Present for a Lonely Child

by **Silarial** on November 29th, 2012, 1:03 pm

Winter 14, 501 AV

Today is Silarial’s seventh birthday.

This is going to be a very special day for the young Silarial. She had been anticipating this moment for many days now. After all, this is the day that she came to be in this world. On regular days, her mother, Thalassa, goes to work early and comes home late at night, more often drunk and ill-tempered than not. Silarial was usually left to play on her own whenever her mother left in a good mood. There are times though that her mother will tie her feet to the wall of their Arvinta, locking her up in the house all alone until someone comes back for her. During those kind of days, she just consoles herself with the idea that her mother will learn to love her someday.

Today is different though. Thalassa had earned enough Mizas from working everyday at that reindeer place at the city docks. She had promised Silarial that they will go out on her birthday. Surprised as she was in her mother’s sudden change in disposition, Silarial was very happy. Silarial and her mother will celebrate her special day together walking around Avanthal, something that they had never done before. Just thinking about it gave the young girl hope. Maybe her mother is starting to change. Maybe she’ll finally receive the love she had always been yearning for.

In the morning, Silarial and Thalassa went to the Frozen Falls Market. They saw a lot of objects and trinkets for sale. Everything was just so fascinating for the young girl. Everything was just so new. She even got to see the frozen falls up close! Silarial know she’ll never forget how beautiful it was, more especially since she saw it with her mother. Over the course of the day, Silarial kept looking at Thalassa, always checking if her mother is still in a good mood. Silarial was a little bit disappointed that her mother was not smiling much, but she’s still very thankful that her mother’s not mad at her either.

Thalassa decided that she will buy Silarial a present for her birthday, and the young girl’s cheeks flushed pink with glee. At the stalls, her mother bought her a white hair bow as a present, and Silarial loved it very much. She even made her mother put it on her hair immediately. Thalassa said it looked pretty on her, and that made Silarial love it even more.

After visiting all of the stalls, they went to the Luminary Commons for lunch. Silarial got to order a mug of fresh milk and a hearty vegetable soup. Both her heart and stomach sang for joy. This was the first time she ate out with her mother. This was the first time she ate a satisfying meal as well. Silarial was in high spirits. She thought the happiness she's feeling right now would last forever, but in one moment of innocent curiosity, the rocky relationship she still had with her mother was completely destroyed.

by **Silarial** on December 1st, 2012, 5:38 am

It was already dark, the 21st bell had just gone. Thalassa and Silarial were on their way back to their humble Arvinta. Silarial had a wide grin plastered all over her face, and her eyes had been the color of an unripe apple the whole day. She was holding on to her mother’s hand, grateful for the wonderful time she had. She was in the middle of telling her mother how thankful she was for having a wonderful birthday when they passed by three people: a man, a woman, and a boy roughly her age walking between them, holding on to both of their hands, his face glowing with delight. Silarial looked on to them silently, her eyes turning the color of black as a familiar emotion seeped into her heart. She was envious. A father, mother, and child: a complete, perfectly happy family. Silarial wanted to be that child. She wanted to be loved. The young girl knew deep inside that it is what she had always wanted, but also something she could never have. Only though, she don’t want to accept that kind of fate. She’s going to make her mother give her the love she yearned for. At that moment, a thought crossed her little mind: a question that she had been asking herself since the first time she learned what the word father means.

Silarial could not fathom why everyone she knows have a complete family. The only person she has by her side is her mother Thalassa, and most of the time the woman is not even being a mother to her own child. If only she had a father, her mother would be nicer to her. Silarial bit her lip as she tried to process this thought. If everyone else have fathers, then why can’t she? She heard from other children that human babies can only be born if their mother and father loved each other. If that is so, then how did she come to be if her father is not here with them? Does having no father mean that she was incomplete as a person? Maybe she cannot even be considered a person. Everyone had been treating her differently just because she didn’t have a father. She is sick of them teasing her every day. She is going to find her father to end this unhappiness she and her mother is experiencing in his absence.

“Mommy, where is my father?” It was a very simple question, yet this five words seemed to be the undoing of what kindness was left of her mother.

With irritation in her voice, her mother told her to shut up and behave herself, but Silarial would not be stopped. She could feel her heart beating loudly in her chest. If she stopped asking about her father now, her mother wouldn’t get angry at her. She knows she should stop, but she asked another question instead. “Mommy, who’s my father?” Thalassa gripped her hand so tight that it hurt. Her mother ordered her to stop or else she’ll be given a good beating.

