This Ugly Inside (Guest Mod: Mao)

[Sairque]

Winter 29, 511 AV A stony figure waited in crystalline torment, more an extension of the jutting finger of dark granite beneath her feet than akin to any transient creature roaming the winter wonderland that extended in all directions. The first snow had surprised everyone on the fourth of winter, the second blizzard had befallen them ten days later. Two days ago a party of Dek had stormed the kitchens for crumbs. Today they all hunted. They all scrounged. They all suffered and starved together. Sai hadn’t eaten a proper meal in three days. The clenched fist at her side trembled, purple with cold and her body’s inability to regulate properly while it cannibalized itself for energy. Mittens, boots, katinu, scarves and caps…the best equipment for the best hunters. No one chained to the mountain needed this kind of gear, no one chained to the mountain ate as well, either. People hated her for the flakes of fish the chefs handed over. She hated them for it. Sai hated meat. Loathed the way it squished between her teeth. Loathed the way her fellow prisoners tore at it with their bare hands and took it from the flanks of one another if necessary. The tender bit of elk that had accompanied the single bite of sweet roll this morning threatened to come up. The baby. That baby would be no better. Addy would love it, Sira would make it strong. Sai would watch. Sai would watch it turn into a beast just like them. If it knew what was best, it would do what its city asked of it. It would strive for excellence, it would sacrifice itself. It would have no self. Sai had no self. Catabasis screeched over head, careful not to tear his eye away from the search for prey, but unable to silently let her continue this train of thought. She wouldn’t let him in. Addy was too far away. Why when she thought of herself, did she think of Catabasis and Addy? Why, when she went to bed alone at night, did she think of nothing but what must be done? Why did anger swaddle her in comfort and control, why did it make the happiness and exuberant love so palpable between Sira and Addy feel like nothing more than an act when she put it on? Jerking off a mitten, stiff fingers closed around a jagged sheaf of stone, and the dusting of snow fell off and away down the chasm at her feet. The rock soon followed. Just like dreams.

[Mao]

The world was always a cruel place. Living here, where the world ended, where the mountains kissed the sky and the people lived hard and fast, life was never simple. Amon knew this from the beginning, when the great white creature that loomed overhead chose him; him, the boy that had to grow up to face the responsibilities to his people, to his family, and to Sai. There was a screech from the mass of luminescent feathers overhead, the great shadow passing over his body as he walked with careful steps over the treacherous, frosted landscape. The jutting rocks screamed for a fall, stretching with stony fingers towards the ever-reaching blue sea of clouds and sky. A black eye patch rested over the left side of his face, his crimson hair cropped shorter than usual. The consequences of hunger yet gnawed at his features, cracking his lips, hallowing his cheeks, his darkened, olive skin tinged with blue from the icy wind. Despite the winter attire he wore the biting chill still crept into his bones, whipping his cheeks like cruel lashes. He was used to it by now. It was the scouring golden eye that caught sight of the lone, stiff figure that he knew to be Sairque. Within strides he was upon her, the echo of stone on stone whirling up into the air, just as his hand stretched forth, fingers curling around her own. He pulled her back into his warm embrace, nonchalant about whether or not Sai decided to pull away. "Is that you telling me you want to jump off, Sai?" He snapped gently. The crooked smile was not there, it rarely was in these times, ever since the loss of his eye. "You can't hide your distress, not from me, and not from Sakima. What's happening to you, Sai? What has you on edge?"

[Sairque]

What was he doing here? Other questions, less practical and following the self-scrutinizing path of the preceding ones, lingered in those golden eyes, but he could see the anger brewing. Igniting because of his intrusion, because of his assumptive claim on her. But she didn’t pull away. Not this time. Not that he would react to the proximity any differently than flight. He felt it, too. It wore away at him, created an impenetrable barrier between himself and everything else. Between himself and her. Even as she, the object of his pursuit since youth, stood within the circle of his arms, he reeked of nonchalance. Not that hugging something as unyielding as granite had to be a pleasant experience. She wondered if he’d always felt it, if the loss of his eye had just removed the desire to ignore or hide it, drown it. Finally, Sairque looked away, but not before he glimpsed exhaustion. Not the fatigue of bone-grinding work, that was common enough, but the weariness of a strong soul finding the source of such strength unpalatable. She smirked, looking at the ragged collar of his katinu. “Jumping has never been a way out for us, Amon,” she quipped, a traitorous tinge of bitterness escaping. They died fighting, ones like him and her. Ones that were chosen by the biggest and best of the Eagles. A stiff breeze stirred up the flakes at their feet and sucked a small whirlwind of dry powder into the vulnerable crevices of the coats. She didn’t shiver, the snow melted into tiny bubbles against the rough skin of her neck. One mitten and one bare hand brushed the intruding snow from his shoulders, lingered there after it was all gone. “I think I’ve given something to the city that I shouldn’t have,” the petite woman shared, a mirthless smile tugging at the corner of her wind-chapped lips. “Why didn’t you stop me?” she asked in gentle demand, looking up at that haggard face so different from the youth that had taken her on that date by the lakes. Why didn't he take that little flame of her and keep it safe from herself, from smothering under duty?