(flashback) A Sign (Hadrian)

[Hana]

“Well…” She smiled sweetly at him, as she seemed to consider what he’d asked. As if she’d already taken up too much of his time or required too much from him. She was wondering if any more help would cause her to owe him something. Owing things had gotten her into trouble in the past. She looked at the sign and then the market. She studied it all carefully, cautiously, like at any moment something was going to cause her to panic again. Her lips pursed as she looked back at him. The expression that had been on her face was quickly spirited away again by the smile that hinted that she was fine on her own, even as she wrapped her arm slowly about his and said quietly, “Well, would you be willing to show me those places where I can save a few Mizas?” She was crawling inside of her own skin at what she was doing, but the road to Zeltiva had been arduous and painful. One did what they had to in order to survive. Hunger could make a person lose sight of the delicate humanity of others, and Ha’na was starving. Hadrian Aelius would most likely not realize it, for he did not seem the type of man that was too aware of this sort of situation, but had just become some sort of mark. And that was why she continued to smile and bat her long eye lashes at him.

[Hadrian]

"Well," he said, posture correcting itself in response to a pretty lady on his arm. This sort of thing never happened to young men like him, so he was going to do it right, anyway. He had to stop himself from preening a little in front of people. That would have been lame. "Well, to start with... it's a port city, so people will accept mizas, but if you're in the market for most household goods, you'll get a better rate of return with Zeltivan nilos. That isn't always the case, but in this market it is. This woman up on the right with the cabbages and potatoes, she lost her daughter many years ago... If you seem to be all alone in the world, she will often slip you little presents while pretending to cheat you blind." Apparently Ha'na wasn't the only one who know how to put on a little show, but perhaps she was a bit more immune to them than a certain enchanter-in-training.

[Hana]

The sigh at the mention of nilos was heavy and perhaps a little frustrated. Her fellow servants were not making her new job easy by withholding information. However, she knew the game they were playing. All too well. She would stay ahead of it the best she could. She screwed her lips up just a touch before glancing towards him with a blink and then another. She looked away, studying the stalls they were passing. “Losing a child does make you alone in the world,” she said softly, distance leaking into her quiet voice. She was quick to add, “Or so I would think. But… We’re all alone. And all of us are never alone at the same time. I, um… Would… My Common must be failing me.” She at least wished that it would so she’d not say such worthless things.

[Hadrian]

Not sure quite how to respond to that, his mind lit up suddenly with a snatch of phrase that he remembered from some play or epic poem or the like. Without pausing from brain to mouth for approval, he spoke: "When so many are lonely as seem to be lonely, it would be inexcusably selfish to be lonely alone." When he heard his own voice saying those words, he blushed and looked away.

[Hana]

She watched him in her peripheral vision. The blush was barely noticed, because she was too focused on his looking away. Her fingers pressed into his arm for a split second, and she brushed her arm against him at the same time. It could have been perceived that she was still unsure on her feet from the panic attack, or it could have been on purpose. She, of course, knew it was on purpose. Very softly, almost a whisper in his ear, she asked, “Are you alone, Hadrian Aelius?”

[Hadrian]

"Not at the present moment, no," he said. After all, there was a pretty woman on his arm, uncomfortably close. "But ultimately, yes. I am too absorbed in my studies to have anyone permanently in my life." Or even temporarily. "But we are born out of aloneness and into aloneness we die, only to return. I don't think it's such a terrible thing." But, of course, he was lonely and what he said, while true in a sense, was just the sort of intellectual equivocation that the intelligent used to deceive themselves, generally more so than they deceived others.

[Hana]

The best lies typically tended to be those wrapped in the truth like a bitter infusion sweetened heavily with honey. In the past taking care of others had been a means of survival, and now it was as much a habit as writing without worrying over each letter. Well, in fact she was still taking care of people as survival, or at least that was how she chose to look at it. There was a little bit of concern on her face as her brows furrowed down and she turned her head fully to look at him. “But who takes care of you while you study then?”

[Hadrian]

"Ah, nobody?" He was confused. "I take care of myself. I mean, I have enough money from my parents to pay for my classes and to live, so all I have to do is study and look after my little cottage." He shrugged, not at all at odds with the starving student lifestyle. He had taken to it, indeed, like a fish to water, and really didn't want to leave. Luckily, there was time before he graduated, and by then he hoped to have enough experience and contacts to go somewhere interesting to follow some lead to greater and more profound learning. That prospect still excited him. "I came here as soon as I was of age to do so, and have only visited Syliras a few times. The family is big enough that they don't miss me."

[Hana]

“Oh. Of course,” she said with a blink and a nervous glance. “You’re independent…” Like most people. Like her… At least that’s what she told herself to get to sleep at night. The nod she gave him was nearly violent in its movements. She glanced at him again. Like her. She was independent. She was. She was. Really. Really. She realized at that moment that somewhere along the line she’d lost her ability to take advantage of others and no longer care. What was worse was she was rather certain that her self-confidence had been lost in some valley in Kalea. “It’s important. The independence.”

[Hadrian]

"Yes," he agreed, because he had to agree or risk looking pathetic. Granted, he was married to his studies, to his craft, but he was frequently lonely when his mind was not distracted by that work. Ha'na, it seemed, was in a similar boat. At least, she protested too much for him to quite take what she said at face value. But while she apparently served in an affluent household in order to be around people, he forsook most of the perks of his moneyed birth in order to study. He didn't even have many friends who he would call true friends, but rather colleagues, which wasn't always the same thing.