Closed If only we knew... (Razkar)

[Edreina]

39th Day of Summer, 513 AV 13th Bell "No! I am not staying locked up in this damn room for one bell longer!" Edreina shouted, indignant expression and lank hair causing her to appear very un-Edreina. The object of her anger was the healer who was trying to usher her back to the bed. There was no point in it! None! Her shoulder had not pained her enough to warrant any relieving herbs or other such remedies in a full day. And besides, she didn't exactly plan on going out swimming on her first day since being injured, she just needed to get out of this place. It smelled like sickness and there was no sun, no fresh air in this stupid petching fortress-city. Again the slight woman tried to deny Edreina, appearing incredibly steadfast in her decision that Edreina was to remain under her watchful eye for a day more. I'll never get out of here if I keep trying to do it the right way... she realized, backing down just a hair. The woman took this as an indicator of her exhaustion and quickly shoo'ed her back to the bed. Satisfied that her work had been accomplished, the woman fluffed Edreina's pillow and then left, assuring her on her way out that she would be free to go tomorrow. For a moment, Edreina sat silently upon the bed, elbows resting on her knees and fists tucked under her chin. She had never been a very sneaky woman, hell she could not even lie effectively. But she wanted, no, she needed to get out of here! She would have to try; she would have to sneak. Lucky for her, there were no belongings she had to gather in order to make her escape. She just had to get herself out of here. As silently as she could manage, Edreina crept over to the door and rested her hand upon the handle. But wait, what if someone was outside, in the corridor? Pausing in her escape, Edreina pressed one ear to the door. She heart no footsteps, so it must be clear... As quickly as she could without making the door squeak, she opened the door and darted into the hallway, not even bothering to close it behind her for fear that it would make too much noise. Taking long, tip-toed steps, Edreina made her way through the hallway and to the its intersection with the hall that would, hopefully, lead her out of here. When she had come to this place, Edreina had been unconscious, so finding her way out was a one in ten shot. The hallway to her left had a steady breeze, so she had to assume that it lead to an exit. At least, that was what her spelunking instincts told her. Without hesitating for another tick, Edreina bounded around the corner- -and crashed headlong into another figure, sending her stumbling backwards and eventually falling flat on her read end. Shyke... Brushing back her hair, Edreina looked up to see who had foiled her escape.

[Razkar]

"You do not have to fear her running."

"She is very resourceful, and insistent." The knight - no, Razkar reminded himself, squire - clanked loudly as he struggled to keep up with the Myrian's quick pace down the hallway. Part of him thought it polite to slow down; he ignored it. "We have considered locking her in her room-"

"Is she prisoner?"

"No, but her arm still needs to heal and-"

"She can use it?"

"Yes!" Now Erik was nearly snarling as the two of them rounded another corner, squeezing past a pair of healers loaded down with gauze and herbs. "Stop interrupting! She can use it but it is weak. She can't raise it higher than her shoulder, can barely lift more than twenty pounds and-"

"Armor is very loud."

Razkar heard the indignant squeaking scrape at Erik's head swiveled round and down to him, eyes probably narrowed in loathing. Razkar did not feel so indifferent that time; he was satisfied. He'd been listening to this "Erik" bitch and moan for the lat few chimes, haranguing him from the moment he stepped within the healer's station.

"It has been four days." He said, voice a little more friendly, but he actually picked up his step. "I see her yesterday, she was walking around. She had color in cheeks. Wound had closed. She does not need to stay."

"We want to keep her here for a little longer."

Razkar snorted and his face twisted in disbelief, as if the squire had just told him he thought that Edreina might be possessed by Rhysol. He kept walking as they came to the last corner, one finger up as if sermonizing.

"What you think she will do? Escape? You knights are so-"

And at that moment a furtive, darting figure slammed into Razkar's chest and bowled over onto her arse with a curse that would have made grizzled ol' Herliz back in Taloba blush.

Razkar looked down... and sighed, bowing his head and pinching the bridge of his nose. He didn't need and certainly did not want to see the smug expression going with Erik's tone of voice.

"You were saying?"

Razkar peered down from between his fingers and eyed the sheepish looking Svefra.

"Well... at least she prove she is fit to move." He leaned down and the look on his face was affection mingled with... something like wonder. As in: "It is wonder you are still alive, female."

