Closed Something On My Mind (Nai'a)

[Erekez]

87th Day of Winter, 512 AV The different colours of the sky were a sight to behold. The red of the sun glowing and seeping into the surrounding sky, gradually mixing with the colours that night would bring, slowly becoming a dark blue. An ocean sunset was even more spectacular, with all the colours in the sky reflected and shimmering in the surface of the water. It was said that this was the time that Syna and Leth spent with each other, so they would make it beautiful for both of them and everyone else to enjoy. Syna was gently sinking below the horizon, wanting to prolong the time she spent with Leth before he took over the night completely. Erekez stood on the docks, watching the arrangement of colours shift with the sky, incredibly aware of the person not far from him. He slowly released a breath he didn't know he had been holding. He had enjoyed the time that he spent with Nai'a. She was unique, not just in appearance, but in personality as well. It was what he had been drawn to when getting to know her. She was different. Erekez had travelled Mizahar to learn and experience so many different things. If something was similar to another, it lost its interest very quickly. Nai'a was unpredictable. Shy and timid, bold and sharp-tongued, calm and happy, emotional and caring, fun and teasing. She would swap between moods and attitudes at a moments notice and not think anything of it. Erekez enjoyed it all. But whether or not he enjoyed her company was one thing. Actually being bonded to her was another, more serious matter, one he had not had time to think about before it had happened. That was just how bonds worked though. It was a dangerous link if you were unprepared for it, and that was exactly what Erekez was, and he didn't like being unprepared. Lisaelis had explained that bonding was most likely the reason that he had trusted Nai'a so quickly, even offered help on a matter he knew nothing about. It wasn't like Erekez to just throw caution to the wind without thinking about the consequences, but that was exactly what he had done. Already, the bond, if that was the reason, had already started to cloud his judgement. Glancing over at Nai'a, Erekez quickly looked over her again, frowning at himself for analysing Nai'a again for no justifiable reason other than his own insecurities. This was Nai'a. Lisaelis herself had said she was trustworthy and Nai'a had proven herself to be fully capable of taking care of herself. She wasn't going to be a liability or hindrance of any sort. If anything, she would be a major help to have around. Don't start thinking of her as a means for improving your own survival. It's narrow-minded people like that that resulted in you. The more he thought about it, the more he felt ashamed of himself for doing so. It wasn't because what Nai'a was capable of doing, Erekez genuinely enjoyed her company. He enjoyed being with her. So what is the problem? Maybe it was because he had forgotten how to open up to someone. Perhaps he had been able to do his own thing for so long that having someone around felt restricting. Or maybe it's because you don't know for certain! You can't understand something fully if you don't even know what there is to understand! Erekez sighed, looking back out at the sky and the sea once again. Nai'a had been bonded once before, maybe she would be able to confirm if they were truly bonded by seeing if she felt anything like she did during her last bonding. The waves swept back and forth, knowing what they were going to do next. Erekez had decided what he needed to do. "Nai'a," He called over gently. "What do you feel about me?"

[Nai'a]

Nai’a looked out at the sun setting on the water before her and Erekez. It was a wonderful sight to behold. The colors the sky held, seemed to be painted in the sky. Like a rainbow was stretched out and was melting up above, clinging around the clouds as the sun began to sink from the sky. Syna and Leth sharing a loving embrace before the stars are freed into the sky.

Nai’a had met Erekez at the Winter Ball, and from that day she knew they shared a connection. A connection that was more than what she would share with anyone else. Though at the time she ignored this connection, brushing it off, making excuses. She did not think it was possible for her to ever find someone to bond to again. Though here she was, standing beside Erekez. Feeling the deep bond inside her, in her soul. She was excited, nervous, and hopeful. The bond her and her former bond mate had shared was more of a connection between a father and his child. This bond was different, she did not know how to explain it, and she did not really understand it herself. She just felt it was completely different from the previous one.

She felt Erekez keep glancing at her, and every time he did so she wanted to bring up the topic of this bond. She was worried he would reject it, worried he did not want nothing to do with her like that. She kept trying to bring up the courage to talk to him, to approach the subject.

