Completed Finding Hope

[Ricky Maze]

Finding Hope Part 4.2 of The Part of Moving On Winter 62, 512 AV; 12th Bell Carrying on. When we find it to hard to do we become cornered, surrounded by an overwhelming force that's too strong to oppose. It becomes difficult for us to try and overcome, and so we lose hope in ourselves during this process. That is, until we finally give in... Why? Why was it so tempting? Why did it feel so much easier, correction, so much better to follow through with this course of action? Ricky has felt like this for too long. It was time he literally let everything go... 6 Bells Ago Ricky was crying again of course, that's all he seem to do lately was give in and cry. He hadn't left the cottage Hadrian provided in several days, only because he wished to remained holed up and locked away. Especially now... 4 Bells Ago Ricky was in the middle of all his thoughts, he should've gone to sleep by now or else he would've had problems waking up for duty. How else was he suppose to protect Zeltiva? Of course that thought was instantly clouded with darker ones... 1 Bell Ago 'You're still weak and even worse; pathetic.' His heart gave sway to the powerful feeling that grew within, growing heavier as he felt the words develope truth. 'You will never be good enough. You are a failure. A failure to your family, a failure to your friends. You're just a failure in life, what good are you if you can't save anyone; if you can't protect anyone.' That's it. He was done. He had up and left the cottage without a second thought and went to the docks. His exhausted mind begging for sleep but the thoughts would never shut up, so know he would silence them. All of them...for good. Now... Ricky stood here now preparing for it, the final plunge that would solve all his problems. He looked to the icey water that waited below, the sea silently calling out to welcome him. He hadn't had a decent swim in a while, why not make his last one the best he could have? It was ain fact thoughts that weren't Ricky's but part of him, if that made any sense really. His depression had been plummeting for days now as he sought ways to end his pain and suffering. Weeping alone didn't seem to help anymore, and although Ricky may be aobbing now these tears would be his last. No more sorrow. Today he was done living in regret. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, knowing the salty air he breathed would be his last before meeting the sea's kiss. When he took in the moment and welcomed what was to come next he allowed himself to go forward, praying to end the torment that had felt so eternal.

[Synthira]

Synthira found herself walking once again to the docks. She looked out at the sapphire depths. So serene. So beautiful. As she approached, she could see ships coming and leaving, and the constant coming and going of rushed people so absorbed in their own business they noticed nothing else. She wondered if any of the ships were traveling to Mura. Home. How she longed for it now. She had met plenty of pleasant strangers, read many strange books, and seen many strange things. But Mura was quiet and safe. No. You must stay until you find what you’re searching for. She closed her eyes and let the wind tangle her hair, the salt of the sea calling out to her. As she approached the docks, something caught her eye. Rather someone than something, it was someone - a man who seemed to have been standing at its edge for a very long time. He peered into the swirling depths, pain in his eyes. Synthira made her way towards him, curiosity getting the better of her. She watched in horror as he jumped, crashing into the water and letting himself fall. Synthira ran to the edge of the dock, watching the figure sink. She threw her boots and cloak down and jumped in herself. The cold of the waters seeped through her clothing within seconds, and she opened her eyes to see where he had gone. The salt stung, but she paid it little mind. The gills gifted to all konti typically made her graceful underwater, but her fear took away from her skill. She was afraid of letting the man go, of letting him die. And then she saw him, and wildly thrashed her way towards him. He sank further every second. The trail of bubbles rising from his mouth reminded her that he was only human, and that time was of the essence. Reaching still, she finally caught his hand. A face flashed in her mind, one very similar to the man’s. Dark, but kind, and smiling. For a moment she felt sadness, then admiration, and love. The man was a deadweight and much larger than she, and they moved to the surface of the water slower than she liked. Finally they had breached the surface, and the shore was not so far away. It felt like hours had passed, and Synthira struggled with the task. Her small frame allowed for limited strength, and she was beginning to tire. Once the water was shallow enough to stand, she dragged rather than carried the man. His heartbeat was so faint she could barely feel it, and he did not breathe. She leaned him against a boulder, pressing his back and chest to allow water to leave his lungs. Oh, why couldn’t I have been a healer? She cursed to the skies. This wasn’t Mura, and she couldn’t walk ten steps and find someone to help her. Besides that, the man hadn’t fallen into the water. He hadn’t been pushed, either. He had, quite obviously, jumped, and once he woke she had a feeling his sentiments toward her would be less than friendly. “Shyke. Breathe, will you?” She sputtered, heart in her throat. Cursing was entirely abnormal for her, but that was not the most pressing concern at the moment. And then…he took a breath. Shallow and short, but it was progress. His eyes flew open, drawing in his surroundings with wild eyes. “It’s a rather bad idea to leap from the docks,” Synthira said, “There isn’t always a water-breathing konti to save you.”

