Completed [Gilia Medical Center] What Doesn't Kill You (Rinya)

[Rinya]

Day 16, Season Fall, 513 AV

Farline was good. If Rinya wasn’t feeling like such a mess, she would have probably applauded her. Her twist of her own words made Rinya sound exactly like her… but then again she did feel like that somewhat. But the fact couldn’t be further from the truth that Jorin wasn’t in her heart. Even with her blocking their bond, Jorin was there, so twisted around her heart that there wasn’t any doubt how she felt about him if she only let herself.

”There, there now, don’t cry,”

Normally this would have brought out Rinya’s worst disposition. Farline was taking advantage of not only Jorin’s feelings, but now hers. As much as she wanted to feel the rage she just couldn’t gather any of it. Rinya just grit her teeth together, trying desperately to think of a way to calm herself.

”That’s enough, Farline. Stop it.”

Rinya bit down on her bottom lip slightly, dropping her hands back to her lap. There was something coming from Jorin that she wasn’t used to. A familiar cold feeling began to spread across her skin, causing her to shiver slightly. Jorin was… mad. He had been upset before but Farline seemed to be agitating him even worse now. Or maybe it was her… after all she hadn’t exactly given him any sort of answer. Just words that went nowhere. And then tears just like Farline… gods he was going to think he was exactly like her.

And then he snapped. His shout caused Rinya to nearly jump out of her skin; she barely had time to steady herself on the edge of the bed to keep herself on it at all. And apparently it shocked Farline too. But the physical stress caused Jorin sharp jolts of pain, and a coughing fit rose up. Rinya didn’t even think that if he was mad at her that he certainly wouldn’t want her touching him. Her hands came up to grasp him, but she had no idea where. So her fingers floated above his body, as though there was a wall between them.

”Jorin…” She muttered his name in a stern voice—or would have been if her voice hadn’t cracked at the end. But he ignored her and Rinya really wished the floor would open up and swallow her. She should have run…

Before she could slide herself off his bed, Jorin’s good arm wrapped around her and tried to pull her to him. The act surprised her a little, causing her to gasp. But with quick reflexes Rinya’s hand shot out. Her left arm drapped over his waist and pressed into the bed beside him, her right arm mirroring on the other side to hold most of her weight. Her forehead pressed against his collarbone. At Jorin’s simple dismissal of Farline, Rinya couldn’t help but wonder if she was going to get one as well despite the embrace. She figured she had earned one as well.

”Rinya, have you ever known me to say something I didn’t mean?”

His words caused a fresh round of shuddering sobs. Where ever he touched her, the cold dread across her skin heated. As he shushed her, Rinya couldn’t help but feel the stress building in her chest. She was about to snap herself, and she knew who was going to get the brunt of it. Another failed promise to herself. Pulling away, Rinya shook her head harshly.

”Just because you don’t need doesn’t mean you don’t deserve it!” He was always selling himself so short. Even if her temper was a terrible thing, she had already grown so much since meeting him. All the emotions he had brought to light in her—he made her a better person. Though he wouldn’t entirely know that, she had never cared what anyone thought of her before. But what he thought of her mattered. It mattered more than anything. Sliding off the bed with a harsh push, Rinya ignored her state of undress and started to pace back and forth next to his bed.

”You just take it from us! Let us treat you like some… toy!” Rinya really hated that word… probably as much as he hated the word pet. But Farline had done her job, she had gotten Rinya so frazzled that she actually believed she was as bad as that woman. ”You don’t deserve to be treated like this Jorin! Not by her using twisted little mind, and most certainly not by my completely unstable emotional freak show. You’re injured and I’m yelling at you!” Rinya cried out. Her fingers tangled into her hair and she took felt new tears slide down her face.

”I kiss you, and then I pull away. I say I care and then I yell at you. I’m in love with you, and yet my jealousy causes me to push you away even further. Gods I am no better than she is.” Rinya hissed and pointed that the door. ”I should have never let you bond to me Jorin. I was just too selfish to say no…” Rinya felt the fight dissipate as quickly as it built. She stood staring at the door, feeling cold and bitter.

Rinya belated realized she had just admitted to something that should have been said tenderly… not while Jorin was beaten up and stressed the literal point that even he was shouting. Her knees felt weak and Rinya twisted herself just in time to land on the very edge of the bed. Just enough to keep her from hitting the floor.

”Just because you love me doesn’t mean you deserve this. No one is perfect, but this…”

I’m broken; I’ll just break you too.

The thought just caused more tears. Rinya knew she should leave—would have too. Someone was going to check on them at any moment… probably drag her out and who knew what would happen then. She wasn’t sure if she could ever face him again after all this. But he was Jorin, and she knew he would fight her. After all he never did anything with only half a heart. A heavy thought settled in her throat. She was resting on an emotional edge. Her father just left her and now she was on the verge to two broken bonds.

”My only failure in life thus far… pretending to be human. I’m not human. I should have stayed in Sylira.” Rinya muttered brokenly to herself, keeping her eyes trained on the floor.

