[Evalin's Scrapbook] A Summoner's Guided to the World

[Evalin]

Accomplishments There is something so inherently satisfying about reaching your goals and accomplishing something that once seemed so very, very far away. Yes this is true for my real life as well, but for the moment I am talking completely about Mizahar. Specifically I am talking about Evalin. Evalin has grown over the years... or rather, she has grown in spurts and at times it felt like she was going absolutely no where at all. Seriously I created her 2 years ago and for the LONGEST time she felt stagnant, like she had no drive, no purpose. She was counted among the "Big Five" (I quote this because I did not claim it at first lol), but among the other members of this group of evil Mizahar PC's Evalin was always more of a... pretty face. Seriously, someone said she was like the mascot. That pretty evil chick that is super weak that is like the first person the good guys defeat, and afterwords defeat her over and over again. That honestly got to me, because in my mind Evalin always felt like so much more. I don't know what changed in me. I think it was that one moment last Fall where I said "You know what, I want to do something with this character for nano". Yep, all of this started with Nano, and let me say Nano now feels like something HUGELY inspiring for me now. In one season I raised Familiary from novice to expert. ONE SEASON! How did i do that when I worked for YEARS before and got no where? Its because, finally, I was not waiting for plots to happen. I was creating them for myself. I discovered the secret then to how you make your character what you want her to be. You can't be a leech and mooch off of others plots like I always did. you have to proactively seek out and create your own plots and inspire YOURSELF to do and be more. I hate training threads, still do, and you know what I don't EVER do a training thread. I've found out that the skill points literally flood in when you write every solo with a purpose and do some form of character development, and you know what between fall and Spring I have seen SO much development in Evalin its unreal, which brings be back to my original point. In these 3 seasons Evalin has grown and changed more than I ever thought possible. She is doing things I always dreamed she would do, but finally I took it into my own hands to make it happen. She experienced crippling loss and confusion, found what she thought was romance, is experiencing politics and driving forward her end goals for Uldr, she is plotting with players and ST's and ICly plotting to start a WAR in Falyndar! Will that actually happen? Heck if I know! the fun is not in knowing the end result, it is working toward the goal and seeing where it ends up. It may all end up blowing up in Evalin's face, but you know what that is fine too. This is so fun I can't even describe it. And Finally, to top it off, I want to say how much I LOVE Familiary as a magic. With it I have explored such depths with Evalin that I was amazed at what I found. I peeled back the layers and found, hidden within that cheeky/angry exterior was a little girl inside who only wanted love and companionship, and in Zinrah she was looking for it in all the wrong places. She displaced her relationship with her Familiar, and over the course of 3 seasons I got too see the dynamic between Evalin and Tsenrika shift and change until the dramatic conclusion which I JUST finished. It was so exciting, writing this last solo. I cant even describe it. Its like watching everything you have dreamed of coming together at last in one epic and final conclusion, and do you know what makes it better? THERE IS MORE TO COME! Right now I am feeling such a rush at hitting my goals for Evalin lately. Master Familiary, Expert Reimancy, Competent Morphing. She is changing into the manipulative evil witch I have always wanted to be, and FINALLY I feel like Evalin is a REAL villain, one worthy to be hated en mass. Sometimes it surprises me how deep she is as a character, and in this last solo I explored that even more and saw how she twisted and deceived herself into believing something that could never be hers. But, then again, maybe the real twist is that she really COULD have been happy with this 'love' she found. But it was never meant to be. Evalin is the deepest character I have ever written. The more I dig the more gold and jewels I find beneath. I feel like, with her, I can look again and again and each time I will find a new side to her. She is evil yes, but she is evil with a purpose. That is what i love about her. She is so human in some ways, and so inhuman in others and it all ties back to her relationship with her Familiar. Its like an epic seesaw where she tilts one way and then the other depending on the situation. I can't wait to see what else is in store for her, and I am going to work hard to keep making her a real Mizahar Villain. Till next time, Happy Writing! Eva

[Soshakuakamamushi]

CONGRATULATIONS, Eva! And don't forget that you have given Aka a definite purpose as well!

So, this might be short, but I want to say congrats and thank you at the same time! *Hugs* I can't say enough how honored I am to plot with you. We may had some differences, but that was to be expected.

Rest assured, we wil continue to do so! It doesn't have to be just Aka and Eva, but we as their players!

