Whispers of the Stars

by **Nyea Delaisse** on January 30th, 2012, 7:42 pm

I found a few sheaves of parchment and a stick of charcoal. Alright...so maybe the term 'found' has taken on new meaning. Anyway voila, pauper's journal.

Entry 1; Alvadas, Winter 511AV
The days blur together now. I take no heed of what others do. I'm going numb on the inside. I've never felt so cold, even when I dance. I just...don't feel. It's scaring me if I'm honest. All I care for now is the dance. The rhythm. The beat. Moving in time with my inner pulse, or with the patter of the rain, the wind through my bones. I haven't said a word in three days. It's as if everything I've ever felt or heard has buried itself under the surface and any day I'm going to explode. It's as if I'm a star about to go nova. Which reminds me, I need to stop sleeping so much. I need to sit up and watch the stars again. I need to go swimming again. I need to..I don't know. feel again. Feel the pulse. Not just move to it, move with it. Become one with the dance.

I'm thinking I should pour my soul out onto these pages. Maybe then I wouldn't be such a heartless husk. You'd swear I was made of marble. Cold, statuesque, void of emotion. What's happening to me? Have I forgotten how to feel?

This is all so staccato. I just, I'm not used to trying to be honest, even with myself. My very being is a lie wrapped in a puzzle, shrouded in an enigma, hidden in a very dark, desolate place. Even I don't know what's inside.

And I'm not sure I want to.

by **Nyea Delaisse** on February 5th, 2012, 7:55 pm

Entry 2; Alvadas, Winter 511, Early evening.

Note to self; NEVER sleep on a stone roof again. It's bloody freezing up there, even with a cloak over you. I think a nice patch of grass would be a better option. I heard the loveliest song today. Just a little tune on the piano, drifting through the air. It was as if I could see the notes floating past. I followed the sound, but every time I thought I'd found the source, it moved farther away. It kept eluding me, until eventually it faded completely. I could have cried, it was such a beautiful song.

Blagh! What the hell, Nyea?! Crying over music?! Ugh, something's wrong with me, and I'm not quite sure what. I'm starting to notice that it's harder to keep up the Ice Queen facade. I just can't be cold and uncaring all the time. I'm just not that sort of person. Or maybe I am and I'm in denial about it. Whatever's wrong, it's messing with my mind. I just...I don't know. I mean, I don't even know how to put it down in words. Something's up. I'm changing. I'm all mixed emotions and stuff.

Anyway, the stars are coming out. And the sun's setting, and any minute now I'm going to sprout horns. You'd think I'd spend much of my existance contemplating the existential dilemma of the Ethaefal and plotting to return from whence I came, but really I..well it's not that I don't care, and I have no great love of this world-alright, that's utter bullshit. I love Alvadas, despite it all. As much as I love Lhavit. More maybe, seeing as I haven't yet tried to return to the Diamond of Kalea. Maybe one day I will. One day.

For now I'll have to content myself with what I have. I won't be writing any more tonight. I have to go and see a man about a piano.