When she found her courage, she decided to speak quickly, ”Kezzy I-“ She started but it seemed Erekez had decided that this was the right moment to ask his on question, a question that was peculiar and made her wonder if he knew about the bond as well. He should, she knew, but did he feel as she felt, did they share the same feelings for one another.

Nai’a inhaled a deep breath, keeping her head hung low, rubbing her arms slightly a little nervous. She looked back up and smiled at Erekez walking forward, placing her hand on his upper arm, ”It is hard to explain how I feel about you Kezzy. But… There is something you need to know… And I am scared and a little worried to tell you…” Nai’a looked away from the bi-colored eyed man, and across the vast sea, reminding her of the endless earth. She chewed on her lower lip, staying quiet for a full chime, before bringing her attention back to the man standing before her, ”We are bonded.” She stated simply. She sucked her lower lip back into her mouth, a nervous habit. She was so frightened he was about to reject her, to yell at her, or maybe that he did not feel the same way as she felt about him. It was a warm day, but now that the sun was sinking and disappearing, the air had become slightly chilly, making her shiver slightly.

[Erekez]

She looked so uncomfortable, so shy, as if she had been withholding a secret from him. It didn't seem she was worried about how she would approach the question, though it probably had something to do with it. Nai'a seemed more concerned about Erekez. She was anxious about talking to him regarding what seemed to be a sensitive subject. You spoke of your former bondmate fairly easy though. As quickly as he had thought that, Nai'a had confirmed what he had been thinking. They were bonded. It was an answer to a question that needed to be solved, regardless of what the response was. Lisaelis was right in her presumptions. It also meant that Erekez was finally sure for certain that Nai'a would cause him no harm. She was completely trustworthy. Erekez laughed lightly as he watched his bondmate shivering in the cold winds. Grabbing the hem of his cloak, Erekez threw his arms and his cloak over Nai'a, pulling her into a hug and shielding her from the cold. Erekez's hug was firm as he held Nai'a close. He felt speaking softly would be appropriate as he spoke. "You have no need to worry Nai'a. It did not matter what the answer was, only that I got one. If we are bonded, then so be it. I am happy that it is with you." "I made you a promise. I offered you my help and my protection, and I intend to stick to those, regardless of how the situations changes. I will always be there for you Nai'a, please do not feel so nervous when asking anything of me in the future." He held her small frame for a while longer, shielding her, comforting her. Nai'a wasn't just a bondmate. Erekez considered her to be a close friend in the short amount of time they had spent together. He felt relaxed around her, he didn't need to constantly be on guard. She had gotten to know him at the Ball, and she had stayed with him after she had found him afterwards. I wished all my relations could be as solid and secure as this one. Unfortunately, I believe that Nai'a is going to be a one-time thing. If it wasn't for the bond forming, I'd probably still consider her with some suspicion. Erekez felt truly accepted for who he was, rather than what he could offer people. He could not remember the last time he had felt as such, probably sometime before he started travelling. It seemed to be settled now. Erekez accepted Nai'a as his bondmate, hoping she would in return. I vow to always be there when you need me, as you were for me.

[Nai'a]

When Erekez pulled her small frame up against his larger one, she felt comfortable and protected. It felt right. Plus she was a lot warmer, he seemed to be a living furnace, and that thought made Nai’a smile. Then his words touched her heart, she was so happy he accepted the bond, that he accepted her. Then he brought up the promise he made to her. He offered her his help and protection. But his last words really struck home, made her eyes mist up with tears. She let them roll down her cheeks freely, for they were tears of happiness. Happiness in knowing that no matter who would turn their back on her, he would always be there.

No matter how people viewed her as strange, odd or even stupid. He would have words of kindness, encouragement, and maybe even a fist to back her up. This bond was so much different from the former one. She loved her former bond mate, but as a father figure. They spent their days studying and learning, and he was a strict and stern teacher. If people made fun of her, he left her to deal with it, saying it was how to build up her strength against words. She was thankful for those lessons, but she needed love and comfort too. And now, after such a long search, she had found just that in Erekez’s arms.

She was slightly choked up at all these emotions that seemed to be coursing through her. She was even slightly confused at her feelings towards Erekez. She did not fully understand how she felt about him, but she did know one thing for certain. That she cared about Erekez immensely, that she too would always be there for him, always be there to protect him and stand beside him. If the world ever turned their backs on him, she would give him her front, she would never be disloyal to him.