[Jorin Ertihan]

Season of Fall, Day 16, 513 AV

Jorin felt a cold emptiness when Rinya pulled away from his embrace. He could feel frustration swell up in her. Well, it was better than sorrow ... marginally. He could let her be angry at him. She just needed a release, and Jorin was always happy to be her rock. Jorin winced a bit when Rinya called him a toy. He knew, at some unconscious level, that he might be too forgiving. But it was in his nature. He was well aware that with the bond, and the level of attraction they shared, he could probably get Rinya to do just about anything he wanted if he tried hard enough.

But he couldn't do it. Not to her. He could never abuse her trust like that. Not in a million years ... and if that made him a toy than so be it. Rather a toy than a monster. With Farline it was the same ... but perhaps the difference was, the bond told him that Rinya was always honest. Especially when she was angry, there was no filter between her heart and her mouth. With Farline, it was always the guessing game. What was going on in her mind? He had to always walk on eggshells. With Rinya, it was always crystal clear...

"I kiss you, and then I pull away. I say I care and then I yell at you. I’m in love with you, and yet my jealousy causes me to push you away even further. Gods I am no better than she is." That wasn't true, that wasn't true at all. But perhaps it was the bond that ... wait what? Jorin's mind replayed the sentence and ended up almost missing Rinya saying how she should have never let them bond. Absurd, Jorin thought. He was absolutely convinced there was no other Kelvic on Mizahar he could have ever bonded with.

But what Rinya had said ... she was in love with him? If it were any other time, Jorin would be dancing with joy. Shouting to the stars. His every prayer answered. His every dream come true. But she just look so sad, so defeated, and all Jorin could feel was a desperate sadness. She was in love with him, and he was in love with her ... why did it feel like they were on the brink of losing each other forever?

"My only failure in life thus far… pretending to be human. I’m not human. I should have stayed in Sylira."

Jorin took a deep breath. This was going to be the biggest risk he'd taken so far. Somewhere in his mind he wondered why he kept taking these risks. He was normally a very cautious, extremely risk-averse man. He hated taking risks because he never thought they were ever truly necessary. Yet with Rinya ... with her he felt good. He felt like he was worth something. She made him feel that way. Nobody else did.

"No, you're not human," Jorin agreed. "You're a beautiful Kelvic woman named Rinya that I'm in love with."

There. He'd said it. Jorin's face flushed with the admission. The words had come out all in a rush. He knew he had to force it out or it would get stuck in the back of his throat and never come out. Jorin's eyes dropped to his own hands, one of which went to the back of his neck in his usual habit when he was nervous. Now it was Jorin who couldn't look at her anymore. He didn't dare to see her reaction. Had he said it too softly? Did she hear? The silence was deafening.

"I'm not sure when it started," he admitted quietly. "It might have even been the day we met. When you transformed ... I thought I was seeing an Alvina. A child of the gods. And every day I learned something new about you that made me love you more."

Jorin grinned, still looking down. "The way you twitch your nose when you think you've said something wrong. The way you twist your hands, when you're feeling anxious. How you like to preen, when you're a bird, when you're nervous. You're absolutely right, Rinya. No one is perfect. But these little imperfections ... make you perfect. To me."

Jorin took a breath and looked up at Rinya. "I never really thought much of my art," he admitted. "Not that that's any big surprise, I'm sure you know that already. I always figured my art wasn't that great, because no one at the troupe ever really appreciated it. No one anywhere appreciated it ..." Jorin smiled. "Until you. And it's not-"

Jorin found himself interrupted when the door abruptly opened and Farline strode in. Her face was set in an unusual disposition. It wasn't quite anger, it wasn't quite annoyance, it wasn't quite placidity, it was ... some strange combination of the three.

"Jori, the nurses have demanded to know what was going on in here," Farline coolly announced, pointedly ignoring Rinya standing there, or her state of undress. Jorin just nodded mutely.

"I told them you had a bad dream. They were ... difficult to convince." Jorin stared at Farline with a funny look. Farline shrugged. "Difficult but not impossible," she added, with a shrug.

Finally, Farline turned to Rinya. She regarded the other woman with a cool gaze, finally saying to Rinya evenly, "I'm surprised you're still here. I would have thought you'd have flown the coop as soon as your little water-works show was done." There was surprisingly little venom in the words. Farline was clearly playing a different game. She knew pushing Rinya too hard would just make her more sympathetic in Jorin's eyes, and Farline had given the other woman too much advantage as it was.

Nonetheless, she marched over to the other end of the bed and picked up Rinya's dress, and bringing it to her. If Rinya had been looking in Farline's eyes she'd see that the woman was clearly still enraged at her perceived loss, and would have probably dearly loved to have tossed the dress at Rinya like it was a cheap rag. But Farline knew better. That wouldn't win her anything.

"You should get dressed," Farline sniffed. "A lady should have some decency, after all."

[Rinya]

Day 16, Season Fall, 513 AV

If had known Jorin’s opinion on being a toy she would have hit him over the head with something. At least… once he was feeling better she would. And somehow Jorin just—once again took her verbal abuse. Rinya was starting to wonder if he would ever get angry at her. She had just viewed some of his aggravation, and yet apparently none of it was for her. Rinya wondered if she was acting out partly just to get him to yell at her. If he yelled at her, then she wouldn’t have to beat herself up so much.

"No, you're not human," Jorin agreed. "You're a beautiful Kelvic woman named Rinya that I'm in love with."

