What happens when the cup fails? (Ana/pm to join)

by **Ximal** on January 7th, 2013, 5:06 am

37th Winter 512AV graths rest.

Days were long and hard. Made harder still by the fact Xi'd been rescuing family's of people. Sometimes a stray person captured but then he could return them to their family. Every single day it grew harder. That feeling of being alone. not for the fact of much more than the fact he'd never been shown the same kindness. And each day that whole grew, Xi drank more. just hoping to numb the pain in his chest, by feeding the one in his head. The cup raised to his lips and every swallow eased the pain usually, but not today. Today he'd been feeling horrendous. and drinking had just made it worse...by this point though he was just do lost within his own internal turmoil to care about the things around him. Three mugs down, half a pitcher to go. His usual slow breathing a little faster than normal, the alcohol just feeding his flame of anger, and incinerating any presence liro might bring. But by the same token that anger was starting to burn the barricade he'd put up around his own towering lake. His own flooded sea that he'd damned up long ago. Every drop eroded the solid standing he'd built. Breaking down the walls of his own castle. He really was a child...Nothing more than one. Though physically he towered over most men, internally emotionally...He was still a boy. Relying on something as fickle as anger to contain his monsters.

Pouring another cup xi slumped onto the table, his elbows propping up his torso. He just...lacked the conviction to sit up. One long swallow after another, the thing that changed more than anything else though, was his eyes. Constantly flickering between rage...and sadness. one hand curled around the handle of the mug, the other propped up his head, his face looking more like a broken man than he'd ever showed..Even as a slave, even then he still wasn't broken. why do i feel so empty? So alone...Everyone feels so far away...So happy with themselves. Petch them. another long drink followed his thoughts. His breath faster than normal.

by **Ana Sol Starris** on January 7th, 2013, 5:39 am

Ana wrapped the cloak tighter around herself, she was going to Graths Rest for a hot drink after a cold day. Prefferably with Jakobi, of course. She had might as well enjoy her time in the Spires while she could, life would only get harder once she and Zandelia had left the petching tree and it's monkeys. Cringing at her own bitter thoughts she entered the bar whilst pulling her hood down, eyes immediately scanning the room for her lover boy. Instead, her eyes took notice to a different, hulking, familliar form semi slumped against the counter. From a distance she could tell it was Ximal sitting all alone, but there were tankards next to him, seeing him lift his arm up to take a drink- the movements froze her in her spot.

Mouth opened in mock horror, as if a life had begun to relive itself right in front of her eyes- striking hatred and anger within her own heart. Her body moved well on its own, her eyes narrowing with a bloody firey raging within her pupils as she stomped Ximals way. Every step seemed to intensify the need to slap the fool so hard in the face he would see stars, and put the 'starris' rightfully in her self given name. The idiot! Ana's mind screamed inwardly, she wanted to stab him for being like this, being so close to him, she could smell the booze from where she now stood. Hands balling into fists as her shoulders shook, yet when she brought her hand up..

She stopped.

Paralyzed by her thoughts and actions and found she could not bring the striking blow, jerking her hand down and into her arm pit she shuddered and spat at him, not litterally, but there was the feeling she could have "what the petch do you think you're doing Ximal?" Ana stabbed him with her words instead of her dagger; oh how much she wanted to see him bleed right then and there. The mimicry of his movements were so closely related to her own fathers had moved her to react like that. Sitting next to him slightly hunched over, how stupid, she began remininencing about the past and suddenly she begins doing things without her say so. Stupid. Was all Ana could call herself.

"What are you drinking?" Ana asked, lighter than before, perhaps quieter and calmer "is...is.. it alcohal?" Certainly Ana couldn't tell, the alcohal here in the Spires was sweet and drastically different to both Kelp Beer and Sunberthian Ale. Petch, if Jakobi hadn't told her beforehand about what she was about to drink... She might have become drunk within just one mug of the strangely sweet alcoholic liquid. The thought of him sparked her to glance around once more, worried somewhat, but Jakobi would have to wait for now.

