[Flashback] At Square Number One (Auldwin)

[Growl]

Date: 66 Fall, 507 AV Location: The Little Dead Schoolhouse Class let out an hour ago, leaving Berend to simply hover over a chair that rested at the front of his classroom, behind his large teacher's desk. He was considering how best to impart the next day's lesson upon his students, and seemed to have hit a brick wall. He stared blankly at his wooden desk, as he picked at his own mind, trying to remember how he had gone about it before, in the hopes that it would provide him with a basis to work off of. Berend sighed, as he ran his left hand through his thinning ghostly hair. "Perhaps one of the other teachers can help," he whispered to himself as he straightened himself up and floated through the desk. He was just about to head through the door, which had been left open part of the way by his students, when a ghost floated through. "And who might you be?" Berend asked politely, as the ghost peered up at him. He seemed to smile, Berend was right where Sara had said he would be, seemingly waiting for him. Hopefully he will be able to help me, Auldwin thought. He is a teacher after all. If he can't help me, I'm not so sure who can... perhaps he would know.

[Auldwin]

OOCLets make it the 66th day of Fall, 507 AV.

Auldwin had actually tried a few times to get that door to open. Each time his flickering hand simply passed right through it. Nothing, not even the slightest nudge. It's presence didn't even register upon his hand. Was it even a hand anymore? Auldwin wasn't sure what to make of himself. He wasn't much before as a man, was he even less now? Now he couldn't even pick up a spoon, although there was no reason to eat. Who knew you had to get used to not being hungry. Or sleepy, or even having to using the outhouse. When all that was gone just what was left? This existence. It felt so hollow. Auldwin hated to believe that he had to rely on the same type of things that had killed him all those days ago, but he was one himself now. A Ghost creating a Ghost, sometimes he wondered if that was his killer's intent, or just some ironic side effect. Finally he simply floated through the door and was subsequently greeted by Berend. "I am Auldwin. I'm...new." he responded, a bit curious at the polite nature of this Ghost he was meeting. Any experienced Ghost could tell Auldwin had very little knowledge of his new state. His Soulmist was in total disarray, and he didn't even make an attempt at Materializing in order to straighten things out. His facial features were mostly blurred, and compounded atop the translucent nature of a non-Materialized Ghost it made him quite nondescript. "New to this...existence. I'm not sure what else to call it. I was a man once, from Syliras. Now I...it doesn't seem like there is anything left. You know...I could never swim, I never learned. There was no reason to in Syliras. I stared at the water all day, thinking of how to get here after being pointed in the right direction. It took all that time to realize I...can't even drown anymore. I can't even breathe anymore."

[Growl]

Berend simply nodded, as his eyes settled on Auldwin's flickering form. "It's nice to meet you Auldwin," he said simply, as he crossed his left arm over his chest, while he curled the pinky, ring, and middle fingers of his right hand. He slowly raised his right hand to his chin, resting it in the gun the index and thumb made. He rubbed his cheek thoughtfully with his thumb for a moment, before continuing. "So what brings you all the way from that portion of the world?" he asked. "What do you wish to learn from a ghost slightly older than yourself?" he added, remembering well his first few years as one of the dead.

[Auldwin]

"I was killed just across the way, in the Cyphrus region. It all happened rather quickly." he said, not wanting to go much further into his own demise. That was still a sore subject, and the very thought of those last few moments of life made him uneasy, even without a stomach to nauseate. "I met someone who pointed me to this place, Black Rock. I'd heard of it but I never imagined it's...a place full of Ghosts." Perish the thought. Ghosts as far as the eye could see. Going about their 'lives', doing things, assisting in things, even teaching. "I've seen Ghosts do things, things I can't. They take shape, even look like they're real...or rather, like I suppose they would have if they were alive. I've seen them move things, pick things up. There's got to be a trick to it all, something I'm missing. I've got to learn it. There's...things I've got to do, I'll go crazy unless they get done. I can't like this though. Like this I'm...just an image...non-existent." there certainly was a sense of desperation in his voice. Of course he left out certain key elements, like wanting to teach the Ghost that killed him a lesson. Vengeance never really crossed his mind one time when he was alive, but then again, no one had ever done him wrong like that Ghost.

