Flashback The Beginning of the rest of our lives

[Fox Starseer]

1st of Spring 497

The sun was high over the Sea of Grass; a small breeze blew across the plains making the grass sway, almost like waves on the water. A small hunting party from Diamond Clan had started it's expedition. The leader of the party was young Naomi Starseer, under the watchful eye of her father, Khanti, and her twin brother, Fox. One of the other hunters rode back to them on top of a small hill they had been resting on. "There are elk to the east, but some glassbeaks are a couple of minutes ride from them" the scout reported. Naomi nodded. "Father, you and Fox should go and light some fires to keep the glassbeaks away, take another two hunters with you to help, the rest of you follow me" she said loudly enough for all the hunters to hear. Khanti gave an approving nod, and small smile, to his daughter as Fox pointed to two of the hunters. "You and you, with us" he said. The four hunters, Fox in the lead of this small group, rode with the scout to the glassbeaks while Naomi and her hunters disappeared over the hill to the east.

As they approached the ideal spot near the glassbeaks Fox turned to the scout. "Thank you, now go back to the other hunters, they'll need all the help they can get, we'll rejoin you when we can" he said. The scout nodded, signed goodbye and good luck and rode off the the other hunters. The first two fires where set up and ready to be lit as the other two hunters quickly set the other two up. All four of them crouched down to light the fires when they saw it, the signal that the hunting party was in danger. "Mount up and move out!" Fox yelled, jumping back onto his strider, Moondancer. They all pushed their striders onward.

As they approached they saw it, two large cage carts, one already being taken away, a few of the hunters loaded into it. The other one was still being loaded. "Slavers! But how..." one of the warriors said. "No time for that, let's move!" Khanti said, pulling his sword from its scabbard and charging headlong at the slavers. Fox followed quickly as the other two provided archer fire from the hill. As he got closer he saw it, one of the captives in the already leaving cart. The red hair that looked black where the sunlight was hitting it, her brilliant green eyes. "Naomi! They have Naomi!" he yelled, quickly giving chase before anyone could stop him. That was until a Drykus warrior moved in from of him. "Damion, out of my way!" Fox said to the warrior. Damion laughed. "Oh Fox, there is more to this then you know, thanks to me you will know what it's like to lose your family at the hands of a fellow Drykus, when you told my father what I did he disowned me, but not before I became a webber and showed these slavers the secrets and how to move undetected. Although I was hoping your father would be here to be killed in battle, but I’m glad it’s your pretty twin sister, I’m sure there is a guy out there who would just enjoy using her as he sees fit, I doubt she’ll be pure and untouched for long after she’s bought, if the slavers don’t get to her first" he said. "You traitor, you know that is against the rules, showing outsiders the secrets of the Web, punishable by death, so now you die!" Fox said, dismounting his strider. Damion did the same. Fox drew his sword, a simple iron long sword, and shrugged the shield off his back and onto his left arm. Damion pulled out his iron mace and quickly swung it at Fox, who raised his shield in time, but only just. His simple wooden shield cracked under the force of the mace. Fox moved to the right as his rival raised the weapon again. This time Fox swung his sword at Damion, barely nicking his guard arm, but it was enough to hurt the other Drykus. Damion swung the mace above his head a couple of times before bringing it down towards Fox, who raised his shield again. The force broke the shield and knocked Fox back a little bit, a shard of wood dug into his left arm. Damn that hurts, good thing I'm right handed he thought. As he rose to his feet he brought the sword up, catching the traitor in the chest as he swung the mace above his head again. Damion fall back onto his back, this hit was a good one. Fox raised the sword over Damion's chest and stabbed him through the heart, ending his life. He searched his opponent and found a note, a contract outlining the deal Damion had made.

Khanti and a few other Drykus rode over to the scene and Fox handed the note to his father. "So, this is how the slavers made it to this location without being detected, a rouge webber with a ship on his shoulder" he said. Fox retrieved his sword and swung up onto Moondancer's back, with the help from one of the surviving huntresses of course. On the ride back Fox vowed he would not rest until his twin was freed from the slavers. When the hunting party returned to the Diamond Clan camp the wounds where seen to, and the few elk they had killed and gathered where skinned, carved up and stored away. Fox, Khanti and Alvera, Fox's mother, all sat in front of their pavilion, all three of them discussed this unfortunate turn of events, and sung Fox's praise for taking down the traitor who had caused all of this.

This was seven years ago, and Fox is just starting out on his adventure. What has become of Naomi? Will Fox be able to save her or bring her back alive? Only time will tell, and those questions, well, they are for another story, one that will be told when the time is right.

[Limey]

Skill and Lore Rewards Skills Lore Observation 1 The Tactics Of Hunting Sword 1 Khanti and Naomi: Father and Sister Shield 2 Treachery! A Loss, Even In Victory Additional Notes : This wasn't a bad story, but you need to spend much more time telling it. You covered an awful lot in a small post. It needs more narrative, more description, more storytelling, basically. Coming across the slavers, the revelation of the traitor, the duel and the retreat were all covered in one paragraph, and that could have been dragged out into a much more evocative story. Still, you got a few points and you've outlined your combat style pretty well. Good way to start this over-arching story... oh, and try breaking your paragraphs up into ones a little smaller. Makes it much easier to read. Any questions or queries, please PM me.