Completed [Broken Casket] A Certain Something {Ethan}

[Hadyn Skellig]

Hadyn said nothing as he approached, weary of the nonsense they'd engaged in. Her feet were sore and her back ached. All she wanted to do was sit down - in the street if she had to. But Ethan wanted to say more. His hands were on her arms, tentative and soft. A quiet voice issued forth as he tried to explain further. He was always so full of words and explanations. He could tell her everything and what did she offer in return? a scowl, maybe a coarse comment. Never in a thousand seasons could she ever speak the way he did.

When he took her hand, his own laid across her belly, it took all the willpower on Mizahar not to bristle and step away. He was getting too close. He was making it physical. Swallowing as he threaded his fingers through hers Hadyn focused on his face and his words. He spoke of Liam and the rest of his story faded away. Just hearing the man's name glazed the weaponsmith's expression, listening but not hearing as Ethan spoke on.

Then he moved forward, lips pressing to her forehead. Don't punch him in the gut! She sucked in a breath through clenched teeth while Ethan rested his forehead against hers. The petch was this? he was apologizing. That was something she understood. Another calm breath as she pulled her head away from his to stare at him.

"S'alright," she murmured before taking a step back to look at him proper. "Y'know I ain't much for words. Reckon I hurt you more than you have me, tonight especially. But... I am who I am. I'm not one of them girls in there that'll sit on your lap an' whisper sweet things n'to your ear. I've got no skill in talkin' nice and bein' decent."

Hadyn paused, brow furrowed as she searched for the words. She was still angry with him. Still settling down from the tempest she'd been only moments ago. Probably wasn't good for the child. But then, she wasn't exactly anyone's choice for a mother. After a moment she looked away, still wrestling with how to explain her thoughts.

"No one claims me, Ethan. You of all people know that. I'll do what I choose an' I can't promise you'll like it. It's just the way it is. I don't blame you if it don't suit you. But I'm not changing any time soon."

It had to be said. She couldn't string him along any more, especially now knowing how he felt. Though it was still an absolute mystery how and why he came to think so highly of her. She was nothing but an animal, living on needs and desires. No mind for emotions or concern beyond the necessary. How could she impart that to him? Hadyn stepped away from him again, the more distance between them the easier it was to speak. Having him close enough to touch her muddled her thoughts and had her speaking stupidly.

"You deserve more than anythin' I could give, Ethan. I can't even communicate properly."

[Ethan Ironhorse]

Ethan sighed as she pulled away, everytime that he wanted to hold her close or touch her she would pull back. It was like oil and water, and Ethan felt like it was a hot poker in his guts. He looked up at her with sad eyes as she said that no one would claim her, and then he realized that she was wrong, someone would claim her… the child she was going to give birth to. Maybe he had been trying the wrong tactic with asking about himself and feelings about him. Hadyn had always very strong feelings about family, Ethan on the other hand wanted to create a family. Bring someone who he loved and thought as a good partner for his team, and then produce a mess of children with. “Haddie, I gots one question for ya. When ya pop, that there child is goin’ come out and lay a claim on ya. They goin’ be trustin’ ya to feed them, cloth them, teach them, even love them and thats a pretty big claim. Yet all the time I been with ya, I know your heart is willin’ to give its all to the task. Family, sometimes ask things of each other that don’t make any sense. Yet because we love them, we do our best to do it. I’ve known your brothers, your ma and da, and I be hopin’ to know your little one as well. I also know they don’t expect their Haddie to be in a man’s lap whispering sticky sweetness. I believe they’d want her to have a man that she can tell her opinions to, work with to build a family, and even hold each other as they got old.” “So I don’t know what ya think I deserve. What I think I deserve is a woman that I love and loves me, a family all screamin’ and hollerin’ at one another for one thing or another. Aye, their voices done filled with opinions and smart remarks. Yet everyone gives as much love to each other as they receive it, and in the case of m’heart just about all of it. So, I guess what I am askin’ is that till I get what I deserve, can I come around to your family and see how ya and ya child’s day been goin’?”

[Hadyn Skellig]

Fatigue plagued her, the woman's brown eyes settling on the ground behind Ethan as he spoke. Their arguing drained her, making it difficult to listen attentively. Her mind strayed to a warm bed, a blanket or even the cobblestone for a quick nap. Her lids were heavy as her gaze rose to the man, his statement complete.

