A Long Post about Many Things
Hm... it seems I forgot to thank you for the welcomes back. Thanks! It's appreciated ^-^
I thought I'd write up something I did mentally, last night. I like writing scrap book posts in my head. It's soothing, and a nice way to organize thoughts and things. None of them have actually made it here, in any kind of a full form. I have one half-written somewhere, but it's long forgotten.
I'm at an annoying point right now, where... I need to write a post for a thread I've been putting off, so I'm forcing myself to do that first. And when I sit down and try and write it, something doesn't work, or I simply don't feel like it. So I've been putting everything off v.v I'm also putting off grading normal threads, as I've promised a player I'll add their grade to a monster thread... and... well... it's long :|
But I haven't come here to moan. Those were more excuses I shoved up here if anyone felt like reading them. Which you aren't obliged to, of course. I've come here for more... pleasant reasons. A reflection of sorts. I haven't really tried fully writing up, and posting all my thoughts... so it's something I need to do. Or at least experiment with.
So... Mizahar. This post is all about Mizahar. Mizahar means... a lot to me. It's not just the writing and the creativity. It's changed me, and I've learnt a lot of things I probably wouldn't have in any other way. Not specific things, but... a general understanding.
It's funny. I first came here because I thought... hey! Writing! My English mark needs a boost! That was my official reason, at least. I also found it interesting, and eventually fell in loved with a concept. The amusing part, however... is that my English mark didn't change. At all. This year's is exactly the same, to the percent, as last years. It's kind of funny. Maybe I'm just not that good at essay writing.
But... Mizahar has done other things, things I wouldn't expect. Lets start with... being an ST. Now, someone around my age rarely has too much of a responsibility, for... anything. It's keep up with homework, study, do well in school... all that stuff. When I became an ST, I knew I was doing something new, a big leap. Though... it still went gradually. And I think that's the process for all ASs/JrSTs. You start small, and grow big. Instead of only being responsible for myself, I'm responsible for all my players, for a city, for keeping things running smoothly and helping people and working out issues.
It's a whole lot more than what first meets the eye. And the experience I've gained from this is... invaluable.
And to segway to my next point... experience. I'm young. However, I can consider myself mature. But... I have no experience. I never thought too much about it before this. However, reading people's scraps, seeing what they know and do and why... I realize... I have
very little experience. I know things, sure, but... there's a difference. A big difference.
I'm sure this is basic teenager stuff, but... I know I don't quite understand who I am yet. I'm working on that. I haven't formulated strong opinions on things... I have a few on small things, but... nothing big. For example, Gossamer's sort-of recent post on happiness. It was blunt, in a beautiful way. I don't think I've ever heard someone describe blunt as beautiful... but I guess I would in this context. Especially when it comes to Goss. But that will be another topic
Anyways, reading that was... interesting. Enlightening. Partially on the actual topic, though it was putting things into organized words that.... I guess I already understood. When I was reading it, at least, it made sense. However, what struck me most... how do I put this into words... was the opinion. Goss seemed to sure of herself, and it felt like something she'd decided on long ago, and has followed for years. At least, that was the impression I got. I tried to imagine myself writing something like that... but I couldn't. I don't have a well-thought out opinion like that.
And I guess that comes from experience, from living through life. Which... I know I don't have. Now I do, at least. It's not a problem, nor a conundrum. I kind of accept that it'll come with time. And that's what Mizahar has taught me... that 'growing up', in a sense, is not just maturity and knowledge... it's also experience.
Now, I said I'd come back to the Goss topic. Yes, there's a whole topic on her
Like the rest of this... it should be pleasant. Maybe this is one of those opinions I've been thinking about. I'm not quite sure. Let's get to the point, however.
Gossamer has been... actually... a wonderful role model for me. Not in the sense that I quite follow in a straight line, but her actions are something I look at, and... they make me think. And consider my own. In many ways. It's partially her writing, it's partially her creativity. However, it's more than that. As a person, from what I've seen... she's impressive. She's utterly dedicated to Mizahar, but manages to have a full life on the side. Bees, horses, a job... it's amazing.
She's also probably the best person to run Mizahar. She's... passionate about it. You can tell, just by the amount of effort she puts into it. I know as a normal PC, it would probably be hard for people to tell. As a moderator, I see half of it. Maybe less. She organizes the Storytellers, she fixes problems. She answers probably ten times the number of PMs I have to deal with. She works on the HD... which none of us, with the exception of Traverse and the other Founders, can see.
It's... amazing. Impressive.
But I've been talking about opinions, haven't I? And that's also part of it. She's... sure of herself. Like in that scrapbook post I mentioned before, you can see she knows her mind... and isn't afraid to speak it. She is firm with Mizahar's rules, and our traditions. She knows what she wants, and why she wants it... and is willing to explain when you ask.
I... respect that, I guess. It's pretty cool, and from all I've seen... Goss is simply an amazing person
I might have gotten a little off topic over this. I don't know if I went overboard, but... ah well. I haven't spilled my thoughts out like this before, and... I'm not too sure how It'll turn out. Maybe well, maybe less so. The more you try, the more you learn...
I invaded Ravok's OOC thread with a post after Daegron summoned Sylirans, just sayin...