by **Ximal** on January 7th, 2013, 6:00 am

Xi sighed lightly now the slow reverence of the hatred for himself and the world around him just falling into nonexistence. Taking a slow breath he stared deeply into the mug in front of him, as if doing as so many others before him had. Searching for an answer at the bottom of the mug. Smirking to himself he downed the last of that mug before refilling from the pitcher. Blind drunk yes but he wasn't deaf, he could hear the speddy walk of someone coming towards him. What did they want now ? hadn't he suffered enough pain for one day ? Preparing for a talking to the voce that cut through him like a knife was not the one he thought it was. No it was the small theif. Her vice came at him like a icy blade, digging into his head and his chest. Though in usual fashion he just braced himself before answering sarcastically. "what doesh it look like i'm doing you daft woman? I'm drin-king." Xi turned his head to look at her but before he could it as already much too late she'd sat down across the way from him...Was he really that slow when drunk? Or had he just plainly had too much to drink, whatever the cse may have been he lifted the cup back up to his lips before letting his eyes now bore into ana's. He could almost feel the irritation radiating off of her. What he'd he done to piss her off this time. Though her voice had lightened considerably Xi still almost leered at her from behind the cup.

"Yes it's al-cahol...I'm not usually thish slow am i ? still whats it to you? Ive got my own problemsh. And it's not your place to decide how and where i get rid of them." Xi placed the mug back on the table and now leered at her full force. His eyes conveying in equal measures both rage and sadness. who was she to tell him what to do, heck who was she to ASK him what he was doing, she never told him a damned thing why should he tell her. "If you must know...I'm drowning my problems. Ive got a lot so it taksh a lot of alcahol." took another slow deep breath just focusing himself to he could talk, he'd clearly had too much to drink now and both his mouth and his legs were telling him this. Perhaps he'd just stick to drinking the sunberth swill. Or atleast something of a similar grotesque flavor to at least attempt to put him off of drinking himself into this deep of a stupor. Why does she care about what i do...She's never shown any concern for me. No-one has...Why should i care what they think when they couldn't give a rats ass about me. Xi's anger fueled more now by his own thinking his raised the refilled mug to his lips and drained half of it without taking a breath. he was both lost in depression, and fueled by anger...He as he was...was just a walking time bomb.

by **Ana Sol Starris** on January 7th, 2013, 6:20 am

The thief placed her head within her hands, he was much slower than he had ever been before and that unnerved her. Her assumptions had been right, he was drinking, but kelp beer and Sunberth ale was not what he was drinking, even though she swore she had smelt it on his person. Perhaps her mind in a fleeting moment had played a trick on her? It wasn't as if it hadn't before. Ana ran her hands through her hair, perfoming such a nervous twitch was not uncommon, but she rarely ever touched her hair, and instead had usually played with her fingers. No, this was a more serious twitch, she felt herself begin to wig out over Ximals voice.

The slur grated against her conscience mind, the subconscience wanting to break through and let itself be known. What was it to her? He was her friend, and she couldn't bare the sight of him becoming some useless drunkard- slowly she stood up. She needed to get Ximal away from the bar, away from the drink, she rested her hand lightly on his arm and felt the shrug away, hardening her face into a mask of cold anger. He had problems? Didn't everyone these days? What made him so different from the rest of people who had problems as well? Ana could feel herself tremble in her spot, her eyes welled up in tears as she forced her voice out.

"Come on Ximal, I think you've had enough.." She attempted to sound like she was compassionate, but her voice just ended up coming out icy like the winter air outside.

What was making him act this way? Could she have prevented him from sinking this low if only she had recognized the problems sooner? Of course she knew he had been a past slave, she knew Shroud had messed with his mind, she knew...what? What did she know about him? There was an inward sigh, as she felt the Zandelia drama between herself and the older woman repeat, but perhaps not for the better. He was exactly right, it wasn't her place to decide where he placed his problems but she couldn't just leave him to.... Become this? Ana stared back into his eyes, grimacing, glaring, any words that he may have said next-

Caused her to slap him hard in the face, snapping under her own tension towards him; she could not stand how the drunk sounded, how their eyes looked, and stared into her the very core of her soul. She found herself shouting at the poor man, even when he had done nothing wrong seemingly "STOP ACTING LIKE MY FATHER!!"

