Closed Drunken Denial (Sebastian)

[Ricky Maze]

Drunken Denial Chronicle 1.2 of The Part of Moving On Winter 4th, 512 AV; Late Evening. Denial is part of a grief, a part of human nature. When faced with something we cannot comprehend we deny it to the best of our abilities. Whether its a memory, or a feeling, or even a change we all disagree with; we all find ourselves unable to accept. It is in this process of change we all learn to adapt, but the path is long and difficult. Filled with many challenges we must learn of ways to cope, and even if its hard we must learn to count on others...even if we deny that we need them most. With a groan from a painful hangover Ricky began to awake with slobber dangling from the corner of his lip, taking in a deep breath as his head throbbed with pain that could be compared to someone beating him with a blunt object. Wiping the dangly drool from his lip and face he looked around the room to see where his companion was. Still gone. With a soft sigh Ricky pushed himself up steadily, the force of the headache not being one to challenge. He had no recall of the things he did yesterday or the day before, just that he did his duty and went to get drunk. It seemed to be the only way to get any sleep nowadays, seeing as how his head hurt too much to recall the nightmares. It was late though and Ricky didn't have much else to do, so he decided to do what he only thought would kill the pain. Get drunk once more. Sure the day before yesterday was a experience he had learned to deal with, but it was yesterday he lost it. Unable to contain the amount he drunk he blew chunks in an alleyway outside the Kelp Bar, he couldn't forget that because of the burning sensation he felt. That alone would leave an impressive print in any drunkards memory. Still it seemed to be working for the broken fisherman, and seeing how late it was proof that he was going to need it to sleep anyway. Still in yesterday's attire which consisted of his long sleeve cotton shirt and pants Ricky got up and trudged onward. Carrying on to leave the Grotto he wouldn't stop or say hello to anyone he knew, he would just focus on the destination in his headsplitting hungover mind. After exiting the Grotto the air felt cold in this eve, the sun was already set as the nightshift swarmed Zeltiva like the mountains. He would waste no time getting to the bar, for the cold made his head hurt even worse. at the Kelp Bar Arriving at the door he opened it to hear it's merrily bell jingle, the patrons woupd turn to see what person had entered. After seeing that it was Ricky they would turn back to their fellows and pick up from their conversations. Ricky knew some of them had at least little interest in this broken fisherman. Who wouldn't after seeing the first time he had fallen out the door. A stupid thing he did that nearly ruined what little pride he had left, but then again what pride was there after going this far? Ricky took his seat and slid a silver miza to the barkeep, trading it for one nice mug filled with the green liquid he longed to drink. It wasn't a thirst he had for it, but the effects of its mind numbing intoxication. He wished for its effect to bring that sleepy sensation once more, and when he took his first drink he hoped it woupd come soon.

[Sebastian Stalinsa]

