Closed [Sanctuary] Know Who Your Friends Are

[Ronan]

Ronan watched the exchange, and his eyebrows rose as Mealla let out words she had not intended too. Things began to make sense before his very eyes. All the tension and heated words... This was what lay behind them. Her feelings. Ronan felt as if he knew what she meant in an instant.

Kavala glanced at him several times, before she suddenly, and obviously, reached out to touch Mealla. Ronan shuddered - there was magick at work. After the touch, the Konti looked taken aback, and then conflicted. Finally, she spoke.

He raised an eyebrow once again. That touch had told her something deep and intimate, Ronan thought. But he was sure he already knew what was going on. At least a little. Those knots were ones of love. It made sense. So much anger and denial, and hate to boot. They were a facade, something to make her apprenticeship easier on her.

When Kavala got up with the cookie tray, Ronan felt compelled to get up too. He followed her into the kitchen, leaving Sam and Mealla alone to deal with whatever needed dealing with.

"What did you do," he asked softly when they were out of earshot, "when you touched her?"

[Mealla Stormsong]

This wasn’t happening. This wasn’t happening. This really was not happening. She should have just stayed outside. She should never have come in. Better yet, she should have stayed behind in Endrykas, where it was safe and where nothing like this would have happened. She could’ve easily have feigned sickness or... or something, or... or some pressing family matter of some kind. No one else knew that she no longer pavilion to call her own, a family; it had never come up. She’d have been fine then. Wouldn’t be wishing that she could just curl up and die. So dramatic. Mealla kept her eyes shut, hoping and praying that it would suddenly somehow make her invisible, though she could not hide her relief at Sama’el's words. He hadn’t noticed; hadn’t really got the meaning of her words, and all she could think to do was thank the gods, and thank them again. They hadn’t completely abandoned her, it seemed, though she said nothing in reply. She couldn’t, even as her eyes snapped back open to look at him. He had no clue, no understanding. Being invited to stay in a pavilion was not being made a part of it. No. Instead, she got to see how everyone else belonged, how everyone was a family, and it was torture, especially because she had no one else, and leading and teaching were not the same thing. A leader could be skilled at leading, but have no skill at teaching, and vice-versa. Half the time leaders expected to be followed and never questioned, and it was the role of the student to question and ask, because that was the only way you learnt. She did not know how he could not see this. Was he blind? Maybe he was. Maybe he only saw what he wanted to see. She was beginning to think that that was the case. And somehow she had managed not to react to Kavala’s touch, though she’d wanting nothing more than to flinch away, because she still desperately wanted to hide, to become invisible, to disappear completely so that this could be all over, but whereas the touch did not make her react, the words did. They struck a chord. A note. Hit hard. And she was back to twisting the fabric of her trousers, though this time her nails dug in as she bit her lip, her eyes once more darting back to Sama’el as the other two left. She almost wanted to call them back, because she didn’t want to be alone with him. He probably hated her now. Well, hated her more than he had before, because she’d certainly done things to already make him dislike her. That had been the plan, but not like this. Not in front of friends. His friends. She held her breath, again saying nothing, and simply waited, her nervous, frightened gaze never leaving him. This wasn't happening.

[Kavala]

Kavala set the tray down on the granite counter, and ran her hand over the stone she'd built as if seeking comfort. She looked down further, retrieved the tin, and started loading the cookie tray back up. No one was eating them but her. She stared at the half-empty tray and then at the almost full tin and ran her hand through her hair.

"It's Sunshinger trouble, Kavala. You need to stay out of it." She said aloud, thinking herself alone and out of everyone's earshot. Ronan's words, however, made her jump slightly and she glanced up to meet his green eyes. She smiled awkwardly and then stuffed a walnut cookie in her mouth abruptly. The reaction was so unKavala like she almost choked on the cookie, but it did prevent her from speaking around the entire thing as she chewed. She held the tin out to him, offering him one as well. If a tactic worked well once, it might as well be reused. If he was chewing a cookie, he wouldn't feel compelled to ask her anymore questions.

Reading Mealla's pants with her Lykata had already made the Konti want to stop talking enough. Confusing was confusing. Sunsingers. Kavala sighed, smiled at Ronan, and kept chewing.

[Sama'el Sunsinger]

Kavala had had a lot to say, but then she was always the dispenser of advice. Perhaps coming here had been a good thing in more ways than he anticipated, although he had not come necessarily for help with his mentorship of Mealla. He listened to it all; though she didn't have all the facts, she had a blessed sense of intuition that he had learned to heed. There was an awkwardness about her, though, perhaps from her weariness, but they had discussed that before. Neither of them could stop working, not when there was so much to do and so many people who depended upon them. But she moved off, and Ronan followed her, while he was still thinking things through. He turned thoughtfully to Mealla. "I'm sorry this is making you uncomfortable," he said. "She doesn't know the whole story, but she's not wrong. I have been trying to find a way to inspire you to work with me, but I haven't been successful in that. I want you to be the best you can be, and join the Watch, and do everything you want to do in life. "I've been trying to make you feel welcome with my family in the hopes that you would open up at least enough for us to work comfortably together. But times are hard for our people right now, and I'm tired. Are you tired? It feels like we are always at war and I have never wanted that, not ever."