by **Ximal** on January 7th, 2013, 6:46 am

Each drink of the alcohol he took he could feel that dam creaking and cracking, slowly being burnt to cinders by the raging flame that he'd been consistently feeding. His own sorrows and pain weren't being drowned in alcohol, or incinerated in the flames of his anger, no they were just being stored behind that dam. Pulling the cup from his face he anchored himself almost nailing it to the table through the force of his hand pressing down. She thought he'd had enough? What was enough ? Enough for him to finally loose his pain? or to finally fill the void in his chest what was wrong, what was enough. "I'll say when i've had enough. It's not something you can decide." He shrugged off her hand as t touched his arm, not out of anger but out of misery. He'd been alone for so long that he didn't know what "having friends" meant. What could he do if not down his own pain within he bottom of a pitcher. And that was when he found himself on the recieveing end of a sharp snapping motion, she'd hit him. she'd stuck him had across the face, hard enough and fast enough to leave a bright red hand print. He shook he jaw afterwards to make sure ti as still attched, before letting his eyes his deep black blue eyes glower and now burro into her own amber ones. Her next worst though resonated within him, reverberating around his chest and finally kicked free the moorings of that damn. Almost sobering him in an instant, and his voice oared out to full volume instad of the low quiet tone he'd been using.

"AT LEAST YOU KNOW WHO YOUR FATHER IS, AT LEAST YOU HAVE ONE!" Xi slumped over in his chair, his eyes falling from hers a faint trace of tears flowing from them. He' held so much back over the years so much sadness, so much pain so much of the feeling of being alone, His teeth gritted as he held his head over and the light dripping sound collided with the table. His breathing suddenly very heavy and laboured as if he was trying to rebuild the damn in an instant, the flame of anger was extinguished in that moment, but the torrential unending flood of emotion casacded over and fell out of his eyes. his voice now shakey but quiet again. "You know i was a slae, but you dont know for how long. Fourteen solid years... Fourteen petching years! I was a slave from the age of four... ive only been free of that life for six years, i dont now anyone. I don't trust anyone. damn it all i don't even know my own real name. The moniker that you and the others call me by is the only name ive ever known. My slave name. At least you know your father, at least you KNEW your family. I've never known mine...The only one i know of iss my brother and even then he's a jackass. So i sit her, day after day after day fo saving people and returning them to their families...And i have to sit through the reunions looking happy...All the while knowing that no-one ever did the same thing for me. Do you know what it's like to feel as if the entire world has someone they can depend on and you have no-one. To know you've never had ANYONE to look to in a time of need...i drink to drown this pain. And you've no right to tell me i cant untill you live through it!"

by **Ana Sol Starris** on January 7th, 2013, 12:57 pm

There were murmurs growing around the bar, jamoura, kelvic, and humanoid alike stared on at the two in awe and perhaps even fear. The girl commonly known as Ana Sol Starris, lover of Jakobi the horseman down on the ground floor which took care of the passing visitors- had slapped the head gaurd in the face. Ana could feel how bewildered they must have felt over such an action but she couldn't care less at that moment, heck she looked at Grath whom was now giving them a strange look before saying something about how they should take it outside; or break up any oncoming fight. Whispers to get the other gaurdsmen assaulted the two's ears.

"If we both go outside.." I'll end up trying to stab the fool.. Ana breathed out a hiss to the jamoura, in the background she heard Jakobi call her name, fear stricken.

Ximals words tumbled out of him one after another, the world was completely invisible to him and to him- Ana felt she had wake him up. For god sakes, Ana exhasperated mentally trying to get a hold of her own mind, there was definitely a way to handle this that did not require violence. How sick she was of violence, the hurt, but words could only do so much for someone that had through alot. But who was he to quibble over not knowing his father? Her father had been a petching drunk that abused his family! She'd would have given anything to forget the coward, but no, she was driven on by a cause for revenge against him.

At least she knew her family? Her family was dead, and all she could hope for was her own father to be alive to wring the life right out of his neck and stab him with a blade. Perhaps slaves went through a lot? But that was at their masters hands, not their famillies, she and her own family at suffered at her own fathers hands. What had her life been the first few years in Sunberth? Isolation. Purposefully she pushed herself away from people because within not even a season she had realized how dangerous the city was. What about her life before that? Hah! Fleeting moments of protection by her brother, lot of good that did him- Ana thought bitterly.

