Tock was limp as he rolled them over, laying against his chest without the energy to move. Slowly, she caught her breath, and came down from where she was floating, her senses starting to work again. She couldn't speak for a long while, so overwhelmed by the amazing experience. Finally, his words started to penetrate the clouds of pleasure in her mind. She closed her eyes and bit her lip, uncertain how to respond. She couldn't think clearly right now. Somewhere deep down, a part of her still wanted to recoil from this. He was an honorable knight, who had protected her without question or hesitation. And she was a vile murderer, and dabbler in the dark arts. And the damn daft fool was asking her on a date. She let out a soft laugh. Could he really be so innocent? He was still inside her, she could still feel the stickiness of their lovemaking, and he was asking her to have dinner with him. She rolled off of him, feeling a touch of disappointment at the emptiness, and laid on her side with her back to him. She stared wide eyed into the night, beyond the campfire, her hands clutched to her chest. Her heart was hammering inside her chest, and her head was spinning. She didn't know what to do. Stay or leave? Accept this, or fight it? Embrace the man, or show him the darkness inside of her in order to drive him off...? She closed her eyes, swallowing hard. She didn't deserve something this pure. The daft fool was swept up in the bliss of the lovemaking, all starry eyed and daydreaming of romance and fairy tale endings. Did he not know what the real world was like? He didn't know her. Didn't know a single thing about her. And if he learned... Would he still want her, when he knew the things she had done? When he experienced her crude temper, her foul language, and her amoral behavior day after day? Would he be able to understand that her work came first, and she couldn't pull herself away from her all-important projects in order to spare time for romance? Tock lived in the moment. She could spare moments. But she didn't have the time in her life, or the purity in her heart, to give this man what it seemed like he wanted. No matter how much it made her heart ache. Finally, she closed her eyes, and whispered, "Bit late fer ta been thinkin' bout candlelit dinners after what we already done..." She needed to disillusion him as quickly as possible. Before he got any fool romantic notions in his noble head. "I ain't gonna leave ya out 'ere ta die, but when I git ya back ta the city, I gots work ta do. I's a busy girl..." She had to keep her back to him, so that he wouldn't see the guilt in her eyes. The hesitation. The difficulty she was having saying these things, when part of her wanted to say Yes, yes, please, yes! No, it was better to cut it off now, before it became any harder for her to push him away. She could get over this. It was just one night, no matter how magical the end of it had been. She could put one night behind her, and get back to work. Better that, than leading him on, and letting herself get attached and develop feelings for him. Because she didn't have any feelings for him... she couldn't. Not for a man she didn't know. The pounding in her chest had to be something else. The urge to hold him and kiss him had to be just a silly fantasy. The churning in her stomach had to just be indigestion, not fear at the thought of never seeing him again. Had to be. Because she couldn't be falling for a man she'd only met a few hours ago. This wasn't a fairy tale, there was no such thing as love at first sight. Real life didn't work that way... |