The Masked Vigilante (Solo)

[Nalla Lebmac]

25th Summer 512 AV

Nalla Pounded hard on the door of his new next door Neighbour (The house had moved again while Nalla was sleeping) . The man came to door almost immediately and asked "Can I help you?"
"Can I come in I need to talk to you" replied Nalla. The man waved Nalla in. Once he was inside he asked the man for a cup of tea and followed him into the kitchen. He immediately spotted the stew cooking on a fire and got an idea. He started talking to man, carefully hiding his hands behind his back while he emitted res from them. He then quickly manipulated the Fire to come flying towards the ball of res which he threw at the man.

The man's clothes were immediately set alight and his last words were "Why?" Nalla conjured some res from out of his hands as the man's eyes eyes rolled into the back of his head. He turned it into water and dowsed the flames. He then went over to the worktop and grabbed a knife. He knelt down next to The man and started cutting the skin off of his face, being careful not to damage the skull. Once he was done he carefully severed the bare skull from the neck and took it back to his own house which was now on the other side of the city.

Once Nalla was home he started studying the skull and after five days he was able to use it as a model. He decided to try it out and morphed his face into the skull, his face contorting. He then went out to try and scare people. He walked down to Verlyna's Emerald Pool. He waited and then saw someone coming, he waited for the woman to come closer. Once she was near he looked right at her and as she fell backwards in fright, he started screaming. Louder and louder and louder until he fell silent. He carefully built up res on his hands. Then he fell backwards into the water, at the last moment using the res to attract the water to propel him upwards onto the top of a building.

[Fallacy]

XP Award! Name:Nalla Lebmac XP Award: N/A Lore: N/A Notes: Hello and welcome to Alvadas. I am Fallacy, DS of Alvadas, and upon reviewing your thread I found it, regrettably, not to be worth what you were hoping. Though you are new, and just starting, so I'm going to help you out. Its part of my responsibilities here as DS of the city of Alvadas and I take this very seriously. First off, a minor thing, lets start with adding your CS (Character Sheet) to your account. This is very helpful to the mods and to everyone else you are RPing with so they don't have to go hunting down your CS every time they want to look at it. I know you only have like six posts now, but once you get high up there all the searching can be a hassle. So lets fix that now. To link your CS to your Account you first must go to your CS and copy the URL. Next you want to go to your User Control Panel. This is found at the top of the forum, to your left. Then you want to click on the Profile tab along the top and scroll down until you see the empty space labeled Character Sheet. After that I want you to paste the link in the box. Once that is accomplished scroll all the way down and click Submit. Vula, you have now just added your CS to your account. Good job! While we are on the topic of your CS, you seem to have included five extra points in your skills that are not permitted. Please remove five points from your total skills bringing your total amount of points to 65 instead of 70. If this hasn't been done in a couple of days I will put a intervention on your CS until it is done, freezing you from posting anymore in the IC forums. Ok, now lets move onto the thread itself. First off Im going to provide you with a list of links that I'd like you to (re)read. Magic Personal Magic Djed Overgiving Wizard Psychology Reimancy Exp. Points First off there is a horrible lack of detail in the post, from the magic, to the actual actions the PC took in thread. Hardly any detail at all, and the points and the lore are in the detail. Magic has a process, it doesnt just happen. Even at higher levels people have to describe how and what and why they are doing it. The Reimancy page has some steps to casting it. You have to first conjure res, which then can be transformed into an element/attract an element, then cast. Though there is a process to all of it. Go into more detail about the res and how your person conjures it and where it comes from. Then go onto shaping its element and so forth. The more detail and effort and imagination put into a post the more points you will be awarded. So... I want to see more detail put into your posts. I want to see the processes and the thought behind it all. I want to see your character is what this is all boiling down to. Remember, magic doesnt just happen, it is willed into being by the mage. If you want to add more details and put more thought into this post I will be willing to regrade it when you are done. Just, before you do so, PM me and let me know what is up. Welcome to Alvadas. Any questions or concerns about the rewards gained please send a PM

[Nalla Lebmac]

I totally understand everything you are saying but it is actually a staff members fault that I have 5 extra points as they told me that I had to little points and too add 5 more.

[Fallacy]

That is rather odd. Whoever told you that was mistaken. You see, as a Human (who starts out with the most skill points by five) you get a +15 skill point bonus to add to any skill you see fit. Now, if you take into account the Starting Package you get 50 more skill points from that. So, your total skill points should be 50+15=65.

However you have:

Reimancy- 30 SP
Cryptography- 10 SP
Morphing- 30 (15 RB, 15 SP)

That totals to 70 skill points.

You see the miscalculation?

[Nalla Lebmac]

I have changed it, is it okay now.

[Fallacy]

Mhm. Thank you.

[Nalla Lebmac]

What about xp points

[Fallacy]

Ok. For the record, I was looking at the CS, and I see you have fixed the XP points. When you asked if it was better, I said yes because my mind was on the topic of your CS. *was totally confused*

However, adding one sentence, or whatever (19 or so words) doent fix the mistake here...

As of right now, there is nothing that I can award you for your post except perhaps a lore or two. Since you are earning you character experience by writing, things need to be explained and described in detail. For instance, "Player A rode in on his horse and did a fancy dismount onto the ground." While yes, the player is riding a horse, no riding experience would be awarded because the action wasn't described in any detail, it was simply stated.

Using your post as an example now, "He then quickly manipulated the Fire to come flying towards the ball of res which he threw at the man." While yes, you used Reminacy, you simply stated what happened instead of giving any amount of detail. Since this is a writing website, we look for PC's to be doing things. You need to state how he formed the res, how much concentration it took, how difficult it was, how easy it was, etc. Detail, detail detail.

Ill provide some examples of Solos that were done well:

Sticks of Magic and Might
Homunculus Trials 1-A
Break the Skin
I dare you to eat it
Blood and Sand
Feathers, Tea, and a Whole New World.