Tears were threatening to fall from amber eyes wide with hurt and fear. However scared she was though, she would not stop now. She wants to know who her father was. She wish to know why he’s not here. She needs to know why she’s not loved. With a strained voice, she pleaded. “Mommy, please, I want to see my father...”

That was her mother’s limit. Thalassa hit her repeatedly with an angry hand. She heard her mother call her an ungrateful little imp that should never have been born. Silarial begged her mother to stop, but the hits did not falter. A few people noticed them, and one concerned woman even tried to stop her mother from beating her senseless. With some persuasion, her mother stopped, but the pain in Silarial’s heart never will. She can’t understand why her mother had always been so mean to her. Filled with resentment, she thought that perhaps, this woman who keeps hurting her was not her true mother. She must be a witch who’s somehow switched with her real mother. That must be the reason why this woman kept causing her pain. Silarial had almost never felt love from Thalassa, and she had always felt so alone in this cold, unfamiliar land. She wished she never came here.

“Wh-why do you…k-keep hurting m-me, mommy?” Silarial managed to cry out in between sobs. Surprise crossed her mother’s face, but it was soon marred with rage. Thalassa furiously pulled her by the hair and screamed at her face. “If you didn’t exist, I’d easily find a man of my own! But I can’t! I can’t! I’m like this because of you! This is all your fault, monster!“

More people were flocking around them to see what the commotion was about. A man ran towards them to restrain Thalassa, and the woman from earlier tried to reason with her mother. Ugly thoughts ran through Silarial’s mind as she tried to understand every thing that is happening in her life right now. What did she ever do to deserve all of this pain and sadness?

Before she realized what she was doing, she screamed with a voice full of hurt at her mother. “I wish you’re not my mommy!” Silarial felt her mother’s hand connect with her right cheek in a forceful slap. She keeled over in the impact. The young girl heard her mother shouting at her, saying that she never wanted to give birth to a monster. Everything was a blur. The only thing Silarial knew was that her mother never wanted her. Tears flowed freely on her burning cheeks and sobs escaped her bleeding, tiny lips. Silarial felt a pair of hands try to help her stand, but she pushed them away. She ran away as fast as she could, not minding the people giving her odd looks, not caring for anything in the world besides her pain and loneliness.

by **Silarial** on December 7th, 2012, 5:39 pm

It’s so cold, and so very dark. She’s dreadfully scared and all alone in this world. Is she really a monster like her mother told her? That must be the reason why her father left them. That have to be the reason why she’ll never be loved. Why was she born then, if this was the kind of life that awaited her? It’s so cruel… unfair.

She ran blindly into a man who shouted angrily at her, but she wasn’t listening. She ran past stores and places they visited just this morning. She ran and ran until she saw the familiar arches of the Windward Boardwalk. Already out of breath, she tripped on her feet, her face planting on the snowy ground with a soft thud. With great effort, she moved her body so that she’s lying on her side. She moved her knees close to her chest in an effort to stay warm. Her body hurts all over, and she’s shaking because of the cold and the many emotions swarming her all at once.

Would her mother come looking for her? Silarial almost immediately thought that her mother most likely wouldn’t. Her mother was right; she had been an ungrateful girl. Even though her mother hates her so much, the woman still made an effort to make this day special for Silarial. And I ruined it. Mommy wouldn’t want me anymore. She thought bitterly. Silarial wanted to go back and say sorry for being a bad girl, but now she’s scared that her mother will drive her away. Silarial wiped away fresh tears and a couple strands of hair sticking to her face.

She did not know how long she was lying on the ground, but soon she felt her clothes dampen from the snow. Her teeth chattered violently and she was convulsing. Silarial tried to stand up but she felt too stiff and too weak to even prop herself up on her elbows. She tried calling out for help; It took great effort to move her mouth, yet her words only slurred out. She felt helpless. Silarial wanted to cry, but no tears fell. From the corner of her eye, she saw that fresh snow had started to fall, covering her small frame bit by bit.

And then she can’t feel her body anymore.

Silarial felt her lids become heavy as drowsiness crept on her. She did not try to fight it; the feeling blanketed her from the cold and droned out the scary thoughts from her mind. Is she going to die? If her death would mean that her mother would finally be happy, then she’ll gladly welcome it. She was even surprised she’s not scared as she thought she should be. If she’s going to die now, she only have one wish. She wanted to have a good dream.

