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This separation has caused me immense sorrow Destiny has me chained to this state O Beloved, release me from these chains for I am bound by the dust in this estranged land What is it you seek from me that you cast your chains upon a free man? You enslaved me in this state without any compassion burning away all my youth
'Til when can my patience withstand this separation? 'Til when can I forbear this separation? If I were to reunite with you just one more time I would reveal to you all about the anguish of my exile
~ Feraghi (Song of Exile) by Niyaz
Race: Benshira Human
Birthday and Age: 35th day of Summer, 468 AV (43 years old)
Gender: Male
"My cousin Malahay tells me of a Benshira man here in town. He is... how to say? A mystery. You see much of a man in his face, but he shows no face. Turban, veil. Gray eyes watching you from between the dark cloth. Desert custom, Benshira custom, maybe. But this is Ahnatep! No one else so naked in hiding something, yes?"
"Benshira? Veiled? I have seen him. No, he was not very tall, nor very short. But... thin. Wasted away. Even with the robes, you can tell. Like the Dusk Eaters over at the Pillars of Dust, the Mirage addicts. Is he a Dusk Eater? No, I don't think so. Just... the way he walks, there's something about it. Like he's a phantom of sorts."
"Phantom? Sheer exaggeration. I've seen it in old men, refugees, war veterans, the like. Shoulders bent with invisible weight. Ha-ha! That's the heaviest of all, isn't it? "
"Now, it's just a rumor, but they say there's someone here come in from Hai. You know what I'm talking about. That tomb city, out in the desert. Hazhad- shhh! Yes, ruined Hazhadar, where they throw in criminals and lepers. That hellhole. Thing is, no one gets out. But the guy's here all the same. I don't know if it's true, or which one he is, but keep an eye out."
"That man, from Hai? Preposterous. He is merely Benshira. I cannot deny something is wrong with him, of course; what sane person harbors no ambition, and resigns himself to obscurity and destitution? Then again, those people practice such a backwards faith, and their brains are surely baked by the sun. He is, like the others, laughable."
"Faith? My kind, the Benshira, worship Yahal. I met another Benshira two days ago, and after a drink together, asked him if he would like to read the Penita scrolls with me. But he shook his head, murmuring about the cruelty of the gods, the truth he had seen. Yahal preserve me, that another child of the tents should renounce our god."
"Do you know what they do to Benshira adulterers? They tattoo their palms black, toss them into a pit with an adder for judgment, or so I hear. No, pregnant women don't go in - not til they give birth, anyways. And the child, well, the mother loses all rights. Someone else takes them in. That's what a Benshira friend of mine did, took in someone else's kin."
"It was a long time ago... they were Benshiran tea traders. They did business with us, the House of the West Winds. A disagreement came up in one of our deals, and they wanted certain concessions. In return, they offered their foster son in service to our house. This was, oh, thirty years ago..."
"Queen Dimourla? That's not something you ask a West Wind about. But I do remember her. She was absolutely stunning, groomed since birth to be a king's consort. She was always surrounded by her servants, too. A Benshira? Yes, there was one. Swung a khopesh just like an Eypharian. I believe he was one of her... well. I've said too much."
"The West Winds did some cleaning up after that, if you take my meaning. Put in a new leader and everything. And the Queen's lackeys who who didn't flee, or saw too much? Tossed into Hai..."
"Someone paid me. No, buddy, I don't know who it was. I don't care two whits, neither. You just don't ask. We yelled down, yelled and yelled, a whole crowd came around. Fought for the rope when we tossed it down, it turned into a riot, monsters eating each other... but we hauled him out. Left with a caravan, going to Ahnatep. Now get lost, will you? I don't want to think about it anymore."
If I am recalling correctly, I will be forty-three this summer.
4. What is your height?
~5'10"
5. What is your weight?
~115 lbs
Aesthetics :
1. Describe yourself as you see yourself.
What is there to say? I am an old man. When I look in the mirror now, I see only the ruins of what was.
2. Describe yourself as others typically see you.
A mad, wasted beggar, I am sure.
3. What is your favorite body feature?
My limbs are intact. That is enough.
4. How physically fit are you?
Fit enough to survive a season's ride through the desert. Though that surprises me as much as it surprises you.