As Ximals rant came to an end, she felt Jakobis presence behind her and knew she couldn't retaliate violently; but what right did Ximal have to act this way? They had technically both gone through very hard hardships and here he was drinking himself to death, for what? Not knowing a family that might possibly still be alive and loves him? HERS was mostly with Dira for gods sake!!

"I know how you feel Ximal," Ana started off, bitter at him "we've went through similar experiences... But do you see me going to the mug?" The thief questioned, her head turning away as she felt hot tears fall down as she talked, it was in public, but she felt she couldn't just leave him like this- petch the public "at least you have the ignorant bliss to believe your family still loves you, your family could be alive, you have a family to return to when lhex deems it apropriate.. At least you don't know if your fathers a murderer, or not, at least you were a slave that had masters- instead of a parental figure that beat you every day in ways I dare not mention."

Ana felt her chin dip inwards, she always felt words were lost on those drunk, they never seemed to listen anyways "at least you don't know the truth of your family.."

Ana did not shrug off Jakobis hand to her shoulder, taking her into a tight hug but all she felt was the cold of her own freezing heart. Pushing him away lightly she shook her head at Jakobi and began to leave the bar, she had come there for a fun time... But now it seemed she would have to figure out something else just to occupy her mind from ghostly memories.

by **Ximal** on January 7th, 2013, 1:46 pm

Xi's hand moved to his face, the light overflow, fading, his fingers brushed over his eyes, pushing himself back to normal if he could not will himself back to normality. This wasn't like him. But the potent combination of both alcahol and ana acting like a superior person was something that he just couldn't take, something within him snapped but he was trying to fix it, to rebuild that wall even if he had to force himself back to normality though any means. Though her words. Every word of hers was like it was coated in poison. "She knew how he felt ? " "We've been through similar experience's?" She had no idea of what he'd been through of what he was going through. Ignorant bliss ...If only, Xi took a deep breath before pushing the last of the liquid out of his eyes, the damn now rebuilt and that spark of anger was reignited at her words. His body wouldn't react as he wanted it too, and he knew that, so he couldn't tart a fight right here nor would he, if he was going to settle this he was going to settle it verbally. From the mug he removed his hand before slamming it into the table with enough force to make it sound like thunder outside. Xi's heavy breaths slowed once again back to their normal rate, he wasn't sober by a long shot but now he was at least lucid.

"You know nothing...You at least know where you come from. you at least KNOW what your family is and was like. Damn-it, Don't you preach to me about being in the same situation as me. You know your family, you know about them. You KNOW THEIR DEAD, but what about me? think for just one chime. If my family is alive, why didn't they find me ? I'm in a worse position than you, if my family is dead then i'll never know who or what they were. If their alive then that's even worse as it means they didn't care enough to bother looking for me." Xi rose from the table sharply,he'd paid for his alcohol prior but now he would have a little trouble moving and all his motions would seem somewhat slower than normal. He still was fast enough to lash out and grab her arm to regain her attention. "Not every single thing is about you. But that's fine. I don't expect you to understand anything. Your settled within your own world. Your own life, you've at least known and still do know what it's like to have someone there for you. Just ...Get out of my way.

Xi released her arm and half stumbled half marched out of graths rest needing the cold air to kick some sense into him, and just to try and beat something into himself. Just as he thought, no-one knew anything. Xi shook his head, She was as ignorant as the rest of them. Standing out int eh cold air, his balance still swaying under his feet, and he had to move lightly to help keep it. before he stumbled hiws way to the railing that lay over the edge of the spires platforms. The cold air mystifying his breath. He hated this, every single thing everyone else had he didn't. He cured his arms into himself as he leant there. Before speaking quietly enough for himself and anyone close to him to here. "Everyone knows that they have their own way...I don't have a way...I don't even have a name..."

by **Ana Sol Starris** on January 8th, 2013, 5:12 am

SLAM

The mug went against the table, putting a halt on anything and everything around him to stare directly at Ximal and the little scene going on. It had been enough to make Ana flinch and stop where she was, paranoia, and fear began to force its way down her throat, choking her, as she slowly became a timid wreck of her own mistakes. Tension was high in the room, one could even say if they were to drop a pin- they would hear it land on the floor because it was so eerily quiet. Ximals words were no longer slurred but instead had become acutely sharp daggers directed at the smaller woman, her back facing him. Her body frozen within its own fear.