Silarial heard distant voices in her head. She can only concentrate on three words though: Please. Morwen. Help. Even though she had just recently moved in the city with her mother, she was certain she’d heard about Morwen before. Morwen is the goddess who rules ice and snow, and is the mother of all Vantha. The cold that is killing her and the people who hated her, they all came from this goddess right? Does that mean Morwen doesn’t like her? Please. Morwen. Help. These three words rang repeatedly inside her head, lulling her into an almost hypnotic state.

Please. Morwen. Help.

Will the goddess of winter listen to an unwanted child’s selfish wish? The young girl knew she would not know until she tried. Focusing in a single flicker of hope, she called out to Morwen with all her heart: Please… let me be loved… let me belong. She called out over and over again despite the physical and emotional exhaustion taking its toll on her tiny body. She was a lonely child who wanted to be heard. And so she called out again and again until unconsciousness finally took over her.

Everything was black.

All senses were swallowed up by the darkness. There was no sadness, no pain, no bad memories. It was like being inside the womb of a mother. Silarial would’ve wanted to stay at this place forever; she felt warm, protected, and safe. Then there was an explosion of colors, moving, changing, dancing like the aurora she often watched from her window. Silarial felt weightless, and the colors enveloped her in a warm embrace. It was the most beautiful thing she had seen in her seven years of existence.

After that, there was a voice. She didn’t know whose voice it was, but the young girl found it very soothing. It told her that everything will be all right, and that she needed to fight to see better days yet to come. And then she felt a sharp pull from below, and everything was gone.

by **Silarial** on December 14th, 2012, 7:35 am

She must’ve been dreaming.

Silarial opened her eyes and was greeted by gentle sunlight streaming in from a nearby window. Her eyes had not yet adjusted to the bright light so she instinctively turned her head away from the window. That was a mistake. The instant movement made her dizzier than she already was.

Since moving her head made her feel faint, she surveyed the area with her eyes instead. She seemed to be in some kind of bedroom, and she was lying on a comfortable bed covered in soft mattresses. The faint smell of flowers wafted from the bed side. This is obviously not her room.

So where was she and what was she doing here?

Just as more questions formed in her mind, she heard a door open and in came a woman holding a jug of water. The woman’s eyes widened and a joyous expression marked her features. Silarial wondered why the woman was suddenly overcome with joy. She tried to remember if she had seen the woman somewhere. She hadn’t, and that made the woman’s reaction upon seeing her more mysterious.

“You’re awake! Oh praise Morwen, you are awake!” The woman hurriedly lowered the jug on the table and stroked Silarial’s head tenderly. Silarial was taken aback by the sudden display of affection, and all she was able to do was stare at this person who seemed to care so much for her. Did the woman mistake her for someone else? As much as she wanted to tell her that she probably thought Silarial was someone she knew, the girl kept silent. She liked the attention she was receiving. Maybe she was still in a dream, and the dream gave her a loving mother.

Imagining this kind woman as her mother made Silarial feel warm and fuzzy inside. Maybe she really was dying, and this was the beautiful dream that she had asked for before her death.

“How are you feeling, dear? Do you hurt anywhere?”

Does she hurt anywhere? She felt weak, a bit lightheaded, and thirsty. Her arms and her back hurt a bit whenever she moves them. The right side of her face felt sore too, and it made talking feel very uncomfortable.

“I’m… thirsty…” Was all she managed to say. Her throat felt very dry and it made it hard to speak.

“Can you sit up, dear?”

Silarial tried to sit up with great effort. Seeing her unease, the woman propped her pillow up and helped her sit comfortably. After sorting that out, she poured water in a glass and brought it close to the young Vantha’s mouth, letting her sip at a relaxed pace. She felt a tad better after downing the whole glass. The woman smiled, and poured another glass for her which she emptied after a few gulps. She briefly wondered why she was this parched.

“You had been asleep for two days. We all thought you wouldn’t wake up anymore…” The woman held her small hands firmly.

Silarial blinked in puzzlement. She was asleep for two days? So she’s not dead yet. Then does this mean that this was not a dream? Who’s this woman then, and why does she care for her so much?

“…Who are you?” There was confusion in the young girl’s large amber eyes.