5. How do you typically dress and what is your style?
This is Eyktol. The sand stings, the sun blisters. You must dress for it. Robes, sandals. Turban for the head and face. Unless, of course, you are Eypharian. Then your slaves will cart you around in a golden palanquin with a silk canopy over your head.
Family :
1. Who are your parents and what are they like?
I did not know my blood parents. My father, my mother, were from Yahebah. Adulterers, if what I was told is correct. Another family fostered me in their place, and when I was ten, gave me to the House of the West Winds. I have had teachers, guardians. But no parents, not as others would know them.
2. Do you have any brothers or sisters?
Blood siblings? I do not know. Possibly. The couple who fostered me had their own children, the closest I have to brothers and sisters. But I have not seen them since I left their tent.
3. What is your extended family like?
The family that raised me was neither loving nor neglectful. They fed me, taught me, but I was not of their tent. I would not inherit from them. I felt the difference and accepted it for what it was. As for the other children, a few befriended me, but it has been decades since then.
4. Do you consider close friends as important or more/less important than family?
In Ahnatep, the family rules. Power, wealth, it is all woven together by blood. For Benshira, it is the same. Everything revolves around the tents. Folly will find you if you do not acknowledge that. But I have no blood kin. It means little to me personally. If two people find themselves mutually useful to each other, that is an allegiance to guard, respect. But if someone is dead weight, blood or no, you cut them. If you wish to survive, sentiment cannot come first.
5. Do you treat animals like family?
An animal is an animal, you keep it for as long as its offerings outweigh the cost of feeding it. That is all. A man is a fool to keep a burden.
Location :
1. Where were you born?
Yahebah, in Eyktol. But I have not been there since I was a child.
2. Where do you live now?
By a mad turn of fate, Ahnatep. I did not imagine I would ever return.
3. If you could live anywhere in Mizahar where would that be?
The gods are everywhere, friend. If they cannot be escaped, one place is as good as any. But I know Ahnatep. I can survive here. So I will stay.
4. Do you have a favorite place to vacation or spend leisure time?
Compared to where I have been, this is the 'vacation', no? But I can not stomach luxury any more. You want to know about leisure, you ask an Eypharian.
5. Where do you fear to be?
... Only one place. I have walked there already, and for so long. I am not there any more, and yet I am still there now. That is because it is inside of me, and it will never come out. I carry the pit in my chest. Maybe even beyond death.
Traits :
1. Do you have any physical weaknesses (disease, scars, and missing limbs?)
Scars? Many. Some you can see, some you cannot. Krysus and Priskil both leave their cuts. Disease? No. Maybe. I am no leper, at least. Limbs, I have them all, somehow. I would thank the gods, but it is not their doing.
2. Are you right handed or left handed?
Right.
3. What languages do you speak? What do you sound like? Do you have an accent?
Arumenic, from serving in Ahnatep. Some Shiber, from my time among the tents, though it is not very good. And Common, which has been useful enough these... past years.
4. Do you have any odd mannerisms, annoying habits, or other defining characteristics?
There is the shaking, and the fits. They come and go. Sometimes I see something, remember something, and there is... how to describe it? A flood in my mind. It sweeps me away. Sometimes I must fight for the shore. Sometimes it dries away in the blink of an eye. I worry one day that it will wash me away for good, or at a time when I need my attention, and I will die. But there is not anything I can do. It is the price I pay for living this long. The years pile up and there are many things, too many things, to haunt you.
5. Do you have (or want to get) any tattoos or piercing? Why do you have them (or will get them) ?
I have no need for those things. Life has already written its tale into me. I have no words to add. My records, I make elsewhere.
Occupations :
1. What is your occupation?
Now? I have none. What I will do in Ahnatep, I do not know. I once served the House of the West Winds, as a guard, and a spy. I saw many things. After that? A thief, scavenger, killer. It was how I survived. Will I do the same now? Maybe. Maybe not. Whatever is necessary.
2. Do you like/dislike your work? Why?
I did like my time with the West Winds, very much. I am only Benshira, which does not mean much in this city. And yet, I served a noble house. Its pride was my pride. And there is much vanity to fill a young man's head, when he knows hidden things. I hoarded secrets instead of gold. I remember those years as if I was drunk at the time. My belly always full, surrounded always by glories, even if they were not mine; it was a good life. The best I could hope for. But such things do not last. I can not go back to it now. And would not, even if I could. The gods give bounty with one hand only to hide the knife in the other.