"'Course, Ethan," she replied with a perplexed frown. "No one's barrin' you from seein' the child or me. You'll... you'll have to forgive me. I'm just... petchin' tired.."

Her voice was quiet, expression still bearing traces of bemusement. Hadyn took another step away from the blacksmith, hand extending to press against the wall of a building. Finding it stable enough she rested her shoulder against it, moistening her lips as her hand rested on the swell of her belly. Leaning against the wall the weaponsmith offered Ethan a weary smile.

"S'ppose a benefit of bein' with child is that I can't yell and fight like I used to. Sure 'n you're thankful for that I'll wager."

While it wouldn't take much to rouse her into another screaming match the woman did appear noticeably calmer. It was difficult for her to understand Ethan. He was so damn complicated. She couldn't comprehend why he wasted his efforts on a broken woman when there were ladies a plenty in the city who would show him the affection he craved and deserved. It was like he was torturing both of them.

"You sure got some patience, Ironhorse," she added dryly with a half serious glance his way.

[Ethan Ironhorse]

Ethan became worried at Hadyn’s mention of being tired. He took a step forward moving to support her and then stopped. He knew that Hadyn didn’t react well to touch, it was something that bother Ethan deeply about her. Hadyn wasn’t scared of sharing her bed, nor was she scared of telling any petcher what she thought about them, yet when it came to softly embracing her or tenderly holding her then she acted as if Ethan was hitting her. By Cheva she was just… so complicated! Ethan wanted to tell her that she was worth the patience, yet he wanted to give up on all of this. There was a part of him that thought just how hard this all was. Hadyn didn’t want him to love her or at least didn’t want the kind of love that came with feelings. Yet she kissed him, told him that she thought highly of him…. Ethan just felt so confused. How could any woman tell him those things, and yet tell him that she didn’t want to be with him? The kiss was something more than just a friendly peck, wasn’t it? And what did think highly mean? He knew that Hadyn couldn’t say she loved him but… did that mean she did love him or that she thought him of a friend? Ethan simply shook his head, “Haddie, ya know how to work steel and iron, it takes patience to craft a thing that has so much heat, it can burn ya skin off.” Ethan wasn’t sure but he stopped for a moment and realized it was exactly the type of thing Liam would have said. Exactly the type of thing that would have confused Ethan even more, did he mean that he was trying to make Hadyn into something? He had really just meant to say their craft gave them patience. “Ummmm… I know ye are tired, can I help you back to ya apartment?”

[Hadyn Skellig]

Hadyn stared at him watching him approach, hesitate and finally speak. Even his words were tainted with uneasiness. Apprehension. A frown pulled the corners of her lips down, brown eyes darkened. Her jacket hung over her arm as she wrapped it around her body, the hand gripping the opposite arm awkwardly. Perhaps she was just too much for him. If she shunned him enough he'd go away like the rest of them. Isn't that what she wanted?

Ethan's question hung in the negative space between them for a chime. Under any other circumstance she would not allow a man with whom she'd just been arguing walk her home. In fact it was rare she'd even stick around long enough for him to ask. But here they were. Hadyn bit her bottom lip, dropping her gaze as she ran a hand through the loose waves of hair.

"Yeah," she replied at length with a nod, as if she were convincing herself as well. "Yeah, you can."

He didn't like the way she shied from his touch. Even she could see that. But it was like hitting an invisible wall. Hadyn was better alone. No man wanted to get caught up in her tangled mess of a life and she was happy to show them the door when they got too close. But with the baby growing inside her these new frustrating feelings rose out of the depths of her graceless knot of a heart. Loneliness, the need for affection and equally annoying emotions that were so easily squelched before Orion left her with his kid now vied for her attention and made simple conversations torturous.

Pushing off from the wall the woman began walking, pace slow to wait for Ethan to fall in step. As they set off Hadyn pulled her arms through Brody's old jacket, pulling it around herself before stuffing her hands into the depths of the pockets. It was a size and a half too large even with her pregnant belly, the dark grey material having seen better days since its previous ownership. Unable to maintain a particularly swift stride the brunette cast her gaze sidelong to find Ethan.

"Sorry for the yelling."