The woman laughed softly. “I’m sorry, you must’ve been confused. I was so worried I forgot to introduce myself. My name’s Areeyah. I’m a friend of your mother.” She paused for a moment before correcting herself, “Was. I don’t think she considers me a friend anymore especially after what happened between us…”

A friend of her mother? She cannot remember ever meeting this woman before. Should she trust her? She closed her eyes and tried to remember what happened before her long sleep. Her memory was fuzzy but she remembered having ran away from her mother. Panic instantly ran across her face as the memories came rushing back to her.

“Wh-where’s my mommy? Was she… was she angry because I was a bad girl?”

The Areeyah woman’s face fell. Silarial knew the answer basing from the woman’s expression. Areeyah tucked loose strands of Silarial’s hair behind the girl’s ear and and forced a smile.

“Silarial… your mommy had something important to do today that’s why she can’t see you right now…”

Silarial knew this woman was lying. It was like those times when people tell you that everything is going to be okay even though it won’t, just to make you feel better. Her mother was never coming to see her anymore.

“Please don’t lie… I know mommy doesn’t want to see me anymore. She hates me.”

Areeyah averted her gaze from the young girl’s eyes filled with the pain of rejection. The woman’s eyes teared up and her voice sounded shaky.

“Wait here Silarial, I’m… I’m going to call the doctor. He needs to know you’ve woken up. Just… take a rest sweetie.”

Is this woman crying? Silarial wondered why she would be. If there was someone who should be crying, it was her. Crying wouldn’t bring her mother back, though. She had tried so many times. It never worked.

The young girl was feeling a little sleepy when a middle aged man entered the room with two young women. The man turned out to be a doctor, and the other two were nurses. He checked Silarial’s physical condition, and the young girl was compliant all through out. The doctor told her that her temperature dropped way beyond normal, and so she had to be monitored at the Whitevine Healing Center the whole time she was unconscious. She had a few bruises from the beating she received from her mother, but other than that, she received nothing life-threatening besides the temperature drop. It was almost a miracle that she did not develop frostbite from being exposed too long to the cold. All her muscles seemed to function normally, if not a bit sluggish due to undernourishment and lack of exercise. She would be released from intensive care after a few days, just to make sure that she did not receive any long term damages.

Even with the doctor talking to her, Silarial’s mind was already wandering far from the small room. She thought of what will happen after she come out of this place. Going back to her mother is impossible. Her mother would finally be happy that she’s going to get rid of her. She briefly wondered where all the unloved children go to. Will she just disappear one day, with no one able to remember her? The thought was very depressing, and it took a lot out of the young girl to keep herself from crying.

“Are you hungry Silarial?” The doctor asked her and so the young girl looked at him straight in the eye.

“No… but I will eat so I would get stronger. Please don’t worry about me doctor.” The doctor chuckled in amusement at the child’s response. This girl was mature for such a young age. He only hoped she hadn’t lost her childhood innocence with everything traumatic she went through.

by **Silarial** on December 19th, 2012, 4:40 pm

Warm soup and a loaf of bread was brought in after a light physical examination. They wanted to spoon feed her, but she promised to eat all of the food given to her so they let her eat on her own. She was left with only one young woman to keep her company. The woman was nice, but Silarial found that she talked too much. Silarial ate in silence, ignoring the woman’s prattle in the politest way she could: she pretended she was tired and wanted to rest.

The last rays of light had just gone from her window. The creeping darkness made the young girl uneasy. Still, she was feeling weak so maybe she should get more rest, just as the doctor recommended. She closed her eyes and let herself sink into the soft bed, her body warmed by the nearby heath.

Silarial was willing herself to sleep when she heard muffled voices outside the room. The female voices sounded familiar. Her eyes flew open, the noise instantly grabbing the young girl’s attention. With great effort, she pushed herself off the bed and placed her bare feet on the cold floor, holding on to the bed as she tested her balance. Although weak, she found that she can walk around without much support, so she carefully made her way over to the door, wobbling a bit here and there.

One of the voices shouted crudely. Silarial definitely knew the owner of the voice. She placed her hands on the cold doorknob and turned it slowly. Opening the door a crack, she watched without a sound at the two females arguing at the corridor. One was speaking in a lowered voice, the other yelling. It was the woman from earlier, Areeyah. And then there was her mother, yelling with all her might.

“Out of my way Areeyah. I’m going to bring that little trollop back.” Her mother tried to push her way through but Areeyah stood her ground.