He reached out and moved the dressing over her shoulder, nodding in satisfaction as he saw the stitches were dropping out and the ugly, puckered scar was starting to fade, skin knitting together. Razkar locked his black eyes with her blue... and reached out to press his thumb against it.

"Myrian-!"

Erik's squeal of outrage was backed up only by a slight tightening of Edreina's jaw and Razkar's own warm smile of approval.

"Pain is better, too. She is ready to go." He straightened up and offered his hand to the female, not even turning to the fuming knight. "And, if what you just say is truth, you cannot stop."

[Edreina]

For once in her life, Edeina appeared bashful as she smiled up at the knight and the Myrian. Like a child whose hand had been caught in the biscuit barrel, a guilt blush colored the redhead's freckled face. When Razkar came down to examine her wound, Edreina looked away. Every time she saw the damn thing the pain seemed to get worse. But the rest of the time, she was nearly able to ignore its dull throbbing. While she was looking away, something was suddenly pressed against her scar. The pain was sharp, angry, and threatened to bring tears to her eyes. That would certainly not do. If they knew how bad she still hurt they would probably not let her go. And she sure as hell needed out of this place. So, with Herculean effort, Edreina concentrating on containing any sign of her pain. Just as it had been during her younger, clumsier years, the only indication of her blistering discomfort was a trembling of her jaw muscles. Hm. It seemed as if there was something that Edreina could lie about. When Razkar straightened and proclaimed her fit to leave, she nearly leapt up and ran down the hallway. Finally! As she stood, hand descending to massage her sore bum, Edreina wondered if Erik had told Raz about her first attempt at escape. Ah well. Either way, she had been tired, disoriented, and driven nearly to the point of madness by the silence that permeated her bones from the Fortress. She really could not stand the thought of being cooped up in there for another chime. Heedless of the Knight or the Myrian, the Svefra set off at a quick clip in the direction they had come from. She managed to make it around one corner before being stopped by an intersection. Great. Now what? Sighing and hanging her head, she waited for footsteps to close in on her before speaking. "Perhaps you should lead." It was stupid that she should have to reply upon others. A sudden wave of exhaution -these were much too frequent for her liking- rolled over the Svefra, tempting her to sag against the wall while she waited for Raz or Erik to take the lead.

[Razkar]

For someone ostensibly recuperating, Razkar thought the little Svefra certainly could move. Then again, he reasoned as he quick-stepped to keep up with her, it wasn't her legs that were stabbed.

By you.

Erik frowned as the Myrian winced like he'd just been stung.

"Something wrong?"

"Headache."

"Do you know where she's going?"

Razkar snorted, following the whisp of red hair that ran round yet another corner. "She not know where she goes!"

Finally Edreina stopped her frantic hamster-maze escape and stopped, probably realizing she had no idea where the exit was. Razkar and the metal-gleaming squire scowled down at her, but only the latter had any real anger in his eyes.

"I think that she should stay."

"And I think she should go. And she think so, too. Yes?" A quick nod from the female and Razkar shrugged, as if the subject was closed, which to him it was. "My thanks to you, squire, and to the healers. They saved my friend. I owe for that."

He could see the human take that compliment like a bittersweet candy, face scrunched up in mild confusion, even more so when the Myrian gave a short but respectful bow. Ah, to be honored and thanked by one you know damn well has transgressed within your shining city... and you can't touch him.

Razkar smiled up at the squire. Only most of it was sincere.

"Now we go."

Go they did, Razkar leading the female to the oaken gates that were the entrance to the knights bastion in this corner of the fortress. As usual when he stepped "outside", he expected sunlight and wind and... was disappointed.

A whole city, almost, under the lead roof of one gigantic fortress. Must be like living in a huge cave...

He was adjusting to it, though, and his usual haunts were outside of the Stormhold. The Spinning Coin, the Fighters Pits, the Docks... the Grotto...

Memories flashed and spliced before his eyes. A darkened hold and a bearded barbarian, looming over a helpless female. His cohorts, peons, scum, no real challenge, threat, not even satisfying when he ended their lives like squashing insects. Furious movements, screams, a final, fatal thrust-

-into his enemy, through his friend.

