Completed Family Matters (Jorin Ertihan)

[Rinya]

Day 40, Season Fall, 513 AV

Late Evening

Rinya lifted her bow off her lap. The wood was still in excellent shape, though there were several small nicks and scratches across the entirety of the bow. Undoubtedly several of them came from the Glassbeak attack last season when she had dropped her bow. The rest she wasn’t sure where they came from, but since they didn’t compromise the bow itself she did not have much reason to worry about them. Running her fingers down across the bow string, it took still looked to be in good shape. Though it wouldn’t be too much longer before she would have to replace it.

Rinya and Jorin had arrived home a bell or so ago from the Moonstone. After their quiet walk back to the condo, a few small kisses and they had separated into their respective rooms. Rinya had wanted to double check her bow, now that she had more arrows for it and had work the next day. Jorin—well she wasn’t entirely sure what Jorin was doing. After the day they had, Rinya was still slightly amazed they weren’t still stuck in the middle of spat that, in the end, really didn’t matter.

Whatever Jorin was doing though, it was beginning to frustrate him. For the longest time they had been simply allowing their general emotions to project across to the other. It was one thing they had about such an open ended bond. While Rinya didn’t show her happiness on her face as she attended to her bow, she felt it. And she knew she projected it, because it was how she internalized every emotion. But this was a little different coming from Jorin. He wasn’t upset over her or anything—at least she was fairly positive it wasn’t her.

Standing from the bed, Rinya stretched her arms over her head, wincing slightly as sore muscles across her stomach reminded of why it took so long for them to get home from the Moonstone. There had been no pain in their second coupling, but the muscles themselves were not used to such activities. Rinya flushed slightly as she remembered that they hadn’t exactly been quiet either. Which didn’t entirely bother her really…

Straightening out her dress, Rinya padded silently out of her room on hunter’s feet and made her way over to Jorin’s room. Peeking her head around the edge of the door, she spotted him glaring down at a book on the desk. It wasn’t a book she was familiar with either. Then again, she didn’t know how to read so inspecting books generally wasn’t on her high list of things to do. Plus, while they may be intimate, Rinya still respected Jorin’s space. For a moment she considered going back to her room, but there was something about the look on his face that she couldn’t quite make out.

So instead of backing away, Rinya made a bee line for his bed. The whole day had left her rather tired, but mentally she still felt wide awake. Crawling across the bed so that she was directly in the center, her left arm reached out and snatched a pillow. Crossing her arms, she rested them on pillow and dropped her chin to rest on her forearms, stretching out across her stomach. Her knees bent, lifting her feet into the air as her dress pooled around her thighs, swaying slightly as she just observed him for a moment before finally speaking up.

”What has got you so uptight?”

[Jorin Ertihan]

Season of Fall, Day 40, 513 AV

Jorin was getting frustrated. And it was not an emotion he really wanted to be feeling. When he and Rinya had returned from the Moonstone, Jorin was glowing with the emotions and feelings of their second coupling. It was even better than the first, and they'd explored each other quite a bit as they tried to map each other's bodies. Jorin had felt so good, in fact, that after the few light kisses that he'd shared with Rinya before retiring to their respective rooms, Jorin decided he'd give his father's problems another try.

As he cracked open the spine of his father's journal, Jorin realized immediately why he'd kept putting this off. Right there, on the front page, was problem number one.

O N E
T W O
T W O
T H R E E
T H R E E +
------------------
E L E V E N

What. The. Petch. Yes, it was true that 1+2+2+3+3 did in fact equal 11, but he was fairly certain that was not what his father intended when he proposed this problem. And the first problem was always the easiest problem. So how to solve this one?

Jorin wracked his brain, but couldn't even figure how to start. The only thing he figured out after twenty fruitless chimes was that clearly, the letters each stood for a different unique digit. And the full equation would have to actually work out mathematically. three three-digit numbers, summed with two five digit numbers, should come out to one six-digit number.

Two of the three-digit numbers were the same, and the two five digit numbers are also the same. And... that was all he could conclude. He noticed that the "E" was repeated; it might imply zero, though tests with that assumption went nowhere fast. There had to be an easier way to do this. Rosik's problems always had an elegant solution, a way to solve them quickly and easily, if you were clever and could stretch your brain. But Jorin's brain felt like mush after his tryst with his mate, and he found he couldn't keep his mind off of her.

Speaking of Rinya, Jorin could feel her happiness floating across their bond. It was a pleasant, warm feeling, and he let it wrap around him, and soothe his own frustration. Truthfully, he'd much rather just lose himself in his mate's happiness than to have to be sitting here, doing these stupid impossible math problems. But he'd already started, and he hated leaving things half-done.

Jorin was a bit startled when he heard the words ”What has got you so uptight?” come from behind him. Jorin looked up from his book, putting Rinya's quill carefully back in its holder and turning to look where the voice had come from, to find Rinya stretched out on her stomach, arms folded on a pillow, and legs kicking behind her as she swayed gently, and smiled at him.

Jorin had often found himself thinking Rinya looked beautiful, and recently he'd often found her very sensual as well. But at that moment, he couldn't help but find his mate very, very cute. So cute, he'd forgotten to wonder, when had she entered his room? Nonetheless, Jorin could use the distraction, and smiled back.

"Oh nothing," he sighed. He shrugged and decided to just tell her. "You remember, a long time ago, I told you about how my father gave me ten problems, every single day? Well, before I left home he gave me this."