[Ricky Maze]

When Ricky took his plunge into the sea he didn't expect it to be as freezing as it was, compared to last time he swam through this for his Wave Guard Initiation this had felt like he broke through glass. Now he sunk under as the icey death that surrounded pushed out his air, immediately producing a shock he wasn't aware he would ever be able to feel. The pain was unbearable but in a sense it made Ricky feel alive once more, only to find that feeling was rapidly slipping out. He sank deeper and deeper into the darkness and though he swore he felt thw shivers they too were drowned by the overwhelming frost. He shouldn't have done this, but that was history now as was everything else. He was done with it all, slipped away into a world where he would soon find peace. A world where his suffering would end, a world where he would wake up feeling happy once more. There was silence in the cold dark void he sank within, it felt he had been sinking for leagues now. He wasn't aware of what was happening, just that he was ready to sleep; sleep for all eternity... But fate wasn't done with him it seems. He felt as if bells had passed, for what it was worth an entire age could've for all he knew. His mind was ready to shut down, to give out from the tremendous self induced shock he created. The world seemed to shift around him as he felt himself lost, unable to recognize what had happened. He was called upon though by an unfamiliar voice. “Shyke. Breathe, will you?” It was a female. She spoke in a tone that he registered concern, but it was far from him now. Far away as he felt himself shiver once more. Shiver. Shiver. Shiver shiver shiver. Finally his mind received the message his body provided, and somewhere inside him his body kickstarted once more; and purged out what wasn't meant to dwell within. He coughed and chocked as he finally fell to his hands awake and aware, spitting out the inhaled water that burned of salt. He was freezing and shivered uncontrollably, weak and exhausted from his expedition to the bottom of the ocean. “It’s a rather bad idea to leap from the docks, there isn’t always a water-breathing konti to save you.” The woman had said, Ricky chuckled a bit as he still coughed. "Naw lass, I thought I'd see if Laviku was done with me." He retorted as he looked to her, his eyes focused on her curiously. "What in bubblin barnacles were ye doin here? Ain't ya suppose to be somewhere safe?" He was obviously freezing as it didn't take observation for that, as for the numbness of limbs that was pretth much the same as well. He was an open book at this moment, for the reason behind Synthira's involvement was a question Ricky wanted answered. He was prepared to die, he almost had done so just now come to think of it. Easily in fact since the cold water knocked all the air and life out of him, now he had air but the cold still haunted him like the plague haunted Zeltiva. He wasn't wanting to suffer anymore.

[Synthira]

The man coughed and spit out water, eyelids fluttering. She stood back as he came to his senses. He seemed to understand as she spoke to him. The wind was merciless, the cold seeping into Synthira’s bones. Her clothes were soaked, which certainly didn’t help. But the stranger was alive and aware, which was some achievement at least. He spoke in a shuddering tone, shivering as she did, but seemed friendly enough. "Naw lass, I thought I'd see if Laviku was done with me. What in bubblin barnacles were ye doin here? Ain't ya suppose to be somewhere safe?" She laughed, despite the fact that the man had just tried to kill himself and they were now both thoroughly frozen at the water’s edge. “Laviku may very well be finished with you, but I was not. And I come here often. I like to watch the ships come and go. Sure, I should probably be somewhere safe, but I’d rather be here.” She feigned offense at his questions. She was not, after all, a child, and she could manage herself… sometimes. The man continued to shiver, and she realized that he’d been exposed to the icy depths much longer than she. “It’s not much, but here.” She draped her cape around his shoulders, as it was the only dry garment she had to offer. “My name is Synthira, by the way.” For a brief moment, neither said anything. The konti scanned the shore for pieces of driftwood or perhaps dry leaves; anything flammable would do. She picked up a few nearby pieces and searched through her backpack for the flint and steel. Within minutes she had a meager fire going. It wouldn’t last long, but she was glad for the warmth it provided. He didn’t appear to have any grievous wounds, which she thanked the Gods for. She could barely get him to spit the water out, let alone treat wounds. She was a fortune-teller, not a healer. The man seemed to be thawing, and she was glad of the warmth as well. The water was chilling her still, remaining on her clothes and in her hair. The silence grew thick and she spoke. “Why did you jump?” She spoke cautiously, afraid of offending him. They had just met, after all, and she had no doubt it was a personal question. The konti did not feel that the man owed her anything, especially answers. Even so, the thought that his thoughts would return to suicide after their meeting disturbed her. If she could help him in any way, she desired to do so. She was sure she could convince him that life was worth living, if only given the chance.