[Ethan Ironhorse]

As the silence stretch over the two of them, Ethan began to believe that this argument had finally broken them. Of all the things that he had hoped for, to let a bit of yelling about his feelings stop them from developing… whatever this mess was. Ethan so ached to put his arms around her, to tell her that he would be there for her, yet she didn’t want too. How could he need her so much and yet she need him not at all? And the strangest thing was that Ethan didn’t even really understand what he needed Hadyn for? She didn’t cook, clean, or provide him with money. Because she was pregnant it’s not like they could petch. Yet, at the slightest touch his skin felt like it was on fire. When they talked Ethan could see the person inside in rare moments and for some reason he wanted to be with that part. He enjoyed their conversations about family, the past, work, and even the future. Yet at the thought of not being able to talk with her or see her again, it scared him to his core. When Hadyn accepted Ethan’s invitation to escort her back to her room, he felt a weight drop from his shoulders. Ethan walked over to Hadyn and for a moment want to offer his hand to her. It was almost a unconscious reaction, opening his hand briefly it came away from Ethan and would have allowed Hadyn the opportunity to hold it. Yet he realized that she wouldn’t want it and almost uncharactistically fast Ethan brought it back to his side. He began to realize that he was getting cold and felt the cool night air start to react with his nose and ears. Ethan briefly inhaled through his nose to stop running liquid he could feel, and as Hadyn apologized about yelling. Ethan reached up to the back of his neck and began to rub it. “Haddie, I am sorry for pickin’ such a bad moment to go and a tell ya m’feelin’s. I….” Ethan shook his head, his right hand briefly going through his mop of red hair. He took a moment to organize his thoughts as Hadyn always seemed to stir them up. He really didn’t want to get back into that mess of feelings and wants. Ethan realized that perhaps he could start back at the beginning. “Ya mentioned earlier tonight that it is hard being alone. Guess I been thinking the same thing. Don’t suppose ya mind if I started coming by every few days to check in on ya, could use the conversation if nothing else.” That was about as close to the emotional truth as Ethan could get, because what he really wanted from Hadyn was to have her fall asleep in his arms tonight. Yet, he had no idea how to make that happen, when after all he had done had almost made her throw him away. Ethan looked down into Hadyn’s face for a moment and as he stared at her, he began to think that whatever they had between them would have to be sorted out, but for now he was just happy to be close to her.

[Hadyn Skellig]

The woman watched him sidelong as he mumbled an apology and an explanation. She'd anticipated both from him, nodding understandingly as her gaze returned to the darkness before them. Part of her wished Brody was here to translate Ethan's intentions and misunderstandings. Her brother knew both of them better than they knew each other. He'd always been able to help Hadyn comprehend people when she was ready to give up on them. He, like Liam, was a people person. He caught the nuances and inflection in folks' words and could figure them out much quicker than she and with greater accuracy. He would've been a boon tonight. But he was long gone. Like Liam.

"If you'd like," she answered, the noncommittal tone in her voice evident. Biting her lip as she walked she glanced his way again before adding with a smile: "That'd be nice. I'll be locked away soon in confinement the midwife says. Sounds horrid. Don't know how women manage."

With husbands, she thought wryly. Someone to do all the chores and fetch food. Lacking that substantial individual Hadyn figured she'd be doing all that herself. And she'd be damned before she asked anyone for help. Least of all a man. It was stupid - she was aware of that. It was ridiculous to build walls and refuse anyone entry especially in her state. But it was a default mindset and she wasn't sure how to change. Or if she could.

Flexing cold hands in the confines of the pockets the brunette cast a surveying look across the near empty street. For all their yelling earlier no one seemed to pay them much thought - just as well. Hadyn was no stranger to the awkward presence of Knights during a scuffle, the half hearted attempts to explain the argument meant nothing, pathetic apologies and the meek nods of compliance after being told to mind themselves. It was just as well their minor row didn't catch the ear of Syliras' finest.

"Suppose I ought to learn to cool my temper," she surmised with a grin his way. "Poor baby's already startin' out at a disadvantage with me and Orion as parents."

[Ethan Ironhorse]