Jorin held up his father's journal, a gold-leaf stylized "R", for Rosik, on the front. "For a man who claims to be modest, you'd think the emblem would be an 'E', for 'Ertihan', not 'R' for 'Rosik'," Jorin quipped.

"Oh, that reminds me," Jorin exclaimed. "I never told you, did I? That's my father's name. Rosik. My mother is Kari. Kari Ertihan... I actually have a brother too."

Jorin blushed slightly as he realized he forgot to tell his mate about that fairly important detail. "I... tend to sometimes almost forget I have a brother honestly. I mean, Darian was barely five years old when I left. For a Kelvic that would be, what, two seasons? Maybe even just one season? I didn't even really know him as a person. I wonder if he'd even recognize me now..."

Jorin's eyes took on a faraway look, but then he snapped back to the lovely and cute image of his mate, swaying on his bed. "Anyway this book of my father's he gave me? It's got his last ten problems. Presumably, I need to at least get six right before I can go home. But I'm having issues solving even just the first one," Jorin groused. Then he shrugged and sighed, tossing Rinya an apologetic smile. It wasn't that big a deal. Besides, it was a challenge, and he wasn't afraid of challenges. Not anymore, especially now that he had Rinya by his side.

"Well in any case, that was what had me so uptight," he explained as he grinned at her. Deciding he'd had enough of mathematics for one day, Jorin got up from the chair in front of his desk and hopped onto the bed, lying on his side and propping his head up with an elbow, looking at Rinya in a sideways glance.

"What about you, Rinya?" he asked. "You've never really talked about your parents much... I think you said your mother died when you were little? I'm so sorry... what was it like living with just your father?"

[Rinya]

Day 40, Season Fall, 513 AV

"You remember, a long time ago, I told you about how my father gave me ten problems, every single day? Well, before I left home he gave me this."

Rinya blinked up at the simple journal in Jorin’s hands. The letter imprinted on the front of the cover was familiar, and by Jorin’s words she guessed that’s what the letter ‘R’ would look like. She was tempted to tease him, and mention she didn’t actually know what letter was across the front seeing as they hadn’t started any attempt to teach her how to read, but Rinya just rolled her eyes instead. Some things were just better kept to one’s self.

"I never told you, did I? That's my father's name. Rosik. My mother is Kari. Kari Ertihan... I actually have a brother too."

While Rinya tried to file away the names of Jorin’s parents—she actually tended to be terrible with names—Jorin seemed a little embarrassed at the mention of his brother. She was fairly surprised by the fact too actually. When they had first met, they both had mentioned their families, but Rinya had not once heard of his brother, which was understandable if Jorin didn’t really know him either. But still, the fact that Jorin left out a member of his family was a little strange.

”It’s hard to tell age with Kelvics, especially since each breed ages a little differently, but I’d say for me that would about correct. Closer to three seasons I would say.” Rinya surmised over approximant age, but even for her it was hard to remember. When she was that young, she really didn’t take into account what human age she might be. "Anyway this book of my father's he gave me? It's got his last ten problems. Presumably, I need to at least get six right before I can go home. But I'm having issues solving even just the first one,"

Rinya watched Jorin shrug as if the idea wasn’t that big of an idea. But the idea of Jorin being unable to go home without finishing the problems seemed… wrong. If nothing else, she knew Jorin wasn’t entirely fond of the mathematics his father had tried to teach him. There was no way to tell if Jorin just didn’t have the mind for it, of if he just didn’t have the heart. She honestly would guess the latter. If Jorin enjoyed something, he did it. It was a simple fact about her mate… well most of the time. But everyone had to do things in life they didn’t enjoy. Rinya just wondered if Jorin made this one of them.

"What about you, Rinya? You've never really talked about your parents much... I think you said your mother died when you were little? I'm so sorry... what was it like living with just your father?"

Rinya pursed her lips slightly at the question as Jorin joined her on the bed. While she ended up thinking of her father quite a bit—nowhere near what she used to however—she never really did speak of him. Except maybe the once or twice before they had even accepted that they had bonded. In some ways, Rinya tried to avoid speaking about her time in Sylira. It was the past, a touchy one at that. Taking a deep breath, Rinya shrugged her shoulders slightly.

”My father said she died giving birth to me, yes. But my father…” What could she actually say about Adam? ”He was somewhat hard to understand. He was completely unpredictable, and there was no way to figure out what was going on in his head.” Rolling onto her side to give Jorin more room on the bed, Rinya scrunched the pillow a little under her head. ”I think he got that from being a slave though. If he gave too much away, my parents wouldn’t have gotten away at all.”

Tracing circles across the blanket, her eyes latching onto the braided blue cord wrapped several times around her left wrist. ”I don’t even really know my birthday, just that I was born in the Spring. I do know I was born on the ship though. I just lived in Sylira from that point on.” Shaking her left wrist slightly, she held it out to him. ”My father said she left it for me… my mother.” Rinya would have thought that speaking of her family would have left her depressed and hollow, given how easily the feelings swallowed her today. But there wasn’t anything but simple honesty.

”Growing up though… it was one big survival lesson. My father believed I had to know how to protect myself—he was rather afraid of the slavers returning even years later. I learned my weapon of choice, and how to swim strictly because I had too. Hunting came naturally of course.” Thinking back on it, she never really got the chance to be a kid—not that she would have been a normal human child anyways.