After about five chimes of silence, she had the courage to finally speak up. She unburied her face from his chest, and looked up at Erekez, her eyes still misty from the tears she let spill earlier, ”Oh Kezzy, you do not know how happy it is to hear you say that!” Nai’a beamed up at her bondmate, a wide and bright smile on her face, ”I promise to always be there for you too. I will stick by you when everyone leaves you. I will stand beside you in anything that you believe in. And know that I care a lot about you already, it grows every day.” Nai’a leaned her head back on his chest, wrapped her small arms around the man, and squeezed him tightly in a hug. After lingering on the hug for a few seconds she stepped back and looked at Erekez, a serious expression now replaced the happy one before.

”But since we are bonded, I think we need to be honest with one another. Agreed?” Nai’a asked this question, in a stern yet calm voice, chewing on her lower lip slightly since she was nervous. She wanted to tell Erekez everything, spill all her secrets. It felt good to know she could trust someone with what she held inside. What laid inside her womb. She needed to get it out, needed to cry, needed to be honest with someone. But in order for her to do these things, she needed to know if he too trusted her, that he too would tell her his secrets. It should never be on sided in this type of relationship, because eventually the other bondmate was going to find out. They could feel each other’s emotions, when the bond became closer.

[Erekez]

The seriousness that was now etched into Nai'a's face both confused and surprised Erekez, but he had come to expect such sudden mood changes from her. It was the intensity of her expression that had caused his own reaction. It told him that there would be no tolerance for any kind of jokes. Her expression demanded that he be as serious as she was now. Her comment only reinforced that demand. Asking to be completely honest with each other, Erekez had not considered the idea. He had never intended to lie to her, but there was some things that he hadn't planned on telling her. Nai'a had still only seen one side of him. She knew of his scars, but she did not know of their origins. Some were accidents, unavoidable events that had happened during one of his explorations. Others were the result of fights that he had taken part in, not anything like the spar they had the day before. Nai'a still did not know of the people who had died because of him. Erekez did not doubt that Nai'a was trustworthy to know, but worried about how much it would test her words. She had accepted who she thought she knew, the person she had bonded with in two days. Not the person he had spent many years as. There had to be a reason that Nai'a had asked, and she didn't seem like the kind of person who would ask him to make such a promise just to find out about his past. She had said they both needed to be honest with each other, which meant that she had to be honest with any questions that he had for her. The only thing was, if Nai'a was able to talk so easily about her former bondmate's death after only one day of knowing a stranger, what else would there be that could be considered even more secret than that? Nai'a had unintentionally jumped into a test that Erekez had hoped to postpone for a little while longer, but he had to accept that things didn't always go as anyone hoped. Lhex worked in unpredictable ways, and Erekez did not know if even his own goddess, Eyris, knew of what Lhex planned. Regardless of it all, Eyris believed that everyone has a right to learn. To decline what Nai'a asked would cause her to be suspicious of him, possibly even assume things that would only cause herself distress and harm. It would be better she knew the truth, if she asked the questions, and Erekez deal with the outcome knowing that he had been honest with her. Throwing up a mask to hide his thoughts, Erekez responded calmly. "That sounds reasonable enough to me." He gave her another gentle smile. Erekez had played this game for so long, hiding his true thoughts from people, stopping them from worrying about him. He never looked fr pity, it would only cause people to hold back their own intentions. Some Erekez had rather he learnt earlier than later. However, this was more for Nai'a's benefit this time. She needed to know that he would be open and honest with her, regardless of his own personal thoughts and beliefs. Erekez was always a man of his word, which is why he very really gave it any more. "What is it that you had on your mind?"

[Nai'a]

Nai’a was not sure how Erekez would react to such a request. But she felt that the bond between them would never grow into what it could be unless they did share with one another, on a deeper level. Sure they had just met a few days ago, but a bond was something that needed to be nourished and cared for, not thrown to the wind without a care. Nai’a felt that this could be a way to do just that, to bring them closer together. Plus, it really did not hurt to have someone that you could always tell everything to, without their judgment. At least she hoped it would be judgment free.