Rinya could feel her back go straight as a board. Her eyes widened a little and her head shot to look at him. While she had started to accept the fact that maybe—just maybe—he did feel like that for her, she hadn’t entirely expected him to come out and say it back. Not right now. He was so handsome as he flushed over his statement and Rinya actually felt like she had no words. Her mouth worked at trying to form something, but Jorin couldn’t even look at her. His nerves seemed to rise up and Rinya took a deep breath.

The day they met. Yes… she could see that actually. She had been entirely intent on ignoring him when she first laid eyes on him. His entire spirit called to her, and Rinya wondered if things would have turned out differently if she had never shifted on that first meeting. No… it probably wouldn’t have. He was… well he was hers. Bond or no bond she would have felt this strongly over him. The bond just gave her the little details—a road by which she could take care of him better. She just had to learn how to listen to it.

So little time together and he had memorized her movements... All her nervous tics she couldn’t hide. Rinya could feel the breath in her lungs disappear again. Of all the things he could think of her… perfect? And he just barged on. Rinya realized she wasn’t going to get a word in until he was done with his nervous rant. It was quite cute actually… like he expected her to take back anything she said. Much like him, he knew by now she didn’t say things she didn’t mean—even angry. Maybe regret them later…

Jorin looked up at her, and Rinya had to actually grip the edge of the bed to keep herself from crawling closer to him. The more he spoke the closer she wanted to be. Nestled right back up next to him despite the raging emotions in her head—her heart, but he needed to finish first. They both needed to hear it she supposed. He appreciated that she loved his work? How could she not—the first few poems he had ever written around her were for her. No one had ever taken the time to do something so sweet.

Rinya opened her mouth to interrupt Jorin. As much as she honestly loved his rant, she had calmed enough to try speaking again. But Rinya should have known… there is no such luck.

"Jori, the nurses have demanded to know what was going on in here,"

Rinya went stiff again. The gods hated her… as if they didn’t have a hard enough time sorting out their relationship, Farline just had to get in the way—again. Jorin looked slightly confused as Farline told him she had deterred the nurses. And immediately Rinya was suspicious. She was up to something again. If anything, Farline wanted her gone. The nurses would be an easy thing to fake... being unable to convince them to stop.

"I'm surprised you're still here. I would have thought you'd have flown the coop as soon as your little water-works show was done."

Ah… that was it. Rinya was glad she had calmed a little. In her fit of emotions she was beginning to realize that she really didn’t have anything in common with Farline. Even if she did give Jorin a hard time, she honestly cared for him. His happiness was all that mattered to her… well it would be. He probably wasn’t going to like what was coming. Farline was falling in line with her game, and Rinya was more prepared this time.

”Sorry, I don’t happen to be a coward. At least I can admit to it.” Rinya glared sharply, her tone had no problem taking on the venom Farline had left off. She wasn’t going to pretend at this point, even if she had wanted to run. This time she hadn't run from Jorin and it paid off. The girl had taken far too much advantage from her breakdown and Rinya was determined to put her back in place. Violence if required.

"You should get dressed," Farline sniffed. "A lady should have some decency, after all."

Rinya smirked at Farline. Snatching the dress for her hands, Rinya simply rested it in her lap. She didn’t have to use her nudity to get Jorin on her side, but if it made the Farline uncomfortable—by all means that was one card she would gladly play.

”I’m sorry… I’m not good at pretending to be something I’m not. A lady being one of them. I could have sworn you realized that when I hit you.” Rinya’s eyes flashed dangerously. They were both so enraged, Rinya forgot that poor Jorin was even in the same room with them. She felt like she did at the grotto—alone and completely confident enough to take on Farline. Rinya surmised that it might have been Jorin’s admission might have had something to do with that.

”After all, not all of us were born to pretend like you. I believe I called it… pathetic?” Her tone was flat and cold. Nothing to hide. Rinya toyed with the fabric in her lap with easy. Pulling the dress on over her head, she only dressed for one reason. There was bound to be more yelling, and the last thing she wanted to do was cause trouble for Jorin.

”Becareful… I warned you last time. Keep it up and I will make you regret this Farline. I don’t care if they throw me out.”

[Jorin Ertihan]

Season of Fall, Day 16, 513 AV

Jorin could feel confusion rise once more. Once again, Rinya and Farline weren't making any sense. Coward? How so? And while Jorin knew that Rinya hit Farline, neither woman had ever told him why. Rinya was clearly implying that Farline was pretending to be something she wasn't. But what exactly did that mean?

Jorin was also a bit shocked at the venom in Rinya's voice. He'd never heard her speak in that tone, and she seemed to ignore Farline's proffering of her dress deliberately, as a ploy to further aggravate the other woman. Jorin knew that Rinya had a bad experience with Farline at the Grotto, but Farline had steadfastly refused to discuss the details with him. And he had the feeling that even though he and Rinya had just had a wonderful discovery about their mutual love, she wasn't likely to elaborate on what occurred there either.

And the anger from Rinya was just like the Grotto. It wasn't as white-hot, but it was there. Rinya really disliked Farline, and Jorin couldn't understand why. It wasn't even jealousy. Jealousy he could understand. No, Rinya just loathed her. And once again, Jorin had the feeling that things were spinning out of control.