”Anyways, since I grew up faster than everyone else around me, I didn’t exactly make friends. Especially since my father was so against me bonding. I never got close to anyone, other than—Nickolas.” Rinya frowned slightly. For the longest time the name had escaped her, the bondmate before Jorin. Thinking about him felt like wading through water. A current pushing her mind backwards and away from him and causing sharp pains in her temples akin to a headache. Though she could vaguely remember him, Nickolas would have been Jorin’s age… maybe a little older actually.

”Before I came to Riverfall, my father left. Just… disappeared. He left me a letter, which was kind of ironic. I don’t know how to read or write, but he did. It makes me think he wasn’t always a slave.” Her father was educated, and she was fairly certain that didn’t come from bored slavers trying to teach her father basic education. ”I went home after fishing, and found the letter. I didn’t know he had left yet though… after my first year of life it wasn’t uncommon that my father would wander off for hours at a time.”

Rinya sighed slightly, though it was more exasperation than anything else. She had been so foolish in some ways. ”It took me awhile before I found a trader at the docks who was one of the easier men for me to converse with. He traded my fish for simple things without much of a fuss. He read the letter for me—letting me know my father left and had no intentions of coming back.” And that was all the letter had basically said. No reasons as to why he was leaving, just that he wasn’t coming back.

Rinya looked up from the blanket where her fingers traced random patterns. She hadn’t realized she was staring at the blanket during her admission. She wasn’t sad by the thoughts per say, she had done her crying over that particular point in her life. Though Jorin hadn’t exactly known her father had just left her like that. She had just mentioned she didn’t know where he was, so very long ago.

”I didn’t take his… abandonment very well. It’s what led me to leaving Sylira entirely. I could survive but—it was hard living by myself with constant reminders you know?” Shrugging again, Rinya breathed deep before smiling at Jorin, and it wasn’t forced. She was comfortable enough with Jorin to tell him the truth. ”So… did you always want to act? Or did you figure it out as your father taught you mathematics?”

[Jorin Ertihan]

Season of Fall, Day 40, 513 AV

Jorin listened carefully, as Rinya described her father to him. He seemed like an interesting man. Jorin had no point of reference though. He suspected anyone who'd spent such a significant amount of time as a slave would have to be very cautious. Jorin couldn't even imagine being a slave. He'd always placed great value on individual freedom; to have that taken away from you would be the worst thing, in his opinion.

Jorin was saddened to not hear a single thing about what made Rinya happy when she was a child. Her father sounded a lot like his, but at least he had his mother to balance him out. Kari was such a comfort to Jorin when he was younger, and he couldn't imagine what he'd have turned out like if it hadn't been for her.

Speaking of mothers... Jorin noted how Rinya had always wore that bracelet around her wrist, unless she had shifted into her bird form. He always thought that it was probably an important piece of jewelery to her, but he never knew it was a keepsake from her mother. He didn't know what exactly he could say, so he just noted that in the back of his mind, and continued to listen.

When Rinya mentioned this "Nickolas" person, Jorin felt a slight pang of jealousy. It was foolish, really. Clearly Nickolas wasn't in the picture anymore, but still, he'd been the first to get close to Rinya, and Jorin was rather saddened that he hadn't been the first. Rinya herself seemed to have many conflicting emotions when she spoke of this person; not quite happy, not quite sad. Jorin really couldn't put his finger on what exactly she felt, the feelings were too fleeting.

But as quickly as the jealousy came it disappeared. It wasn't really fair to Rinya; Jorin himself had said the past was the past. Besides, it wasn't who was first, but who lasted the longest. If Jorin had anything to say about it, he and Rinya would last until death.

Rinya's voice grew quieter as she mentioned how her father just... vanished from her life. Just like that. One day her father was there, the next he was gone, with little more than a note to keep her company. Jorin couldn't even imagine what that must have been like. For all his severity, Rosik had been a constant in Jorin's life. In fact he was too much of a constant.

Jorin felt a familiar hollow, empty feeling across their bond. So that was why Rinya was so distraught over "abandoning" him. It was very likely in her eyes, there was nothing worse she could have done to him. Jorin reached out a hand and took Rinya's, squeezing it to maybe give her some comfort as she continued to speak.

”I didn’t take his… abandonment very well. It’s what led me to leaving Sylira entirely. I could survive but—it was hard living by myself with constant reminders you know?” she concluded, and Jorin just nodded. He just couldn't imagine having to live with the silhouette of her father in every shadow. Still, it was very brave of her, to travel so far away, to a city where she didn't know anyone. Jorin smiled and kissed the back of Rinya's hand. He was quite glad she did, though, or he would have never met her.

”So… did you always want to act? Or did you figure it out as your father taught you mathematics?” Rinya asked him, and Jorin sighed a bit. Confession time for himself, he supposed.

"Yes and no," he answered, and grimaced when he realized that was as much a non-answer as it was possible to give. Taking a breath, he tried again.

"My father, he... well, he really wanted me to be a great mathematician," Jorin tried to explain. "He was a firm believer that the child should exceed the parent. But he'd never encourage. I never once heard him say he was proud of me. That I had done a good job. Nothing I ever did was good enough for him."

Jorin couldn't help the bitterness that crept into his voice has he spoke. He hadn't recalled those memories in a long time. Rinya's bright presence had shoved them aside, and he never thought he needed to relive them. And even though it felt good to finally tell someone, Jorin couldn't help the secondary feeling of shame.