“For what? To hurt your innocent daughter again?! What had she ever done to you to deserve that kind of treatment? I can’t let you do your daughter any more harm Thalassa. Leave. Now.” The other woman commanded with a hardness Silarial didn’t know Areeyah had. She seemed so soft-spoken and caring earlier… what made her this angry?

“Since when had you become such a dimwit, eh? That girl is my daughter. I can do anything I want with her and you out of all people can’t stop me!” An angry Thalassa shoved Areeyah to the wall. She stomped her way towards the room where Silarial was hiding.

Silarial’s heart raced in panic as her eyes flared an apprehensive blue. She backed from the door and ran to hide behind the bed. The door flew open and her mother came in shouting for her to come out. The young girl was shaking in fear. Will her mother hurt her again? All those days she spent locked alone in the house, those times when her mother hit her when she was in such a foul mood, will it ever end?

She felt a sharp, painful tug on her scalp. Her mother was dragging her by the hair across the room. Tears fell as she tried to struggle from her mother’s clutch.

“Please let me go! Please let go! It hurts! Please mommy, it hurts!”

Her cries soon were answered. Areeyah yanked Thalassa’s hair with a force that surprised even her mother. Silarial stumbled away from the two as soon as her mother’s grip on her loosened. She watched in terror as the women grappled each other, grabbing at each other and hitting where they can. The young girl pushed herself away until her back hit the side of the bed. Furious screams filled the room. Silarial covered her ears but the sounds were still deafening. She wished for her mother to stop. This is just too much, too much for a child like her to bear.

“Mommy please stop this! No more! Please no more…”

A tall man and a woman ran inside the room and pulled Silarial’s mother and Areeyah from each other. It did not stop her mother from shouting vulgarities at the now completely disheveled woman, and this made the other attempt to lunge at her. The newcomers managed to hold them securely despite the women’s effort to get at each other’s throat.

“Have you women no shame?! You’re brawling at the patients’ ward, dammit! In front of a scared little girl, no less!” The man eyed the two reproachfully. Thalassa scoffed while Areeyah lowered her head apologetically.

“I’m sorry for letting my anger take over me… I-I apologize for getting the Icewatch involved here.” Seeing that Areeyah had at least gotten back to her senses, the man gestured at his woman companion who was holding Areeyah. The woman released her charge and made her way to the still bewildered Silarial.

The Icewatch woman put the young girl on top of the bed. Silarial sat there meekly as the woman wrapped a blanket around her and wiped her tears dry. She did not budge even as the woman sat beside her.

Some people and Hold staff crowded at the doorway, some concerned about the commotion, most waiting for the perfect gossip feed. The man shooed them all away except for Silarial’s doctor and his assistant who attended to the two’s injuries. The room was filled with awkward silence. It was a chime later before the man spoke in an interrogative voice.

“So what made you two break out in a fight here? At the Healing Center of all places.”

Thalassa glared at Areeyah who was sitting across from her. “I was here to bring my daughter back home but this woman here wouldn’t let me.”

Areeyah’s mouth was pressed into a thin line. It was obvious to the young girl that she was very upset. “Yes. But as far as I know, you were not being a very good mother to your poor child.”

“That is none of your business you petching shyke. You’re not a mother yet. How’d you know I’m not raising my child good enough?” Silarial’s mother threw icily back at Areeyah.

“I’m not a mother but I know how to care and love! You don’t love your own daughter. You don’t even respect yourself.”

“Enough of this!” The man gave the bickering women irritated looks. The two immediately hushed up. He continued on with relative calm. “I take it you two know each other personally.”

It took a moment before Areeyah answered. “…Yes. Thalassa and I were raised together by my mother after both of her parents died. We were almost like sisters before she left the city on a traveling merchant’s caravan.” Thalassa turned her gaze to her feet, her face awash with a difficult expression. “And then she returned here two years ago carrying a child. Thalassa… she came back a changed woman. She pushed every one away from her, even her little girl.”

by **Silarial** on February 15th, 2013, 3:08 pm

Silarial huddled against the soft blanket wrapped around her body. This was the first time she learned something about her mother’s past. This was the first time she learned anything about her mother at all. If this was any other time before now, she would have rejoiced for knowing something about her, even if it was just some silly little tidbit.Today, however, she just could not bring herself to care. She felt too miserable to care.

Why did she even think that her mother would eventually learn to love her? In the end, it was just a little girl’s misguided fantasy. Her mother obviously became what she was now because of her. Of course she would never love a monster. Monsters were never meant to be loved after all.