FLEE! Ana's mind scree'd loudly, just as Ximals hand would grip her arm, she had begun to move not on her own accord- she jerked when she felt herself yanked backwards. Eyes swivelling to look back at him, holding her breath as her eyes met his once again- she thought she saw gold instead of blue. Of course with Ximals voice in the mix, she realized she had only been seeing things and that Xi's eyes were indeed still those deep, dark, but vibrantly bright blue eyes. Her eyes were locked on his, and his alone as he talked, broken out of the trance once he let her go and began to stumble away from her.

Did she do something wrong? How did it come to this? The thief was stunned by the incredibly fast events that just took place.

Stunned in her place she watched his retreating figure leave the bar, eyes widened, her heart seemed to ram against her rib cage- painfully. His words echoed in her tulmultous mind, tumbling the mixed meanings of Ximals words in, had she not come to a grim realization the first day of Winter that she was at unease because she didn't know whether her father was dead or not? Ana's feet took her forwards, her arm shrugged Jakobis hand off even as she walked, she followed after Ximal rather than just stood there acting like a dim witted little girl. This had to be fixed, it wouldn't do her any good if Ximal suddenly decided that because of a single moment...

One moment; was all it needed to be to make him turn on her.

Stupid! Petching! Idiot! Ana hissed inwardly, how could she petch something up so drastically within seconds, with words! Not violence! Which was better? Words or violence? Neither? Either? Both?! She just couldn't tell at that moment, obviously words had more impact than actions ever would, on anyone, depending on the right person.

"Ximal!" Ana called out, stepping into the cold, ice like air- she didn't even feel it against her despite the chill. She was already cold.

Frantic searching took place as her eyes scanned to find the bumbling fool that had turned his back on her, moving forwards until she finally found him. Her stepping was light, as if she were treading on a thin ice- in a literal sense she was in a mental way. His form was curled inwards, much like a child, she found herself halting and taking note of what had previously just happened. The direct, harsh aproach hadn't worked as she thought it might have, but how would she be able to deal with him?

Not looking at him, she wrapped her cloak around herself tighter, she didn't care what Jakobi or the others would think, if any had questions for her- she could just put it off as acting in hopes... In hopes of detering his own actions. Ana shivered a bit, she had given him an icy demeanor, but now she wasn't sure how she was suppose to act with a 'drunk' verbally "Ximal... I'm sorry...I was just.. Just.." She sighed and brought her hand to her face, trying to ease some of her still remaining tension "I've never had to deal with something like this before... Because I've never let anyone close enough for me to give a petching rats ass over it, however... It hurts to see you act this way, you're my friend and... I care for my friends..." She stopped, she breathed in and tryed to recollect herself.

"Do you want to talk about your...problems?"

by **Ximal** on January 8th, 2013, 7:07 am

He wasn't sure how to feel at the moment, everything within him was a huge swirling mess. He lent on the rail, looking down from the top of the spires towards the ground floor. Something about that set him at ease. But still ha couldn't get over the fact of how he'd acted. How she'd acted. Xi's hand slammed int the rail again, smashing off snow with a single hammer blow. He felt like shyke. Everything he'd worked to build up, every single thing he'd done, any respect he'd earned. All of it had been undone in seconds. Just because he, couldn't numb the feeling of being hollow enough to fight off the will to attempt to drown his sorrows away. He held himself towards the rail, leaning on it for support both mentally and physically. Though from blackness of the night, he heard the little thief's voice again. calling out his name. All he wanted to d right now was scream at her that he wanted to be left lone. That he wanted to just have some time to think. Reluctantly he coughed and didn't roar out at her again.