That was his father. The man who'd raised him, who'd educated him and took care of him. How dare he speak of the man like this? How dare he feel like this, so bitter about a man so crucial to his development? But Jorin couldn't help it. When he thought back on his childhood, about all the times he'd looked up hopefully, only to see his father loom severely over him, quietly handing back a paper with only three problems marked as correct... Jorin's heart burned, and not in the warm pleasant way Rinya made it.

"But I still looked up to him," Jorin whispered, his eyes glued to his hands holding Rinya's. "Because he was a genius. And as long as I kept trying he'd pay attention to me."

Jorin sighed. "It was sheer luck the Thespians showed up when they did. I took one look at them and I realized, I wanted to do that. I wanted to be up there, entertaining people and making them smile. Bring joy to the world!"

Jorin barked a rather bitter laugh. "My father disagreed. He accused me of following foolish whims. Said I wasn't thinking clearly, was too young to know what I wanted from life. He brought up my failed tests. Pointed at that as evidence I wasn't smart enough. Wasn't good enough. Said the outside world would eat me up and spit me out."

Jorin blinked a few times. The bitterness faded as he remembered the last day. "So it was pretty surprising when, on the day I left, he gave me his journal, with the last set of problems in it. Said he knew this time I would pass. I wonder, did he say that because he actually knew I would? or was he just saying it because he knew it'd make me try...? Maybe it was both."

Jorin looked up and smiled at Rinya. "I guess my father was right, in a sense," Jorin confessed. "At that time, maybe I really didn't know what I wanted. But I just knew I wanted to make people happy, and acting came naturally to me."

Jorin shrugged, as he released Rinya's hand and brought it up to her face, stroking it gently. "I won't pretend my childhood was entirely fun, but I'm glad it all happened," he said. "Because it brought me to you..."

Jorin's hand moved down from Rinya's face to her neck, before his fingertips brushed against what felt like scar tissue. Frowning slightly, Jorin pushed aside Rinya's hair and noticed a small scar on her neck. How could he have missed that?

"Rinya, when did you get this?" he asked curiously, rubbing the scar lightly.

[Rinya]

Day 40, Season Fall, 513 AV

"Yes and no,"

Jorin grimaced at his reply and Rinya could feel her brow furrow in confusion. He seemed hesitant to reply at first and she almost told him he didn’t need to answer. But Jorin took a breath and charged right into it. By all accounts, Jorin’s father sounded quite a bit like hers, only on two different fronts completely. Her father believed in survival, and Jorin’s father preferred mathematics. Actually, the two of them would probably never get along if they got stuck in a room together. And for some reason that was an entertaining thought.

Bitterness bit through the bond quite harshly, as if Jorin’s tone wasn’t enough to tell her as much. It was perfectly understandable to Rinya. She often felt it with her own father, never living up to his expectations of how to survive. It was always do better, don’t fail… only with her training it had been life or death. There was no getting the answers wrong, because once is all it took to end your life.

The shame however that fell on top of it all did confuse her. Of all things, Rinya was not sure if his shame was at his own failings in his father’s eyes, or something else entirely. And without that knowledge she couldn’t properly refute his logic. So she pulled the hand holding hers closer to her body, and began to play with his fingers. Rinya realized as she traced her fingertips over the back of his hand before trailing them to his palm in a feather light touch, that she could easily develop this into a nervous tick when he was by her side.

Remaining quiet, Rinya simply listened to him talk about the Thespians. His realizations about what he wanted his life to become—even if he didn’t fully understand the actions behind them. It wasn’t a surprise that his father didn’t think Jorin could handle it. Considering how old Jorin was now, when he joined up with Thespians most still would have labeled him a child. But Jorin had roughed it out, somehow still coming out to be more gentle and understanding than most people could claim to be.

”I do not exactly know a lot about mathematics, but if I had to judge I would say you are fairly decent—that evaluation you made of the Warren was… intriguing. You certainly gave Rhys a headache with that one.” Rinya grinned at him lightly, knowing if nothing else Jorin would enjoy knowing in some aspect he had Rhys grumbling for several days afterwards about his little math problem.

"I won't pretend my childhood was entirely fun, but I'm glad it all happened, because it brought me to you..."

Rinya flushed under his hand brightly. ”You and your words…” Rinya grumbled without any heat behind it. Always capable of leaving her speechless with a few words. She would bet even if he lost limb because of her, he would still feel that way. Admittedly, Rinya would not have changed her past, because somehow this simple moment was perfect and to change anything might change them. Their pasts made them who they were now.

Rinya almost snorted at the thought. Jorin’s romantic side was wearing off on her. It was none the less true, but Rinya mildly wondered if she was beginning to mirror off of Jorin. Or if he had just changed her that much with the start of a simple bond. His fingers slipped from her face to her neck and Rinya hummed softly. There was that wave of contentment again, happiness that spread from word and touch…

"Rinya, when did you get this?"

Snapping out of her daze, her fingers came up to her neck and covered his. It took her a moment to realize he was touching the tiny twin circled scars. ”Oh these? Well that…” Rinya’s face burned for a different reason. ”I was only a few weeks old when I got that. I had shifted into bird form, but of course I couldn’t really fly yet. Apparently an alley cat thought I would make a good meal.” Rinya wrinkled her nose slightly. The actually encounter was a foggy one, but the pain on the other hand.