Farline leaned back, crossing her arms under her breasts and gave Rinya a baleful glare. The truth was, she had hoped that Rinya would be gone already. She'd calculated that Rinya's sobs would cause her to snap at Jorin, and then fly away, and then Jorin would be alone and heartbroken, easy fodder for her to manipulate. It was why she'd shooed the nurses away, so that she'd have time to work Jorin. But now it seemed that was a bad idea.

”Sorry, I don’t happen to be a coward. At least I can admit to it.”

What was worse, Rinya had changed. Farline noticed it immediately. The woman was no longer buckling under her verbal assault. No longer backing off, or tearing up. No longer leaning on Jorin for emotional support. What had happened? One chime, she was a sobbing, emotional wreck, the next she was a clear-eyed, strong fighter. What could have happened in ten or twenty chimes that would do that? Farline felt something she hadn't felt before. Panic. She'd lost the game before, but it was always to someone who played it better. Now she was losing to someone who wasn't playing at all, and it wasn't fair!

”I’m sorry… I’m not good at pretending to be something I’m not. A lady being one of them. I could have sworn you realized that when I hit you.”

And now the threats were back. Farline's hand unconsciously went to her cheek, absently rubbing the place where RInya's fist had collided earlier. Despite her looks, Farline was actually far from being a coward. While Rinya's punch certainly surprised her, and while obviously Farline had no interest or desire to be struck, that didn't mean her act of violence necessarily deterred her.

”Be careful… I warned you last time. Keep it up and I will make you regret this Farline. I don’t care if they throw me out.”

She took a few calming breaths and turned her nose up at Rinya. "Poor Jori is sitting up," she noted, nodding at Jorin in the bed. "Considering the nature of his injuries, that must have been excruciating for him. He was lying down when I got here. It was because of you that he did that. Call me what you will, but at least I didn't cause him so much pain."

Jorin brow furrowed. "Farline, neither of you caused me to sit up," he insisted. Farline whirled on him, and for the briefest moment, there was disbelief in her eyes. Was Jorin actually coming to Rinya's defense?! Her mind could not comprehend why he would do that.

"Jori, dear, don't you trust me?" she asked, batting her eyelashes at him. Jorin gave Farline a strange look.

"Well of course I do, Farline," he replied. "I wouldn't have lent you Rinya's blue feather if I didn't trust you."

There was a silence. Farline realized that this was a victory over her rival. He'd lent her something obviously symbolic of his relationship with Rinya. She turned back to Rinya, face drawn and haughty. "That's right, he lent it to me," she crowed, as though by doing so he'd cheapened the meaning of Rinya's gift. "I have it right-"

There was an uncomfortable pause as she looked through her small bag. Jorin's face went from curious, to concerned, to worried. After about a chime, Farline looked up and shrugged. "Well. I suppose I must have misplaced it," she shrugged nonchalantly. It wasn't that big a deal, it was just a gift, and not even a particularly valuable one. If Jorin was upset it was gone, she could always buy him something nice later to make up for it.

[Rinya]

Day16, Season Fall, 513 AV

If it wasn’t for Jorin’s confusion, Rinya would have continued to seethe. It was familiar, the same kind of confusion that he had that night in the grotto. He really had no idea did he? Just the kind of games Farline was willing to play just to “win” Jorin over and hope that he would just abandon her. And then promptly drop him as soon as he was useless. Farline wanted only one thing… the ability to just say she won.

Rinya wondered if she would ever truly be able to tell Jorin the truth about Farline. The things she had said about him—Rinya couldn’t dwell on that or she would hit Farline on principal. Jorin would just stand there and take the insults, but Rinya couldn’t. There was no justification to speak about Jorin like she had. Judging by the glare she was getting, Farline had misjudged something. Or someone. As much as Rinya really wished that it was her, Rinya realized she was misjudging Jorin.

Jorin’s admission of his love wasn’t something to take lightly. He wasn’t just going to drop her and follow Farline around like a puppy. He may be his overly kind self and just go with the punches, but he loved her. It was… oddly inspiring really. Even if Rinya wanted to play this game with Farline—Jorin would always be the one to end up on top. Because he was resilient when others were not… his heart was not something to be trifled with. Even Rinya couldn’t understand it at times.

"Poor Jori is sitting up," she noted, nodding at Jorin in the bed. "Considering the nature of his injuries, that must have been excruciating for him. He was lying down when I got here. It was because of you that he did that. Call me what you will, but at least I didn't cause him so much pain."

Rinya could feel her jaw clench tightly. There was that white hot rage again. The one she used to just deck Farline across the cheek before. But really? She was going to try the blame tactic again? Rinya had already broken once, but this seemed like a flat attempt. Before Rinya could snap a snarky reply, Jorin tried to insert himself verbally between the two. Always the peace keeper he was. But Farline was insistant on pushing… the mention of trust caused Rinya to snort. Another un-lady like approach really.

"Well of course I do, Farline," he replied. "I wouldn't have lent you Rinya's blue feather if I didn't trust you."

He what? Rinya blinked and glanced sideways at Jorin. It was her turn to be confused. Her anger melted away and Rinya tried to piece this little puzzle together. Jorin—for all intents and purposes—loved that feather. Honestly Rinya wasn’t entirely sure why herself; she had really just used it as a ploy to get closer to her artist when they had just first met.