Ethan bit his lip at Hadyn’s words. He had just patched things up with her and now she said something that just cut him to the core. Why did she always say things like that? She wasn’t a bad person, she just was…. complicated. Yet she always put herself down, like she wants everyone to believe she is a failure. Ethan kept walking for a little bit shaking his head, trying to fight the feeling of saying something that would hurt Hadyn more. Yet, if Brody had said such bull shyke, Ethan knew that he would have to put it out of his friends mind. Why was Hadyn different? Was it because Ethan wanted to be with her, since he was a teenager? Why was he not trying to stop this thing, when Brody was being an shyke then he could tell him to rein it back. ”Haddie, I wish ya would not say such things’. I cannota say a thin’ to defend Orion, but I dun promise to try and talk with him. Yet, I know ye, I know ya down to the little broken bits. Ya got love in ya, love in a way that will transform ya. Dun every woman I know says that a child changes them. They say that when they hold their child in their arms, feel the small breathes and feel their heartbeat, they say that all thought becomes of that child. Ya sayin’ that the babe at a disadvantage ‘cause of ya is the largest pile of horse shyke I ever came across. Ya first thought will be of the babe in the morn, your last thought will be of them at night. I talk with some of followers of Oriana, they dun say that a parent is a teacher, the first teacher we have, that real parenthood isn’t about being perfect or just making sure they survive till they are on their own. What they taught me was that m’grandda was more my father then the man who gave up his seed. M’grandda decided to teach me right and wrong. He devoted his days to me, while my father poured himself into Erik. I sought m’da approval, when I should have realized that all the love came from m’grandda. Ya made the choice to keep the babe, Haddie, when ya could have put them in front of the Orphanage. So already ya a better ma then all those lasses. So ya have to know what lesson ya will teach them, do ya want to teach them how to yell?” Ethan look at Hadyn for a moment. “Cause if ya say ya do, then at least let me get a shovel to start moving this shyke around. So what values do ya want to teach them Haddie?”

[Hadyn Skellig]

Hadyn merely sighed with Ethan's gentle reprimand. There was no arguing with him. As much as she wanted to laugh it off, perhaps tease him for taking it so rough the woman remained silent as they walked. It was so easy for her to resort to jabs and self-degradation. Not just because it took the edge off - it pushed people away. It was the endgame for nearly all her relationships as an adult. Keep them at an arm's length away and Hadyn was safe.

The brunette listened as they strolled on, her pace dictated by the large belly weighing her down. Biting her lower lip she resisted the urge to tell Ethan he was wasting his breath. His words made sense. She'd heard them before. But there was a disconnect between the truth in his advice and the part of her that believed she could actually do this. Casting a glance sideways as the man posed a question the weaponsmith allowed the silence to linger for a nearly inappropriate amount of time before speaking.

"You know as well as I do I'm the last person who should be teachin' anyone values," Hadyn replied, her gaze returned to the dark street ahead. "Drinkin', petchin', bar fights and weapon making. That about sums me up, Ethan. But... I 'ppreciate your words. Truly. You're in the right with 'em. I just think this," she paused with a flick of her eyes to the belly, "child is gettin' the short end of the stick. But that doesn't mean I won't do my damnedest. You know me, Ethan. Put my mind to somethin' and can't nothin' persuade me otherwise."

Hadyn flashed him a smile, teeth gleaming white in the torchlight as they progressed. As much as she wanted to express her trepidation the woman knew Ethan wanted to hear positivity from her. In that she could at least do him well. Sidestepping a divot in the stone the brunette fell silent, hoping he wouldn't push her further on the subject.

[Ethan Ironhorse]

Ethan swallowed his own retort, because not only would Hadyn refuse to believe it, it would only stop conversation. Damn woman! I swear I should leave her, leave her to her own messes and never come back. I just keep putting energy in a broken bit of iron that will never be anything. Ethan thought the words, but when he looked at her all of a sudden his own heart went into his throat. She was so much more then what she thought she was, they way she described herself was the way you describe a prostitute or some criminal that knew nothing better than their own animal nature. Yet Ethan saw the strength, the intelligence, the hard working part of her, and once she decided that she loved someone she would protect them to the end. She was a whirlwind of emotion, and because she decided on something had to be one way, she wouldn’t care if she had to hurt herself to make it that way. “Aye, Haddie, when ya get somethin’ in ya head nothin’ goin’ to change it.” Ethan had meant to make it sound like he agreed with Hadyn, but somehow it held a meaning she applied it to everything. Perhaps it was the comment that rubbed him the wrong way, perhaps it was just the waste of all of it, but for Cheva’s sake there was no way to convince her otherwise. It chafed him, it chafed his very heart. He knew what was right, and what she wanted. To him they were almost two different things, she was so much more… powerful then what she thought. Ethan shook his head and almost growled, “By the Gods and Goddesses! Ya make me crazy.” Ethan stepped a little bit closer and playfully slapped her on the arse. He knew she didn’t like prolonged contact or hand holding, in a way it was the only thing he could think of that told her he wouldn’t pursue the conversation at least for now, and it also signaled his deserve in her, which for some reason was important to him.