”It got a hold of me before I could shift back, and my father barely got the blasted thing off me before it could snap my neck. I haven’t exactly been very fond of any kind of cat since then.” She groused, before dropping her hand back to the bed. Her eyes shifted to him, critically trailing him from head to toe before landing back on his face. Despite the change in topic, her mind was stuck on a loop. The idea that Jorin’s father did not think he was strong enough.

Farline seemed to think the same way about Jorin. Rinya knew that Jorin’s ability to forgive meant people could easily take advantage of him. A weakness in its own right yes, but a strength too. So many people were cruel; she knew that all too well, children that enjoyed mocking her just because her eyes were gold instead of a normal hue of brown or blue. When she had first met him, she was used to males in general being unnerved by her stare. Most were gruff with her, unable to understand her, so she verbally shoved back.

Jorin brought that happiness to the world in more ways than just acting. He often came home and spoke of the people he simply met on the street doing his job. Some were funny, some were just what most people could define as plain, but Jorin was always happy to meet someone new. She wondered if he knew how much he changed the lives of the people he met—even if it was just a little. Leaning up on her elbow, she reached out and placing her free hand to his chest—as usual—directly over his heart.

”Jorin, you know you’re not a failure right?” Rinya cocked her slightly, pressing her palm to his chest a little harder so she could feel his heartbeat below it. ”I mean… you have no idea the effect you have on the people around you.” Her mind drifted slightly, a what if she had never really thought about. They were pointless after all, she had met him and that was all that really mattered, but the idea of never meeting him… ”You change the events of people’s lives—or maybe just mine. If I had never met you…”

There was a different kind of loneliness that filled the idea. She knew exactly where she would have ended up. Because she wasn’t a creature made to be alone. With no bondmate, and no one to completely trust herself with… ”I might have ended up like my parents. Accepting a life where having no love was the norm. Maybe I would have even eventually said yes to Rhys. No love, just a desire to not be alone anymore. I’m meant to have a mate Jorin, not just a bondmate. It’s part of my breed. Even if love isn’t a part of it. I would have been a breeding Kelvic, only because I didn’t have any other choice.”

Shaking her head slightly, she looked away from him to the hand on his chest. She had ended up fisting his shirt under her fingers and Rinya felt like they were stuck there. ”I got lucky. To find someone that I could truly love, not just because it was convenient. You are more than good enough.”

[Jorin Ertihan]

Season of Fall, Day 40, 513 AV

Jorin listened quietly as Rinya spoke about how a cat tried to eat her when she was little. She didn't seem to be too affected by it, only blushing when he asked, but that must have been an absolutely harrowing experience at the time. He could only imagine what a young RInya would have felt, helpless, unable to fly, caught in the jaws of an alley cat, not knowing if her father would reach her in time... no wonder she'd never liked cats since then.

Jorin could feel swirls of emotions, flitting by too fast to catch. Rinya was considering something, and then she spoke up, telling him he wasn't a failure. He sighed a bit and nodded a little, and even smiled for her when she put a hand over his heart, like she loved to do. But it was still hard to escape his father's stern face, his soft but firm voice insisting that he was not prepared, that he didn't have the ability, the skill...

But Rinya drew him back from his thoughts, telling him he had an effect on the people around him. On her. That if he'd never met her, she might have ended up like her parents. Even said yes to Rhys... Jorin's heart skipped a beat, and not in a good way. A breeding Kelvic, good for only producing children, no love, no choice...

Jorin barely heard Rinya's last few words, as he sprang forward and crushed RInya in a hug, holding her to him tightly. "I could never let that happen to you, Rinya," he insisted. "Never, never, never."

He continued to hold her tightly, like as though she might vanish if he let her go, after a few ticks, he loosened his hold, and pulled away just a bit and looked Rinya in the eyes. "You're the most perfect woman in the world, at least to me," Jorin insisted, lifting one hand to push some stray strands of her hair behind her ear.

"You know I love you more than anything, right? For you to have to spend your life as a breeding Kelvic, I... I could never let that happen to you." Jorin's head dropped a bit, and he flushed heavily, as embarrassment crept up on him a little.

"You and I, we've... never actually talked about children, have we?" he mentioned quietly. "I-I can understand if you don't want to talk about it."

Jorin sighed. "I'm not even sure how it works with Kelvics. I know how it works with human women... sort of. I do know I would love to make a family with you... that is, if you're willing too..."

Jorin's flush had now crept all the way down his neck. "But on the topic of what-ifs," Jorin added quickly, apparently eager to change the subject.

"If I'd never met you..." Jorin's eyes grew hazy as he remembered the day he met Rinya.

"We never had the bond back then, so you wouldn't have know this," Jorin confessed, "But the day Eric kicked me from the Troupe was one of the worst of my life. I guess... I guess I felt almost like you must have, when your father left you all alone in Syliras. Except, I've never dealt with being alone very well. Before I met you I relied on having other people around, as a sort of support structure."

Jorin gave Rinya a sad smile. "I was alone, no friends, no family, no troupe, an unfamiliar city. When I reached Rookery Park... Rinya I had seriously considered throwing myself off of that railing. Just one step. Maybe two. It would've been so easy to do... to just end it all."

