absolutely the truth. This can be a curse because I often see sides of people others don’t openly our outright ever see. I see sides buried so deep in fact that they can be shocking. I don’t have this though, even though in some regards I should. Why? Because it’s a gift as well as a curse when I can gaze upon something I see as ugly and get blindsided by the truth of their real beauty hidden inside.
But you know what? When I see ugly, it often reassures me. It makes me go ‘oh, look… human after all.’ People are filled with negativity; fear, doubt, lies, jealousy, bitterness, pettiness… the list goes on and on. Each of us has this. Each of us suffers through it and either acts on it, suppresses it, or simply takes a deep long hard look at it – acknowledges it for what it is thus taking away its power – and move on.
You might think this is all bullshit, but I promise you it is not. I might be going out on a limb by saying this, but magick exists in the world. So too do powers of the supernatural or preternatural kind. Some people always know when folks are telling the truth or lying. Others can tell something’s up immediately the moment they walk into a room even though no one is saying a word. Then even others can walk into a room and want to vomit or turn about and leave immediately because they know the place is full of some sort of energy they want no part of. I’ve met wizards with spices that can barely glance at labels and yet mix up culinary bliss effortlessly. I’ve known people that can drag even the most damaged and abused animal out of its shell and turn it into a happy healthy loving creature. Magick is all around us, throughout us, and infuses the world. Everyone has gifts. Everyone. Even if you don’t want to admit your own, they are there inside you and probably incredibly evident to everyone you hold close. You might not understand them in yourself, but I bet you can pinpoint them in others.
I get called ‘batshit crazy’ when I say things like this, but you know deep down its true. There’s this myth that humans use less than 10% of their brains. Well, in believing that we evidently used our tiny little 10% brain section to invent all kinds of imaging technology that showed us the reality and how stupid we were being saying 10%. When our brains are active these machines light up and can actual measure electrical activity in different regions when we are thinking or doing various things. Guess what? Humans use all of their brains – every region and every section barring accident or birth defect. We are powerful intelligent amazing creatures capable of a great deal. Even if we don’t admit it to ourselves.
So, recap. Playing pretend. Mirroring. Gifts.
So, what is the point of this blog?
I see things. I know things. Being a Founder, you run across every spectrum imaginable of personality and temperament. Not only do you hear every rumor, snitch of gossip, trash talk, and complaint, but you get to hear everyone else’s thoughts on a subject when you are the go-to person. This gets even worse when you are in tune with your own strengths and weaknesses and because of that tend to cancel out people’s mirroring or facades they use on their friends when you confront them. You might have stared into the face of someone beautiful while I just saw the dirty ugly business end. Believe me, I’d like to see the beautiful too. And if its there and not just a façade, then I’d see it. So too would the whole of the world, certainly the whole of the game, and no problems would ever come of it.
Well, something happened recently, and I’ve been keeping really quiet about it. One of the reasons I have is because I’ve been disgusted as hell about what happened, why it had to happen, and the hard decisions that had to be made because a couple of people were doing the things I’ve described above and I called them on it, pulled down the mirroring, and saw the truth. Mirroring isn’t a crime, but it doesn’t work out really well for people unless they mirror to everyone all the time 24/7. If they forget and be selective, a select group will love you and the rest of the folks will experience a slice of the imperfect reality the mirroring tries to hide, and will call foul. So, mirroring might not be a crime, but whats a crime is being a downright nasty individual in some aspects and then hiding this fact behind the mirroring. Privilege was mistaken for power. People were getting abused and offended. Bullying occurred. Favoritism occurred. And the petty bitching never ceased.
I ended it.
Not everyone was happy with what happened, and I understand why. Putting myself in other’s places, if I only heard one side and that side stated by those doing the deeds, I’d be pissed off too. But it still makes me shake my head a little; because there are things those folks don’t understand. I can attempt to explain, but the fact is most have only heard one side. I am comforted, however, with the thanks and responses I’ve gotten quietly in my inbox. And the people I want to know the truth as I see it (aka my side) know it. Maybe the others do too, though, and just don’t actually want to admit it because anger is always easier. Regardless, things are dying down a bit and that means I feel its time I got my say in, however obscure its going to be seen as.
At this point I should tell myself to let sleeping dogs lie, but this blog has been sitting on my hardrive for two weeks demanding to be posted. Everyone wants to be heard. I don’t remotely care if people understand, though its nice when they do, but I do want my say in too.
We opened August 1, 2009. Why is this important? It’s not really. What is important is that in that whole time I’ve only felt the need to ban one or two people with names like YourMamma and subsequently YourGrandmamma logging on and trolling the site. Of regular players, I’ve only ever just perm chat banned one. What does this mean? We don’t do the things we do lightly. We aren’t ‘corrupt management’. That term came out towards the tail end of this saga when everything came to a head and made me laugh.
Why?
Lets see break it down. We run a site that’s free. We spend hours and hours and hours writing up lore for it and running cities approving help desk tickets, and generally busting our asses so people have an amazing place to play. We try to expedite people’s wishes and cater to their needs. The Founders created Mizahar and poured bits of their souls into this game. How can that possibly be corrupt? It’s a FREE HOBBY SITE people. We retain creative control, and if it was your place you’d do the same thing. Everyone would. This is our home, our hobby, and our pride and joy. You don’t go into someone else’s home and start bashing them all over the place, telling people how much you dislike them, but decide to stay anyhow because you like the furnishings and comfort and the way the home is designed. This should be a no brainer to everyone, but its remarkable how easily that is forgotten. Is the homeowner going to tolerate this kind of activity? Hell no, they are going to toss the offenders out on their ass and tell them to go buy their own house. The more problems the individual causes, the more quickly this will happen.
So… I’m not going to pretend any more that problems don’t exist when they pop up just because someone is liked by a certain percentage. The problems just grow huge and get worse and worse. I blame myself too, because inattention creates monstrous issues later down the line. We have ton of players and a huge influx of new players daily. Some move in, settle in, and we feel like we are family immediately. But if you don’t mesh with the management, the best thing to do is be polite and friendly and don’t tell everyone and their dog that you don’t mesh with them to the point where everyone and their dog complains TO US about how your bitching is interfering with their enjoyment of their playtime here. And if you hate the management, truly HATE us, then you need to move on. Don’t hang at our place just because you like the hangout. Do you know how insane that is? The biggest excuse I have heard is ‘But my friends are here!’. Duh. Almost all of you came here not knowing anyone on the site, made friends, and you can do that somewhere else too. Mizahar is hellishly friendly. That’s why people WANT to stay. That’s never going to change, but there are other sites out there that are as well. I rarely see someone log on, check the place out, and drag their best ten buddies over with them (okay Kam, stop laughing, I know you’re the exception). If they are truly your friends and can’t live without you like you can’t seem to live without them, they’ll follow you elsewhere and play with you there because true friends want each other to be happy and want to spend time. |
by Silvy on July 14th, 2011, 4:40 am 