But if Rinya looked at the situation hard enough, she supposed the feather was as dear to him as some of his first poems were to her. So really Rinya never thought much about the feather, for her it had been a completely useful tool, but it meant something to him. She already knew that he carried it around with him—maybe that should have been a decent hint when he had first told her he loved her. But Rinya was much too afraid to admit he might just love her that way.

Farline crowed as though it was some big prize too. Though if Rinya had to guess it had nothing to do with value, rather than her little game…

”Um…" Rinya still didn’t quite understand though. Obviously Jorin had no intention of letting her keep it—even if it did sting a little that he gave something so apparently precious between the two of them to her of all people—so why was it entirely a big deal? The look on Rinya’s face was nowhere near bothered, just simply confused.

"Well. I suppose I must have misplaced it,"

The look on Jorin’s face continually shifted as Farline shifted through her bag looking for her prize. Only apparently it wasn’t there. Rinya didn’t like the looks crossing his face either. His emotions had started to shift quite rapidly and Rinya was having trouble keeping up. She wasn’t entirely sure what to do for him. Reaching out, Rinya gently twisted her hand with his. There wasn’t a need to be concerned over a feather—at least not right now. She could look for it later while he was sleeping.

Though holding his hand for his comfort may have been only half the truth. The other half was that it kept her from leaping Farline. If she had lost the feather, the last thing Jorin wanted to see was Rinya taking to violence. That could come later when she caught the petching woman in the hall alone. For now, the frosted glare and set jaw would have to get her by.

With her arm now healed, Rinya was sure this time she’d do much more damage than just bruise her pretty little face…

[Jorin Ertihan]

Season of Fall, Day 16, 513 AV

Misplaced it. Jorin ... at first he didn't know what to think. He vaguely noticed Rinya take his hand, but everything seemed to be in a sort of haze. And everything said sounded like it was underwater. She'd ... misplaced it? Jorin felt a bit lightheaded, so he shut his eyes temporarily before opening them again.

"No," he said simply. "I've known you three years, Farline. You do not misplace things. You are one of the neatest and most organized people I've ever met. You never lose things."

It was true. He'd known her to still have hairpins from when she was a girl, carefully kept inside a wooden box. Letters from old friends. She had a system, a place for everything. She was almost obsessed with everything being in the right place. And especially for something important, like that feather... she wouldn't just lose it.

Farline just shrugged. "It's just a feather," she tried. "If you really want one I'm sure I can buy-"

"It's not about the monetary value!" Jorin seethed. Farline looked somewhat startled. "I know you're not that dense, Farline. I lent it to you because you asked, because I trusted you from our years together. I believed you when you said you'd give it back."

"Jori, dear, I think you're overreacting," Farline replied, her voice light as she tried to laugh the whole thing off.

Jorin just sighed. "So where is the feather, Faline?" he asked, feeling inexplicably tired. Farline shrugged expansively.

"I'm sure I don't know, Jori dear, but look. Sentimentality is all well and good, but I really-"

"You don't care at all, do you?" Jorin was giving Farline a hard look. She flinched as though the words struck a physical blow. "It was just like before. Two years ago. You don't care. You never cared."

Farline's mouth set into a firm line. "Now Jori," she tried to admonish, "That's hardly fair! I-"

Jorin gave Farline an incredulous look.

"Did you think I wouldn't know?" he asked. "Farline, I was young and naive, but I wasn't blind and I wasn't stupid. Of course I knew. When we were together, I learned a lot about you. I learned you like to wear your tresses loose, because you love the feel of wind in your hair. I learned that you love the color green, because it reminds you of your garden back home in Syliras. I learned you love to run barefoot through the grass because it tickles your toes, even though it's not lady-like so you don't do it as often as you'd like to. I learned a million different things about you."

Jorin's face became very sad, and a cold, heavy feeling settled in his heart.

"But you didn't learn a single thing about me, did you? Whenever we went out, you never asked where I'd like to go. You'd laugh at my jokes, but you never asked me to tell you one. You helped me perform, but never encouraged my art. Did you think I wouldn't notice? Did you think I wouldn't care?"

He gave her a bitter smile.

"And yet, I loved you anyway. Because I was young and naive. And I thought that, if I loved you enough, someday you would love me back. But I was wrong, wasn't I?"

Farline opened her mouth to protest but Jorin quckly silenced her with a raised hand.

"No, Farline. I've heard enough," he admonished sternly, green eyes gone cold and steely. "I could have forgiven you for ignoring me for two seasons. I could have forgiven you for stringing me along for two years. I could have forgiven you for breaking my heart, going for Duril not a week after you severed things with me."

Jorin shook his head. "But I trusted you Farline. When I lent you that feather I trusted you. And you betrayed me. Even that I could have forgiven in time, except you don't even want to make it up! You don't even see it as a betrayal. It is that which I cannot forgive. It is that which I will not forget."

He looked Farline right in the eyes. Farline had begun to cry, tears streaming down her face, but for once Jorin was completely unmoved by it. Instead, anger began bubbling up inside. He did not need tears right now.