When Erekez asked her what it was she wanted to know, she paused for a short while. There was so much she wanted to know about him, so much she wanted to tell him. Though they really did not have the time to tell one another everything, maybe they could get the worse of it out of the way. Starting with the scars that decorated his arms and Rak’Keli knew where else.

Nai’a looked up into his different colored eyes, the seriousness still on her face, ”Well, I suppose we could start with why you have so many scars on your arms? And do you have scars somewhere else? Where did they come from?” Nai’a kept her voice calm, but serious.

She really wanted to know how one person could accumulate such things. It was something she was used to seeing on those who fought for a living, not a man who wrote in books all day. The scars really did not suite the job he had, and being a healer she saw a lot of different people, in a lot of different professions. And those she tended to that occupied the library did not usually have such marks on their person. So she could only assume that this meant he had a past, a past that she wondered he would share with her, or keep it secret.

[Erekez]

A faint smile crossed his lips as he heard the questions that Nai'a posed him. Out of all the questions she could possibly want to ask, the first question was about his scars. Erekez didn't understand the fascination with scars, they weren't exactly pleasant to get, they were just old cuts and wounds that had healed over. The only thing he enjoyed about them was the stories each one held. It had been easy to tell the stories of his scars as he was stating out, but now, he had too many to be able to remember all the of them, and all his writings had been destroyed. "My scars are scattered over my body, not just on my arms." Erekez started his answer. "As to how I got them, I've been travelling Mizahar close to four years now. I had a tendency to be curious over new places I came across whilst venturing between cities, so I'd inevitably explore them. I came out unscathed from some and got a little careless in others, but that was half the fun of looking somewhere new, making new discoveries." His leather gloves had become stiff and cold, as he felt the material brush up against his arm. Erekez realised that he'd been tracing some of his own scars and not even realising it. It's strange what you miss when you let your mind wander. His right hand stopped on a relatively recent scar on his left arm. The burns from then had healed over for the most part, but the scars from an attack he had managed to hit himself with were still there. It looked like someone had taken a brush and painted that one on, the darker scarring running in streaks across his forearm. "However, there are some that I didn't get so innocently as exploration." Looking up from his arm, Erekez turned back to Nai'a. "I have been in my fair share of fights, won some and ran away from others, but you're always going to get scars from battle. It's unavoidable unless you're up against someone who has no idea what they are doing. I've been fortunate enough that none of them have done me any lasting damage. One of the perks of archery is you stay away from the fight for the most part." That was the question answered. There wasn't anything more he could say about his scars, Nai'a had just asked if he had more than those on his arms, and how he got them. Though he guessed that his answers would lead to more questions, it was his turn. There was something that Erekez was curious about. "My question now." He smiled. "Why did you feel the need to emphasise the need to be honest with each other?"

[Nai'a]

Erekez answer was not exactly what she expected to hear, she thought it would be something epic. Though it was nothing on the epic scale, it still told her a lot about his character. He was obviously curious since he enjoyed exploring new places. He was a fighter, though what exactly he fought for she did not know, and he was an archer which was interesting in itself. Seeing a man like himself hunched over a book scrawling away, one would not think of him as a fighter, as a person who could really stomach confrontation. That is what she really loved about him, he was so mysterious and full of surprises. Whatever she may of assumed of him, was always proven wrong and the opposite.

”Maybe we could go and explore some of the places up near the Wild Lands, if you are interested. I spent some time there, it has some unique places I think you would really enjoy.” Nai’a gave a small smile and cleared her throat, ”Plus I would love to go look for herbs for medicine whenever Spring arrives.” Nai’a kept her voice calm and soothing, the voice she usually used for patients. She was not feeling that well all of a sudden, her head felt slightly dizzy. But she was not going to let it get in the way of them opening up to one another. This type of socialization is what she loved, getting to know another on a deeper and more personal level. Plus this would only make their bond so much stronger, and that excited her.

But her excitement quickly died down when Erekez asked his question of her. Her heart fluttered in her chest with anxiety, and it did not help the dizzy feeling that seemed to wash over her all of a sudden. She had been really stressed out as of late, with the pregnancy and keeping it from Valo, and her mixed feelings towards the man, the children who had passed away from the sickness. It seemed to be a lot on her shoulders, and she knew that this was not good for the baby. Her breath quickened slightly, and she grasped ahold to the nearest object she could find. Inhaling a deep breath and exhaling it, her eyes stayed shut. Then she opened them, clearing her throat.