3. If you could be anything you wanted to, what would you be?
While I was young, I would have said "Eypharian." And that is what I was, in all but body. I dreamed too of power, wealth, women. All the things young men desire. I wished to be noble, to be woven into the tapestry of Ahnatep with golden thread. But now, I am old. If I could be anything, it would be free. Even if we walk where we wish, we are not free. Gods, the universe, society bind us. What being free of that would be like, I can not really fathom. Maybe a thread cut loose from the weave. But I wish it.
4. What occupation do you admire the most? Why?
Life is violent, base, dirty. Eypharians, they want to think otherwise. They live in a world of perfume and veils, to hide in luxury from all that is broken. But there are some few people who step beyond this. Men who give birth to something of beauty, who seize the eternal. Who spin songs and words out of air. Who peel back darkness from our eyes. Musicians, storytellers, philosophers, historians. I do not think them frivolous. I know too well that more than the body hungers.
5. What occupation do you least like? Why?
Who are the great liars of our time but politicians and priests? The first deceives out of want of power, the second, out of blind devotion. To the former, I lost everything. The one I served lost everything. And the latter – they worship the ones who broke the world, who continue to break men at their whim. I spit on them.
Childhood :
1. What sort of child were you?
Full of energy and life. Always running, always moving, trying to learn everything. As a young man, energetic still, and gloriously vain, living like I was on fire. As stupid as I was, that vitality saved me later, and is why I stand here today.
2. What is your favorite memory from childhood?
In Yahebah, smelling my foster parents' stock of tea leaves. Hearty dinners in the cooling night. Tending sheep with Nari, my tent-sister. In Ahnatep, bold sparring in the training yard, many hours at dice, and drinking. The revels. You have not been to a party until you have joined one in Ahnatep. But those days are long past.
3. What is your worst memory from childhood?
When my foster parents first gave me to the West Winds, and I stood alone in a new city, with nothing familiar to me, only a language I spoke clumsily and a race of people who sneered at what I was. Luckily, I grew into it with time.
4. What sort of relationship did you have with your parents?
As I have said, with my birth parents, there was none. As for my foster parents, they did their duty. I have no complaints.
5. Who was your most influential rolemodel?
Sahkte re Naphu, my instructor in the House of the West Winds. A master of khopesh, he taught me the blade, the secrets of the shadows, and the art of service. He was determined to take a rambuncious slave and beat him into something worthy of the House. It worked. I revered him like a father, a paragon of manhood. He must regret teaching me, given all that has happened... I wonder if he is still alive.
Education :
1. What sort of education do you have?
The West Winds taught me, as they teach all their slaves and servants. Even as a thrall, I was lucky to learn what I did. You see at the Pillars of Dust what happens to men with not even that chance.
2. Do you like/dislike learning?
There is no like or dislike; you learn, or you die. You learn better, you put that learning into action better, you live better. Good thing that it came easily to me. It is why I still live.
3. Where or how did you learn most of your skills/abilities?
Many came from the West Winds. But also many more from the dark. To survive, you do anything, learn anything, and fast. And it is beaten into you many times through pain and blood and death. All I know, all I can do, I have bought dearly.
4.How do you learn best?
By seeing, hearing, doing. Through practice and movement. That is what makes sense to me.
5. What are your educational goals for the future?
To better my skills, always. It may be easier to live in Ahnatep than in the pit, but it is still not safe. There are dangers of a different kind. The khopesh can carry you far, but blades are not the only weapons, yes? I will take an arm from the Eypharians, and learn to war with words.
Relationships :
1. Do you form close bonds with people? Why? Why not?
I did, once. Now? No. There is no friendship, no love in the pit.
2. Do you trust people easily? If not, why not?
Anyone fool enough to trust will earn a dagger in the gut. Affection, respect, people use these only when it is convenient, and cut you the second it is not. It is a simple fact of life; I have seen it many times. Done it many times. Beware the outer seeming, for it hides a sharpened knife.
3. Do you consider yourself straight, gay, bi, or something else?
In my youth, I loved women, perhaps far too much. Now, I am old, and the fires have all burned out. My passionate years are long over.
4. Have you ever been kissed? If so, describe the first time.
My first real kiss, that I remember, involved a serving maid and a dark corner after lunch.