Jorin could still remember the emptiness of that moment, how he'd ran from the Knirin Gardens blinding, not knowing or caring which way he'd gone, how he'd collapsed on that bench and at that very moment, had looked up at the gulls. He'd made a poem then. It was supposed to be his last one.

"And then I noticed this osprey on the railing opposite me," Jorin said, and this time he gave Rinya a genuinely happy smile. "And she saved my life."

Jorin punctuated that sentence with a firm nod, as though he was absolutely certain that Rinya's presence had saved him. Maybe he would've thrown himself off. Maybe he wouldn't have. But he knew what he'd been considering. And he knew that when he met Rinya, those thoughts had disappeared.

"I think we both got lucky, Rinya," Jorin said, as he put his left hand over the one Rinya had on his chest, and reached out with his right to cover Rinya's heart. He smiled when he realized both their hearts were beating at the same rate.

[Rinya]

Day 40, Season Fall, 513 AV

Jorin didn’t entirely believe her. While it saddened her a little that he couldn’t understand his own worth, it had not been the reason she told him. If nothing else, one person cared enough, and even if she did not consider herself the best person for him, she did love him. And in her opinion that may have been biased, Jorin himself was important and that changed everything. This was something she was prepared to argue with him over too, if it came down to it.

But the horror Jorin felt over her possible outcome without him—it was actually a little hard to swallow. She barely finished before he was on her, muttering how he could never let it happen to her. In some forms it was actually a promise, one that she wasn’t entirely sure how to take. If something happened to him, would she count that as a broken promise, in the wake of despair of the broken bond—and heart.

"You and I, we've... never actually talked about children, have we?"

Rinya blinked at his sudden change of subject. Jorin was actually embarrassed by this subject? He was bumbling through the words, and Rinya just stared at him blankly. If he wanted a family why was it so hard for him to say so? She knew how he felt about her, and generally those types of feelings—and the progression of their relationship—led to children. It was perfectly acceptable to want that with someone you love. In fact Rinya thought of it as the most amazing gift she could give him.

Of course she wanted to have a family with Jorin, but in some ways it was like leaving a piece of her and him, mixed together, to comfort Jorin after she passed. Jorin would still be fairly young in terms of human years, and the idea that a child between them would remain to care for him in his roughest times would give her a measure of comfort. And the idea of waddling around pregnant with his child was oddly…

"I was alone, no friends, no family, no troupe, an unfamiliar city. When I reached Rookery Park... Rinya I had seriously considered throwing myself off of that railing. Just one step. Maybe two. It would've been so easy to do... to just end it all."

Rinya half realized she had been day dreaming about carrying his child and nearly missed a rather potent idea. Jorin… ending his life? There was an echo of emotions that seemed distant. Maybe because Jorin was caught up in a memory rather than actually focused on what he was telling her. The knot in her throat was suddenly hard to swallow around. Somehow they were exactly alike, and completely opposite at the same time.

Jorin would have simply taken his life. Rinya herself would have suffered through a loveless life, but not really living at all—dead on the inside. They fit better together than they ever really imagined. It was no wonder the bond took instantly. It was known to happen, recognizing something in the other, but Rinya never thought it would be almost morbid, the lines they both sat on when the met—so easily to be tilted one way or the other.

"And then I noticed this osprey on the railing opposite me, and she saved my life."

Rinya could feel the burn behind her eyes, there were tears there again. But she didn’t let them fall. Jorin reached out with both hands, one to hold her hand against his chest, the other to her own heart. Her mind stalled and before Rinya could think otherwise, her mouth blurted out words faster than she could take them back. ”I want kids.”

Rinya winced slightly. There went her awkward mouth again. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and focused. They were sliding through subjects so quickly and the strings of emotions that came with them jumbled her brain slightly. They were both lucky, and even though it seemed like a subject change—this was another base matter for them to handle. So clearing her throat, Rinya opened her eyes and grinned at Jorin.

”I have always wanted children Jorin. But uhh… Kelvics only breed according to their… species.” Rinya felt her face go hot, but she shifted closer to him, untangling her hand from his and letting the palm of her hand rest across his cheek. ”It is actually a little… unusual for a Kelvic to mate outside of its season—I blame you for that.” Rinya teased lightly, even though she was quite sure some of it was her fault too. They let each other feel what they were feeling so easily, it was hard not to get caught up and react to him. ”We’ll deal with it as it comes. But really we don’t have anything to worry about until Spring.”

There was a hint of appreciation of that last thought. Plenty of time to spend together and grow into each other. But Rinya’s teasing fell short after a moment and she stroked his cheek like he had done earlier. ”But I don’t want to hear that you want to just end it all Jorin. You’re so much stronger than that. And not just because you’re bound to me and the breaking of that bond could very well actually kill me… do you understand?”

[Jorin Ertihan]

Season of Fall, Day 40, 513 AV

”I want kids.” Rinya had blurted out, and Jorin looked up in surprise. He had been so nervous, because he hadn't known if it was even something she was interested in. Especially since children wasn't a small step; for her to carry his child was a huge deal for both of them. Jorin's voice caught in his throat. She wanted children... with him.

And as she rushed to explain, about how Kelvics bred according to their species, Jorin couldn't help but feel happy. He really hadn't thought Rinya would be interested, given what her fate would have been if he had never met her.

And even if Rinya had never wanted children he would still love her all the same. But the idea of having a family... until then Jorin hadn't even considered the idea. But it had a great deal of appeal to him. Something... someone they both created together. Equal parts Rinya and himself. It felt right.