Razkar breathed deep and turned to the silent female trudging next to him. Every now and then her face would pinch as if she'd been stabbed with a pin, a brief spasm of pain she was learning to cope with. He wondered if he could find some nettle water...

"You know," he said slowly, knowing Edri of old (well, old for one only twenty-seven summers under the sun) that she would not want to be pushed or bullied, "That when we get back to ship, you must let me do more. Your arm is still weak, will not be strong for many days. Must let me help you."

[Edreina]

The walk out of the healer's corridor was an utterly dreary one, and it seemed as if each step took a bell. Her skin literally itched with anticipation as she waited to get outside, to feel the sun upon her skin and the wind dancing in her hair. But each turn they took seemed to take them no closer towards open air. "You know that when we get back to ship, you must let me do more. Your arm is still weak, will not be strong for many days. Must let me help you." Edreina was glad that the silence was interrupted, but the message carried was not a pleasant. Each word was like a lead weight being dropped onto her bow, dragging her downwards into a murky sea of annoyance and dismay. On one hand she knew that this was necessary, and that she would not be able to do all of the things that she used to do as well as she used to do them, at least not until she was completely healed. But no matter what, Edreina hated having to rely upon other people. No matter the reason, reliance upon another for anything other than entertainment went against the Svefra's very being. It made her feel as if she would be better off dead... But that was far too morbid for this day. She was alive and finally getting to return to be beauty of Syna's gaze, the gentle caress of Laviku's touch. Sure, she would have to live a bit differently for awhile, but it was only temporary. And, if she had to rely upon someone, Edreina had the feeling that Razkar was a good option. Razkar... A quick glance at her friend through the corner of her eye gave her an odd feeling. She was glad to see him, but more than that she had missed him. The better part of her time at the healer's had been sleeping, waiting for her friend to visit that way she would have the energy to talk to him when he came. For the moment he saw her strength ebbing, he would excuse himself for the day. It was... atrocious. Her mind was suddenly filled with the flurry of emotions she had felt days ago, after waking up and finding that they were both safe; her lips burned faintly as she remembered those two so beautiful yet so forbidden kisses they had shared during the heat of the moment. Realizing that it could never happen again sent an odd sort of pain lancing through her stomach, causing her to wobble for an instant before resuming her earlier pace. What was it that she felt for this Myrian, her closest friend? Every time she tried to figure it out, her mind ran in endless circles for she had no experience with it, nothing to compare it to. The only thing she knew for sure was that their bond ran deeper than friendship, and that terrified her. For several chimes she had been silent, lost in her own thoughts. It struck her suddenly that her friend may have been seeking some sort of acknowledgement to his offer. "I suppose you're right," each word was drug out, halting, as if it pained her to admit it. Which it did, in a way. Her pride was certainly hurt. "Suppose I should show you how to keep the 'grotto shipshape, hm?" She smiled lightly, trying to make the best of this situation. If she was going to be doomed with reliance upon Razkar, she might as well make it interesting for herself. Seeing an inexperienced Myrian trying to take care of a ship would surely be interesting. A slow, pestering ache was beginning to develop, or at least become noticeable, as Edreina's arms swung as she walked. Without thinking, she took the wounded limb and cradled it against her chest, using the other to support it at the elbow. Such a position was quickly becoming habitual for the redhead. "Just promise to let me do some things, ok? I'll never get better if I lay around getting fat." Despite the playful tone her voice carried, there was a fierce glint in her eyes. It killed her to imagine sitting around being useless, so she needed even the slightest reassurance that she would still be useful. Perhaps it was because she feared becoming useless overall because of her silly-stupid wound.

[Razkar]

"I suppose you're right. Suppose I should show you how to keep the 'grotto shipshape, hm?"

Razkar tried to picture himself at the helm of the Goldengrotto, swiftly slicing through the surf and the spray, perhaps with Edreina at his side. The second half of that was... not unpleasant. The first half, however?

"Razkar of Svefra," he said with mock seriousness, face scrunched up as if in concentration, "Must have been stranger things. But right now, cannot think of one..."

He was rewarded with a giggle, pained and breathless, perhaps, but a reward nonetheless. The crowds parted a little for him, as they always did for the savage, but today he was especially grateful for it. If one of the milling merchants had nudged Edreina's battered shoulder, he didn't think he could have contained himself.

