[Hania's Scrapbook] The Speakeasy

by **Hania** on January 7th, 2011, 3:13 am

You know what really bugs me about myself? It's the natural talent I have for something. Everybody has one, you know? The guy next to you might be able to just make people laugh at anything, or somehow he's always making money without much effort. In school there were the kids who could stare out of the window for the entire class not listening to a word the teacher said, never crack the text book, and still ace every test. There are people who are a whiz with instruments. Some can draw the most amazing things without trying. You know who I'm talking about, everyone knows someone who can do something nearly perfect.

Now I can do a few things good. There are even fewer things I'll admit to doing great. But what I excel at just pisses me off.

My "Talent" :

Now before you get all, "Oh he's just a redneck man hell bent on shooting helpless and fury forest animals." I don't shoot animals. Or people, because that didn't come out right 0.o But I shoot just as a sport. Just like shooting pool; I just want to see how far I can push myself. But honestly...

Where will SHOOTING get me in my life? :angry:

Oh sure if the zombie apocalypse hits tomorrow I'm a made man but I don't see that happening any time soon so :finger:

natural talent.

Why couldn't I be a good magician or something :((

by **Hania** on January 22nd, 2011, 11:34 am

It's all in a funk. Everything is just left of center and it's driving me insane. My career goals are in a sprinting marathon but I'm stuck in the gate because the bastard of a gateman can't see me waving my arms at the gate he's forgotten to open. It feels like I'm walking down the up slide, backwards.

For the whole month of january I've had this little skirmish war with sleep. Think I've averaged about 10 or 12 hours of sleep per week if that. I dunno what's going on. Maybe my internal clock took a jolt somewhere and I've neglected fix the time. January is a hard month for me. I get to remember all the screw ups I made last year, and what I'd like to get out of this year and finally rationalize that out to what's most likely going to happen. But no regrets. I don't have them, they're a bad habit I kicked a long time ago. So here I am, at 6 am, hour and a half before working a double. And I'm building a friend an oak desk in the spare time I have between jobs. Dunno man...It's all going sideways. I can see it happening.

Got tossed for a good loop earlier though. I was pacing my room, had been for about thirty minutes, trying to find sleep. Couldn't find the bugger. An urge to get out of the damn house and rip up some pavement hit me so I obliged. It's 4:30 am and I'm out in the parking lot with my longboard carving up the asphalt like it was cocaine in the south side of slum town. It's relaxing you know? Just you the board and the wind in your hair. Kinda like surfing only this wave doesn't break, it just goes and goes.

See this drunk and his buddies stumbling my way and I know it's gunna hit real soon, but it's a free lot and if I don't start nothin'. Everything went to hell when they threw a bottle under my wheels. Now I'm sitting here typing away on the keyboard like a fiend so you can guess who walked out of that blood bath. But coming home an old lady stopped me in the 7-11 parking lot and handed me $26. Said she'd found it on the ground but didn't feel right keeping it. Told me to use it on my self, do something special with it. I'm always talking about community, and the way the world used to be, but I just looked at her like a bloody universal mystery. It's not often I'm the victim of random acts of kindness. I'll do it to someone else when I get the chance, then I usually get accused of trying to steal something from them. Gathered my wits and thanked her, gave her a quick hug and sent her on her way. License plate said Ontario. What the fuck was she doing in my town? At that hour? Won't be forgetting her, that's for sure.

But now I'm faced with the problem of this money. Gut reaction says to keep it safe, away from others, for myself; an object that will spark a memory years down the road. Got a lot of those. Little trophies I've taken from coming out on top, and items of meaning. But what do I do with this money? $26 isn't a lot but it's still a lot to me. Full tank of gas, dinner for a few nights, bottle of the good stuff, new piercing, part of my tattoo fund, new ear gauges maybe. But the lady said something nice. What's nice? Nice is....a book. Or a leather-bound blank note pad to take with me where ever I go. Maybe a shway ring I wouldn't usually spend the money on? New wallet chain. Nice? That's a frilly word, used by upper crust who can afford luxuries like "nice". My words are need, functional, save, alcohol, bullets; not always in that order.

I'll put it into something creative! Like new paints or a new brush. Maybe one of them fancy painters canvases. Got this image in my head of a bonsai tree and a sunset I need to get out somehow, sounds as good a way as any. But everyone's already full up on my paintings...it'll have nowhere to go after I'm done with it. You know what? My buddy has one of those GoPro cameras she used to have attached to her surf board. Bet ya I could buy it from her, fix it up, and then use it! That would be niiiiiccceee. What day is it? Ha! I can even call her. She should be back from Thailand by now

Still....the rug muncher is wintering in Key West /p.o.ed

Promise ya'll, when I get the camera up and running I'll make a vid and post it up here for ya :thumbsup:

But it's still all left of center! I'm not happy again.Yet >:

by **Hania** on January 28th, 2011, 7:52 am

As I'm killing this bottle of Fireball Whiskey I come across this and I'm forced to taek a breok from my existential views and I've gotta sav

Sometimes...juut sometimes, the world if fucking awesome, and hupanity really comes through.

p.s. I'm depating fixing the speeeling or not. If gets on your nerves pm me and I'll skittle over and tighten it up. But srsly this is some damn good whiskey!

by **Hania** on February 12th, 2011, 7:43 am

Do you ever have those moments where you realize your not in the shallow end of the pool anymore? And you keep asking yourself "What am I going to do???"

Want to know what I say to myself when I get those moments?

"This is where I am. Now cowboy the fuck up."

And lastly for tonight; I have always admired the villain, the outlaw, the son of a bitch. I don't like the clean shaven boy with the necktie and the good job. I like desperate men, men with broken teeth and broken minds and broken ways...I'm more interested in perverts than saints. I can relax with bums...I don't like laws, morals, religions, rules. I don't like to be shaped by society.