[Growl]

Berend nodded as he moved his hand away from his face. "I understand Auldwin" he replied simply, before pausing again. He took a moment to float around the entirety of Auldwin's form, taking him all in, before coming to a rest in front of him once more. "Do you believe these skills learnable? The ability to project soulmist- what you are now comprised of? Do you think yourself capable of learning how to materialize and manifest properly?" he went on. "Or do you think it merely an ability that older ghosts have access to?" There was a slight pause. "And if you could learn these skills, would you want to? Or is something stopping you? A matter of the mind perhaps?" Berend's voice trailed off for a long time, waiting. "Fear?" was the only word he added. OOCSorry, these posts are going to be short until Berend discovers what it is you truly want.

[Auldwin]

"If you asked me that question a season ago, I probably wouldn't have bothered. I didn't bother with much then, you know." the man replied, his tone had a defeated nature to it. Indeed, one season ago there were plenty of skills he never perused, even typical things like skilled trades or self-defense. Why would he have? He made enough money for him and his wife to live, and the Knights kept everyone safe enough. Everything was taken care of, he had everything he could want. Even he hadn't really figured out just how much he had lost. The feel of the warm sun on your skin. The wind shuffling through your hair. The occasional insect, buzzing about and landing upon you, causing you to twitch or shoo it away. All that was absent, and the feeling of losing it all was disastrous. More than that were the questions, what was going to happen to his wife now that he was gone? Did his father even know that he was dead? What about that Ghost, would he try such a thing again? And the Spiritist that failed him, would he continue such fraudulent practices on others? "I know they're able to be learned, I can feel it. Most everything else is gone. Heat, cold...but this stuff, this 'soul mist', I can feel that. That's like the only thing that's real." "Maybe it is fear, I don't know anymore." the recently departed man continued, looking down at one of his wavering hands. He clenched it tightly, as he imagined he would were he still alive except there was no muscular tension, it was simply a bodily symbol now, "But I'm not going to sit around now like I did before. Help me get past it, please. What can I do, how do I materialize, how do I use this Soulmist? I need to understand. There's...someone or...something that I'll need to confront when the time comes. I'm not sure how much I'll be able to do about what happened to me, but I at least want to be able to stand up against it." It was funny, he sounded more determine now. More determined than he had when he was alive.

[Growl]

Berend nodded. "That's quite understandable. Most people, it seems, tend not to think about the possibility of their death in life. Even when they grow old, and it is just around the corner... it's simply too unpleasant a matter to think about. Leaving everything you knew, and everyone you loved behind. Trading an old life, for a new one, if you choose to stay in this world, as opposed to simply, go on with the natural course of things. Return to the cycle." There was a slight pause, "of course, there is no real problem with sticking around, if you have unfinished business to attend to... sometimes it even helps to soothe the soul." There was another pause. "But first, it seems, we all must accept the change. That we aren't what we once were, and have a few.... limitations, shall we say. For example, we can't simply open doors as we used to, or pick things up as we once could. Yet, we don't have to fear death anymore, for we are already dead and know that pain. Nor do we get hungry or bogged down by many of the things that restrained us in life." Berend tapped his forehead with a single finger, before lowering his hand again. "Sometimes, I believe it to be a fair trade, sometimes not..." his voice trailed off for a moment, "the hardest part of this life, the life after life, is simply, learning how to control and manipulate your new body. How to take advantage of it... the abilities you now possess that you did not in life. The abilities you once had in life and lack now." "Since you wish to learn of all these abilities, why don't we start at the beginning? What I consider to be the easiest of our ghostly skills," Berend continued. "Materialization, a way in which we make ourselves seem more solid." There was a slight pause as Berend raised his right hand, calling for some time. He closed his eyes and concentrated deeply, picturing himself as he had been in life. Within a minute, his form had become more tangible- he seemed to be standing on the ground, and his features were far more defined, as opposed to appearing somewhat wispy around the edges. His brow seemed to bunch as he held the state for a few seconds, before opening his eyes, and returning to how he was before the demonstration. "See? Like so," he commented, as he stared at Auldwin. "You too will be able to do this with practice," Berend explained. "It simply takes time. Perhaps it is best then, that we start with something small, so as not to tax your system... your eyes perhaps. Just picture them as they were in life. Every detail you can remember- their shape, the color of your irises, the darkness found in your pupil, how they looked when you were expressing certain emotions..."