Her voice as she closed in towards him was...much softer than before, the hard edge had suddenly vanished. Was she apologizing? This was new, not once in all the times she'd had a pop at him nor had a sharp retaliation towards him had he ever heard the word "sorry" fall from her lips. Never. She'd never had to deal with anything like this, never letting anyone close enough. It hurt her to see him ct like this ? She cared for her friends? When was he ever anyone's friend. As far as everyone else was concerned he was jusst the dumb big guy. there when help was needed, there when someone needed to get some training. Else wise he may as well of been invisible. A gods damned shadow. Xi took a deep breath before letting it spill out of him slowly. has body growing tighter not through the cold, but the increasing feeling of helplessness that he felt. Did he want to talk about his problems ? No, he hated letting his emotions run rampant. Xi took a deep breath before speaking out into the cold air, not even facing her.

"Sorry about that...I didn't mean to explode...And you've got a good slap...Not as strong as kali's but that's a different story for a different time." Xi just exhaled his breath slowly, leaning on the rail, not courting any images of suicide, just leaning there because if he stood under his own power he'd fall his ass over. "i understand. you were trying to help...And me in blind rage, a drunken stupor and just a hammer blow of realization, lashed out...I'm sorry. it's just the fact of realizing...your alone...I've nothing, no-one...i don't even have a name...i dont now what i am, who i am. it's less about the fact i don't know my family...But more about the fact that i don't even know myself. Also...is your arm alright? I didn't mean too, just ... Another side effect. To be honest though, i don't really think i even have friends... I meet people, but...i know nothing about them, and they know nothing about me. I can't tell if i can trust them or not...I have wren to thank for my drastically reduced confidence in the world...When it wasn't that high to begin with.

by **Ana Sol Starris** on January 10th, 2013, 12:45 am

Yes, her arm did hurt after that, but she didn't show it- she didn't want to in front of him. Ana looked to the side as he talked, forcing back any feeling of total...disgust... Pity for Ximal. Having of let those feelings surface in front of many people, and then to spill the beans so to speak, she felt as if she were placed upon hot coals suddenly, making her step quickly, lightly, and painfully around the growing flames of embers. There were definitely strikes against her, how long would it be until she finally struck the last one and was no longer welcomed in the Spires? For having of chosen Ximal over the comfort of Jakobi, how would she explain it to the horse whisperer? Lie?

Half truthes? Honesty?

Whatever the choice was, Ana couldn't make it right now- she held her arm softly to her side, biting her lip as she held her tounge. To a point she did understand Ximal, but had it been her own arrogance, her pride, her ambition, goals, hopes, and dreams that had made her react the way she just did to him? Fixing this problem, and then the other one would proove to be tricky, for if she left either unattended for too long- she might just find herself with enemies and twice the amount of problems she had before. Breathing softly, she made her way towards Ximal, careful, calculated steps, moving to his side and going so far as to prop herself up onto the railing, and sit.

Swinging her feet back and forth, she kept her head down, biding her time with the silence which followed. Breaking it, only once she was sure she had what she wanted to say- to him, without fear of retribution. This would take... Tact?

"..you are what you make yourself out to be.. To have no name.. Is to make a title and reputation for yourself, to have no past, is to make a future.. Petch the past, petch it. Ximal, move on from it. People know nothing of you because you've never taken the time to get to know them, you've never opened yourself up.. Is my guesses. You were in Sunberth when I first met you...So I find it understandable if you have low confidence in the people around you... I know I did. My first year there.. I was betrayed by someone that held a fragment of my memory in their hands.. a part of my past.. But he turned out to be a catalyst, which made me isolate myself from anything that had a sentient mind. I've only started to open up to people now.. You can do the same, y'know."

Ana breathed, embarressed over the long speech, never in her life had she said so much in so little time- let alone about a major event, her first year in Sunberth; who would have guessed it was because of her older brothers former partner in seeming crime that would betray her? She glanced at Ximals silhouette.

"So I do understand where you're coming from.. If only a little bit.. Though on the family thing.. Well.." Ana felt herself pause, it wasn't like her to pry into peoples lives but she was curious about this "how long were you slave? When were you put into slavery, exactly? The best date you can figure.. I'm sorry if that seems too personal of a question."