"Just promise to let me do some things, OK? I'll never get better if I lay around getting fat."

Something in her voice made him slow, almost to a stop, and she matched his pace. He turned to regard her closely, gaze almost intense but softened by his concern... and then understanding. She was more like the women of his own kind than he knew, unwilling to be a burden on anyone, fiercely proud of being able to make her own way in the world.

And you nearly robbed her of that. You nearly took her arm and killed her soul.

I had no choice!

Perhaps, but facts are facts...

His touch was so soft that she was scarcely aware it was there until he looked down and saw his tanned, callused hand caressing her arm on the wounded side. It was not the smooth, practiced motion of Matthew, trained and focused so intently on physical pleasure, but... it was a surprise. A vulnerability.

She looked up into a warm smile that few others saw.

"I did this." Razkar said quietly, arm stroking up gently to her shoulder, hovering over the scarred flesh, and then cupping her cheek. "So I take care of you, until you not need me to. That is only right."

His words offered no room for argument, magnanimous as they were. Most of the people ambling by the strange scene frowned at the incongruity of it: a Myrian being gentle with a red-headed girl. Some even shook their head, sure that the brews from last night was stronger than they thought...

"First." Razkar said after a moment, taking his hand away and dropping it to his purse. "Get some food. I know one rule of world: food at healer's places are never good. But they heal, so..."

They walked again, and it was a few streets before it happened. The Svefra and the Myrian walked side by side and did so in silence... until Razkar's arms swayed close to her... then swayed away, as if his body was trying to fight itself...

And then there was a brief sigh, and his fingers closed around hers.

[Edreina]

When Razkar's hand fell upon Edreina, she half expected him to offer some sort of reprimand, for being a stupid, stubborn female. When the touch was gentle, as close to a caress as Edreina had ever seen, she was shocked to stillness. Only her eyes moved, blue orbs sliding up his chest, to his neck, and finally his lips. Most would see that smile and recognize only savagery, but Edreina knew it to hold an unfathomable warmth, kindness, and even... no. "I did this So I take care of you, until you not need me to. That is only right." Could he feel how he had set her cheek aflame? Surely he could. They were probably putting the shade of her hair to shame by now. She resisted the urge to lean into his hand, to luxuriate in the rough feeling of his callouses against her cheek. "First. Get some food. I know one rule of world: food at healer's places are never good. But they heal, so..." She was, physically, not hungry, not in the slightest. Her soul, however, hungered for the feeling of sunlight and wind and sea-mist. But there was no denying the fact that she was far too distracted to voice her own wants. What the hell was going on with her? How was it that this dark-skinned savage turned the fiery Svefra into a dumbstruck mute? Contemplating the jumble of nonsense that filled her discordant mind, Edreina did not even notice the fact that, several times, she automatically drifted closer to the Myrian. And then, suddenly, his hand closed around hers, fingers intertwining in the queerest of ways. It was so shocking that she started mid-step. And then, just as suddenly, a enveloping sense of calm danced into the Svefra, stilling her mind. Their hands just... fit. Even their callouses seemed to compliment one another's, placed differently as they had been gained from different activities. There was no tension in their joining, no one person clinging to the other. They simply came together as if it was meant to be that way, each iota of pressure being matched in their grips. Long, elegant fingers emerged from between thick, muscled ones, creating an odd striped appearance. At the touch, even their strides began to line up, making it seem, to Edreina, as if they floated along together. Deep within her mind, Edreina was terrified by the warmth that flooded her heart as he took her hand. On top of the terror was a crippling sense of confusion. But, at that moment, none of it mattered. For the first time in days, an unrestrained smile of pure joy lit the Svefra's face. All around, various looks flitted across the faces of passing Sylirians. It was a queer sight, certainly. In so many ways, a quick glance would reveal nothing but opposites: clear, innocent blue eyes contrasting dark, nearly black eyes concealing a lifetime of secrets, a mane of fire on the verge of igniting his oil-colored hair, freckled skin resting against skin with nary a patch unmarred by scar or ink... But their opposing mindsets ran deeper than the eyes could see. While he reveled in killing and exalting the name of his goddess, she shied away from it with every fiber of her being; she felt safest upon the open sea while he was at home in the dense jungle of Falyndar. And yet, despite all that, they were drawn together in the most inexplicable way. No matter how hard either of them tried, there was something there that neither could deny, neither could fight. But, it was something that they both feared.