"Stop it Farline," he growled harshly. "That isn't going to work this time. I don't want to hear excuses, and I don't care whose petching fault it was! I gave the feather to you. That means you were responsible for it until you returned it to me. So I'll ask again, for very nearly the last time, where is it?!"

"I don't know!" Farline cried out miserably, her hands flying to her face as she choked out another sob. "I don't know ..."

Jorin sighed. The anger evaporated. Sadly, this time he believed her.

"Get out," he mumbled. Farline looked up, uncomprehending.

"Jorin, I -" she tried, but he cut her off.

"Get out," he ground out, firmer this time. When Farline continued to stand as though rooted, Jorin's face took on a rather terrifying look.

"LEAVE!" he roared. He winced at the volume. Still, it felt good to cut loose. Like all the dark and ugly things inside him were finally out now, and he was finally free.

Farline swallowed once, her face still showing the evidence of her crying, but no more tears appeared. For a moment she looked like a rabbit with an arrow pointed at its head. Then she picked up the hem of her dress and flew out the door.

Jorin groaned as he placed his face in his hands and rubbed. He felt so many things at that moment. Anger, that Farline had acted so nonchalant at this. Searing disappointment, that he'd thought she was better than that. But most of all he felt empty. Like someone had taken a knife and hollowed out a part of his heart and replaced it with a cold, empty void.

Jorin rarely ever got angry. It just wasn't in his nature. He was by temperament a very even-keeled, patient person. But when he did get angry ... Jorin sighed as he drew his hands away from his face, hanging them between his legs as he stared morosely at the blanket. When he did get angry it was an explosion. Jorin realized, it was over between him and Farline. Whatever they had once, it was gone now. Whatever feelings he had for her had been annihilated in the heat of that moment, turned into so much dust and scattered into the wind.

It was over between them. He had let her go, and it didn't even hurt.

[Rinya]

Day 16, Season Fall, 513 AV

For some reason Rinya felt as though the air had been sucked from the room. There was a shift in Jorin and Rinya didn’t know how to classify it really. They were talking about their past again and she really was starting to feel like she shouldn’t be present. Rinya knew that Jorin had something with Farline… it was most of the reason why she got so jealous. But hearing about it was entirely different.

All the little things Jorin took into account with her, it nagged at the back of her brain that Farline got that first. The jealousy was back, however Rinya refused to let it control her. It was the simple little things though—the things Farline got first. But honestly Rinya never expected to Jorin to feel like he was. He was angry, and depressed, and even hurt. Rinya knew he had his past, but he never let it bother him. His resilience seemed to be fading by the second and Rinya felt panic welling up in her chest.

Farline was going to break him. Why was it so hard for Farline to give Jorin what he wanted? Even as Rinya had resisted, honestly she would have never been able to deny him the one thing he ever really wanted. And it was that thought that caused the jealousy to drop off. Another feeling quickly filled the void and threatened to cause tears again…

Rinya could feel his sadness, but it was her own that welled in her chest that made her want to burst. Jorin was afraid he disappointed his parents, he just wanted Farline to love him, and he lost his second family through another “failure”… Jorin wasn’t the problem, everyone else was. He gave and they took—and it didn’t matter to the rest of them if it cut him open. Even she did it. Biting down on her bottom lip, Rinya pressed the tears back. Tears for him rather than because of him. She was just glad he didn’t seem to notice. It was the last thing he needed to feel right now.

Rinya opened her mouth as Jorin practically growled for Farline to tell him where the feather was, but nothing came out. She didn’t have it in her to tell him that he should probably calm down, that he lung wasn’t going to take lightly to the kind of stress they had been putting it through, but Jorin just wanted Farline out.

"LEAVE!"

Instantly Rinya released Jorin’s hand. While the feelings and the word were not directed at her, it filled the bond so fiercely she nearly fell off the bed. But even as the command left Jorin’s mouth, Rinya’s reaction was instant. Her hands slapped over her ears and she hunched over tightly, gritting her teeth in pure fear. She had felt this kind of command before. She wasn’t even sure if it was because of Jorin, or the memories the single word raised in the back of her mind. Memories she had actually forgotten.

”My father said your useless… just get… Leave me in peace you stupid bird!”

The memory was broken, barely flashes at best. But the feelings were the same. But nearly as quickly as the memory hit, it seemed to fade. However she could feel the traces of fear still running in her head. Releasing her hands, Rinya timidly glanced at Jorin—who just looked devastated. He wasn’t looking at her, just staring at the blanket while the emotions that seemed to swim across the bond left her frozen. Was this what he felt when she got like this?

Sliding her knee up onto the bed slowly so she could angle herself to face Jorin, Rinya hated to admit that she had no idea how to comfort him. She didn’t feel anger from him anymore, but Rinya wasn’t sure if she pressed him right now that he wouldn’t snap again. Tell her to leave in the same way that he had told Farline. But she had to do something. Sitting here staring at him wasn’t going to make him feel better.

”Jorin…” Rinya whispered, tilting her head a little in a move he often did to her in an attempt to catch his eye. Where were the words when she needed them? She couldn’t very well hold him, he was still in so much pain from his injuries—though she had the feeling he hadn’t even noticed them in his outburst. But he would later. Clearing her throat a little, Rinya swallowed hard and tried again.