Areeyah continued speaking, this time looking at Thalassa with a sad expression on her face. “She got… a job. I’m not really sure it’s what you’d call it, but she does get the money for her alcoholic binges. Those who live next door swears they always hear her pained cries. Silarial almost always had those bruises on her body... And I’m sure you’ve heard of what happened on the night of the fourteenth.”

Thalassa immediately interjected. “My daughter needed to learn her place. It was just discipline.”

“That was discipline?! You left her to die out there in the cold. You knew she didn’t have Morwen’s blessing yet. She would have frozen to death!”

“Stop overreacting Areeyah. That girl likes to exaggerate things. She could’ve gotten home if she wasn’t being so melodramatic.” Silarial’s mother looked hatefully at her old friend and the woman returned the glare with equal intensity.

The Icewatch man stroked his chin as he weighed what the two women had said. After a few ticks, he asked the good doctor the thing that was weighing on his mind. “What was the child’s condition when she was brought in, doctor?”

“The girl was already unconscious when she arrived here. Her body has gone very cold and pale, obvious symptoms of moderate hypothermia. There were also numerous bruises on her face and body,” the doctor turned his head toward Silarial, a serious expression on his face. “There still are, even now. She only just regained consciousness earlier, two days after she was rushed at the hospital. We thought we were going to lose her… It was almost a miracle of Morwen that she survived.”

Silarial did not like being talked about as if she was not there. It made her feel more unimportant, more nonexistent than she already did. It was as if no one wanted to know her side of the story. They didn’t want to know what she felt about her situation. She wanted to scream and cry out, but she was scared. She was afraid of getting beaten up once again for letting her true emotions known. Instead, she chewed on her fingers anxiously, amber eyes trained on the floor as she wished for everything to end.

“And these bruises… were they the sort you get when you’re beaten up, and not the result of plain childhood games?” The doctor nodded his head solemnly in answer. “Most of the bruises on the child’s body were on the forearms and the back of the legs. It could be a sign that she tried to defend herself from her abuser. And it is almost impossible to obtain so many accidental bruises on the back. They were definitely inflicted on her by someone who really wished her harm.”

The man’s eyes turned into a dangerous red from the information the doctor provided. He glared at Silarial’s mother and spoke with frightening deliberateness, his tone laced with an icy underlying threat. “I see… From what I hear woman, you have been a very terrible mother.” Thalassa flinched at his words, her eyes giving away alarm behind them. The man continued on a lighter tone, but little Silarial still found herself looking warily at the man, afraid that he will suddenly lash out at her like he did at the Areeyah and her mother. “I would have to discuss this with Jocan. In the meantime, we ask that you stay away from your daughter until everything gets sorted out. And you’re forbidden entry at this hospital unless in cases of emergency. You’re dismissed.”

Thalassa stood up in agitation. “That’s a load of horse shyke! I’m not letting any of you do this to me. I’ve faced people far worse! Silarial, We’re leaving! Come here. Now.” She shouted at the little girl who froze in fear.

Silarial was unable to move nor speak. She was so stricken with fear that the only thing that ran through her mind was the desire to just fade into nothingness. The Icewatch man restrained her mother who was still thrashing her way to break free, while Areeyah rushed to her and held her firmly like what the nice Icewatch woman was doing. Her mother was shouting her name out and threatening to feed her to the wolves if she would not come with her at that moment.

Even if she did come with her mother, she knew the beatings would never end, and she would be left to drown in bitter feelings. If she didn’t go with her mother, she would be left to live all alone in this horribly frozen city. She would be the only abandoned child in a place filled with children dearly loved by their parents. She had no one to go to, no other family besides her cruel mother. Silarial’s tiny heart was beating so loudly in her chest it almost blocked out every other sound within the room, even her mother’s continued shout of profanities. If only she could melt away like those freshly fallen snow to finally end this all. If only she didn’t live. If only… if only there was somebody who loved her…

“Silarial! I told you to come here!”

“No.” It was barely above whisper, and she was probably the only one who heard her tiny squeak. Everybody was talking all at once, wanting to get their point across, except for her and Areeyah. The woman noticed her shaking, and squeezed her gently by the shoulders, looking her in the eyes. She stroked Silarial’s head tenderly, so tenderly the little girl’s heart pained with yearning.

“Do what you have to do.” Her voice comforted her so. It was both sweet and encouraging. Those were just simple words, but it gave the frightened little girl the push she needed to say what was truly in her heart. She held on tightly to Areeyah’s hands as she braced herself for a piercing...