”Sorry. I am not feeling that well all of a sudden.” Nai’a inhaled another deep breath and went on, ”I asked this of you because… Well… To be blunt… I am pregnant Kezzy. And I do not know how the father feels about me, nor does he know. Actually no one knows, besides Mistress Claira.” Nai’a stammered at first, then her words seemed to rush out of her mouth, it felt good to get this secret off her chest. She felt so depressed being pregnant, and that made her feel so horrible. Her emotions seemed to be so mixed up since she knew she was pregnant. Nai’a looked up into Erekez’s eyes, a small pout formed on her lips, ”Do you hate me now Kezzy?” Her voice came out in a soft, sad, whisper as she looked at her bondmate in the eyes.



UghSorry it has taken me forever to reply. I was busy with midterms and helping with my friend's wedding!! I hope you are not TOO mad at how long it has taken me to reply !

[Erekez]

Pregnancy was a surprise, but Erekez only felt his eyebrows climb higher up his head. Thinking back over the past two days, it might have actually explained some of the ways Nai'a had acted, or maybe Erekez was searching for things that weren't there. Either way, he wasn't too sure how he should feel about her following explanation. He was happy to know that Nai'a trusted him as one of now two people to know her secret, but was slightly concerned that the other was not the father. Nai'a said she was unsure how the father felt about her, it was possible that the child had been unplanned then. Her next question confused him slightly. Erekez shrugged at her as he shook his head. "I don't hate you Nai'a. You are old enough and responsible enough to make your own choices in life, and if pregnancy was one of them, that is your decision. If I didn't believe you were ready, I would say so, but in the end, the final decision is yours to make. I can only offer my opinion." Erekez had known of some who chose pregnancy before they were ready, whether in maturity or financially. It angered him that so many took such a serious decision so lightly. At the end of it, the child was entirely dependant on the parents. It was unfair for the child to then suffer because of their parents' mistakes. "I have no right to tell others how to live their own lives, neither does anyone have the right to tell me how to live mine. I voice opinions when asked, unless it affects me or a friend directly. Honestly Nai'a, I have no opinion of you being pregnant, other than I believe you would make a great mother, but I do question hiding it from the father. Doesn't he have a right to know?" Erekez was unsure of the situation that the child had been conceived under. Hopefully Nai'a's answer would help him to understand. He held his hand out, offering support as she leaned against what she could as she breathed heavily. "If you want, I can be nearby if you decide to talk to him." With an arrow ready if he tries anything.

[Nai'a]

Erekez words rang true. It was true that no one could tell her how to live her life. But she trusted his opinion on the matter, needed it, needed to take the load of all this mess off her shoulders and chest. She had not planned to become pregnant, and after seeing some children die from the season’s sickness, she was frightened to even have the child in Zeltiva. To bring life to a city full of pestilence and murder was not something she planned on doing. Sure she planned on being a mother one day, but was she ready? Nai’a was not sure, it all frightened her.

“Honestly Erekez I never planned on having a child. I and the father, Valo, shared a couple of intimate nights.”[/b] Nai’a inhaled sharply, the light headed feeling still lingering at the back of her mind as she peered out across the sea. ”I thought the relationship was going somewhere. Love and all that shyke. But he just… stop coming around as much, stop wanting to be around me as much, and started to distant himself from me. I have not seen him in a couple of days now.” Nai’a looked over at Erekez, his offer of support when she told him made her feel better. She needed to tell Valo alone, but if he was around during that time, it would make her feel safer.

Valo seemed like a soft and kind man, but would he be after knowing she kept this from him? That softness and kindness could melt away and be replaced with anger in an instant. It was true that she knew Valo well, but not as well as she would like.

”Kezzy… I need to tell Valo alone. But if you were perhaps around that would make me feel safer. Besides, I think you would feel my emotions , and would know if things turned ugly.” The healer gave the man a bright smile, it was time to change the subject.

”Do you have any family?” Nai’a asked softly. She wanted to know more about Erekez, what he would share anyways. He was an intriguing person, and she wanted no one other than him to be her bond mate. They made a perfect match.