OOCSorry, I've been pecking at this post while doing laundry and making dinner, and I see other posts have gone up in the meantime. I don't think this needs edits, but let me know.

[Ronan]

Ronan waited. He waited for a response. She had done something, he knew it, magick or otherwise. Gingerly, he turned back round and could faintly hear Sama'el talking. He wondered if the truth would finally out.

Thus, he was rather surprised when Kavala shoved a cookie into her mouth and smiled at him.

He raised an eyebrow, and raised the other eyebrow as she offered the tray up to him. He paused for a moment, utterly confused, before strangely feeling compelled to take one.

He popped in his mouth and began to chew, looking back up to Kavala's odd, distracting smile. He smiled back. Boy, these cookies were good.

[Mealla Stormsong]

Mealla wanted to know what the full story was, because so far Kavala had hit the nail on the head with the majority of her words; at least where Mealla’s feelings were concerned. Maybe Sama’el felt differently. Well, he did feel differently, clearly, but then no one else but her knew the full story. Oh, Sama’el might think he did, but he couldn’t read her thoughts – he couldn’t know that she did a lot of what she did, not just because of resentment, although that was definitely there, along with fear, insecurity, feelings of inadequacy, but also to make him hate her and keep him away, because attachment made things difficult, and it was just another way not to get hurt - if you could get them to hate you from the start, rather than have the feelings turn that way naturally. And she did just feel left out. She was jealous, and she didn’t much like it. She hated the way that seeing them all interact made her all too aware that that was something that she severely lacked now, and she hated the way that she was so desperate to be included, almost like a puppy desperate for attention and only wanting to please. She wanted to be able to do things on her own. She wanted not to need anyone. She finally looked away, unable to meet his gaze, her eyes moving to see what Ronan and Kavala were up to. She wondered if she willed it enough whether they would come back, because she was suddenly desperate for them to be here to take the spotlight, and Sama’el’s gaze and attention, from her, but they seemed to be talking, or, rather, giving her and Sama’el space in which to talk. Brilliant. Just what she wanted. Not. Summoning her courage, she looked back at him, her eyes a little too raw with unshed tears from frustration, anger, grief, and a myriad of other feelings. This was not how she had expected the meeting to go, though she didn’t know what, exactly, she had expected. Just not this. “I don’t have a pavilion,” she finally said, as if that would explain everything.

[Sama'el Sunsinger]

He watched her struggle quietly, and then finally let slip the first open, honest thing she had ever said to him. Empathy bloomed within his chest, but he feared reaching out to her when every attempt so far had been met with acid and vitriol. She had done a very good job of winding a prickly barrier around her to keep people away. He had never hated her, only been exasperated and frustrated by his inability to reach her, and by her misunderstanding of everything he said and did as a personal attack. Finally he sighed. "I wish you had told me sooner," he said quietly. He had heard of the Stormsong pavilion losing its Ankal and his brother, but not that the entire pavilion had disbanded. Perhaps she no longer felt comfortable in the pavilion of her youth; it was known to happen when shifts in leadership were not pleasing. He wanted to ask questions, but there was that Drykas respect for privacy -- as much privacy as one could have in a city of tents. Sama'el didn't look at her with pity, but with a greater understanding, and a personal tragedy that mirrored her own brought back to mind. She was still a mystery in many ways. Women always were. There was more to say, of course, but he waited her out to see if she would share any more first.

[Kavala]

Kavala finished chewing the cookie, swallowed, and used the profuse amount and variety in the tin to reload the plate. She brought the plate back out and set it among the guests, leaving Ronan to trail behind, his question unanswered. She wasn't being rude. Kavala was just embarrassed. He knew she was a Rak'Keli healer and he certainly knew she walked with Nysel's Dreamwalkers. But what he didn't know is that Eyris had gifted her with the gift of knowledge. Touching things made that happen, and sometimes the insight was well worth it and sometimes it failed utterly.

Like withe Mealla.

She could hear what Sam and Mealla were talking about. The kitchen was open to the Commons and the floor plan lent itself to conversation freely flowing back and forth. But unlike her Drykas upbringing, living in The Sanctuary and building it up had taught Kavala that secrets were dangerous. She'd shared every secret she'd ever had with Ronan, besides perhaps the Lykata, though he'd undoubtably seen the mark that could be nothing more than a gnosis mark on the back of her hand.

So when she returned, rather than resume her seat, she took one besides Mealla just as Sam spoke, and reached across and forcefully took the girls hand. She wasn't an animal in pain, but humanity wasn't far from it, as far as the Konti was concerned. And while the action did involve the Konti digging the girls hand from where they twisted in her trousers, it wasn't actually too difficult of a task.

"Mealla. Secrets are dangerous. They twist at your heart and cause bitterness to build up like pus in a wound. Life is to short. You could die tomorrow. He could die tomorrow. Zith. Glassbeaks. Other humans. Sickness. Accident. The people in this room after this moment could never have the ability to gather again exactly like this." Kavala said, her hand warm and the scales flowing across her fingers rubbing slightly roughly against Mealla's skin.