[Annalisa Marin]

I've rather liked Eva for a long time honestly.

The first thing that drew me to some of her threads was probably the fact she was one of the few Returned PC's. Uldr marked are difficult to find, few seem to last long when they do show. But that's not what made me like her (yes, I said like because I'm much more interested in 'evil' characters). What made me stick around was how lovingly you have crafted her into the twisted little witch that she is. I've said it often, one does not need uber master tier skills of doom to have a good character. Eva grew into that, even before her Mastery she was fun to read about and like a fine wine she got better with age as they say.

I haven't written with her much and its unlikely that the pair of her and Anna will cross paths in the near future, but I'm content to watch the fireworks from the (relative) safety of Sahova. I'm certain whatever is next for her will be suitably... explosive.

[Evalin]

Graduation! Well its finally happened, I am done with school! As of today I have taken my very last test, and now I am walking away with a Master's Degree in Biotechnology. For those of you who don't know, Biotechnology is a field of study which blends the sciences with a degree in business. During the course of my degree I have learned everything that it takes to develop a new drug, from the first idea, through animal trials and Phase 1-3 of the FDA, into marketing and development of the drug, ALL the way to how to build a company from the ground up, establish a board of directors and work PR. We are trained in everything it takes to get drugs (and devices!) approved through the FDA, how to do PR work, doing advertising and market analysis. We have even done many real world projects helping to design and test new hypothesis in drug discovery, including a novel new treatment for cancer which could change a lot of things. I personally have worked with 2 start up companies helping them figure out a good marketing strategy, and not so personally I have helped the Research Foundation at my university to analyze and evaluate new technologies in order to decide if they are worth investing in. From the technical aspects of the scientific techniques to the face to face human interacts that goes into developing a company, my degree has covered it all in spades while at the same time giving me real world experience I can put on my resume. It's been a jam packed program, more projects than I can count right now, lots of struggles and blood sweat and tears, but it is all over now. I survived! So what now? Well quite simply now its time to find a good job. I've applied to several companies for various positions in both marketing, management and in the actual lab setting. Ive also applied for smaller jobs in case I don't get in where I really want to go. My plan is to work for the next year, maybe two, and pay off my loans which are not that much thanks to some careful planning. During that time I am taking the Patent Bar exam which will give me even more options for jobs as it will allow me to work in a law firm and basically do everything a Patent Attorney can do, EXCEPT go to court. I am also applying for a PhD in Genetics and Genomic research at my current university and a few others. I am planning to start my PhD in the next year or two, preferably starting next fall but we will see how things go. Beyond that? Enjoy life a bit. These last 3 years have been nothing but studying and projects and grades grades grades. Ive not taken much time off from work, volunteering at the different labs or my schooling. So now I just want to work and enjoy some free time for once. Do some things I've always wanted to do, such as rebuild my shed! I want to buy a washing machine and dryers so I don't always have to use my grandmothers or my mothers, get a Lawnmower of my own so i don't have to hike a mile to borrow one. I want to actually have enough money to live and eat all in one week lol. Beyond that, I want time to write again, to read again, to have FUN again. That is what I want, and its what I am getting I will be posting for Eva a lot. I will be posting for Mirage a lot. I will be doing so much stuff that I've always wanted to do but have always been too burned out to try. This is a very exciting moment for me. My future is so open with possibilities! I am happy I get to spend it with everyone on site as well For now thats it! As always, Happy Writing! Sincerely yours, The Immortal Witch Evalin

[Annalisa Marin]

First off, that pun at the top made me chuckle a bit so thanks for that, Eva.

Secondly, so many congratulations being sent your way its not even funny! Seriously, I can't even imagine the sheer dedication that kind of educational experience takes. I'm wishing you all the best in your job search and with your Phd. Then we'll start having to call you Doctor Eva lol.

[Philomena]

All kinds if congratulations, I'm so happy for you! Hopefully you get lots of great offers now and can take your pick. So happy for you!

[Ink]

And would it have been worth it, after all,
Would it have been worth while,
After the sunsets and the dooryards and the sprinkled streets,
After the novels, after the teacups, after the skirts that trail along the floor—
And this, and so much more?—
It is impossible to say just what I mean!
But as if a magic lantern threw the nerves in patterns on a screen:
Would it have been worth while
If one, settling a pillow or throwing off a shawl,
And turning toward the window, should say:
“That is not it at all,
That is not what I meant, at all.”