[Auldwin]

As much as he hated to admit it, the elder Ghost had something about him and his speech that was at least partly soothing toward Auldwin's clearly agitated Soulmist. To think a Ghost could be soothing, but what choice did he have? The only way to learn about his new existence was from the voice of experience itself. Everything had been traded for this. Certainly there was some sense of freedom. Auldwin never had to worry about disease or injury. He never had to worry about starving or freezing. All of life’s little intricacies suddenly seemed so far away. Now, all that he had to worry about was learning about himself. Perhaps his life was a life full of fear. Not so much the direct fear or something immediate or threatening, but the fear of gaining too much and then losing it. Taking the time to learn a craft, and then failing at it. Courting a beautiful woman, only to have her leave him. Indeed in his previous life he had nothing to fear immediately, only because he feared everything that was distant. Death sure brought out some strange revelations. "That's easier said than done. I never thought much of it, but I suppose I didn't pay much attention to myself when I was alive. My eyes...I remember..." his thoughts began to drift slightly. It was harder than it looked, focusing on an accurate visual representation of what he once was. "...they were dark and narrow, just like my father's. There were lines near the edges...small lines radiating outward, I squinted often because my sight was not as good as his." It took some effort, but with the help of careful concentration as well as the comments he had heard throughout his life from his wife and acquaintances perhaps it was possible to remember what his eyes were like. "My wife would comment how tired I looked often, even though I had slept well." the more he thought, the deeper his concentration grew. The Soulmist reacted to his wishes; after all, it was his very essence. Slowly that portion of the eyes and the area around became slightly more distinct, the smoky tendrils of his Soulmist receding somewhat as they weaved themselves together to display his eyes, the image flickering and moving in and out of focus.

[Growl]

"Good, very good, you seem to be making some progress," Berend commented. "Perhaps then, you should think of different things. That which you could add onto whatever is already within the confines of your mind, to make the image more distinct." There was a slight pause, "now that the shape is there... what about what surrounded your eye? Your lashes, for example? Were they long or short? Or, even, somewhere in-between? Did they curl at the ends, or did they appear rather straight? What color were they? Brown, blonde, red? Dark or light?" he asked, before pausing, to give Auldwin some time to think. After awhile, he went on. "When you have that image in your mind, think inwards. To the whites of your eyes- the tiny red veins that lingered there," Berend instructed. "Think of the ring that surrounded your iris. There is usually a ring anyway- sometimes its a different color than your iris. What color was yours? Copper? Gold? Black? Dark blue or brown? Something else?" he prompted. "What color did they surround? What color was your iris? Blue? Green? Brown? Hazel?" he went on. "I know it's difficult, for we often don't think much of those things in life," Berend went on. "Or rather, much of our bodies after death. They seem to mean less and less as time wares on," he explained. "But nonetheless, you should try to remember. To do your best. It tends to help," he added. "But don't be discouraged if you can't remember right now. These things take time..."

[Auldwin]

Auldwin felt a familiar senstaion, but one only familiar when he was alive. He was becoming exhausted. The part of him that was being exhausted what not easilly defined, he just knew that his strength was starting to wane. Concentrating so hard to Materialize himself was a chore, one that impacted hard against the Soulmist he had to use. Like a muscle striving hard to complete a task, that Soulmist was fairly atrophied. Or, more appropriately, it was not at all developed. Indeed as a Ghost size and race were not at all related to strength and ability, instead it was one's overall skill with their Soulmist that seperated the meek from the powerful. "My lashes were long and thin. I remember they used to get in my eyes all the time and burn. There was a ring around my iris, my wife always said it was gold. Those red lines...they were all but abscent. My eyes contrasted darkly against the whites. At least that's the way I remember it from our wedding painting." he expanded upon his own physical description as his Soulmist worked hard to re-create it's former shell. An exact duplicate was mostly impossible at this level of skill, but a hazy likeness wasn't out of the question. Before he could complete his thoughts Auldwin buckled slightly. It seemed appropriately to seethe from the strain, so he did, even though there was no air to take in. His form relaxed, moving back to it's original translucent, misty outline. "It's....harder than I thought. This feeling, this is...being tired? Just as when I was in life." The difference was that the feeling radiated throughout his entire being, and was not easily focused upon any one body part.