Canali was tempted. So very tempted, to say yes. She ached to reassure herself that this woman would take care of Nasib to the best of her ability and beyond. Perhaps Canali truly wanted to find a reason to say no to the Konti adopting the Vantha. Or to chase her doubts away. Maybe the pair rode a very fine line and overlapped at some points. Canali wasn't quite sure. In some deep part of her, she did not want to actually wander into the philosophical debate going on inside of her mind. To find out meant to place her own wants over Nasib's needs.
The young Vantha toddler, who had reached up to curl his fingers around one of Canali's curls to gnaw on, was now curled into Canali's side comfortably. Canali's arms were looped lazily around him, keeping him from leaving the sanctuary of her embrace. Not that it seemed like he was actually going to. No, Nasib seemed right at home with Canali. And he would be right at home with them.
Mulling the invitation over, Canali tried to think of Nasib. She might have wanted to view the family and find reasons not to accept them, but going over there would only prolong the breaking point. Nasib became more attached every moment Canali was around him. Pain sliced through her heart. The longer she stayed around before giving him up, would only manage to hurt him more. The other half of her mind argued Nasib would remember her longer before finally forgetting her, if she were around even longer. Another part in itself cried at the bitter loss of the boy.
Canali ached to take him home. She wanted to cling to the little boy until he was grown and making his own way in the world, but she knew she could not. With a mental reprimanding, Canali shook her head to decline, dark curls bouncing on her head.
"I would love to, but I must say no. I believe you will take wonderful care of him and seeing your family would only entice me to find reasons to say no to something I must do." Nasib glanced up, hair in his mouth and chubby fingers, and smiled a toothy smile at her. "Please, just keep him safe. Teach him the dangers, but don't let him become someone he isn't meant to be. Challenge his mind. He's smart. I taught Nasib h-how to recognize his ABCs, already." Swallowing hard at the small catch in her voice, Canali exhaled softly and rested her head on Nasib's. "Animals are a favorite of his. I learned Konti have a ton of Ivaski pups. Please, find him a kitten. He easily preferred my cat over any dog we've seen." And Katahr preferred him, too. Used him as a pillow on more than one occasion. Nasib had also used Katahr as a pillow.
Looking away toward a falling leaf, Canali sighed. "He isn't mine. I have no right to keep him. His mother, Menill, was a Vantha slave. She managed to escape the slave trader one night. I happened to be nearby and I couldn't turn her away when she pleaded with me to take her son. Menill trusted me to raise her boy right and keep him out of harm's way. Then she tucked tail and ran into the night. But she left with me two things; her wonderful son and a whale bone carving. I soon came to realize I would not be the best mother Nasib needed. I'm still practically a child myself in so many ways. How could I raise a son when I never even had any siblings? I knew he had to have a different mother, one who could give him an actual family." A pause as Canali met Menill's eyes, "I don't want to do this. I have to." Hugging the boy close, Canali continued.
"I started asking around. I didn't just want some woman to take him. I wanted to know her, or at least trust her. Nasib needed a peaceful, creative environment to rise to his full potential. My town, Sunberth, is full of violence and death. I didn't want him to grow up needing to steal and m-murder just to get by," Canali explained with tearful eyes. "Teach him what is necessary to know, and don't stop there. He's eager to learn and quick, too." Nasib's own eyes were bright pink with fear and worry at the tone of Canali's voice. He couldn't understand all she was saying, but the tone itself spoke levels. With her hair still curled in between his fisted fingers, Nasib stuck a thumb in his mouth. "If you haven't noticed, his eyes change colors. This is the trait of his race. The colors show his emotions. Pink, worry and fear. Light yellow means he is hungry. Deep blue is unhappy, or sad. They can interweave, also."
Pressing her lips to Nasib's head in a loving kiss, Canali continued, "I'm not sure how the children here are raised, but I would expect wonderfully from what I have seen. Let him find his own path, I ask. I think he'll end up a healer, or an artist, but I'm not sure. He enjoys drawing things in the dirt and smashing them away, but he's always so empathetic to how others feel. On the other hand, Nasib enjoys books. He loves to be read to at night." Such as now. "I trust you, Svil. I don't know why, but I do. If I were to go to your home, I would only look for reasons to grab Nasib and run away as fast as I could." A lone tear trickled down Canali's pale cheek and plopped onto the young boy's dark hair before disappearing.
"I had a pendant carved." Cost a pretty penny, too, for two of them. "I have the whale bone carving and the necklace here. I ask of you, when he is old enough, tell him about me and his real mother." Canali seemed to ask for a lot, but it was only a tiny amount of what she truly wanted to ask; Canali wanted to ask to keep him. It was a forbidden question to her, especially now. "If you would take him, I'll get the items out."
Slowly unwrapping him from her arms, Canali tucked her hands under his armpits and lifted him up, offering him to her. Nasib glanced backwards and asked hesitantly, "Cana-lee?" Canali shushed him, murmuring that it was alright. The boy trusted her enough to nod and trust the Konti, on Canali's word only.