No! I am not Prince Hamlet, nor was meant to be;
Am an attendant lord, one that will do
To swell a progress, start a scene or two,
Advise the prince; no doubt, an easy tool,
Deferential, glad to be of use,
Politic, cautious, and meticulous;
Full of high sentence, but a bit obtuse;
At times, indeed, almost ridiculous—
Almost, at times, the Fool.

I grow old ... I grow old ...
I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.

Shall I part my hair behind? Do I dare to eat a peach?
I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach.
I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.

[Ink]

What are the roots that clutch, what branches grow
Out of this stony rubbish? Son of man,
You cannot say, or guess, for you know only
A heap of broken images, where the sun beats,
And the dead tree gives no shelter, the cricket no relief,
And the dry stone no sound of water. Only
There is shadow under this red rock,
(Come in under the shadow of this red rock),
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.

What are the roots that clutch, what branches grow
Out of this stony rubbish? Son of man,
You cannot say, or guess, for you know only
A heap of broken images, where the sun beats,
And the dead tree gives no shelter, the cricket no relief,
And the dry stone no sound of water. Only
There is shadow under this red rock,
(Come in under the shadow of this red rock),
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.

[Evalin]

Well to be completely frank I do not like apologies. I never have, and it has caused me a lot of trouble in the past I can tell you. Its hard to get past your pride sometimes to do these kinds of things, and my pride is kind of like a mountain right now that doesn't want me over. Still, it is the right thing to do so I am going to do it. I had a very stupid lapse in judgement recently involving the Falyndar regional quest, one which there really is no excuse for. To be honest if I had been smarter the quest might have gone alright, but that pride in me said it had to be done this way at all costs. So it ended up I hurt the reputation of people around me who do not deserve that. It cost a region a quest which it really deserved. It cost me my own self respect which is not something easily come by. I do not abide arrogance and pig headeness either in my domains or in my threads, yet somehow I managed to miss these qualities in myself of late. I judged someone's words based on personal feelings and thoughts about them that made me completely ignore the actual truth in what they were saying. At first I tried to make excuses, but there is no place for that on Mizahar.

I never intended to cause trouble, and during the at it did not seem wrong to me but that is how it usually is with these kinds of things. In retrospect I already see how i could have done it differently. I always think I have grown up and I am mature, and then of course something comes out that makes you act like a complete twit and you realize how young and stupid you really are. There is no excuse of course, its just funny how you suddenly see your true self in how you act when faced with unfavorable outcomes. When your ugliness is brought an inch from your face and you get to stare at it. It was not intentional as I said, and were I the ST looking over myself I could very easily see where it all stemmed from. Down here though, I only saw the path and the destination, not the consequences.

So after much stalling I need to sigh and shuffle my feet, give that 'i really hate this and don't wanna' expression and say... Well that I am sorry. Even if it hurts your pride you should always own up to your mistakes and let go of the cocky arrogance to be humbled.

Now what will happen going forward? Well I have a policy now and its one my father passed down to me. Live and Learn he would always say. "Live, fall and make mistakes. Lord knows I have, and you would not believe the crazy Shyke i've done (I believe him). But remember, every mistake you do is not something to make you stumble and give up. It's more like a lesson for you to learn. So while you are on the ground crying and bleeding and ashamed, take a few notes and store them away somewhere here (He ALWAYS tapped the back of his head), somewhere you can easily find it and pull it out for next time."

So I have lived, fallen and messed up. Now is the time to learn. There is a lot to be gained from this new insight into myself, and already I am starting to look at things I do and have done in a different light. For a while it will hurt, and it should. Eventually though the hurt will fade and I can accept my actions and know better for the future. So I won't make the same mistakes, and so I can use my own experiences to help others not make my mistakes as well.

This is a really long post, longer than I have done in a while. Ill close by saying that Evalin is still Evailn. Nothing really changes with her, or me on Mizahar. I make mistakes, but they do not rule me and I am not one to let something like this get me down. I have learned, and I have apologized. It's time to move on with new eyes. Who knows, maybe I really needed this lesson and the universe saw fit to give it to me. I wonder if there is someone down the line that will need to take a few notes from my own mental flash cards.
.

[Caelum]

Stumbled it across this at work this morning. It made me think of Evalin. I resolved to take Fate by the throat and shake the living out of her. - Louisa May Alcott.