There were few places to go in Zeltiva after hours and most didn’t sit well with honest folk. The kelp bar however seemed always to welcome a weary sailor no matter the cut of his cloth with promises of good cheer and something to wet the throat. It was here when evening found him without work and unable to sleep that Sebastian’s feet often trod. The company was his pleasure but the drink, if it could even be called such, he’d be a happy man to never taste again. Tonight however, he’d other things on his mind and barely spared the Bar a glance in passing. There was to be a great party held in the center of East Street this evening. One of those infamous romps that left you ashamed yet somehow deeply satisfied upon waking. He’d heard it was held for the soul purpose of matching every courtly show the annual winter ball boasted with a display of ill breed debauchery. Sebastian had seen many such displays while residing within those same streets, but he wasn’t sure a glimpse here and there could prepare him for the upcoming spectacle. Never the less he’d be dammed if he was going to miss East Street’s greatest show of hedonistic independence. His thought’s elsewhere Sebastian gave a startled grunt as he blunder into a man stumbling from a narrow ally. He turned to give pardon but, the blurry eyed stranger was already on his way making a shuffling line towards the Kelp Bar. Shrugging in dismissal Sebastian thought nothing more of the encounter tell a few minutes past when he shockingly placed the ill-kept drifter to be none other than Ricky. Turning with hast but, not yet truly believing his own recognition Sebastian retraced his steps concern evident upon his features. The last he’d seen Ricky was during Odis’ funeral. A sad state of affairs, where he’d realized just how deep a man’s love could go for a loyal four legged companion. But the funeral had been weeks ago and they’d parted on a hopeful note. Could he have again miscalculated Ricky’s dependence on that dead hound? He stopped to ponder, eventually decided that yes, he must have been mistaken. There was no way that dark haired stranger smelling of liquor and bile could be his friend. Ricky’s easy going open nature wouldn’t allow him to ever enter such a sorry state. Confident in his logic Sebastian made a mental note to get his friend’s current address as they were well up for a sporting drink. Stuffing his hands with the pockets of a new wool coat Sebastian glanced around. Realizing that he already stood on the Kelp Bar’s doorstep he shrugged again, deciding he might as well pop his head in and see if there was anyone he knew within. The bar’s interior was dark, dank, and lit by the smoky haze of heavy oil lamps. There were a couple of people about, a small group huddled with heads together deep in private conversation, a few sitting with only red noses and drink for company, while a pair played cards by a spitting fire. Without much difficulty he spotted the man slouched at the bar taking swigs from the local brew of a size that made Sebastian’s stomach squirm. Plopping himself besides the stranger he voiced a greeting to the establishment’s owner Madame Gretchen, before turning to his fellow. “You know stranger, you look just like a good friend of mine.” He commented with the ease of someone expecting nothing but, a short conversation.

[Ricky Maze]

Already another stranger had manage to sit next to Ricky and he had just started drinking, why just the other day a red head was kind enough to speak with him as he first attempted this drunken business. It seemed to attract all types of new people into Ricky's petched up life, but he didn't know that this stranger was already a good friend to him. "I'm afraid I've kept away from people I know for the past few weeks. I'm sorta questionin why things are goin to shit now..." It wasn't usual for Ricky to speak like that, for he always watched his tongue when speaking. Yet he didn't have the luxury anymore since his headache was killing him, best he could do was to kill it before it got him first. He didn't bother looking over to the man, no Ricky just looked deep inside his mug to see the green sludge that was called Kelp Beer waiting for him. When he would look it wouldn't take much observation to see that Ricky was searching for answers, whether or not they were in the mug didn't seem relevant however. Although the voice had a sense of familiarity to it Ricky hadn't the ability to place his thoughts on it, his first objective was to get rid of his hang over and maybe get some sleep. That and the pulsating pain that which could be compared to a migrane was too much for his mind to process, so any ordinary thought that would register would be rather late for it's appointment. Didn't mean he wouldn't indulge the stranger into a conversation though, after all the last stranger didn't really have the chance to speak that much. Or maybe they did, and Ricky was too drunk to remember. Either way the fisherman was taking it easy tonight, he would only get drunk enough to feel the relaxing intoxication and go back to the inn to sleep. "I'm wonderin if maybe...." He looked up to the air above him, as if some invisible object had drawn his gaze to it. "I think there is a God out there...and he's pissed at me." He shrugged as he sighed, taking a good drink from the mug before continuing. The beer was salty and burned as it went down, but with a grimaced expression he shook his head and still manage to keep talking. "I mean...I'm gone for a year, leavin my home in the same condition as it was; and when I get back there's nothin left! Its gone. Shwish!" He emphasized with his hands, one mimicing a wave as it smashed into the other that resembled his house. He scratched his temple in that moment of silence before continuing. "I was fine though. I was alive...so was..." He trailed off as he remembered his fallen companion, going in for a chug this time as he gulped half of his beer down. Already the mug was looking less then half empty, or was it actually half full? To Ricky it mattered little, he was drowing his sorrow and doing his best to wash away the sadness. He sighed as a hic made itself known, just one time though. Still it was more then enough to point out that Ricky was already starting to get drunk. He sighed as he gave one final statement. "I feel lousy...."