”I uhh…. I used it just to get close to you.” Rinya wasn’t sure if he wanted to hear this right now or not. After fully realizing the girl he loved first would never love him back—but it was the only thing that would come to mind. Shifting nervously on the bed, Rinya stared at the bed herself.

”When I first met you… there was… there is something that just draws me to you. The bond had nothing to do with it I just… I wanted an excuse to go to you. The feather—I… you’re just…” Rinya huffed impatiently with herself. How did she tell him like he told her? His gift was the words… she didn’t have any talent at assuring him how she felt.

”You scare me.” Gods that was even worse! Growling slightly, Rinya ran her fingers through her hair before tugging on the ends. ”You scare me because you instantly brought feelings to me I never felt before.”

Releasing her hair, Rinya crossed her arms and attempted not to pout at her inability to say—well anything. She didn’t touch him, it seemed wrong to do so right now with him so upset over Farline. She just sat on his bed, glaring at the blanket like it had everything to do with her short comings.

[Jorin Ertihan]

Season of Fall, Day 16, 513 AV

Jorin had been too busy feeling his own frustration boil over to notice that Rinya had drawn away, clearly terrified when he roared at Farline. By the time he'd calmed down enough, she had also, so he missed her clapping her hands over her ears and curling up in terror. Instead, the first thing he felt was RInya's gentle presence sidling up to him.

”Jorin…” she whispered, and he involuntarily flinched. He'd ... he'd forgotten she was there. How could he have done that to her? Rinya had been there for him when he needed her most, but in his emotional state he'd lashed out at Farline without considering what effect that might have had on Rinya.

He raised his head to look Rinya in the eyes, and listened quietly as she tried to explain how she felt. It was strange, Jorin mused. Rinya and Farline could not be more different. Farline spoke with a smooth, practiced confidence, and she often had just the right words for the situation. But he had to read between the lines to get at her actual meaning. And sometimes even then...

But with Rinya, it was just the opposite. His beautiful Kelvic was self-admittedly terrible with words, and she often stumbled over what she was trying to say. She sometimes blurted things out, and then would either blush prettily or wrinkle her nose, embarrassed for having done so. But he never needed to dig, not with Rinya. With her, even though her words were awkward, her feelings weren't.

”You scare me because you instantly brought feelings to me I never felt before.”

She seemed so torn, so upset that she couldn't get her emotions out in words. But she didn't need to, he could already feel them. Maybe, if they hadn't been bonded, this would have been more difficult. But Jorin surmised he would have probably just tried harder; worked a bit more to understand. The bond made things easier.

"Rinya, please don't be scared," Jorin soothed. "I said it before, and I will say it as many times as I need to; if you are in any sort of trouble, we'll get through it together."

Jorin sighed. "I think what happened with Farline was inevitable," he mused, as he reached out and softly rubbed Rinya's shoulder. "Years in the making. It would have happened sooner or later. It wasn't even the feather, Rinya. I could have forgiven that, even though it would have taken a long time. It was the fact that she didn't even care... makes me wonder if she ever cared."

Jorin wanted to feel angry about it, but he found he only felt sadness. Like as though he'd known all along that Farline never cared, but was only now admitting it to himself. Perhaps that was exactly what it was.

Jorin shook his head. No more thoughts of Farline. She'd fled the room, and Rinya was still here. She seemed so small, so vulnerable, sitting there, her frustrations about her inability to comfort him so very obvious. Jorin gave her a tired smile. Little did she know, her very presence was comfort enough. She didn't have to say anything at all.

"Thank you, for being here for me, Rinya," Jorin breathed. Jorin's arm went from Rinya's arm to the back of her neck and he drew her closer.

"I know you think that your words aren't adequate to tell me what you feel," he whispered. He looked her directly in her beautiful golden eyes. "So don't use them..."

Jorin pressed his lips against Rinya's again. He closed his eyes and just concentrated on the feelings that washed over him. He could feel the frustration, the anger, the disappointment drain away like summer rain before the sun. His heart pounded wildly in his chest and all he could think was how lucky he was that a beautiful woman like Rinya would be in love with him. How fortunate he was to have found her.

He tried to transmit his love across their bond, to make the kiss something more. If he could have, he would have embraced Rinya tightly, but all he could manage was to wrap his good arm around her waist to pull her closer. Jorin noted almost absently that he was running out of breath. If it wasn't for the fact that breathing was rather important to living, he wouldn't have cared, but after another chime, he released her, panting slightly from the sheer feeling of the most intense kiss he'd ever experienced.

As they both recovered from the experience, Jorin grinned slightly. His arm went back to rubbing Rinya's shoulder absently, as he looked her in the eyes.

"I think that told me everything I needed to know," he remarked, still grinning like an idiot.

[Rinya]

Day 16, Season Fall, 513 AV

"Rinya, please don't be scared," Jorin soothed. "I said it before, and I will say it as many times as I need to; if you are in any sort of trouble, we'll get through it together."

Pressing her lips together, Rinya had a hard time nearly keeping herself from laughing. Not that what Jorin said was altogether funny, but the fact was—he missed her point. She enjoyed the idea that he wanted to protect her as much as she did for him. But her fear wasn’t so much what trouble they would find. Or maybe perhaps she was taking his words too literally. It was fine line that made it easy for confusion actually.