"You can harden yourself from the hurts you might feel all you want, but it won't change you from feeling them. And if you love someone you should tell them so. Make it no secret from them. And if they hurt you so be it. If they die so be it. Have no regrets from life. That man over there..." She nodded her chin to Ronan. "He means the world to me. And even though we do not walk a path that lends itself to us being together, I would not have him know he walks the world unloved." Kavala said, having never told Ronan in her life she loved him, but coming close to it in that instant.

Then she turned her gaze away from Ronan and looked at Mealla intently, her eyes darkening to a deeper blue.

"I would give anything to ride side by side with someone I cared for. I would love to have the freedom to do that. I do not. You are wasting your life being longing for someone who is too clueless to see through the walls you erect to protect yourself. He's generous, warm, and giving. He'd give you the shirt off your back if he could figure out that would make you happy. But hes only a man, and he can't read minds. You can't expect him to know or to understand how our hearts work and how we think or feel. You have to tell him. You have to spell it out clearly. And even if he don't acknowledge it, do it for your own sanity. He's been through too much to think you silly or foolish or young. And if you can't be caged by your feelings, and if hes half the man I think he is, he won't even remotely try. Sama'el has learned that he can't control life, the Gods, or other people. He's learned those lessons the hard way." Kavala said softly, intently, promising herself not to get involved then wading deeply in.

Something had to give between those two and fast.

"Sam, come here." Kavala said softly. She shoved the tray of cookies to one side, clearing the space on the table in front of the couch where Mealla sat. "Sit. Sit here and stare at her until she starts talking. And once she does, don't let her stop. Don't lurk over there. Don't stand there with a baffled look on your face. Just come here, sit, and let her talk. And if she won't, you sit here as long as it takes until she will. And I suggest you be the one holding her hand, not me." Kavala said, pushing Mealla's hand out and offering it to Sama'el, as if she was gifting the girl to him.

"Ronan... I need your help in the kitchen." She said, walking past him after releasing Mealla. The girl might run, might not sit still for Sam and Sam might not do as Kavala suggested, but if they both sat down and stared at each other long enough, maybe something would happen.

Kavala got into the kitchen proper, over by the hearth where they were out of sight of Sam and Mealla, and beckoned Ronan over. She hopped up on the counter and reached for him, wanting at very least a hug. And maybe, if she was lucky, she'd talk him out of a kiss as well.

[Ronan]

Kavala was a brilliant woman, and it seemed she could play so many roles. It was evident she wasn't just being hostess today. She was sister and friend, going back into the room without answering his question, and pulled Mealla aside, speaking to her quietly. He barely gathered her words, but there was concern and care in her face.

She was doing what she did best. Helping others. It also seemed the tension had been too much for her, between Sam and Mealla. She wanted it out in the open, and for everything to be said here and now. Ronan was unsure of her methods, but he lingered back in the hallway, leaning with his back against the wall and his arms folded.

Suddenly, she was pulling Sama'el into the situation too, speaking one last time to the both of them before she got up and brushed against him in the hallway. She headed straight back into the kitchen. She had an odd sort of expression on her face... as he followed her in he could tell she was pleased with herself.

She moved to the hearth, so to leave Sam and Mealla well alone. When she got there, Kavala climbed up onto the counter, and beckoned Ronan over. She was in a funny sort of mood. Mischievous...? No, that didn't quite explain it properly.

When she reached for him, he tilted his head, looking something like a lost dog, and then padded over to her, putting his own arms out and hugging her tightly.

"What's gotten into you?" he laughed brightly, cheeks flushed a little, "actually, a little of Cheva I think. Matchmaking are we?"

[Mealla Stormsong]

Mealla wished that she hadn’t told him at all. It wasn’t something that she thought needed to be said, because it was private; for her and her alone to know. She didn’t want the world to know that she had run away from pavilion, because that was hardly honourable, was it? To desert, though she had had her reasons? She blushed a bright red, both furious and embarrassed. And then everything fell to pieces, and she found herself once again staring at Sama’el in horror. This wasn’t happening. This really wasn’t happening, because this was worse than any worse scenario that she could have ever picked out. She had the sudden urge to flee, and it was only pure terror and horror that kept her in her place. She didn’t love him. She wasn’t in love with him. It was lust, pure and simple, or so she thought. She didn’t know him enough for it to be love. She wanted him, she was attracted to him, but she was not in love with him. She wanted to shag him, plain and simple, to feel him against her, to explore him, to know him, but the feelings went no further than that. Not really. But she didn’t want to have any type of feelings in respect to him, and they were tearing her to pieces, because feelings only hindered, kept you back, made a mess of things. She didn’t want to be thinking of what it would be like if they... if she could just... because it distracted from her work, clouded everything. She pulled her hand back still frozen, thinking that this had gone too far, much too far, and wondering how she was ever going to get out of it. She sat still, her breathing becoming quicker and quicker as panic set in. She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t breathe. This was too much. Not right. Wrong. She needed to get out. She needed to... to... She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t breathe. Oh gods... And that was when the world went black.