“Nooooooo!” She screamed at the top of her lungs and the room instantly fell silent. Everyone’s eyes were now trained on her, most especially those of her mother’s. “No mommy! I’m not coming with you. I don’t want to hurt anymore! I don’t want to be left on my own everyday! I wanted to have friends like other girls, but I can’t because you told me not to! But most of all, I wanted you to love me but you don’t! I love you mommy…. Why can’t you love me too?” Drop after drop of tears started falling from her eyes. Soon, she was crying her heart out, breaking into uncontrollable sobs. She did not care what was happening around her anymore. She vented all those bottled-up feelings, and now it was like a river rushing out of her. It was overwhelming. She didn’t realize she had clung to Areeyah for comfort. The woman who was more of a mother to her than her real one embraced her and tried to soothe her with strokes to the back of her head. They didn’t need to say anything more, and the two stayed that way for a quite a long time.

by **Silarial** on March 27th, 2013, 12:05 pm

Silarial did not realize she had fallen asleep during the confusion the night before. It was the first time she had ever told her mother how she truly felt deep inside. Doing so lifted a big weight off her chest, and she felt a bit better within. For the first time, the fear of being alone did not bother her as much anymore.

She only vaguely remember what happened last night. After her outburst, her mother apparently ran off without another word. The two Icewatch people and the doctor left her and Areeyah alone. Areeyah had sung her to sleep then.

It was the first time someone sung her to sleep. It felt like such a sweet dream.

Everyone in the hospital was so nice to her. No one teased her like the kids she had met. She got to eat more food too, and the days where she got nothing to eat at all seemed to be like just a bad dream now. And most especially, no one hurt her like her mother always did.

Thinking about her mother made Silarial involuntarily flinch. Yesterday would probably be the last time she would ever see her. The Icewatch man said so, earlier in the morning. He doesn’t usually speak, and he has a scary face too, but he was really nice to her even though he was really angry with her mother. The pretty lady who came with him was very nice to her as well. She always gives her sweets and asks if she’s okay whenever she stops by.

Silarial was more than happy with this kind of life. Deep inside, however, she knew that this was not bound to last. It was like a dream; it was too good to be true. Eventually, her health would be back to normal and she would be released from this place. But where would she go? Her mother was definitely out of the option (for she does not want her after all, even if Silarial still loved her despite everything that happened), and she didn’t know of any other relatives to go to. There was only Areeyah left.

The little girl gulped. She realized that asking Areeyah to take her in would be pushing her luck too far. The woman already defended her from her mother and went out of her way to visit her whilst she recovered. Worst, she feared that Areeyah would change like her mother had if Silarial stayed with her. Silarial believed in her young mind that she was the source of all sadness and misfortune to the people she loved, and she would not want to bring the same misery she gave her mother to this kind woman. If she had to be all alone to keep everybody she cared for happy, then she would readily choose to be so.

It was already late in the afternoon before someone other than the young nurses came in to visit her. She had been singing the songs she heard from outside her window. They were happy songs, and singing them somehow made her feel a tad better than she did when she first came to Avanthal.

Areeyah popped her head inside the room and her face brightened when she saw little Silarial gazing out at the window. She stood beside the doorway and waited until her companion, the woman from the Icewatch who was with them last night, came in before she closed the door. The two women walked towards the small table in the middle of the room and sat down, beckoning Silarial to come over and do the same. Silarial did, and she looked at the two innocently through large periwinkle eyes.

“How are you doing Silarial? Feeling better?” Areeyah started excitedly. The little girl nodded her head slowly, unsure of what to really say.

“We have good news for you. I’ll let Areeyah do the talking though.” The woman smiled kindly. Silarial wondered what the news was all about, and she cannot help herself from feeling nervous. She bit her lower lips anxiously as she waited for Areeyah to continue.

“We talked to some people about your situation and how you don’t have anywhere to go to after you’re released from the hospital. And guess what? You’re going to live with me from now on! You also don’t have to see your mother anymore if you don’t want to, so you don’t have to worry about her hurting you from now on.”

Silarial gawked at the two smiling women, a difficult expression marring her face. She did not know how to properly react. Should she be happy and jump for joy? Or would it be more appropriate to thank Areeyah but turn her down? Her chest ached as her feeling churned deep within her.