[Sebastian Stalinsa]

Well what did you know; this man drowning in his cups was Ricky after all. Even through the booze drugged stumbling Sebastian intently recognized the voice where his eyes had failed him to see. He gave a brief thanks to Ovek that they’d by chance run into each other. It seemed the tragedy of Ricky’s current affairs went much farther then Sebastian had first been lead to believe. The loss of a house was no mean thing. Men built homes of stone to stand forever, to be the starting center of a new life and to strengthen their resolve with dream of comfort when daring far off lands. To finally return home only to find that home no longer existed and nothing was as you remembered would be troubling indeed. Then to have the only thing of consistence ripped from you by an early death; the remaining hole wasn’t something that could easily be filled by a shrug and then forgotten. If he’d been somewhat insensitive to Ricky’s plight before upon hearing his friends slurred confession Sebastian had nothing but sympathy. He’d been a poor friend, having spent the time between their last encounter doting only on himself and the people in closest proximity. But here was a change to atone for past neglect and Sebastian meant to make the most of it. “You’re not doing yourself any favors by sitting here my friend.” He said in a matter of fact tone staring at Ricky with whimsical eyes. First order of business was to get Ricky otta here. Get him outside. Have him feel the breeze and get his blood pumping. He needed something distracting that would shock him out of this misery, something that would make him remember what it was to live. “All that alcohols’ gone to your gut. Soon you won’t be able to waddle through a decent sized door much less attract the much needed attention of any women.” He jested giving Ricky a gently jab for emphasis.

[Ricky Maze]

Ricky laughed somewhat at his friends statement, even more after the second one; which was cut off by the gentle poke that followed. It made him wonder who exactly was this guy, already touching him when they had just met. They didn't even exchange names yet and as Ricky found it odd he looked- oh now he could see. It was Sebastian indeed! What in the world was he doing here? Had it been him the whole time?! Ricky cursed under his sipent breath as he seemed to stiffen a bit, he had not expected to see his companion at a time like this; and the condition Ricky was in was one he'd rather not let Sebastian see. Taking one final drink before setting the mug down Ricky faced his friend with the best smile he could put on, though it wasn't all to great since he was caught off guard. "Sebastian. What are ya doin here bud?" As he thought off his pitiful appearance earlier he tried to think of a way to cover it up, nothing seem to come to his throbbing mind however. "I'm fine friend, honestly I'm just a bit...hungover." He reassured the man to the best of his abilities, it was somewhat true and somewhat false in his troubling matter. The fisherman was coping with his loss and denying to himself and others that he was troubled, all an attempt to keep him from looking weak or wounded. It was a facade he was bound to put up endlessly, one that would be rather difficult for him to submerse. "What have ye been up to friend," He asked to try and turn the attention on Sebastian, "Yer lookin good now that yer wound has healed up." He stated even though he wasn't really around to see it heal, yet the memory of Sebastian's injury he sustained was still clear as the nightmares that haunted his sleep. Ricky remembered the look on his friends face when he was dealing with the pain, a credible feat Ricky had to commend him for. Though Ricky suffered he was doing his best to hide it, the emotional pain he felt as he longed to shut it out still rattled his very spirit. He wished for a way out of it, a way to stop and end it all. Yet he couldn't think of any, so instead of being a fool and looking for nothing Ricky did what he felt necessary. Deny it. Deny that he was feeling lost, deny what he was hoping for, deny the fact that he wasn't alright; deny practically everything until the answer would come to him...

[Sebastian Stalinsa]