[Ricky Maze]

He said nothing when she replied nor refused the cape, she wrapped it around him in an attempt to help hold in the heat. It was barely effective of course, Ricky was still in his cold soggy clothes so it was to be expected. Of course the small fire she made helped to benefit the both of them as it's heat brought warmth to the both of them, although Ricky still found the discomfort of the cold haunting his bones. There was an strong silence that hung around, and just when it seemed impossible Synthira broke through it with a question that proved stronger. “Why did you jump?” Ricky sighed with shivers still abundant in his body, he stared deep into the flames before him and thought for a few chimes. He thought hard about how this fire was just the same as he was, living and breathing in its own way as well. That fire will go out at some point because it will no longer have the will to burn, no longer have the energy to keep going and face the challenges ahead. That was how Ricky felt, that his flame had finally went out. "I'm done." The words were exactly how he was trying to put it, as blunt and vague as they are the intention behind them was clear; he was at the end of his rope. "I've lost too much and have been stuck with almost nothin, why be a bother to those who would help me? Why burden them with something so strong and heavy? No. Its better to just give up and be done with it..." His expression was clear even if it were focused on the flame, his endurance was spread thin and his pain was vast in comparison. Where as he should've shared his thoughts or concerns with others he still remained closed off, unable to allow himself to be so open.

[Synthira]

Synthira was slightly put out. This man was sure that death was the only way, and it wasn’t going to be easy to convince him otherwise. She knew something of the devastation of loss herself. The konti rocked back on her heels, thinking for a moment. She’d have to choose her words carefully. “I know how you feel. Believe me, I have been where you are.” She looked at the ground, not wanting to speak more on the subject. Simply thinking about it was difficult enough. It may have been a long time ago, but it still hurt. She looked up at the man again. “But if you die, there may be several people in the same place you are in right now. I’m sure losing you would mean something to someone at least. And as for being a burden, sometimes when we help our friends we heal ourselves in the process.” Synthira hoped he didn’t find her words empty. She hadn’t had occasion to comfort anyone in a long while, and then she’d never been very good at it. She assumed the man had lost someone who had been important to him, but she didn’t know precisely what the situation was. “I believe that time heals all wounds, if you will only let it.” It was a hope, rather than a belief. The konti was still waiting for the words to become true, though years had eased the pain by leaps and bounds. It was bearable now, though she thought of her losses often. She was not the same konti she had been by any means, but perhaps that was a good thing.

[Ricky Maze]

“I know how you feel. Believe me; I have been where you are,” 'Oh sure ye do, just like everyone else.' He thought in silence as he stared at the fire, seeking its warmth even more as he still shivered. He never looked to her when she said she knew what he was going through, which was why he thought what he did; it was what came next though that he didn't consider before. “But if you die, there may be several people in the same place you are in right now. I’m sure losing you would mean something to someone at least. And as for being a burden, sometimes when we help our friends we heal ourselves in the process.” She had pointed it out and Ricky never really considered who would miss him had he taken his own life. Although he felt no one would worry or care he knew there a few who did, there were a few friends who would care and miss him if he followed this path. He knew the fact true because it was clear, there have been several friends who have helped him out. Helped him feel better in tough spots and encouraged him to keep moving on, to back out now would not only dissapoint them but hurt them as well; and that went against Ricky's nature. “I believe that time heals all wounds, if you will only let it.” She assured him with hope in her voice, and when Ricky did finally look to Synthira he could see it in her eyes. She too did suffer something, a loss of a sort that wounded the heart as well as the soul. He still shivered as his clothes were damp, the fire unable to provide enough heat to warm him. Though he wanted a way to stop his suffering, to end the pain that still wounded his heart, he didn't want to put any one else in the same place he was in. Not when he knew first hand how much suffering they wouod go through, the best thing Ricky could do was see to getting back home and getting warm. That was the best way to start, the rest he would have to figure out after he was warm and dry. Ricky finally spoke to Synthira and when he did it was soft, a guilty concious was clear in his voice. "I'm in need of dry clothes, th..." He hesitated for a moment, as gratitude could never have come at a far greater time. "Thank ya. It was a good thing ya did." He finished and stood up, handing the cloak back to the Konti. When he left he had to put forth more effort into his walk, since his limbs were freezing cold, until he would arrive home. Then he would warm himself as fast as possible, and then begin to think on the very effect his actions, from then up til tonight, and think hard on them...

[Traverse]

Not Today

Ricky :

Experience:
Observation 2
Rhetoric 1

Lore:
An Insurmountable Feeling of Failure
Giving Yourself to Laviku's Embrace
Synthira: An Unwanted Savior

Synthira :

I notice that you have not updated your ledger to reflect Winter 512 living expenses. If you return and want your grade for this thread, simply update your ledger and let me know!

Additional Notes :

Quite the short thread so not a whole to throw out here, but an interesting premise nonetheless, don't see many people in Miz trying to take their own lives after all!

Questions? Concerns? PM me and we'll get to the bottom of it. Safe Travels!