Areeyah’s face slowly fell as she tried to calculate the little girl’s expression. She didn’t know why she reacted as such. With a small nod and an encouraging squeeze of the hand, the Icewatch woman stood up and quietly walked out of the room — not before lightly patting Silarial on the head. Areeyah held Silarial’s soft, tiny hands in her own before speaking once again, this time in a strained voice. “Is there something wrong? Don’t you want me to be your new mommy?”

Silarial felt bad for making sorrow appear on Areeyah’s lovely face. She bit her lips and tried to stifle a sob. “I’m happy because you’re kind to me like everybody here. I’m s-so happy. B-but you shouldn’t take me in. I will only make you sad a-a-and angry. L-like my mommy…”

Areeyah wiped teardrops from Silarial’s cheeks with her thumb, tutting affectionately. She stroked the girl’s head lovingly and assuringly before placing her hands on either side of her cheeks. In a soothing voice that tugged at the little girl’s heart, she continued, “That’s not true. In fact, I’m really happy that I’m given the chance to take care of you. Silarial, I would love to take care of you.”

“But I’m not your real daughter. And… and if you take care of me, you wouldn’t be able to find a man of your own.” She remembered what her mother screamed at her at that night. Even though Silarial did not fully grasp what her mother meant, she knew it was similar to finding the father of your future children. But because she was her mother’s child to another man, no one wanted to be with Thalassa anymore.

“I’m already past the age of finding a husband. I doubt anyone would want me still when there are so many younger girls around.” Areeyah laughed softly, her voice a lovely tinkle to Silarial’s ears. “I’m actually more of looking for a child to treat as my own now. And when I found out about your situation, I thought I should have you, especially since you're my... best friend's only child.” Areeyah paused, staring at Silarial’s hands as she caressed them before she continued. “You’re looking for a mother who would love and care for you. I’m looking for a child to love and care for. Don’t you think we’re destined to have each other?”

The young girl looked at Areeyah, her eyes wide in surprise, and stammered. “You mean… You… you want to become my mommy?”

“Yes. Very much so.”

“B-but… what about my real mommy? Who would be her daughter now if I go with you?” Even though Thalassa wanted to get rid of her so much, she still loved her all the same. But, would going with Areeyah actually make her mother feel better? She’s so confused with having to make a choice. She didn’t know what to do.

After a long pause and a deep sigh, Areeyah answered, “I can’t change the fact that Thalassa is your real mother, and I won’t take your right to love her and choose to go back with her. But if you do, I would be very sad. I don’t want to see you hurt again. I want to give you the happiness I know you deserved.” Areeyah fished something out of her pocket and placed it on the table. It was the hair bow her mother gave her as a present. “This belongs to you Silarial.”

Silarial chewed on her fingernails and closed her eyes, shaking her head vigorously. She knew she wanted to have a new life with this woman before her now. She wished to belong to someone who would care for her and give her the love she had been yearning for such a long time. She loved her mother very much, but now she was not so sure it was right to stay with her still.

“You won’t hurt me and leave me all alone? Not like mommy did?”

“Of course not.”

A stray teardrop fell from her eye and rolled down her gaunt cheeks.

“W-will you eat meals with me? And, and come to me when I cry?”

The woman laughed softly as she dabbed a cloth to the corner of her eyes. “I’d love to eat meals with you. I can’t say I can always come at once when you cry, but I will do my best to be always there for you when you need someone to protect you, or even just someone to cry with you whenever you’re sad.”

Silarial barely choked the words out, hopeful to hear an affirmation. She wouldn’t know what to do if the woman rejected her after getting her hopes up so much. Her eyes brimming with tears, she asked, “C-can you… please be… my new mommy?”

“Yes! Yes, of course yes!” Areeyah hugged stood up and hugged Silarial tightly, and Silarial hugged Areeyah as tight as her little body could. She wanted this very much since she could remember. There was a part of her that questioned her hasty decision and the things that will happen in the days to come, and another part which screamed that she should not trade her true mother for a new one in a blink of an eye. All of these, however, were soon overshadowed by a deep yearning for the warm love Areeyah offered.

"C-can I call you mommy?" Silarial's face was already stained with tears, and more were falling down from her eyes. Areeyah smiled and nodded, crying herself as well.

"M-mommy Areeyah... hello... my mommy!"

And so young Silarial hoped with all her heart that finally, she had found her place in this cold and lonely world. A mother’s love: it was indeed the most beautiful gift a lonely child could ever receive.