”It is actually a little… unusual for a Kelvic to mate outside of its season—I blame you for that,” Rinya had teased lightly, and Jorin just grinned back. "Well, I can't help it that you're so wonderful," he fired back. "I blame you for that," he added with a wink.

So... Spring then. Plenty of time for them to get settled, and comfortable with the idea of children. And besides, even during Spring, it probably wasn't the case that Rinya would be impregnated every time the coupled. It was entirely possible she wouldn't get pregnant at all this year. But at least they both seemed fine with the idea.

"I think having a child with you would be wonderful, Rinya," Jorin insisted, covering Rinya's hand on his cheek with his own, happy to feel the warmth and love between them. "I just... I wanted to be sure you wanted it too."

”But I don’t want to hear that you want to just end it all Jorin. You’re so much stronger than that. And not just because you’re bound to me and the breaking of that bond could very well actually kill me… do you understand?”

Breaking the bond... would kill her? Jorin couldn't help the surge of shock through his heart. He didn't realize... he remembered her telling him it would seriously harm her to have the bond broken, but he didn't realize it could be fatal. Jorin leaned forward and kissed Rinya again. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately, not that either one of them was complaining. It just seemed like the right thing to do in that moment.

As always, warmth spread through his body from the contact. He could feel Rinya's worry, her concern for him, and her love as well. He would never consider such an act now. He had someone who needed him, someone who loved him. At least one person in his life he could depend on.

As Jorin released the kiss he looked into Rinya's eyes and smiled. "I understand, Rinya," he said quietly. "And it wouldn't happen anyway," he admitted. "I have you now. Even if everything else fell apart, I still have you. Like my poem, a season ago... Though winged and free they might be, yet I have you, and that's enough for me."

Jorin shrugged lightly. "Poetry was one thing I didn't pick up from the Thespians or my father," he mused. "That was all mother. I think... I think you wouldn't have liked me, if I had grown up without her gentle hand guiding my life."

Jorin smiled as he remembered all the things his mother tried to teach him. "It wasn't even a love of art she taught me. She was never one for mathematics and logic, she was the one who taught me to think with my heart."

Jorin laughed. "I always found it odd my father never contradicted her on that," he noted. "But then father had always been... different, around mother."

Jorin shrugged, and reached forward to hug Rinya closer to himself, once again resting his chin in the crook of her neck, breathing in her scent. "I suppose it might have been her influence too, that drove me to the Thespians, but it was also what kept me in Zeliva as long as it did." he mused, whispering his words into Rinya's ear as he wrapped his arms around her waist.

"I didn't want to leave her, you see," he confessed, "she'd been so kind to me, such a bright, gentle presence, I guess I felt like I'd be abandoning her, to just up and leave. It wasn't Zeltiva I missed the most when I left with the Thespians. It was her."

Jorin pulled back. His eyes were bright with unshed tears. He really did miss his mother a great deal. And he felt terrible, that he'd left her behind to chase his own dreams, not thinking how it must have hurt for her to lose her son for such a long time.

"Worst part, she wasn't even mad at me for leaving." Jorin's voice cracked slightly. "She just told me she'd love me no matter what. And to look at the stars every now and then and remember her..."

[Rinya]

Day 40, Season Fall, 513 AV

Honestly Rinya had figured informing Jorin that she had no qualms about creating a family with him would make him happy. It was the extent that he was touched simply by the thought was a little surprising though. There was a difference between want and duty. And it was a difference she could clearly see and understand. Jorin obviously did not expect it from her, and that made the decision all the easy to make. Bringing children into a world where they were wanted for more than a price—there was nothing wrong with that. Never would be.

His wonderful comment however caused her to roll her eyes. She was not the only person biased, but regardless his simple wink caused her face to turn red again. Rinya never considered herself as feminine as some women. Jorin wasn’t the first male to notice her in such a light, but it had never mattered to her until now really. The plain fact Jorin wanted everything with her… it wasn’t something she had ever thought about having before.

His shock shot straight through her though as she told him not to even think about harming himself and Rinya frowned slightly. Was it really that hard to believe she didn’t want him thinking like that again? Before she could argue further—which she had a feeling would end up with her yelling at him for being ridiculous—Jorin leaned and kissed her. And even with her mind being thoroughly confused as it was, she kissed him back, hard.

Jorin was kissing her to reassure her, that much she was sure of. She was kissing him because she wanted him to feel it. Both across the bond and physically that she needed him to stay safe—and it had nothing to do with her own life. Though trying to imagine even losing him now made her heart clench. She wasn’t even able to let him go before, trying now would be impossible. Jorin pulled away first and Rinya huffed slightly. It was almost irritating that he could smile at her like that after telling her he had wanted to take his life.

"I have you now. Even if everything else fell apart, I still have you. Like my poem, a season ago... Though winged and free they might be, yet I have you, and that's enough for me."

It seemed odd, that one of his first poems he ever composed was like a future she hadn’t ever thought about—much less with him. She had been a bird when he wrote that, trying to understand a man that acted nothing like she had ever met before. He didn’t know she had a human form yet. He just… saw things so differently than she did. Another difference… Rinya was still in awe that the fit together at all sometimes.

"Poetry was one thing I didn't pick up from the Thespians or my father, that was all mother. I think... I think you wouldn't have liked me, if I had grown up without her gentle hand guiding my life."