[Razkar]

"Yes, female has come back. Now calm down."

Navis was having none of it, however, especially from some dirty two-leg. The somber expression he'd worn for days melted like ice under lava when he saw his beloved mother walk up the gangplank, yapping ecstatically and dancing around her ankles until she sat-

-and he jumped into her lap before her butt hit the barrel. Razkar smiled as he licked around her cheeks and chin happily, yipping and whining between each foray at her.

"He has been sad for days," he said simply, leaning against the railing as he watched the reunited couple, "Probably will not leave you side for long time." The Myrian sighed dramatically, rolling his eyes like some third-rate comedian. "Ah, poor male, so tether to female..."

The glare she shot at him could never have raised anything but a smile from his face, glad she had some fire left in here... though he never doubted it. She'd tried to escape, after all, and not just once by the sound of it. But there were still things left to do and his eyes wandered around the deck of the Goldengrotto. The rigging, tendrils of rope that he knew all had some unfathomable purpose. The sails that he had seen her clean and arrange so carefully, so precisely...

"Much to do..." He mused in a mumble, arms crossed and sighed. "Much more simple when swing steel. But said would help, so..."

Whatever was about to growl from his mouth next was cut off by a quite different growl: from his stomach. He looked down, face a picture of surprise. Goddess... had it really been that long since he'd eaten.

When his eyes flicked up to Navis, the little fo's ears snapped back to its head in a brush of fear, at least until Edri held him a little closer.

"Oh, not make face," Razkar said with a lazy grin, straightening up and heading for the stairs. "I not need you. Too small. Too many little bones. I have meat..."

Then he paused at the top of the stairs, the nature of his planned meal suddenly flashing back to him. Edri frowned as she saw a tiny knot of uncertainty in his eyes, until he frowned and turned around. But when the words came, the matter-of-fact nature of them was even worse.

"Do you eat Dhani?"

[Edreina]

Edreina attempted, in vain, to keep her composure as Navis assaulted her with his tiny tongue and high, joyful calls. Her head was tilted back quickly as she attempted to evade his affections, shaking her head back and forth with a grin as he attempted to lick her face. She had seen pups do this to their parents when they returned from a hunt - more from their master with food. She supposed that this was proof that the little kit saw the redhead as his mother. Grinning broadly, she turned the little creature over on its back and began to dance her fingers over his stomach, growling playfully like an animal herself as little teeth attempted to find purchase upon her fingers. At the Myrian's taunts, it was a quick adjustment from a playful snarl to a lethal glare. Her lips fell back over flashing teeth, her scrunched nose softened, and all that was left was glinting, crinkled eyes. The expression was quickly reversed as Navis valiantly attempted to tear off her thumb with his needle-like teeth. For the first time, Edreina yelped in pain as he managed to draw blood. Most women would have tossed the little creature aside for offending her skin in such away, but Edreina beamed in pride at her little guy's accomplishment. He was quickly beginning to become the fierce little predator she knew he could be. When a growl sounded, Edreina quickly worried over the safety of her pet, wondering what he had done to anger the Myrian this time. Hopefully, he had not gotten into the Myrian's stuff once again. When she looked up to see him looking at his stomach in surprise, her worry vanished. When Navis quailed at the Myrian's glance, Edreina laughed quietly for fear of angering her wound. "Do you eat Dhani?" For a moment, she was repulsed. Dhani, were those not the people who were also snakes? People? But also snakes... On one hand, the thought of eating another person was absolutely abhorrent. But they were barely more than beasts if the stories she had heard were true. If that were so, would it not be too far removed from eating any other animal? Rather morbidly, Edreina wondered what Dhani even tasted like. One had but one life to live..."Raz, I had not even tried beef before my last birthday. Do you really think I would be able to say that I eat Dhani?" She grinned at him in the way she had been subjected so many times. "But if you were asking whether or not I would be willing to try it, the answer is: Yes, I would be willing." As he moved to go below deck, she was suddenly struck by the fact that she had not seen the state of her hold since that day. With a grunt, she dislodged Navis - who remained all but tied to her ankles as she walked - and began to move for the hatch as well. Without thinking, she leapt into the sub-deck as she usually would, only to be hit by a wave of vertigo and to sag weakly against the ladder behind her. Her posture straightened the instant that her head cleared and she did her best to look unperturbed. But, she failed horribly. Razkar had obviously done his best to make everything as it was. He had really tried. Despite his efforts, there was no hiding the fact that this hold had been disturbed. Books were stacked oddly to make up for the conspicuously missing bookshelf. Some lovely chunks of coral lay in more pieces than she remembered. The gouge marks in the wood were not familiar to her. It was too much for her. The Svefra's knees met the deck quickly as she collapsed, sagging under the weight of her emotions. This was her home. The one place where she felt truly at ease. And it had been invaded; ransacked during a scuffle that nearly ended her life. Was nothing sacred? Was it wise for her to lay her head down here at night without fear of waking with a knife between her ribs? Her mindlessly searching hands close upon gentle white netting. Her hammock. It had been ripped from the fastenings above and torn right down the middle. She knew it was hers by the color, the texture, the copper hairs that were tangled into it from years of use. It had been her hammock since the time when she still lived upon her parents' palivar. And now it was broken, tattered, useless. With a fierce growl, Edreina rose to her feet once more and took hold of the pieces of one of her broken memories. Feet moving in a flurry, she ran up onto the deck and hurled the pieces overboard where they landed in the Suvan with a series of splashes. A half-dozen white, pitted faces disappeared into the depths of the Suvan, never to be seen again. The cry that ripped from her lips was multi-layered, undulating in pitch and volume as she faced a maelstrom of emotion. Pain as the motion of throwing set her shoulder ablaze; frustration with her situation; desperation for things to be as they once were. But more than that was the feeling in her gut that her peace of mind, her safety, they had been ripped away from her. Arms wrapped tightly about her midsection to contain the figure-wracking sobs that threatened to escape, Edreina turned and headed towards the hold where she would continue her frantic mission to cleanse the hold of Ekvan's poison.

