[Issues found by Eldritch] Yuki

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Yuki

Postby Yuki Seishen on July 13th, 2013, 3:25 pm

Name: Yuki

Race: Kelvic

Animal: White Bengal Tiger

Gender: Female

Age:
Human form: Appears 16
Actual age: 4

Birthday: 13; Spring; 507

Birthplace: Ravok
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Appearance: Human; Bright eyes that are her most noticed feature; ruffled, messy, short hair; a cute, almost slightly childish look to her face; vertically split pupils; sharper teeth than human teeth.

Eye color: Light blue

Skin color: Pale, but not very light pale.

Hair color: Bright red

Height: 5'3

Weight: 115 lbs.
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Appearance: Animal; White Bengal Tiger standard appearance, blue eyes; sharp teeth and claws.

Fur: White with black stripes

Height: 7'4

Weight: 630 lbs.
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Character Concept

Stealthy; enjoys sneaking around in places she knows she's not supposed to be. Doesn't care about being around people, doesn't like, nor dislike it. Always aware of her surroundings.
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Character History
Grew up alone, never knew her parents. Was attacked by Kelvic slave hunters when she was young; isn't very trusting of others because of this. Grew up in no specific place, but has now made her way to Zeltiva.

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Language

Fluent Language: Common
Basic Language: Vani
Poor Language: Kontinese
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Skills


Skill EXP Total Proficiency
Skill 2 # Stealth 15 # Novice
Skill 3 # Intelligence 15 # Novice
Skill 4 # Rb +10
#SP Hunting 20
# SP Hunting 30 # Competent
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Lores

Helpful Lores:
Lore of Ravok Culture
Lore of History of Ravok
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Possessions

1 Set of Clothing
-Simple Shirt
-Simple Pants
-Simple Undergarments
-Simple Coat
-Simple Boots
1 Waterskin
1 Backpack which contains:
-Comb (Wood)
-Brush (Wood)
-Soap
-Razor
-Balanced Rations (1 Week's worth)
-1 eating knife
-Flint & Steel
-600 Gold Mizas
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Housing

Location: Zeltiva

House: Kujyaku's cottage 135 gm/s a month, 3 way split, 45 gm/s a month.
Yuki Seishen
Player
 
Posts: 5
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Joined roleplay: July 9th, 2013, 8:54 pm
Race: Kelvic

Yuki

Postby Eldritch on July 13th, 2013, 5:48 pm

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Hello there Yuki!

I wish I was here bringing joyous greeting but sadly this is not the case, I found a number of issues in your CS you need to correct before you continue to play.

Date of Birth:You have your date of birth listed as being born in 507 AV but yet your listed age is at 4 years old. Your actual date of birth would be 509 AV.

Skills:Your skill set up is a little off, you need to list where you got the experience from. As in Racial Bonus= RB, starting package = SP and experience awarded by a storyteller = XP. You can also chose to arrange them in a table to make them see more organized. There is a tutorial about how to make them on the BBC Code Quick List.

Heirloom: I notice that you have taken no heirloom, while it is not required it is strongly recommended that you do take one. This is an item of no more than 50 GM's in value that possesses great significance to your character. Check the Price List for actual cost on items in Mizahar.

Ledger: You cashed in your housing I noticed, however it is still required that you keep an up to date ledger somewhere on your Character Sheet. This helps storytellers (and you) keep track of your purchases, paydays and seasonal expenses. In the ledger you should indicate that you have cashed in your housing for the 500 GM's. However, because you are staying with another PC, note that you cannot cash in your housing.

Housing: I have no real problem with a PC staying with another PC but here is the problem, you CANNOT split your seasonal expenses with another PC. Seasonal expenses are different than buying housing, the expenses indicate what your PC is paying for on a day to day basis. This means its their responsibility to get a job and pay for their life style. The costs of living are 5 GMs's a month (Squalor) which no living PC could probably have and live. 45's a month (Poor) which is the lowest income a living persin could pay and live. 135 GM's a month (Common) which is what most PC who have housing are at. 450 GM's a month (Good) which indicates a well of lifestyle. 675 GM's a day (Exquisite) which indicate a luxurious lifestyle meant for nobles and wealth individuals. Pick the lifestyle and expenses that fit your character's concept and income.

Please PM me once you have dealt with the issues I have outlined above and I will be more than happy to remove this intervention. Note that while it is still up you cannot continue to play. :)
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Eldritch
Do you feel your sanity begin to fray?
 
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