5. Have you ever had sex? If so, describe the first time.
Her name was Khatera, I think, and she was a Lark. I was young and roaring drunk and had found my way to the Pillars of Dust. I did not see her again after that night. But there is something about Eypharians, about their smell, and having so many arms pulled around you... after that, I desired no other race.
Drugs and Alcohol :
1. Have you ever been drunk? If so, describe your first time.
Oh, yes, drunk, very drunk. Beer flowing, wine flowing, those are the nights in Ahnatep. The first time? I was quite young, still a child. Newly-come to the city, I was still learning the ways of the Eypharians. The other boys I trained with filled my cup, again and again, and greedily I kept drinking, overflowing with beer. They were being kind to me, yes? Next I know, my stomach is emptying itself on my instructor's shoes. It turns out, you see, that the Eypharians vaunt drinking but despise the drunk. I was whipped very hard that day. But if you think that stopped me from cavorting again later, you are wrong.
2. Do you like to drink on a regular basis?
Where I have been, there is no drink. And now, returned here where there is plenty, I have no more taste for it. The decadence, the revels, they are hollow to me. Instead, I will keep my wits, such as they are.
3. What sort of alcohol do you prefer?
I drank beer. It is everywhere in Ahnatep. Comes right out of the Eye of Syna.
4. Have you ever tried drugs (mood altering substances)? If so, which kinds and what did you think of them?
In Ahnatep, there is mirage. It is made by the House I served, but I was not involved in the trade. But I saw many men sick on it, starving and wasted while phantoms of pleasure whispered in their ears. Its temptation is great. But my vain pride was greater. I would not be that, I told myself. So I did not try it.
5. What do you think of drugs and alcohol? Be specific.
The world is cruel. Men wish to forget this. They try to drown away sorrows in empty pleasures. I, too, would like to put down my burdens. But in the end, your wits are all that separate you from death. To lose your wits, dull your wits, means death. If you can't see, someone can cut your throat, just like that. So only fools and those with a death wish have truck with these things.
Likes and Dislikes :
1. What are your hobbies?
I seek always to be better with the khopesh. But that is survival, livelihood. There is my “Chronicle,” but that is not for amusement. Maybe sometime, I will go to the Halls of Peret, listen to the scholars talk. And maybe, if I was ready to die, I would talk there myself.
2. Do you like to read?
It has never been a habit for me. I never had the time, nor the books.
3. What annoys you more than anything else?
Annoy? Heh! I would that more things merely annoy me, rather than trouble or threaten. But I have no more energy left to waste on trivial things.
4. What do you find the most relaxing activity to do?
I can not really relax, not anymore. There is something calming about bathing, though. A respite of sorts. Sitting in warm water, I remember a certain time and place, and can think more clearly.
5. What kinds of things embarrass you? Why?
Nothing. Shame is only a form of control, society's way of making people behave. Where I have been, there is no shame, and in truth, no dignity to ruin. I do what I must to survive, and do not regret it.
Favorites :
1. What is your favorite color or colors?
Gold. It reminds me of... many things. The by-gone days of youth, you could say.
2. What is your favorite time of day?
Any time there is sun. Rising, best of all, because it is the promise of many hours of light ahead. Sunset, it is beautiful, but anxious. Night, I am sick. It is familiar, but the dark makes me forget where I am. Everything tries to come loose. It is good when the sun rises.
3. What is the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen?
One day, many years ago, I was sent out on an errand for my mistress. When I returned to her, it was twilight. She was sitting out on the balcony that opened from her rooms. Her gown was of pure white silk, dyed with red and gold light, open at the shoulders. Her hair was loose, in waves. She was brushing it as she looked towards the sun. I had never before seen her in such an unguarded moment. There was such distant longing on her face. The whole scene was beautiful... she was beautiful... I will never forget it. The memory burns in me, even decades later.
4. What do you like to eat? What do you hate to eat?
I am lucky for anything I come by, and that is the long and short of it.
5. What is your favorite type of weather? Does any kind scare you?
Heh, what is there in Eyktol but burning sun, blasting sandstorms, and freezing nights? Choosing a favorite is choosing a lesser of evils. But, the worst are the Hikzu - winds that will scour your eyes and tear off your skin. Enjoyable, no?