"Years in the making. It would have happened sooner or later. It wasn't even the feather, Rinya. I could have forgiven that, even though it would have taken a long time. It was the fact that she didn't even care... makes me wonder if she ever cared."

Deep down Rinya wasn’t sure what caused her more sorrow. The fact that she could feel his sadness eating at him over someone who didn’t care about him—or the fact that she dearly wished she could make Farline care just to make him happy. The second thought was impossible of course. Judging by how Farline had spoken of Jorin, there wasn’t anything she cared for about Jorin, much less about him period. And Rinya held steadfast to the idea that the woman was brain damaged.

For a moment, Rinya wanted to let bitterness take over. She was sorely tempted to tell him what Farline said about him, that he shouldn’t let someone like her bring him down because she was too stupid to see anything worthwhile in front of her own face. But Jorin reached out and touched her shoulder and immediately her bitterness calmed. It would be mean spirited to do that to him right now. Perhaps when he had healed—if he asked—she would tell him why she hit Farline. With his gentle heart, Rinya wondered if he would understand. Violence was obviously her thing, not his. His fingers shifted from her shoulder to her neck and Rinya felt a shiver run down her spine.

"I know you think that your words aren't adequate to tell me what you feel," he whispered. He looked her directly in her beautiful golden eyes. "So don't use them..."

Rinya’s face furrowed a little. She didn’t understand. Was her use of words really that bad? But he was looking at her so intensely, and once again the room felt drained of air. But for an entirely different reason this time.

The moment he pressed his lips to hers Rinya nearly melted. She could feel the shift in his emotions and she smiled slightly against his lips. His shift of feelings let her relax and enjoy the kiss as she did before. The entire day had been filled with probably every emotion one could list, and yet somehow it didn’t matter—that it was completely worth it if he was going to kiss her like this.

As Jorin pulled her closer, Rinya only instinctively reacted. Her hand snaked across his waist to press into the bed as it had done earlier so she didn’t entirely collapse her weight against him. Her free hand slipped up between them and brushed against his cheek, before sliding into his hair. His feelings seemed to drift across her skin, and Rinya shivered in response. If he could show her, then she could too couldn’t she? Rinya let her own feelings swell. She wanted him to know she felt the same.

As Jorin pulled away, Rinya didn’t want to end the kiss. She couldn’t help but follow his lips as he pulled away and it took her a moment to realize—she might want to breathe. Opening her eyes, her entire body felt like it was on fire as she gasped for breath. She stared at him dumbly for a moment before she shook her head in an attempt to gather her thoughts and leaned back a little. Her face was flushed, and Rinya had to clear her throat slightly before attempting to speak.

”I…” That said more than everything—if that was even possible. But she couldn’t form the words as usual. So she just nodded happily, a small but bright smile fit on her face.

Absently Rinya stroked the back of his head with her fingers. Without the kiss fueling her, Rinya was starting to feel drained. Reluctantly Rinya withdrew her fingers and gave a gentle push to his decent shoulder.

”You should lie down.” While her tone was gentle, Rinya wasn’t going to give him much leeway. He needed the rest…especially since the women in his life seemed intent on him lingering in pain. Rinya almost felt bad about the kiss—almost. She couldn't really if he didn't.

”I’m sorry... about today. This isn’t the best road to take in healing—I should know.”

[Jorin Ertihan]

Season of Fall, Day 16, 513 AV

Jorin had felt the surge of emotion from Rinya during their extraordinary kiss. It was unmistakable; she felt as strongly for him as he did for her. No reason to hold back now. When the kiss was over she was barely able to speak, only able to get out an ”I…”, but it said everything. Her nod confirmed it, and Jorin felt joy as he saw a bright smile light up Rinya's face. He always loved it when she smiled.

Then the day caught up to him. As the rush of adrenaline died down, as the wonder of exploring his feelings for Rinya began to dissipate, Jorin's injures reasserted themselves, demanding they be felt after being ignored for so long. Jorin had no energy to fight Rinya as she gently pushed him back down onto the bed, saying, ”You should lie down.”

Jorin nodded dumbly. The high of kissing Rinya was fading, and while he could still feel the energy buzzing all over his body, he could also feel exhaustion creeping up on him. His eyelids felt heavy all of a sudden, and even the pain of his shoulder and ribs were beginning to only feel like a dull ache. How had he become so tired all of a sudden?

”I’m sorry... about today. This isn’t the best road to take in healing—I should know.” Jorin just smiled up at her. With the fading light outside, Jorin noticed that Rinya's chocolate-brown hair was flecked with gold. Huh. He'd never noticed that before. Yet another thing about his wonderful Rinya to remember. Jorin reached up with his good hand and tugged at Rinya's arm.

"Don't go just yet," he insisted, fighting sleep as long as he could. "Just stay a bit longer..."

Jorin pulled her down next to him. If she wanted to, Rinya could easily slip back into the covers, cradled up to Jorin's right side like she had started her visit. Jorin sighed and glanced out the window. Syna was just dipping below the horizon. Despite everything that had happened, Jorin could only think one thing, as he looked back at Rinya.

It had been the perfect day.