If you’re fine then I’m a tree squirrel. He thought as Ricky attempted to hide the deep pain he’d already exposed in unknown confidence. Sebastian felt a bitter sting deep in his throat about that. It hadn’t been his intention to trick Ricky into reviling his sorrows and he hoped the man didn’t hold it against him. However in the end what was said was said and done was done and it’d all come round for either good or bad, such was how the world worked even in its smallest moments. Taking the hint Sebastian leaned back a bit and cast a glance round the room, allowing Ricky time to compose himself. “Nothing much.” He replied with an easy smile towards the ceiling. What else could he say? That he’d gotten in a knife fight? That a ruined tragedy had healed the old wound of his heart before trying to take it to the grave? Of the thugs who’d almost done the deed? These weren’t topics to trouble an already depressed friend, or maybe anyone for that matter. The event was still fresh and Sebastian had yet to smooth over the rough edges until it could find a place within the stonework of his mind. Until then he would keep it in his heart and away from the tongue. “Work mostly. You wouldn’t believe the number of high scruff louts who wander through that place.” He chuckled, remembering one practically foul individual who’d gotten dragged off by his wife. Loveless was a strange place. Like a fantasy land for the bored and wealthy. A place so good at enchanting its patrons that every possible spectator simply melted into a background of pleasure to even the most humiliating of personal acts. It was at once sickening and impressive and regardless of what might be said of her Madame Zanna knew how to turn a pretty penny. Recalling that he’d actually never specified to Ricky what sort of work he did Sebastian clarified with a glance over his shoulder. “I work at Loveless. As a peacekeeper.” He added hurriedly realizing what embarrassing conclusion a person would come to otherwise. “Not a bad job. Pays the rent, there’s always something interesting going on, and I get a discount for things here and there.” He shrugged to show that the eluded “discounted things” were of small concern and didn’t need to be brought over in conversation. Feeling he’d giving Ricky enough time to settle Sebastian turned his full attention back upon the man. “It’s a beautiful night. The moon’s full, people are lighting fires on the beach. How bout a walk to clear up that hangover?” He offered with the inviting turn of a palm. “We can have a couple more drinks at my place or, if you’ve got the stomach for it there’s a bit of a romp going on down center of East Street. What do ya say?” Sebastian wasn’t sure if taking Ricky to the petch fest that was East Street’s winter ball was the best idea, but it had to be better than letting him rot away in pints of kelp beer

[Ricky Maze]

Ricky felt bed for trying to cover up his act but it was the first thing he had to do, for he hated it when he looked pitiful and...well miserable. To strangers he would seem like a depressed man drowning his sorrows, but to a friend now that was an entirely different story. Ricky knew that Sebastian could no doubt tell Ricky was denying the fact that he wasn't fine, just as Ricky could observe that Sebastian was trying to allow him a few chimes to get his act together. While listening to the man speak Ricky knew that the man was keeping the talk rather small, yet even though Sebastian continued Ricky kept himself focused. He was obligated to listen to hia friend, for it had been a rather long time since he indulged in such a comfortable social state. Or at least it felt that way, more like forever or so actually. Ricky forced a grin on his face as he heard Sebastian clarify that he worked as a peace keeper, it was good to know the man had a more respectable job then what Loveless usually offers. Such a place was rather beneath the honorable man, as he no doubt was better suited for the job Ricky now has. Being a Wave Guard he would be a peace keeper for the city, not just the brothel, and would do more good that way. It was something that Ricky thought rather strange really, but then again a man was entitled to his own choices. Finally came the point where Sebastian would seek to invite Ricky out for a couple town events, this no doubt being the main directive for his operation "Help Ricky Feel Better". It was a easy comfort knowing the man cared for his friend, but at the same time Ricky thought it similiar to a pity moment transpiring into an activity. Being one who was prideful and disliked feeling such pity Ricky kept the smile he forced on, hiding all traces that showed he was still "not fine". "I guess it couldn't hurt, it'd be a great way to catch up and help clear my mind of this fowl headache." He chuckled somewhat to sound convincing, wondering where they would first head off too. "What ever ye have in mind to do first I'm game." He reassured his good friend with some ease in his mind, finally a distraction to help make the night seem short; and hopefully make the pain feel distant.

[Sebastian Stalinsa]