Jorin shifted subjects again and this time Rinya was much happier for it. Trying to picture Jorin differently however, there was no way she could do it. Make his voice harder, his touch indifferent, his views and feelings far less optimistic… They made Jorin who he was. Another what if that was better off left alone. She assisted in his pull to hold her closer, sliding across the bed so she could fit more easily along his body. Rinya enjoyed the stories about his mother the most—probably because she never knew her own. Though if Jorin stayed with her and they created a family, she had little doubt she would end up meeting the woman who shaped her mate.

The echo of his aching heart across the bond caused her to take a sharp breath however. He missed his mother, a completely foreign concept to her. She didn’t even truly miss her father; it had been the fear of being alone that she had cried over. Sighing softly, Rinya pressed herself against Jorin until he rolled onto his back. While it was tempting to completely crawl on top of him and try to make him forget his sorrow, it wasn’t the time.

Instead Rinya curled underneath his arm, throwing an arm across his waist and rested her head up against his shoulder. ”I can’t say I understand completely. But if how you speak about your mother is true, I’d say she wanted you to go out into the world. Find yourself, and the inspiration you needed. She loved you, and I’d say she wants you to be happy.” Shrugging her free shoulder, Rinya tilted her head up slightly so she could view the side of his face.

”You’ll see her again Jorin. You love your mother too much not to.” Rinya was certain of this. Though she did realize she hadn’t actually comforted him much, at least not with words. So instead she tried to shift subjects herself. ”The Thespians… that is where you met Farline.” She didn’t like the thought of focusing on the woman, but she had been a big part of Jorin’s life too, even if only for a short time. She was a rather intrusive person with them now, it was better to know more about her if Rinya was determined not to hit her again.

”You only told me a little about her. Did you want to tell me about your relationship with her? You loved her, even if she didn’t feel the same. How you put up with her now…” He was amazing, the way he tolerated Farline, knowing what he did about her now.

[Jorin Ertihan]

Season of Fall, Day 40, 513 AV

Jorin sighed contentedly as Rinya lay at his side, arm across his waist and head on his shoulder. It really felt so right for them to be like this. No expectations, no pressures, no one telling them how they were supposed to feel. Just the two of them, enjoying each other's company and learning things about each other.

”You’ll see her again Jorin. You love your mother too much not to” And Rinya sounded so sure, like she was absolutely confident that he would. And she certainly felt that way if what Jorin got across the bond was any indication. He just smiled.

"Yes, I'm sure I will," he agreed, kissing Rinya's forehead. "And I'm sure you will too."

Jorin sighed resignedly when Rinya brought up the topic of Farline. On the one hand, it was rather inevitable she'd come up. On the other, he wasn't entirely all that eager to talk about her. Farline was... an interesting period of his life, but much harsher with the benefit of hindsight.

"I met Farline basically as soon as I joined the Thespians," Jorin began. "Back then, she wasn't really all that interested in me at all. And honestly, I wasn't all that interested in her. We were coworkers, sure, fellow stage hands and understudies, but we were also incredibly young."

Jorin's free shoulder shrugged slightly. "For those first couple of years, we only really talked because, hey, who else is there to talk to behind the scenes when the actors are doing their thing? But like I said, she was the only one who helped me with my acting, who paid attention to me."

Jorin sighed. "Did I love her?" he asked, mostly to himself. "Maybe. I'm not sure. I know I thought she was attractive, and graceful, and elegant, and I certainly felt something."

And Jorin really wanted to remember what it was he felt when he was with her back in those days. But the emotions weren't there anymore. Like an echo of an echo, barely in existence. And really, Jorin realized he didn't want to recreate those emotions. Not anymore, not with Rinya there. She triggered in him feelings he didn't even know he had. And if there was one thing he knew for sure was that he'd never felt anything like it during his time with Farline.

"I know you don't like her. I mean, you even said you hated her," Jorin mentioned, but with no heat in his voice. He lazily started playing with Rinya's hair with his free hand, twirling it and untwirling it on a finger. "I... can't say I hate her though. It's very hard for me to hate someone, Rinya. It's such a... strong emotion for me to feel."

Jorin hastened to add, "Don't get me wrong. I don't like her either, not after all that's happened. And that day at the hospital, when she made you cry I... that was the closest I ever came to hating someone. I don't like seeing you cry Rinya. If I could, I'd want to see a smile on your face all the time."

Jorin sighed heavily. "But to say that I hate her... You know, in a way it would be better. For her I mean, if I did hate her. Because then that would mean I felt some sort of strong emotion for her, even if it's negative. But the truth is, I feel nothing for her, Rinya. Nothing at all."

Jorin shrugged, and brought his arm around to draw Rinya up closer to him, twisting his body slightly so that he could cuddle her against him. "Farline and I, our relationship, if you could really even call it that, was nothing like what I have with you. I had to walk on eggshells. Always wondering if an errant word would end things. It wasn't unpleasant, at least not most of the time. just... stressful, sometimes."

Jorin smiled, and lowered his head and kissed Rinya on the neck. Then decided to plant a few more, going up her neck to her jaw and then her cheek. "Not like when I'm with you," he murmured into her skin, as he ran small kisses across Rinya's cheek, approaching her mouth with every kiss. "With you, everything's completely natural..."

Jorin decided to punctuate the sentence with a final kiss to Rinya's lips. Definitely not stressful, Jorin decided.