[Razkar]

Razkar cursed himself for a thick-headed savage when he heard the heartbroken squeal from below decks, head spinning round in surprise even though he knew what it was. He saw a wisp of red hair vanish up the stairs to the deck, carrying something, feet stamping with every step.

"Oh, shit..."

He walked back across the hold, passing his efforts and his clear failure. He'd tried, he truly had, but that ugly stain on the wooden floor leered up at him, dark and mocking. As hard as he'd scrubbed, he hadn't been able to get rie of it all; as hard as he'd tried to put everything back in order, to...

To what? To shove everything into the past and have her forget it? She's not you, boy. She doesn't just bury it or shake it off.

There was a splashing from above and a yelp of pain and then she was there again, threatening to barrel through him as he stood at the bottom of the steps, eyes fixed on the hold behind him, willing to rip everything out from shelves and chest and just discard it, throw it all away, forget-

-until Razkar's arms wrapped around her, wall of dark flesh barring her away. She struggled, like he knew she would, any physical contact like scalding iron to her right now, but hard as she squirmed, he held on tighter, whispering words he was still only just fluent in, trying to calm her.

Hearing the tears and sobs he'd been secretly waiting for.

The Myrian closed his eyes and the look on his face was pained. The whole time he'd been visiting her, bleary and frightened and drowsy as she was, she did not cry. Nary a tear shed for any of it... and Razkar had suspected it would come to this. Bottled up, beat down, ignored, suppressed... but never killed. Never forgotten. Just waiting for some trigger to let it loose.

Like now, and Razkar held tight to those bobbing, trembling shoulders and tears leaked down her face. He shushed her and stroked her hair and told her in his halting Common that it was over, it would be alright.

Thinking himself a liar even as he spoke the words. This was her place, her sanctuary, her home, and that bearded monster had pissed on it. He'd come down here in this place where all her most treasured memories lay and... violated it. That was the only word Razkar knew to cover Ekvan's crime.

"If need to do this, do it." He said finally, keeping himself strong and steady even as she sagged against him. Razkar was no healer, couldn't help her for days; but now he could. "Let out pain. Better for soul..."

He didn't know the words and hated himself for it; but he was old enough to know that sometimes, all one could do was be there.

So Razkar stood with his arms around the Svefra in the half-ruined hold, and waited for the tears to stop.