“There ya go mate. Gotta get the blood going before it starts fermenting.” With that nugget of nonsensical wisdom Sebastian give Ricky a slap on the back before leading them from the bar. These days Sebastian spent a good deal of time observing drunks. While finding Ricky to be among their infamous number was startling it was by no means repellent. Sebastian had seen far worse and it seemed he’d caught Ricky during a point of brief lucidly. Not wanting to wound his friend’s pride more then he already had Sebastian gave the man some space and only a casual eye should he require a helping hand. Once they were both drunk they could stumble around like idiots all they wanted but, until then he didn’t want to belittle the man by an over exuberant show of concern. After all when life rained rotten lemons sometimes the only thing to do was get shit faced until the storm was over. If that’s what Ricky needed then it wasn’t Sebastian’s place to judge. He did however feel perfectly justified shoving his friend’s head out the door for a weather check once in a while. The air was cold and their warm breath made thin streams of mist melt into the night. The sky however was clear of storm clouds for once and the wind nothing but a quiet rustle over thick coats. Stars spread out like a map of heaven with a full faced moon sitting high above streaming its cold detached light upon the world. To his puzzlement Sebastian had never felt a kinship with Leth. He’d thought that a man so devoted to his lover would have struck some sympathetic cord within his heart, but the moon god was also a dark destructive deity and Sebastian found little comfort in his light even if it no longer carried the same threats of old. Seeing two beach fires ahead Sebastian encouraged Ricky to a faster shuffle wanting to reach the promised warmth as fast as possible and the couple dozen people huddled between them. The light strum of music and smells of food further quickened his pace.

[Ricky Maze]

“There ya go mate. Gotta get the blood going before it starts fermenting.” Sebastian encouraged with a slap on the back, Ricky didn't really show any reaction to it but if Sebastian knew him well enough he would see a mixture two emotions; appreciation and tenderness. He felt good in knowing not only that Sebastian meant well but also that he did actually care enough to at least lighten Ricky's spirit, yet Ricky also felt that he was a weak or softie than his usual self. Of course being in mourn and denying it tends to make people that way, but for Ricky it just seemed that his friend was taking caution in what he would say or do. This made it feel rather awkward really, but an awkward Ricky tried to ignore. He needed some sort of normalcy to return, how else would he find some trace of it now that his world crumbled away. He followed Sebastian and the cold made his hang over worser then he would've imagined, being out in this weather it had no doubt made his blood pump even more; which is probably why his headache would pound like a hammer to an anvil. Though that was slowly wearing out itself as they continued, as the bonfires that decorated the beach and promised warmth awaited them. Sebastian rather urged them both to pick up the pace for warmth, which Ricky gladly did so in agreement as he too yearned for the fires embrace. "My friend, it is colder than a witches tit out here!" He stated with shivers as they grew closer now, coming upon the nearest fire on the shore. People were huddled and scattered about between the two flames mingling with one another, and music seem to bring a sort of merry mood into the cold season. "Not a bad get together aye?" He admitted with a loose smile, had he had Odis here there would indeed be much fun tonight.

[Sebastian Stalinsa]

“Never slept with a witch, but I’ll take your word for it.” He chuckled mildly curious if Ricky was speaking from experience or using a common Zeltivan phrase. He knew the flesh of a nuit was cold as ice but Sebastian would rather drown in a puddle of his own piss then let slip that bit of sacrilege. The memory still made his ears burn with shame. Hoping Ricky asserted the change of color to poor weather he continued on. “Yeah, not a bad show up for so early.” Though Leth was rising towards his zenith the night owl chimes were just beginning. People nodded and offered various small greetings as the two newcomers moved among them. Sebastian returned the acknowledgements in kind and was especially courteous to wizened old women who presented both he and Ricky each with a length of roasted cod wrapped in seaweed. Never a fan of cod or any fish the food tasted dry with salt and over cooked to his tongue. However each little bone had been skillfully removed and the portion would fill his empty stomach nicely. Hearty rugs and old faded blankest were laid around each fire and Sebastian made himself comfortable as he picked methodically at the fish in his hand. It was a pleasant atmosphere with the sounds of light chatter and string instruments over the crackling blaze. Presently a woman in dark rose robs bent down by the spindly musician’s ear and whispered a request. She did not remove her hood as the tinkering notes blended into a soft fluid melody, but hidden under her cowl began to sing. Her voice rose and fell with sweeps of elusive passion but, this could not hide the burden of regretful sorrow each lyric possessed. Come weary sailor rest your head The sea has stopped its rise And all the beast have stilled their breath Now drop those heavy eyes Dream of me in white sea foam The waves against my skin Hear my voice that calls to you Upon a breathless wind Come dear sailor take the wheel And turn her towards my call The rocks will hold no threat for you My love shall break the fall